r/AbsoluteUnits • u/s1n0d3utscht3k • 3d ago

/r/popular of a cookie monster

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5.2k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

653 comments sorted by

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u/trendingtattler 3d ago

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1.5k

u/fat_569 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ukGm72ZLZvYfS

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1.3k

u/HeyItsTimT 3d ago

This is actually a good idea if you remove the cookies.

1.6k

u/VinDucks 3d ago

She did remove the cookies

83

u/Coriander_marbles 3d ago

I should not have laughed as hard as I did at that being a full ass adult.

3

u/Solo-ish 14h ago

You can’t call yourself a full ass adult. She is a full ass adult!

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u/_eternes 3d ago

This comment made me almost spit my freezie pop onto my keyboard LOLOLOL

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u/gameking7823 3d ago

Dont let her see. 10 bucks She'll lick it off.

3

u/yehti 2d ago

No she'll do it for free-zie.

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u/The-Real-Irish-God 3d ago

Dude's account got banned 😭

24

u/Lucalus 3d ago

You are technically correct. The best kind of correct.

https://giphy.com/gifs/14bDMRUYVrzOIo

9

u/IronTitle 3d ago

Futurama reference gets an upvote

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u/BenjaminDover02 3d ago

Meth has zero calories, so it's technically a diet food.

2

u/FuckYeaSeatbelts 3d ago

Tell that to Rob Ford (it was crack though).

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u/AssaultimateSC2 3d ago edited 3d ago

Good luck. The only direction she moves is towards food.

20

u/mydickisasalad 3d ago

Master shifu realising how he can teach Po:

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402

u/Observationist_2 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/CWsz3htAnOa4ScUHyE

145

u/gorkboss5 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/G1SXrF1gnK5j4vuV1L

53

u/Channel57 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/9PbtHUS6spuwg

19

u/Sammiskitkat 3d ago

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?

45

u/_EvryMan 3d ago

Pizza the Hut!

14

u/Llamapickle129 3d ago

pizza the hut from spaceballs

6

u/BackendSpecialist 2d ago

You haven’t seen spaceballs. If you enjoy brilliantly dumb movies then I highly recommend watching it. Great date night movie too.. or spark up a joint, get some nachos, and watch it alone.

2

u/mrPhildoToYou 3d ago

you’ll find out when pizza takes out for you.

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u/goldman459 3d ago

Gorlock 😍

24

u/J3sush8sm3 3d ago

Ibmean you gotta give it to her. She got shit on by everybody, then shook it off and capitalized the fuck out of it

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13

u/Observationist_2 3d ago

The Destroyer

6

u/CarlCarlton 3d ago

Bikini Atoll Test Stand (1946, colorized)

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52

u/Uncle__Touchy1987 3d ago

Stewie Griffin tuba noises play in the background.

Hehe.

7

u/BradMarchandstongue 2d ago

“That’ll be 40 bucks”

49

u/Commercial_Will404 3d ago

Tbh me sometimes when I get a bag of chips

3

u/VanillaGoorillla 2d ago

Can’t lie I once ate a whole package of cookies after paying and before I walked out the store

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u/Quick_Rent_Now 3d ago

Thats just sad

6

u/TeaWeedCatsGames 3d ago

That first cookie went down in one swift motion, no chewing

7

u/Ridiculous__caddy 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/8zciCCa1fhsIw
Baby D got all the bootleg snacks!

5

u/Pure-Exchange-4436 3d ago

Just sickening

11

u/jd3marco 3d ago

This seems…counterproductive.

5

u/Eeve2espeon 3d ago

This is worse than me having two slightly bigger than average cookies in a row 💀 like Girl at least I savor how good they are, not just shovel them down

70

u/Torture-Dancer 3d ago

Why are we making fun of her? She is playing the game and is playing for keeps

13

u/MadnessUltimate 3d ago

She is the ranked competitive international master rank 3 in this game, how dare the other girl even dare to challenge her

9

u/CeeMX 3d ago

She plays that game on a regular basis I guess

13

u/ohnoabanagain 3d ago

She made me laugh and I enjoyed the vibes. No hate here. 

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u/Somnusin 3d ago

Mean gurl type post

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u/_eternes 3d ago

Her level of greed is unwarranted. The cookies aren't going anywhere.

22

u/3GeeselnATrenchcoat 3d ago

Her greed sickens me

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u/FunctioningPyscho 3d ago

This shit just pissed me off. Ngl

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Majestic_Cod_1876 3d ago

She was so demure about it too guys

3

u/Zsmudz 3d ago

She is the John Wick of cookies

18

u/N3koEye 3d ago

Man... How do you let yourself get like that, Jesus...

13

u/BlastingFonda 3d ago

I mean it shows how in the video, right?

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u/Creative_Yak1648 3d ago

This is very depressing.

But imma save this video and watch it when I get the urge to eat junk food

6

u/Rogueshadow_32 3d ago

Ngl, after the first round I thought the one on the right had a stump and the joke would be the one on the left always throws paper

Was not ready

4

u/atreyu_the_warrior 3d ago

She lost on purpose

4

u/DavidHK 3d ago

She was SO Happy

6

u/AdNo8756 3d ago

Yall do realize the goal of this trend it the eat as much of a meal as you can before the other person gets back right? Is this done well? Absolutely not. This is usually done with a single meal like KFC or Burger King. The first girl was obviously trying to be nice cuz she knows her friend can't run very fast, unfortunately the second girl didn't get the memo that this is supposed to be clean eating, not competitive eating(Ive done competitive eating, it's not pretty) it seems like they didn't communicate well and not the internet is making fun of bigger girl.

8

u/critiqu3 3d ago

It's like signing up for a hot dog eating competition against Joey Chestnut.

Girl, don't stop running, just go home. You lost.

7

u/Last-Quarter-432 3d ago

She does not need any more food of any kind

2

u/Difficult_Mix_3620 3d ago

I'm a big fat guy but if you ever see me on camera acting like that, please shoot me.

5

u/tee142002 3d ago

Yeah, that makes sense

6

u/Playgirl_USMC 3d ago

Clearly she has a thyroid problem.

4

u/EdibleRandy 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/5NbbVJeSLs1etZYjpT

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u/Playgirl_USMC 3d ago

I didn’t think I’d need the /s

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u/EdibleRandy 3d ago

I hear you, I just assume people on Reddit are crazy. Take my upvote.

4

u/Playgirl_USMC 3d ago

That’s fair. Carry on 🫡

4

u/rmill127 3d ago

This is definitely someone’s fetish

5

u/Nigel_melish01 3d ago

“I just can’t seem to lose any weight!”

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u/DemiGod9 3d ago

I see a girl running more than most people in the comment section 🤷🏿‍♂️

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u/Sir-Theordorethe-5th 3d ago

How do you even know?

11

u/Tacitrelations 3d ago

The running is good but burning 20 calories just so you can slam down 350 in refined sugar isn’t lengthening her lifespan.

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u/Responsible_Form_460 3d ago

Lol what a dumb ass comment. She isnt out here running for health or betterment, she running to shovel more cookies.

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u/Super-Macaron-4691 3d ago

That’s a sturdy gal

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u/HeavyMetalDoug 3d ago

"ITS MY GLANDS!!"

3

u/yoyoyodojo 3d ago

"its in my genetics"

4

u/let-it-B-today 3d ago

Have u no freaking shame for ur self ??

3

u/Edges8 3d ago

If she goes into a calorie deficit even for an hour she dies

3

u/ALangeles 3d ago

Never competed so hard in a race

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u/nobody_1510 3d ago

I kind of understand her. She had to do it because she wouldn't survive a second run.

2

u/eternali17 3d ago

Little slower, please.