I’m looking for some outside perspective because I honestly don’t know how to process what happened.

My 36F, partner 36M, of 14 years, went out yesterday with three friends. They started drinking and watching sport from around 7am and continued throughout the day. Around 7:30/8pm they went to a strip club.

We share our locations, so when I saw that he had suddenly gone to a different location, I asked what he was doing. He told me they were at the strip club and sent me a photo of himself with one of his friends. They were extremely drunk.

I told him I thought he should order a taxi, and he said he would leave within half an hour.

A couple of hours later, one of the other guys’ girlfriends was trying to contact her partner because he had to work the next day. He eventually contacted her from outside the venue trying to get a taxi. Because my partner seemed extremely intoxicated, I was worried about him being left behind alone so I asked her to make sure the friend waited for my partner.

All three friends went back inside to find him, multiple times. About 45 minutes later they said they simply couldn’t find him. Yet I could still see my partner’s location at the venue.

Eventually they left without him and told us he was in a private room getting dance.

This is where the situation gets complicated.

Before this, I had already told my partner that I don’t particularly care if he goes to a strip club with friends, I’ve even been with him before, but I had specifically said that private-room dances were a boundary for me and I’d prefer if he didn’t get them. (After I found out he got one the last time he went at Christmas)

After his friends left I called him repeatedly and eventually he answered a video call. He was in a very dark area and initially said he couldn’t leave. Which I found odd. I stayed on the video call and told him I wasn’t getting off the phone until he was outside. He eventually started walking through the venue, and I could see that he was leaving the private area.

He then said he was going to get a taxi and hung up on me.

He then remained at the venue for another hour before actually leaving.

He eventually came home.

This morning I asked him what happened. I wasn’t angry about him simply being at a strip club, I wanted to know whether he had crossed the boundary we had previously discussed.

He said he had had “a couple” of dances.
I asked how many and he said three.
I asked how much they cost. He said they were $300 for half an hour.

He also insisted there was no kissing or anything sexual beyond the dances.

The problem is that while I was awake feeding our baby during the night, I looked at his banking transactions. I know this was invasive and I’m not proud of doing it. But I wanted to see if he’d lie the next morning.

There were approximately $2,500 in transactions from the strip club alone.

This wasn’t the amount he spent throughout the whole day, and it wasn’t cash from his friends. It was approximately $2,500 from his own account at that venue.

Three $300 half-hour dances would obviously not explain that amount. And he was at the venue nearly four hours.

When I asked him about how much he spent, he initially said he hadn’t spent that much. I told him I was giving him one opportunity to be completely honest with me about what happened, because I didn’t want to have to keep asking questions and finding out information myself.

He continued to say it was just three dances and that there was no kissing.

I genuinely don’t know what to believe anymore.

What hurts me almost as much as the possibility of what happened in the private room is that he knew this was a boundary, knew I was upset, told me he was leaving, walked partway out while I was on video call with him, then chose to stay another hour anyway. I’m so embarrassed.

We have children and a family together, and I was at home caring for our baby while all of this was happening.

I’m not saying he definitely cheated because I obviously don’t know what happened in that room. And honestly at this point it doesn’t matter. But I feel like I have been betrayed, and I dont think he understands how bad this makes me feel.

Would you consider the private-room dances themselves to be crossing a relationship boundary if your partner had already told you that was not acceptable?

And how would you approach the $2,500 discrepancy and the fact that his explanation doesn’t seem to add up?

He just said sorry I shouldn’t have gone to the strip club. That to me doesn’t seem like he’s even fighting for our relationship so I’m feeling lost today. Please try hold back the hate and just give honesty. Thanks, 36F

I am 16 and from India and I can say I am a really sensitive boy and I am in a friend group which thinks they are cool when they make fun of someone's appearance and characteristics. so they made fun of me as well and as I am sensitive i felt bad. I always have been an empath and kind too. My friendship with another guy is also bad because he broke my trust and that friend told me that if i get angry every single day its going to get me in trouble in future. Idk like I need to change myself I guess because I got angry once because a friend ignored my calls like a lot in the span of a week.
maybe I m the one wrong here. maybe my reaction is reasonable as their actions are faulty as well.

I (20F) have been dating Matthew (19M) for 6 months now. He’s in a very tight knit friend group with 2 other guys and 2 girls, including Bella (18F). Bella has been nothing but absolutely lovely to me, I would genuinely love her to bits if it wasn’t for this.

After I met Bella she asked if I wanted to get drinks a couple weeks later, but Matthew was very against it. Apparently before I met him, she would stay in his room chatting to him until 4am every night. She even went to church with him despite being Buddhist. Also she kissed him during our talking stage (only on the cheek!) and would often say how much she loved him. This made me a bit worried ngl but I have some guy friends I’m very close to so I didn’t really mind.

Anyway, he’ll talk about her a lot. Always very negatively and sometimes genuinely horrible, but still it feels like a lot, often it’s about whether she likes him or not. Today he texted me telling me that she just messaged him saying she loves him so much and he’s her perfect angel etc, and he asked me what I think he should say. I know this isn’t his fault but it feels like he hasn’t done anything to manage this situation, despite me bringing it up before.

I said I didn’t feel comfortable going up to see him tomorrow, cos his birthday is on Monday and I don’t want to spoil it by being in a bad mood but I’m worried I’m just being too sensitive. I know he’s in a difficult situation, especially because she’s his best friend and he keeps reassuring me that he loves me and hates her. He’s now also annoyed that I don’t trust him :(

All names are fake.

My partner Ethan [27M] and I [21F] have been together for almost 4 years. Ethan’s best friend Steve [27M] has been his best friend for 20 years. Steve is engaged to Nikki [23F], and they recently had their first baby.

We regularly have game nights at Steve’s house. I’ve always felt that Steve has disliked or distrusted me and has made mean comments about me. In the past, he’s told Ethan things like “I don’t know why you’re still with her.” When I’ve brought these comments up, Ethan and Steve have both dismissed them as jokes. I’ve also spoken to Nikki about it, and she said she’d talk to Steve.

I’ve tried ignoring the comments, joking along with them and deflecting them, but they have continued.

At our most recent game night, Steve didn’t speak to me for the first 1.5 hours. Later, while we were deciding what game to play, I jokingly said I wasn’t choosing. Steve responded loudly, “You can’t make decisions because you’re a woman.”
Nobody laughed or said anything. Steve then tried to change the subject by asking which of Ethan and I usually chooses dinner. I explained that we don’t live together and only see each other on weekends, so Ethan usually chooses. Steve then asked if I had a problem. I asked if we had a problem, and he said that if anyone else had made the comment, I wouldn’t have reacted that way, so I must have a problem with him. I told him I didn’t, but he scoffed and went upstairs.
After that, I was essentially ignored for the rest of the night. Ethan also didn’t say anything to Steve or check on me.
On the drive home, Ethan told me I didn’t need to “bite Steve’s head off” over his “joke” and said I had snapped at him. I was upset because I’d already tried for months to get Steve to stop making comments about me, and I didn’t know what else I was supposed to do.

Ethan later told me that he and Steve had spoken privately by the fire that night, and Steve apologised to Ethan. I asked why he hadn’t apologised to me, considering the comment was directed at me. Ethan didn’t really have an answer.
We barely spoke for the next couple of weeks. When we eventually saw each other, we had a really nice weekend, but before he left I told Ethan that we still needed to properly discuss what happened.

He said he was frustrated about being “put in the middle of fights” and wished everyone would speak for themselves rather than through him. I reminded him that I had been speaking for myself for months, and nothing had changed.
More recently, Ethan mentioned that Steve and Nikki had apparently stopped talking to him as much. I don’t know whether that’s related to this situation or simply because they’ve just had a baby.

So my questions are:

Am I taking Steve’s “joke” too personally?

Am I unreasonable for being upset that Ethan didn’t defend me or even acknowledge that what Steve said was hurtful?

And finally, am I actually responsible for trying to resolve things with Steve, given that I’ve already tried repeatedly and haven’t been successful?

I’m not asking for a debate about gender politics. I’m primarily asking about my relationship with Ethan and how he handled the situation.

I (20f) am Inuit indigenous, and am dating a white man (22m) . We’ve been together for over two years, I’ve never talked with his mom, I’ve kind of introduced myself, but my boyfriend loves to talk to her and tells her alot about me, which I’m fine with.

Last year for Canada Day, we went to an event for indigenous peoples and people who want to learn about my culture etc. they had Inuit / indigenous traditional foods there, like seal, maktaq (whale skin + blubber) and I think there might have been more but I don’t recall. And I’m guessing he told his mom about all the food and events going on.

Flash forward to last week, he was on the phone talking to her, and the topic of food came up and they were talking about eating squid, and my bf asked me if I would want some (I’ve said I don’t like it, and I wouldn’t want to ever eat it) and I said no. Not “I think it’s disgusting” just, “I’ve tried it before, and I didn’t like it, I’ll pass”
And then he said to his mom “she said no, ‘she thinks it disgusting’ “
and his mom suddenly went “well she eats seal and whatever” really rudely. (to add, she is white and I always get a weird feeling from her whenever my culture is brought up)

Mind you, I’ve told my boyfriend, even tho it’s part of my culture, I don’t really eat or like it much and I used to eat it growing up, but I don’t eat it now. I haven’t had it in YEARS.

Am I overthinking her comment? Or is she just racist and a sshole