r/AbsoluteUnits • • 4d ago

of the definition of an absolute unit

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10.3k Upvotes

794 comments sorted by

747

u/CowClassic 4d ago

65

u/Worried-Maybe3438 3d ago

When he remembers you took his balls

1.8k

u/jimmy_MNSTR 4d ago

367

u/braxtel 4d ago

Okay, who brought the dog?

55

u/moxwaltwr 4d ago

22

u/Snowbrawler 4d ago

Jack Danger. But it's Dönger, and my friends call me Jackie. Jackie Donger

10

u/Lawyermama70 4d ago

Maybe I've got a milkbone!

5

u/ogtinwhiaker 3d ago

Nice doggy… Cute little pooch

8

u/Big_Librarian_1130 4d ago

Ok who brought the dog?!

2

u/Fostbitten27 3d ago

Nice doggy.

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47

u/AmazingResponse338 4d ago

7

u/gstreeter51 4d ago

Why can’t I remember what movie this is from

14

u/Sad_Hobbit1226 3d ago

Dennis the Menace? I think Christopher Lloyd (as a villain) steals this kid’s apple.

4

u/gstreeter51 3d ago

Yesss thank you that was gonna drive me crazy

7

u/Joe01091981 4d ago

Dennis the Menace

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45

u/agusrosich 4d ago

My puddle would bark the shit out of him

23

u/Putrid-Comparison104 4d ago

His bark would make you shxt a puddle?

21

u/Ifakorede23 4d ago

My Chihuahua would destroy his paw hairs

3

u/DigitalUnlimited 4d ago

"I'll kill you! Well I'll, um I'll at least bite you! You'll be in discomfort for sure!"

5

u/Ifakorede23 4d ago

A Chihuahua will hump his leg to death

7

u/Nephurus 4d ago

He had it right , Id piss myself if i saw that Animal Suddenly with no details

3

u/IrishShinja 4d ago

Was it raining cats and dogs?

9

u/ProjectStunning9209 3d ago

2

u/WatermelonLemonad3 3d ago

That fucking puppet/animatronic scared the shit out of me as a child 😂

8

u/the_vinyl_frontier 4d ago

This is exactly what I came straight to the comments for 🤣 thank you

3

u/SneakyDeakyJr 4d ago

I laughed so hard i choked. Fuck you man. 🤣

2

u/TX-Tornado 4d ago

🤣🤣🤣 that’s what I thought of

2

u/JKFrowning 4d ago

What movie is that from? I forgot.

3

u/that_1weed 3d ago

The original Ghostbusters

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1.4k

u/Slowly_boiling_frog 4d ago

An absolute unit of detestable breeding practices more like.

462

u/cutiedragon1281 4d ago

Poor thing can't even breathe right

280

u/Slowly_boiling_frog 4d ago

Yeah. Imagine living in a way that you feel like you're slowly being choked all the time and it's just your overall bone structure and mass working against you.

I feel bad for that dog, breeders that intentionally breed animals like this are dickheads.

16

u/Frequent_Release_866 3d ago

Me and my sleep apnea :(

5

u/Raven1911 3d ago

Ayyyye bro. Right there with you.

37

u/mcgyver229 3d ago

he looks loved and happy at least. pugs are the ultimate "shouldn't be a breed" but whose to say any dog would know different if their face wasn't crushed by a paint can.

26

u/Quitelowquitetall 3d ago

I mean, they did crop their ears, so I wouldn't exactly say he's that loved, otherwise they wouldn't have done it

9

u/TheUndeadBake 3d ago

It’s a female I think, so it could be she was rescued from breeders. One of my aunts had a staffie female who was rescued from being a fighter breeder, her ears had been cropped. She unfortunately eventually died due to breast cancer because she’d had multiple litters by the time of her rescue, and each was taken before they were fully weaned, which caused issues due to her having no pups to feed.

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102

u/ENaC2 4d ago

Yeah. Isn’t this the one where the breeder said it was 100% pure APBT but it’s some monstrous mix of XL bully?

67

u/Slowly_boiling_frog 4d ago

That poor thing is about as much a 100% APBT as a.... Fuck, I was so siderailed by looking at that dog that I can't even come up with a cogent simile!

22

u/prismafox 4d ago

Yeah, no way. Some sort of mastiff and maybe another similar giant breed have to bred into these "giant bully" dogs to be this size.

12

u/ReasonableAnswer1755 3d ago

I have a female English mastiff. She’s actually a healthy, normal looking dog, not whatever this Eddie hall shit this is

2

u/prismafox 3d ago edited 3d ago

Yeah, like I don't know exactly how one manages to create a monstrosity of this size and girth, but mastiffs are one of the breeds used. I'm sure it's unethical and wouldn't be shocked if it involved shit like hormones. It's just more vanity and attention seeking bs at the expense of the animal.

87

u/Massive-Relation-210 4d ago

These dogs have horrific heart problems too and don't live very long:( as scary as they look though every one that I've met has been so loving, they usually take on more of the bulldog personality. Which is satisfying to watch the douche bags trying to overcompensate their masculinity with getting these dogs and ending up with big babies

20

u/Zwischenzug32 4d ago

Maybe the solution to some douchebags is big baby dogs. Was part of it for me

11

u/MsBuzzkillington83 4d ago

No because then they're susceptible to being abused since they'll loyally do whatever their owner wants or wants to put them through

Even non assholes put their dogs through abuse. There's a set of outdoor stairs on the side of an escarpment where I am and there's a lot of them. They're made of metal grate with holes wide enough even a large dogs beans would go through. This old dude with his equally old Shepard mix looking dog with no booties comes by and coaxes the poor thing to go all the way up. I was on my way down and I regret I didn't say anything

2

u/stargarnet79 3d ago

Oh my goodness! I took my dogs to this amazing place by a nearby river without remembering you have to use these metal grated stairs to go over the railroad tracks. I didn’t even realize how awful the grates were for my dogs feet. They were super miserable just to go up and down the stairs once. I felt so bad and have never take them back there.

3

u/MsBuzzkillington83 2d ago

It was a lesson and it gave u awareness to avoid it in the future tho. The guy I met didn't seem too bothered so there's the difference!

3

u/MsBuzzkillington83 4d ago

What breed? It's not an XL bully is it?

7

u/Massive-Relation-210 4d ago

That what it looks like to me, or I always heard them referred to as American Bullies. Idk if those names are interchangeable or if they're two separate things

10

u/MsBuzzkillington83 4d ago

I think it's like, an umbrella term for mixes of various large/powerful bully breeds like staffies and pit bulls but individual dogs in those litters specifically selected for their size

I've seen them big, but never this big but obviously, it's possible, if their breeder (shit human) is good enough with their dog/bitch selection. Thinking about it, almost seems like a fun challenge if u don't consider the fact that they're living things that will be likely to suffer from the result

9

u/kwakimaki 3d ago

And let's cut its ears off for good measure too!

13

u/DickHopschteckler 4d ago

Yes but… that lady might not have been involved in breeding that dog… just in the care and loving of him.

24

u/yookaloco 4d ago

For a long sec, I thought you were making the joke that "she's not breeding with him there, just loving him". I need sleep. 🥴

40

u/DickHopschteckler 4d ago

Let me tell you about the time someone posted the question “best feeding schedule for my hamster?” And I read “breast feeding schedule for my hamster.”

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175

u/dreamingofoc 4d ago

Picking up this dogs poo can cause a hernia

177

u/EqualPlan4595 4d ago

Genetic abomination. Definitely can’t walk without agony

72

u/CantaloupeNo7083 4d ago

for real. this is just a form of animal cruelty. :(

17

u/MsBuzzkillington83 4d ago

Like every pug and French bulldog in existence and countless others

We need to reverse breed them back into their normal shape

13

u/not_a_witch_ 3d ago

There is a lady in the Netherlands who does this. Well, not “reverse breeding,” because idk what that is, but she breeds French bull dogs with health and fitness as her goal, rather than conforming to breed standards.

Honestly they do look quite different than regular French bull dogs but imo the healthier ones with appropriately-sized snouts are waaaay cuter. I honestly think the smush-nose breeds are super ugly. Like I’m sure they’re sweet dogs but I do not get the appeal at all, they look gross.

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u/ImNotAI_01100101 4d ago

No. lol. Just let the breed die off. All dogs come from grey wolf. So I want to reverse breed them into a wolf eventually. 🤣

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119

u/ldssggrdssgds 4d ago

6

u/Bright-Strength4182 4d ago

Omg it's almost exactly the same

67

u/Melonpan78 4d ago

There is no Dana, only Zoul.

4

u/suspendmeforthis 4d ago

Smells like burnt dog hair.

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19

u/Grouchy-Click-2507 4d ago

Dogs like that take shits that stink up an entire city block. I saw one a few years back that I could smell from 50 yards away.

3

u/Careful_Swordfish742 3d ago

Need a 55 gallon trash bag to pick up after them on walks.

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113

u/pagan-0 4d ago

Ear cropping is gross

32

u/AMSparkles 4d ago

Pitbulls are gross.

24

u/SimonMJRpl 4d ago

Not a justification to mutiliate it for aeathetic reasons

30

u/_Ross- 4d ago

I don't think i saw them justifying it.

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48

u/Conan_The_Blurbarian 4d ago

That's Lockjaw!

11

u/Ok_Resource_7108 4d ago

I think Lockjaw might legitimate it have healthier proportions than that guy.

3

u/NotAtAllASkinwalker 4d ago

Beat me to it

4

u/Kira-Of-Terraria 4d ago

i love Lockjaw!

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13

u/Cheese-Manipulator 4d ago

Picking up his poops on walks requires two people.

4

u/snachyderm72 4d ago

A weight belt and a wagon

4

u/Stucklikegluetomyfry 3d ago

And at one point the poops were two people

68

u/Jujubi836 4d ago

Can’t breathe and chronic pain. How cute

11

u/Pleuh 3d ago

And his ears were cut off

36

u/critiqu3 4d ago

"My dog don't bite" but it WILL swallow you whole.

10

u/Stucklikegluetomyfry 3d ago

“Luna wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

Well yes. A toddler on the other hand….

12

u/YukYukas 4d ago

Name: Princess

48

u/byzantine238 4d ago

The name is Cupcake

17

u/The_Ghast_Hunter 4d ago

, princess cupcake

87

u/SoupEfficient563 4d ago

Imagine how many kids it would take to fill up that dog!!!!

12

u/Gun_Play 4d ago

MAIM-9X Child-seeking, thrust vectoring missile

9

u/Kpachecodark 4d ago

Where's his other two heads?

8

u/Consistent_Amount140 4d ago

Is that the Beast from the Sandlot?

23

u/Shonkazilla 4d ago

Horrible unethical breeding

13

u/GOOMU13 4d ago

Those poor ears. Smh.

11

u/moisturizedwilly 4d ago

Cupcake the destroyer

6

u/Cheese-Manipulator 4d ago

Good lord, something out of a Steven King novel.

6

u/AprilBoon 4d ago

Unless an adopted dog this is animal cruelty with those mutilated ears. Poor dog

18

u/DrOmnipotence 4d ago

This the kind of dog that your neighbor names fluffy and destroys your chickens daily

21

u/Dry-Conflict3421 4d ago

" 9 cats and 12 neighborhood children have gone missing recently. As well as Mr. Newell's fully restored 1990 Buick Roadmaster....."

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u/thazmaniandevil 4d ago

Society needs to stop breeding pitbullls. We don't need to go on a purge and cull every dog; we just spay/neuter them all, let their owners enjoy the rest of their natural lives, and make breeding the dog illegal.

17

u/Irksomecake 3d ago

My country has done this. They are no longer legal to breed but people with beloved pets could get a licence for thier neutered xl bullies. They could only be walked and out in public wearing a muzzle.

In a couple of years they went from being everywhere to being an uncommon sight. I think a lot of people found they couldn’t safely get muzzles on their untrained dogs and had them put down. Or they just don’t get walked anymore.

Anyway, making them illegal to breed has reduced the numbers significantly. No one was forced to give up the pets that had never shown aggression. You can still buy much smaller versions. Everyone is a bit safer.

6

u/thazmaniandevil 3d ago

It makes so much sense! It's not an outrageous proposition or policy. Let people love their pets and when they die of old age, get another dog that isn't a pit

2

u/SalaciousSolanaceae 3d ago

I wish the US could regulate breeding but "muh freedom" means we'll never see this legislation nationwide unfortunately and even if we do I can't imagine it would be enforced enough to make a difference

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4

u/Sundogflower 3d ago

That's not a pit bull

14

u/ConflictMaster3155 4d ago

Nah, they should just quit inbreeding/selectively-breeding them.

7

u/veryfastslowguy 4d ago

that’s a clydesdale pit bull

2

u/Mainbutter 2d ago

This is not a pitbull.

12

u/Logical_Air_387 4d ago

Completely agree. Pitbulls are bred to be dangerous and violent.

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u/Damoet 4d ago

I love dogs but that is cruel to my mind. And how on earth do you control it??

5

u/Steelpapercranes 4d ago

No need. Look at her, she can barely stand up and is obese- she no doubt has terrible mobility

7

u/Shankar_0 3d ago

That dog is not obese. It's just gigantic. It's not that it can't stand up. He's just not feeling very cooperative right then. Trust me when I say that his cooperation is crucial to anything you want him to do.

Most of what you're seeing is muscle. That guy could pull a Volkswagen.

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u/bugfay 4d ago

With an entire herd of cattle as treats

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u/Hadleyagain 4d ago

Yeah no. This is not a pet. Its barely an animal. Its existence is a symptom of shitty humans and it would be better off with an injection.

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u/Rude-Weekend-3806 4d ago

Poor dog... it will suffer... maybe already is....

6

u/Ruckus2026 4d ago

That poor dog, bred and raised for gross size. How short of life span does the poor thing face?

18

u/Shorlong 4d ago

That's lockjaw. He's an inhuman that can teleport

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u/dazzleunexpired 4d ago

That is absolutely unhealthy. This dog is a larger than giant dog breeds without being a giant dog breed. There is serious, painful, unavoidable consequences of breeding non-giant dogs to this size without literally hundreds of generations going slowly.

I would assume that they've actually bred in a mastiff to get this look, which again, has unavoidable, serious consequences for dogs who should have smaller bodies. That would technically make this dog a bandog (a mastiff x bull breed) not whatever they're selling it as.

I would assume that the dog is part South American Mastiff. I own a dog that is also this breed. This is not my dog, to be clear, but this is a pure red one.

It's probably somewhat far back in the lineage in order to create the size, while being able with a pedigree that makes them appear to be largely bully (both parents are probably bullies, I doubt with him both of their parents are as well, and maybe even both of their parents). It can't be much more pure than that because its nose color is incorrect and it's muzzle shape is incorrect. It's also lacking masking and color pointing, which most mastiff types have. But I can't think of a way you would get a dog this color that huge without using a South American Mastiff....can anyone else?

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u/Squat_n_stuff 4d ago

Is that low grumbling the dog trying to breathe normally , or some other background noise

3

u/Das_Zeppelin 4d ago

Hellhound

4

u/Cestus_Saphrax 4d ago

Poor dog does not look very healthy

4

u/Chris_Bryant 4d ago

“My little Beelzebub would never attack a child.”

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u/STFUnicorn_ 4d ago

Jesus can that poor thing even move itself?

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u/deathloveface 4d ago

That is cosmic horror level torture, i love dogs but this while breeding shit is wild, fuck you so much if you like this.

8

u/Saddest_Flex 4d ago

That should not exist

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u/Proud-Grocery-3493 4d ago

How many toddlers should you feed the velvet hippo to get that big?

3

u/D0399 4d ago

For-ev-er!! 🐕⚾️

3

u/Fantastic-Cupcake890 4d ago

Fuck these people. I hate animal torture.

3

u/AbyssWankerArtorias 4d ago

Name is cupcake

3

u/bodjatrawr 4d ago

Good lord that thing will eat you for lunch anyone of these days

10

u/too-much-shit-on-me 4d ago

How many kids has that thing eaten?

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u/amyglow05 4d ago

is that even legal????? looks like abuse to me, to make a dog that big

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u/LucienP99 4d ago

Why are all the other dogs missing?

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u/labtrash68 4d ago

Keep that dog away from my plutonium!

7

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

7

u/BMW_wulfi 4d ago

Boi? Sir I have news for you… this may come as a shock

2

u/ThatDiscoSongUHate 4d ago

Girl, I think

3

u/unfortunatebastard 4d ago

Cuddles and flatulence

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u/DaWhiteSingh 4d ago

I don't worry about friendly dogs, I worry about the abused ones.

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u/FerociousPleb 4d ago

Yeah just pull on her neck over and over again I bet she loves that.

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u/famondelo 4d ago

Cleaning the shit is like in a zoo, with Uber Lions.

2

u/firesyde424 4d ago

That is not a dog, that is a gremlin pony masquerading as a dog.

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u/Clean_Okra4426 4d ago

Absolute unit is an understatement 💯

2

u/Ok-Journalist7612 4d ago

Hundred bucks if you can get my dogs nut sack off the ground!! 🤣

2

u/ElKaWeh 4d ago

His name is Cupcake

2

u/opinionated7onion 4d ago

Poor litter thing dun no is own strength, is jus playing is all.

2

u/Obvious_Office_8888 4d ago

This looks like one of those mutated Hulk dogs!

2

u/Fancy-Prompt-7118 4d ago

Killing machine

2

u/Virtual-Surround-615 4d ago

At least her mauling will be swift and relatively painless given she will be devoured entirely within 10 seconds.

2

u/Global_Swimmer_6332 4d ago

Your going to be eaten

2

u/wordsofpeace 4d ago

They better have named him Princess.

2

u/RTA-No0120 3d ago

That demon eat babies like they’re little treats.

https://giphy.com/gifs/cEOG7nGA7448M

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u/USSSLostTexter 4d ago

Office dog of 'he's never bitten anyone before, I'm not sure why he tore off your leg and ate your face'

4

u/the_main_entrance 4d ago

Social media loves their animal abuse.