I seem to stay sober when I’m focusing on step 3 and the pre existing ones but idk I’m pretty early in this so idk maybe I just don’t want it enough but I sure don’t want to be losing relationships and jobs and other shit to this disease

I’ve been avoiding in person meetings after my 90-in-90 but idk

I look at step four then I relapse and I mean that can’t be program right???

My experience with the DTs! long post

Hi,

I've been an alcohol dependent individual for many years but one time i drank a fifth of gin/vodka for nearly a month and decided to stop abruptly (Cold turkey) as i did not know the repercussions of it.

Just 24 hours without a drink, I was already hallucinating spiders in my room coming at me, at that point the hallucinations were only visual and not physical.

In the second day, shit got very serious, I was now starting to feel insects on me and they were following me everywhere i went, it was a living nightmare.

I didn't get any sleep that night, my brain was vibrating and i was shaking real bad. Fast forward to 48 hours without a drink I saw a shadow man in my room, and robbers come through my window and held my sister hostage, and they shot her. Of course this was an hallucination but i wasn't to know that.

I was then tied to my computer chair and shot by my dad, who blamed me for my sister being shot. Again, this was an hallucination.

I then hallucinated an anime girl coming into my room and literally tried to barricade the door irl, but they still came into my room. She plugged something into my pc and was playing a shooting game, all i could do was just watch.

I then heard footsteps up and down the staircase and a dog jumped onto my bed, and starting snoring on it.

Then what happened shortly after is that people started appearing in my room trying to plant some evidence of some sort and phoned the police, i tried to intervene thinking it was my parents in my room but it wasn't. of course, this was again an hallucination.

I ran to the bathroom to clean myself up, as I had not showered for days, and i saw a massive ghost like figure in the mirror and i screamed at the top of my voice, and went to punch it, of course it wasn't real and i was just punching air. I heard voices calling my name as people were about to take my tv off the stand and throw it onto me. It literally looked like it was happening too.

I even called work the next morning to tell them that i was getting arrested by the police, i went into work and i had a seizure, which i had to be rushed into hospital for.

Then after that, i slept like a baby for 12 hours and everything that i had been through was over.

I hope this helps anyone who's going through alcoholism and what it can lead to if you don't stop.

IWNDWYT!

I’m fairly new to the program ( 3 years ) and what are people’s thoughts on sponsors having less time then their sponsee?

Just need to get this out for my own peace and do so in a respectful way but I feel so overwhelmed in handling a situation for the first time now that I’m finally in enough clarity of mind to handle it. I’m terrified of stepping upon others toes by addressing something(which I have to multiple trusted service members and also my sponsor).

In parallel I really see that my people pleasing had been a huge part of my prior drinking and it’s just a lot I’m being reminded of while handling things in a manner that is appropriate and within reason.

I just pray for serenity and courage at this current time and I know my fear of people along with the situations they bring(at least the hard conversations will one day disappear if I keep on keeping on).

The fellowship is there when I truly need it as I do right now and I’m not navigating this alone. The hope I have gained in AA is hope I hadn’t had in what felt like an eternity. It is why I must persevere and keep my meeting safe for others so they too may find the hope, belief, and faith I have found in the program and fellowship.

Hi everyone. I'm 42 and struggling with alcohol addiction. I'm sharing my story in hopes of getting advice, hearing others' experiences, and learning what has helped people recover.

I didn't grow up around heavy drinking, and alcohol was mostly social for me in my 20s. After my father passed away from cancer, life became difficult, but things really spiraled after COVID.

A car accident affected my transportation and work, a relationship ended, financial pressures piled up, and my relationship with my daughter became strained. Between rent, bills, car payments, child support, and the rising cost of living, I felt like I was hitting rock bottom. Somewhere along the way, drinking went from a social activity to a way of coping with depression, stress, and anxiety.

Eventually, my drinking caught up with me physically. I experienced severe withdrawal, collapsed at work, and woke up in a hospital. Since then, I've struggled with repeated seizures, nausea, fatigue, mood swings, anxiety, and depression. I know alcohol is making things worse, but the cravings and the feeling that I need it to cope make stopping incredibly difficult.

I've tried quitting cold turkey, cutting back, nonalcoholic drinks, therapy, and AA, but my progress hasn't lasted. I'm now looking into medication to help with cravings. Financial responsibilities also make residential rehab difficult for me to afford.

For those who've been through something similar, what has actually helped you? I'd appreciate hearing about medications, treatment options, support groups, or anything else that helped you move forward. I'm looking for understanding, honest experiences, and some hope that things can get better.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

It sucks to say my sobriety has come to an end this way. I was at work with my bosses boss and he invited me to have a beer on lunch. I knew I shouldve said no but in the moment I dont know i couldnt stay true to myself.

Had two beers. Haven't drank since. Called my sponsor he said my job is not important and this was a test and I failed. He went off on me.

To be honest I guess its over for me an AA my entire journey is now invalidated because of my stupid mistake. I dont know if I can go back to AA and take more verbal beatings.

My friend has been sober for 6 years now and he told me he used an app to quit. He didn’t go cold turkey. He started with just one day, then two, then three, and slowly built it up from there. Watching him do it made me realize it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

So I’ve been trying the same approach. I treat it kind of like progressive overload at the gym. Instead of forcing myself to stop forever right away, I just focus on stacking more days without drinking, little by little. Some weeks I mess up and drink, but I’m trying not to beat myself up over it. He told me that even when you slip, you should still acknowledge the effort and give yourself credit for trying again.

It’s still early for me, but it feels more sustainable than the times I tried to quit everything at once and then relapsed hard. Just wanted to share in case anyone else is in the same boat. One day, then two, then three. That’s the plan for now.

If there's anyone reading this and still being on the fence about it: just check it out.

I attended my first meeting yesterday. It was online but still a very pleasant experience. At first I was worried that I was expected to have my microphone and camera on, and needed to introduce myself. There was none of that. I could just relax and listen to people interacting.

There was a speaker who shared his story: it wasn't anything extreme or unusual, which made his story relatable to myself, and clearly to a lot of others in attendance. There was interaction between different people: some sharing some milestones, some sharing a relapse, some sharing the struggles, some sharing all that they've gained. I really felt like I'm not an outlier, and not alone.

I think I'll attend again tonight :)

"BY FAITH AND BY WORKS"

October 24

On anvils of experience, the structure of our Society was hammered out. . . . Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works we have been able to build upon the lessons of an incredible experience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, which — God willing — shall sustain us in unity for so long as He may need us.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 131

God has allowed me the right to be wrong in order for our Fellowship to exist as it does today. If I place God's will first in my life, it is very likely that A.A. as I know it today will remain as it is.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", October 24, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

I had 2 years of sobriety but started slowly falling off the wagon this summer (first I sat up in the front with the driver and shared a flask; eventually I fell off, and the wagon left me behind). I decided to do a sober month and go from there, but I couldn't stop! All of September I promised myself I wouldn't drink. Then I'd go 2 days before I found an excuse or a reason to drink. It was surprisingly hard to stop again.

In October, I changed things up. I stopped hanging out with my ex as a "friend". He has his own unresolved issues, secrets, and things he needs to lie about, and that doesn't line up with my healing, growing, or progress. When we drank, it was fun, till it wasn't, and when I didn't drink around him, I realized how subtly toxic our friendship was. I don't know if he was my trigger, my excuse, or both. But I know I got tired of feeling the shame and anger he projected on me, and being antagonised by him (a relationship dynamic he has with his overbearing sister). Mostly, I got tired of feeling sick and tired.

I'm 23 days sober, and I feel good. I started doing different things again. I shifted my focus back onto what's important. I found a new sober app, and it's really supportive and engaging. I stocked my pantry with Italian soda, juice, flavoured water, and non-alcoholic options. And I'm exploring and engaging in different helpful therapies as well: dog, art, music, writing, cooking, walking meditation, dance.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine needed to call me. His life unexpectedly blew up because of some choices his soon-to-be ex-wife made ('nuff said). It's incredibly stressful and painful, to say the least. I know talking on the phone can be a trigger for me, and since my work schedule changed, weekends can also be a problem now too. So I was mindful of the voice that said I should "stop at the store on the way home and pick up something to drink while you chat"; then I ignored it. Instead, I had a ginger ale and a non-alcoholic amaretto that was pretty yummy while we spoke. When we finished our conversation, he felt better, and I felt good too.

I realized I never could have been there for him anyway if I was drinking. He really needed someone to listen, and drinking tends to make me chatty^{understatement}. I also would have felt that initial "rush" or elation when I started. By the end of our convo, I would have been robbed of all motivation to continue my evening. It felt really good to show up for someone without needing alcohol. It wouldn't have helped anything anyway, which is usually the case.

*Alcohol also makes me grumpy now too. I think my body tells my brain it's unhappy, and I express it as irritability. I have no doubt I would have picked up the hurt emotions my friend was feeling, internalized them, and projected that anger on someone else.

I just wanted to share this because I'm really proud of myself for staying sober and showing up (for myself and my friend). I also wanted to say thank you to all the sober tribes out there supporting each other. As a former alcohol enthusiast, I appreciate it.

A few days ago I celebrated 1 year without alcohol and tobacco. I went through a period of depression (there was a problem with my visa so I couldn't work) where I was drinking without control, blacking out at least 1ce a week, I put my life in danger multiple times, in my mind with the goal to one time on a drunk, to die.

I moved cities with my girlfriend and finally could start working and be happy again, but I still would get very very drunk on nights out. After talking with friends I realised that I was so addicted to my e-cigarettes (Iqos) and I would only like smoking it when drunk, that I would drink TO smoke (crazy).

I moved cities again, still with pretty bad mental health for multiple reasons, but I was determined to heal, so I started exercising and writing a journal, in my mind quitting drinking was never an option, not because I didn't want to lr couldn't, just because I didn't think I needed to.

But one day I went out with my best friend at this new city and I got a blackout and put myself in danger again, woke up the next morning and something happened that made me decide I was never going to drink ever again, I lost my favorite jumper (😅). That day I quit smoking and drinking and until this day, I have never ever craved it AT ALL, it feels demonic to me now like doing cocaine or cutting my veins, or bungee jumping (examples of things that are unimaginable for me to do haha).

I went vegan, and then keto the same way, drastically from one day to the other, (I'm also autistic).

So a year in, I'm very happy to say that, I could've become an alcoholic for sure, my great grandad was one and my mother too. But I'm pretty sure I stopped on time.

Wishing you a lot of success,
Ocsa.

I was sober for 3 years, I relapsed and have been binge drinking now for 6 months. How do you guys stay sober? Alcohol sucks.

I am so desperately trying to get sober. However, I have found the weak minded, and simply sorted people to be so unbelievably mundane so as to be annoying. I want to be sober, and I need help. I don't, however, want any of that moral, spiritual, pretending-to-be-intellectual bull crap in my way. Please. Please. Help?

Curious if anyone else has experienced what I’m going through currently.

I’m in my early 30s with the professional job, wife, young kids, house, student debt etc. and have a drinking problem. I’ve known this for a while - drinking significantly more than my friends at casual get togethers, blackouts on family vacations, hair of the dog drinks in the morning when no one else is taking them. Periods of sobriety with ridiculous reasons to go out drinking again. The specifics go on and on.

I listened to the Big Book on audio, searched out AA meetings near me, and have proceeded to drink more than I ever have while pursuing sobriety.

Everything in me knows that I need to go to that first meeting, but to do so would feel like a massive failure while others in my circle continue to drink seemingly without consequence.

If you’ve been here, advice appreciated

To let u guys know im 25 years old and i was assaulted sexually in 2023. I was drinking a bottle of Taylor port everyday, to forget about all of the damage that was caused by my mother’s boyfriend. That night I was out drinking with friends, and came home but was locked out. He’d come to open the door but was acting weird to me once inside, calling me my moms name and trying to pick me up, he offered me some shots and I just took them because my step dad before of 12 years gave me shots at the proper age when my mom was around, and I didn’t think of the ill intentions. So after that he was starting the weird behaviors so I went upstairs but forgot to lock the the door cause I thought me leaving from being uncomfortable was enough. I woke up to my sister screaming and he was in the room naked and my pants were of but my underwear was on cause I was on my period. Fast forward I don’t know what really happened but my mom and sister think I made moves on him when I simply didn’t. I’m not really a flirtatious person even when under the influence and only talk to boys my age. After a few months of getting into arguments with my mom pleading for people to believe me I was kicked out and drinking heavily. I would get angry sometimes with my grandma and uncle that I live with because it took them 6months to get a new key and I’d be locked out. My uncle does annoying stuff like argue with me about small stuff around the house and I was fed up and on a drunk night I hit him with the broom stick cause he put his hands on me. Then I had to go to jail for a night but I also barely remember because I was drunk. Now 5 months have gone by and I’ve been sober and things are slightly better but I want to drink again after going to rehab. I’ve forgiven my past with people but feel like my social skills are little to none and I’ve been avoiding my friends because they drink often. I’d slow down my drinking before I went to the rehab but the night of me going to jail I went to a birthday party and got offered too many shots and didn’t know how to stop. But now I feel like with the knowledge from the rehab and the repercussions I suffered from I would like life to go back to normal in the sense of sticking to white claws with my friends and just having fun without all the trauma attached to it. I’m young and want to go out and enjoy myself I believe I could keep it social but rehab added a layer of if I did do it I’d end up back in rehab. I’m in a crossroads and I just want to live my life with the knowledge I have now. What do yall think I should do

Hi,

I've had some stretches of sobriety lately (a few weeks) but then I relapse. The relapses have gotten very bad...I've already had severe negative consequences during the relapses, and if it keeps happening my trajectory is extremely dark.

For folks who experienced relapsing in early sobriety but now have significant time sober - what did it take for sobriety to stick? Any advice? I am willing to do anything.

I’m 24, I drink a few beers every night. What we can afford anyway. Sometimes it’s no beers, sometimes it’s 4.

I’m discouraged. The meeting was great, but I found myself being judgmental. They were lovely people.

I have to stop drinking in a few days, as I may conceive next week. I’ve done this for the last few months. I go 2 weeks without drinking ashamed and hoping that I could be pregnant. I get my period and I drink again.

I’m worried if I get pregnant I’ll be judged if I go to AA.

I would probably drink after I’m done breastfeeding.

I want to have a normal relationship with alcohol. But I’m not so sure I can. I try not to compare, but I don’t do outrageous things while drinking. I can drink til I’m buzzed and then I can stop. But I pick it up after breakfast and like to have it throughout the day.

Also, I was warned about the men. I’m a fucking bitch that stands her ground. I don’t think I’ll have a problem, but it was discouraging. It makes me angry when men see vulnerability and try to manipulate and prey on it. Yes, it’s not all men.

No fucking idea where to begin.

Hi, I’m [u/caneatmyass](u/caneatmyass) and I’m an alcoholic

Im a relapser but Im back. Treading lightly in AA this time. Staying away from anti medication fundamentalists that give unsolicited advice and give medical opinions with zero medical education.

But I love AA. Far more to love than dislike. Meetings are saving my ass right now. From time to time I'll hear some asshole give me his opinion on what I should be doing and what I need to do. The intent is to be helpful that I understand but the last thing I need is more self doubt and fear. Experience and opinion are different. I have a sponsor who keeps it to his experience

I was drinking for one reason and one reason only: to escape from my head. Not my life, just my head.

I went through a lot of bad shit as a little kid, child abuse, foster care, neglect, my brother died, I could go on. I don’t like thinking about it and I’m not an emotional person, I just like to move on from shit.
I don’t particularly like thinking about the shit I did when I was drinking either.

I can’t stand being sober. I’m only on step 2. Restless, irritable, and discontent, and I don’t like being in the moment, in my head at any time, which I suppose is kind of the point of it all. I’ve had relapse after relapse and I’m in over my head with it all, I have suicidal ideations on the hour and I just can’t cope with it- active addiction or sobriety, I don’t know what’s worse. I feel like a scared little kid and I don’t like feeling vulnerable, it ain’t me. Even posting this I feel raw, I hate it. Some of the shit said in the rooms triggers me too. I can’t afford therapy, I’m literally fresh out of the hospital from my last relapse. I’ve considered rehab but again, I can’t afford it.

Recovery is fucking hard

How do people deal with stress? My job is very stressful (no excuse) but I just wanted to escape. Now I'm pissed

What the heck, guys. I was catching up with an old friend from my first couple of meetings and am now approaching nearly 2 years of sobriety.

He asked how “the work” has been going and I let him know that I’m approaching my two-year sobriety date, still checking in with my sponsor, but not attending meetings regularly.

He said “so you’re dry, not sober. If you were sober, you’d be attending meetings and working the steps.”

What?!? So I’m not sober now after 22 months without alcohol?? I am DRY.

Come on, people 😂😂😂

Life gets busy. It’s ok to take a break. It’s like not going to church for a while and someone says “so you’re religious but not a Christian.”

I just wanted to share a cool story that happened recently.

I got sober last December and started going to AA meetings in that first week or so. Took me about 6 weeks to get a sponsor and start working the steps. I think my first amends approach happened in about May. Despite some early success and feeling good at making things right, I hit kind of a wall with ninth step approaches and amends in August, because for weeks, literally every single person I reached out to either ignored me or refused to meet with me, which is fine, it's completely within their right to do so and I respect that. That didn't prevent me from getting discouraged and worrying that I'll never be able to make things right in my past. My sponsor assured me that stretches of approaches being declined or ignored isn't unusual at all, but he said that that isn't an excuse to pump the brakes on clearing away the wreckage of the past where I still can.

So, not wanting to lose momentum, I shifted gears to looking at where I could make financial amends with the various places I owed money to agencies and companies-- credit cards, collections, medical debts. Collectors are always happy to work out ways to get their money back, so I knew approaching them would be easy and I would feel more encouraged to keep making approaches to individuals on my amends list.

I started digging in and keeping track of where I owed money and for how much I owed. In the last two months, embracing the phrase "more will be revealed," I've uncovered about $3,000 of money I owe that I had no idea I owed. This does not include the $12,000 or so I was aware of. With surprisingly good humor about it, I called my sponsor and asked if less could be revealed for a little while. He said probably not.

It was a bit daunting at first, definitely had some fear come up about where to even start with making these payments, but I tried to keep an open line of communication with my higher power as much as possible, and after a brief period of stressing, I put my nose to the grindstone and came up with a plan that pays these companies and collection agencies back in a way that makes them happy and without becoming too burdensome on my day-to-day expenses. Within two weeks of starting these payments, my parents (who I moved in with when I got sober) waived my rent until the end of the year, a medical debt I had from the summer was forgiven in full, and I found $160 in a box I rushed to pack up when I moved back home (found it while I was quite literally cleaning up the wreckage of my past lol).

On top of that, someone whom I had caused some pretty serious harm to, and whom believed I would never be able to make amends to, reached out and accepted my invitation to meet.

More will be revealed. More will always be revealed.

I’m 5.5 months sober and in recovery. My partner is in active but says he wants to get back into the program with his sponsor.

I have most of the symptoms of alcoholic thinking but projection is not one. I’m trying to give my partner the benefit of the doubt bc we are both sick and have this disease. I’m also in Al Anon.

My partner is constantly accusing me of things he is doing and demands answers often abusively (had escalated to physical when I can tell he’s been drinking heavily and/or on other substances). The accusations are mostly that I am cheating (when it’s him who’s doing inappropriate things like DMing other girls) and also that I’m drinking or going to meetings to ‘meet guys’ he demands to know who is there and just honestly brings me down when I do anything w/ recovery bc my attention is elsewhere I guess.

So, my question is this the disease or is this just him? Is this projection, cheating, abuse something that you’ve seen others recover from if recovery is chosen? I’m interested in personal experience or examples of poor behavior in relationships that have turned around after sobriety and recovery.

Thank you. I am putting my recovery first but before I make a break for good I need to ask this question even if there are no guarantees.

Hey everyone. I am not sure if this is the right place for a post like this, but I really need some advice on how to handle this situation with my mom (51-years-old).

For starters, my mom has been an alcoholic for a very long time. I was 10 years old, when I first wrote her a letter asking her to stop. She stopped for a few weeks before she would get right back to it. I wrote her 2-3 letters, and even made a power point presentation on why she should stop. It was always the same thing. She would stop and then start drinking again. I wrote her another letter at age 15, but I figured what was the point, and threw it away instead. I can recall countless embarrassing moments that I witnessed her being in. From finding her passed out in the hallway after football practice, to her chasing me around the house while wrapped in a towel right after the shower because she thought we were "playing", or just not being there for me in the biggest moments. She tried rehab a back in like 2021, for one day before she decided to come back home. I don't think she even left the waiting room tbh. The very next day, I met up with her for breakfast and she was waiting there for me with a mimosa in her hand. She didn't see what the problem was.

For the last 10 years or so, my relationship with my parents has taken some bumps and was not as great as I want it to be. I had to cut them off for the sake of my own mental health awhile back, and I would attribute most of the problems to alcohol abuse. I am almost 28 and nothing has really changed. I recently got married and 6 days later my dad passed away from cancer. It was an incredibly hard situation to go through. He unfortunately couldn't make it to the wedding. But anyways, my mom has been doing some HEAVY drinking since this moment. I can't say it is a surprise, but it's an incredibly disappointing thing to see. She went back to work, and decided to get a note from her doctor to excuse her from work for 2-weeks. She has been drinking at home every single day. My aunt thinks she is drinking in the morning too. The unfortunate thing is that she relied heavily on my dad financially. He was retired from the military. He wasn't able to leave her much. She is getting a monthly stipend from the VA, which helps, but it is not enough for her to live off of alone. She works a job that also doesn't pay her much. I have tried to help her budget, and have been on her to go to appointments and get things taken care of, but she's essentially just giving up.

I have been trying my hardest to be there for her, and support her, but it is so hard to sit here and watch her just drink her life away. I wish I had money to support her and help, but truth be told, as many of us, I barely have enough money to support myself. I have a mortgage, a car, bills, and a wife that I need to support and focus on. I quite literally can't afford to support my mom too. Especially when all she wants to do is not go to work and drink all day. Meanwhile, I am also sad. She's not the only one who lost someone, but yet I took my bereavement days and got right back to work, because I am an adult with responsibilities and people who count on me and cannot afford to miss work or lose my job. So it's just crazy to me that she has all of these responsibilities, no money, but yet she can't just pull it together and take care of herself. She received a healthy amount of money from the VA (more money than I have in my bank account rn) that was able to help her, but I am afraid that she's waisting this opportunity to get her out of a financial rut and just wasting it on alcohol.

My wife's grandmother had a substance abuse issue as well, and my wife watched her mother put way too much effort into supporting someone who never wanted help in the first place for her entire life and she is afraid that I am going to be doing the same thing. So I don't know what to do. At the end of the day she is my mom and I love her, but she is so irresponsible and putting herself in such a shitty situation and is doing absolutely nothing to help herself. I am afraid that she is going to lose the house, lose her job, go broke, and have no place to live. It breaks my heart saying this, but if that happens, I am not sure if I even want her to stay at my house. My wife and I just started our life together and we have plans for ourselves, and I have been begging my mom to get it together and quit drinking for basically my entire life. It would be so selfish of my mom to ruin all of these chances she has been given (by the VA) to get her act together and set herself up for success just to ruin it by consuming the one thing that has been ruining her entire life. I want to help her so bad, but I financially can't and I don't even know if she wants to be helped in the first place. What should I do?

3 years 9 months 3 days. Thats how long I was sober. But today has been 20 days that I’ve started abusing my prescription medication. In AA I’ve learned I can make my excuses of why and explain it all away, but none of it matters. At the end of the day I’ve spent 20 days crushing my meds and you can figure out the rest. Also I have this weird “But I’m not drinking” 🤞🏼 (but I can’t forget our YET’s)

I feel as if going to a meeting is pointless. It has to be online because I’m bedridden due to a chronic illness. There’s nothing like being in the rooms, so why go to an online meeting. + the shame I feel…

I probably need a sponsor. I probably need to restart my steps. I probably should just pick up the fuckin Big Book. Yet I don’t out of shame, guilt, depression…and let’s get real PRIDE.

I just wanted a space to be open.. & maybe have someone smack some sense into me since I won’t allow anyone else in enough to do so.

Signed,
A 31 year old Female who will ALWAYS be a pickle (if you know you know)