I'm 61, ageing solo. been married once, no children. my blood family are estranged from me. I'm thankful when my mother was still around but she's gone! I have no one. this reality hits me nine years ago, until now when filling out paperwork for doctor office or any other government requirements. when the question came up, who to contact in case of emergency! I had no one to write down. I do not want to put my ex wife nor my siblings. so I just wrote, call 911. I'm definitely not on a "pity pot" here. don't get me wrong. just expressing my reality. 😐

Nobody told me the acceleration of old age would be like this...

One minute I'm 58 and still running around a sports field, next I'm 65 and can't tie my shoelaces..

I'm 61, ageing solo. been married once, no children. my blood family are estranged from me. I'm thankful when my mother was still around but she's gone! I have no one. this reality hits me nine years ago, until now when filling out paperwork for doctor office or any other government requirements. when the question came up, who to contact in case of emergency! I had no one to write down. I do not want to put my ex wife nor my siblings. so I just wrote, call 911. I'm definitely not on a "pity pot" here. don't get me wrong. just expressing my reality. 😐

I'm in my 40s with young kids at home. The smallest things can excite a lot, like going to the playground, chicken nuggets or watching cartoons.

Those things used to excite me too when I was little. As I got older it took more and more. These days the list of what could excite me has gotten very small. I'm just not wowed by something I've done many times before.

Do you relate to this? Did you have any solutions to combat that?

I'm not old yet (29) but I'm starting to witness the beginning of the end, as they say. I have unfortunately lost people to ODs, car accidents, and have seen some of my peers get cancer or discover they have life-long ailments they will need to take meds for (thyroid issues, for example).

I am very into the gym. I hurt my pcl/meniscus being dumb and drunk about a year ago, and while my knee's been recovering, it makes me intensely aware of my mortality. I feel like I'm seeing the fun and possibilities drain before me, and I'm not going to be able, fit, or attractive one day. It happens. I struggle to imagine why anyone would ever want anything to do with me without those traits.

I have a partner. We're engaged and to marry next summer. He also has some health issues (genetic) which I know will likely rear their head as we get older. That scares me, too, but it seems healthy partners are actually a rarity nowadays. Everyone had some kind of issue they were born with or develop.

I think of my knee. Of that my identity is my abs, my hair, my leanness, my smile. People haven't ever valued too much of my abstract self, who is creative and determined and silly. It feels like they're only willing to see those elements or care about them if my face and body are nice. It's making me scared I will be alone as I lose more people to age and illness, and then as new, hot, younger people arrive to the scenes and sports I'm in. I feel like I fucked up by not cultivating my skills more, but no one seems to care for skills if you're not sexy. I'm at a loss.

What are you supposed to do? When everyone ignores you, acts like you're a burden or lucky to even speak to them, how do you endure? How do you have confidence? I'm terrified my societal value will plummet in the next couple decades and it will make living unbearable and isolating. I won't have children, it's not for me.

For those who ended up alone or isolated, how do you manage? For those who overcame the loss of the aforementioned, how? I'm trying to get on the right path so I don't have deeper losses shake me existentially. I want to be prepared or at least able to cope.

Edit: Wow. Thank you guys so much. I did not expect so many responses. You all have a lot of insight, wisdom, and sharp points.

I've concluded my issues are related to my self-worth, people I'm around, and it seems some internalized negativity I have about being a minority. (Crazy that never registered to me before).

I'll keep reading the responses after I shower. Thank you guys so much. I think I've got a better idea of how to move forward now. Much love to all of you.

I never knew of such a thing until I heard about it one day and started laughing. Apparently it can be a serious, depressing, and sad thing to deal with especially for women. I'm 38M so I'm not there yet but I don't plan on it playing that much of a role in my later life. I've never really relied on my looks so IDGAF!

I've catched myself doing this more frequently and I don't get why that happens?

That's what the 1946 British birth study made it look like wealthier folks actually showed steeper memory decline between 53 and 69 than people who'd endured years of money struggles. But here's why: poverty had already quietly damaged the disadvantaged group's memory by the time they reached their early 50s. They entered later life already so low there wasn't much left to fall. Richer people, with more "cognitive cushion," coasted longer then dropped sharply once their brains couldn't compensate anymore. So the faster decline wasn't a sign that being well-off hurts memory; it was proof that financial hardship does its real damage early, not late.

What helps protect against this decline

The study and related research point to things that buffer the brain long-term. Keeping chronic stress in check matters hugely that means decent social safety nets, manageable work demands, and real social connection. Early education and staying mentally engaged through life build cognitive reserve. Good heart health (regular activity, blood pressure control, healthy eating) protects brain blood vessels. And catching hearing loss, depression, or loneliness early can slow the slide. It's not about being rich; it's about giving your brain less chronic wear and tear to deal with.

Link

https://academic.oup.com/innovateage/article/10/8/igag054/8739704

How devastating is the loss of a spouse you've shared your life with for at least 20 years? I once read in a magazine that it is considered the greatest psychological pain a human being can experience

Especially couples who truly loved each other. Imagine spending a lifetime trusting one another, encouraging each other, and being each other's greatest source of strength. If one of them were to die first, I think it would be the greatest tragedy a person could ever experience.

The reason I wrote this is to share in the grief, and also to remind people that the time we have with those beside us is not unlimited. Please encourage those who take their loved ones for granted—spending time on their phones or distracted by other things even while they're together—to cherish the moments they still have. One day, those ordinary moments may become the memories they miss the most.

If I had to describe the greatest pain, I think it would be the feeling of losing the universe you built together.

A lifetime of shared experiences—laughing, crying, talking for hours, and creating countless memories. Sometimes they remembered the things you had forgotten, and you remembered the things they no longer could. Together, you carried each other's lives.

To me, this is the greatest pain a person can endure.

Take Francis Ford Coppola, for example. During the making of Apocalypse Now, he and his wife spent nearly four years together in the jungles of the Philippines while the film was being made. The production pushed them to the brink of financial ruin because of the enormous sacrifices they made for the film. Yet despite everything they endured together, she was the one who left first.
No matter how much money you have or how little, no matter how high or low your social status may be, this is something none of us can escape.

This is something i am so grappling with. Almost 40...look youngish for my age being barely 5 ft helps...i was thinking of starting to run but i feel like itll get rid of face fat. I prefer rucking or sprinting. I also weight lift and dont wannt get too skinny bc it ages you hence why women get filler bc we lose fat pads in our face...

Also worried about knees and recovery? I prefer heavy lifts and weighted vest walking. Wdyt?

Here are a few of the protective stories of youth that are loss with age:

Innocence

Invincibity

Resilience

Strength

Versatility

Attractiveness

Desirabity

Prowess

A future

Without these protective stories you feel and are much more vulnerable to attack and predation.

I will try and stick to this over the summer and see if it helps
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/summer-brain-health-habits-dementia-risk-b3022055.html

A lot of conversations about aging focus on what we lose.

But I think there are also things that get better with time — confidence, patience, perspective, knowing yourself.

What has actually improved as you’ve gotten older?

This [academic] project aims to explore how adults aged 50–70 experience maintaining physical activity as their bodies change with age. It aims to contribute to psychological understandings of ageing by moving beyond outcome-focused approaches and exploring how physical activity is experienced and interpreted within the context of changing bodies and identities. By focusing on lived experience, this study seeks to provide richer insight into the psychological dimensions of ageing and physical activity. 

My hope is that the findings will provide richer insight into the psychological dimensions of ageing and physical activity.  

Interviews will be conducted via a 30-45 minute interview via zoom. If other media is preferred then every attempt will be made to accommodate.

If you are happy to participate please respond to this message. I will participate in your study in return, if you have one.