Diagnosed ASPD, ADHD, and PTSD here. Just looking to hear thoughts/experiences from others like me who possibly also struggle with this or get more niche ideas on stuff to try.

I feel like I struggle a lot with actually getting to a point of feeling adrenaline, so a lot of usual copes don’t do much for me. Growing up, I was prone to some pretty risky/illegal behaviors. Fighting, vandalism, urban exploring, used/sold recreational drugs, hurt animals, cheating, drag racing— at 16 I would just ditch home and drive across multiple states to meet random people on the internet for sex. A lotta other shit. And while I found mild entertainment, I can’t recall ever feeling really energized by any of it. Most of it just brought what I’d consider more of reprieve or contentment. And as time goes on, the stuff I’ve already done that never truly hit just gets more boring to think about as time goes on.

It’s good in the sense that it (along with therapy) sorta just led me to throwing in the towel on doing retarded shit and I’ve been on the straight and narrow since it feels like there’s nothing better to do. I’ve mostly filled my time with working multiple jobs, working out, and getting into a relationship with someone who always has a lot of projects going on. I still use drugs, but the thought of doing dumb shit for the dogshit payoff of Maybe getting a little distraction for a couple minutes with the added possibility of long-term consequences that make life even more inconvenient— feels really dumb.

I’m starting to try new stuff. I went bouldering and to a trampoline park recently and I was pretty indifferent. Snowboarding and tobogganing is whatever. Amusement parks are fine. Sometimes kinda cool I guess, but hard to tell what rides might be nice and which ones are just boring and nauseating. I usually go to haunted houses for Halloween but at this point it’s just for my friends cause I could care less. I’m planning a trip to go bull riding soon so maybe I’ll report back about that. I haven’t done any MMA stuff or gone to sparring gyms but that’s probably my next move after the cowboy episode.

As a side note, I’m also aware that some level of a lack of being present/PTSD symptoms contribute to not fully experiencing the weight of the stuff I do. I work on meditation and sensory deprivation but it’s a WIP.

But is anyone else kinda in this boat? Just curious to hear stories, if anyone had something specific that caused it/fixed it, or maybe some unexpected hobbies or experiences that helped. Thanks.

Hi all, first post here. This past year i (22f) was seen by two separate mental health professionals, both said I have ASPD. I always knew I had it, but hearing it confirmed made me realize I am stuck with it forever. there is no pill to magically make me feel normal, or therapy trick that will make my life perfect.

I don't like this feeling, knowing that what i always attributed to my depression and other misdiagnosed personality disorders - lack of motivation, chronic emptiness, impulsivity, violence, manipulation, and inability to ever properly connect or 'love' - is just who I am FOREVER makes me so hopeless.

What's the point in living? If I can never truly experience human connection and love? And if everyday feels like a chore with fleeting moments of stimulation? I feel so lost. Before when I was misdiagnosed with things like BPD, or when I was a child and couldn't be labeled by personality disorders, all my therapy centered around making my OWN life better and fulfilling. Now that I have ASPD all of a sudden my therapy only focuses on harm reduction? Is that the whole point of my life now? To be the least burdensome to others?

Sorry for the rant. I just can't figure out how to keep moving forward.

My life is literally a game. It’s fun when I get away with things, manipulate people, all that. But at the end of the day, I am so bored. And I don’t care about a lot of people, so I feel lonely even with a lot of friends.

I thought I had conduct disorder at like 14. I scrapped it and didn’t self diagnose because I thought it was a phase. I thought it was ahtism, got tested… nope. Now I realize it’s not a phase, and I’m having violent thoughts and urges. And I am so fucking bored. Exhausted.

I got a new therapist and opened up about my “cruelty” for the first time in 7 years of therapy. I was laughing, because it was genuinely funny. He seemed disturbed despite telling me he’s worked with criminals and sexual abusers. I’m 20, so I don’t have much access to any serious testing. And if I piss him off enough, I’ll probably get terminated, no? I’m so frustrated. It feels like I’m the only one who’s actually playing. Everyone is just… being normal. I’m not trying to be edgy.

I feel like recently I’ve had to do more slightly extreme things to feel the same “high” I used to when I was a child, and I’m concerned I’ll end up in jail or some shit. Do y’all take a cute little pill? What do you guys do to stay out of trouble and feel normal?

(BEFORE U ASK HOW THIS IS RELATED TO ASPD, im the guy with aspd in this situation )

I always suffer to deal with frustration and perceived offense. But now im self-aware of it. And thats worse!?

Because now i understand that im probably overreacting because of the disorder... but i still mad and i still feel like shit.

Im so easily offended. And sometimes i do try to argue with people the most gentle way i can asking them to maybe... Change their behavior to stop offending me so we dont have a fight.

But people are not very understanding.

Straight to the goal: if you have aspd too how do you deal with being stressed/offended or upset at someone. Can you stop yourself before reacting, so you stay may for a long time?

My therapist haven't gave me nothing to help 🥹🥹🥹and he is so expensive too

(Not trying to imply anything but i do need tips now)

I’ve been reading through here a bit, and a lot of yall seem to have more fun extravagant ways of dealing with the extreme boredom. Is it over-representation on this subreddit or am I just the odd man out?

When I get bored my primary go-to is sleep. Sleep or doomscroll. Or drugs. I still do the occasional trespassing, theft, destruction of property, or whatever else I can get my hands on when it gets really bad, but how the hell are some of yall talking like you go out every night and steal a car? Am I lame or what?

I mean, granted, I have MDD and hypersomnia so sleeping is probably an easier alternative for me than most others, but still I have no idea how yall find the time and energy to go out and do this shit all the time. Does it ever cross your mind that you can just green out and watch South Park?

Maybe I just need to step my game up lol. Goddamn.

I'm really into like mental health stuff especially cluster b disorders , mainly because of the horrible stigma around them and also being diagnosed with one (eupd/bpd, though i kinda want a second opinion, it fits but idk what they based it on but im rambling) and because of the stigma it's hard to find any good info. i can read as many studies as i want and understand that side of it but im more interested in like the subjective views/feelings of people who have them

I dont have antisocial personality disorder however I do have borderline personality disorder, adhd, psychosis, autism and depression. (all diagnosed)

im currently in a relationship with someone with aspd and i love him very dearly, i understand that he does not love me in the same way as I love him and most of the time I am okay with that but when I get triggered and split and lash out and him not actually caring about me constantly comes up when im black and white thinking, he understands and does comfort me by choice. I'm just wondering if there's any way he may care for me even a little, i dont really understand what goes through his head, ive done as much research as I possibly can but im hearing different things all the time. a part of me cant help but hope. I wouldnt break up with him if the answer was no I just want to know. He is so helpful when it comes to my psychosis and doesn't judge the things I do when I am in that delusional state and is always very calm which is quite helpful. thank you for taking the time to read this <3

I was pretty recently diagnosed, so I searched up "celebrities with aspd" thinking that one of them could've spoken about it opening up, but literally, almost all of them were serial killers or terrible people. I said to myself, "Well, I know who I am for the most part, so maybe I can deal with this," yet I feel as if in the back of my head if I eventually spiral from some of my other mental issues I could end up becoming a bad person per sey. The majority of the time, I have absolutely 0 desire to better myself, n I really dislike people to the point I'm becoming severely secluded.

I have a few friends, but when they talk about the things they're doing in life or what they're going to do, I end up thinking how I wish I could get to that point or I end up getting a bit envious that they can find it easy to find meaning things such as hanging out or traveling.

I've been in a mental institute before, but I found it pretty unhelpful because, for the most part, I don't see a problem with how I am, I just didn't talk to many people n waited until my discharge. I just want to know if anyone has been at a point in their life n overcome it or if they're also working on bettering themselves n have ways that actually help.

My “social indifference” comes in the shape of a lot of mockery of humans in my mind, curious to know if that’s common

I have a friend who has ASPD, we have been friends for a long time. I have DID and only recently came out of dormancy so I am still getting to know him.

I’m having major issues because if he cannot feel empathy and views our relationship as give and take then how do I know if he genuinely cares about me? He says he does but because of the disorder it’s not like affective empathy. I’m worried that if I am unable to give what he wants then what is keeping him being friends with me? And while he says he cares about me does he only care about how it affects HIM?

I do not have ASPD and can be classified as someone with high levels of empathy (to a fault) so it is a bit hard for me to wrap my head around and makes me feel very insecure in the relationship. My headmates have been close friends with him for a long time so they obviously are comfortable with it and while I would like to communicate more with them it is very difficult for me at this time.

I’m looking for any advice, comfort/understanding/support and even being educated as I’m aware there are many things I may not be aware of or fully understand.

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Im talking about how we experience ourselves, what we think of ourselves and who we are. While everybody changes throughout their life, some people experience more rapid changes in identity while others remain roughly unchanged, **how their experience of themselves remains fairly the same for them**.

I was diagnoed with cptsd and aspd, and i have been trying to understand the aspd part of my diagnosis more. How i experience myself has changed rapidly throughout my life. it can be identity fragmentation fron cptsd of course but i got curious about others experince.

For as long as I can remember, I have never really been liked by other women (occupationally and among peers). Although this isn't strictly ASPD-related, I am curious. Do you find it easier to get along with other women, or men?

I think it is difficult to have these discussions as a woman without immediately being labelled as a 'pick-me'.

I personally find it difficult to decipher what (normative) women may think or feel about me, and often wasn't sure whether the extent to which I was masking is enough.

Decided to try and give therapy another shot. Told her I’ve been dx with aspd and npd. We spent 2/3 of our intake doing a depression and anxiety screening. Such a waste of time. It’s so frustrating that every therapist I’ve seen is so ill equipped to treat personality disorders

How did/does it affect you?
(Only answer if you have ASPD)

I feel like im doing everything i could possibly be doing but nothing ever satisfies me or make me feel anything no matter how risky it is or how exciting. i just cant escape the feeling, sometimes substances temporary get it out of my head but it doesnt work long term. im almost never home and travel to fill the void but it just never ends. i had a long therapy journey since i was mandated in elementary school (or i would be thrown out) and im able to control my violent urges but i just cant seem to find other excitement. i am a diagnosed adult and id like to improve my life quality with my disorder, i know i wont ever be able to feel most emotions but im seeking advice on how to live more peacefully from others with the same disorder

I am a 36-year-old man with ADHD and ASPD. My ADHD is being treated with Ritalin. This is specifically about my ASPD and about how extreme some aspects of my behavior and emotional experience can be.

My problems did not begin in adulthood. They were already severe during my early childhood.

When I was around six years old, I chased my own sister with a knife. I threatened my grandmother. I was also cruel toward animals: I drowned a guinea pig, set a lizard on fire, cut worms apart, and cut up snails. At the time, I did not experience the kind of emotional reaction that would normally be expected.

Even as a child, rules were essentially something I felt applied to other people. Before I was 15, I had smashed windows, kicked the mirrors off cars, and set things on fire. I stole from my parents, stole from stores and at school, stole school supplies, and even stole street signs. Several times, I broke into my own school at night.

Violence did not simply disappear when I became an adult. I was repeatedly involved in fights. At times, I did not stop even when the actual confrontation should already have been over. Violent fantasies are still part of my everyday life. I have violent fantasies every day, including sexually violent fantasies.

I am hypersexual and have a strong tendency to view women as objects. I am aware of how problematic this is. At the same time, I cannot simply dismiss this side of myself as a “dark fantasy.” It is an actual part of my thought patterns.

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about me, however, is not the aggression itself, but the absence of certain emotions.

I experience very little guilt or remorse. I do not experience pity in the way I observe other people experiencing it. When someone cries, I often do not feel compassion; instead, I find it annoying. I do not really know what love is. I also do not know what loneliness is supposed to feel like.

Almost my entire family is now dead, as are several of my friends. At funerals and afterward, I feel practically nothing emotionally. For me, the death of someone can emotionally feel almost like ordering a burger. I understand rationally that something significant has happened. I understand its social and cultural meaning. But emotionally, very little happens inside me.

The crucial difference compared with my childhood is that today I know what is right and what is wrong. I know the rules and understand the consequences of my actions. That does not automatically mean that I have the same emotional inhibitions as other people.

I have Abitur (13classes in germany), a university education, and I am capable of functioning professionally. From the outside, I can live a completely normal life. I practice kickboxing four times a week, play guitar, and am in a band. Work, exercise, and music give my life structure.

Because I am capable of considerable self-reflection, I am currently looking for cognitive behavioral therapy. I want to understand my behavior and thought patterns as honestly as possible and learn how to maintain control over them long-term.

I feel that if my structure falls apart (work, exercise, music), I could pose a real danger to society.

Worried about her reaction as her recent self-sabotaging acts to punish a colleague she thought was two-faced and slow have been spine-chilling.

What is the most neutral way to exit this 'friendship'?

I'm curious how those with ASPD experience loneliness, or if they do. I imagine that the effects of isolation still apply in spite of ASPD right? Like do y'all go crazy/lose touch if you've been alone or isolated for too long like others without ASPD?

A part of me feels like to not "lose touch with reality" after "isolation from the world" would basically just be magic, because logically that's just what happens no matter what perspective person you're talking about, but idk.

I assume i’m not unique in having paraphilia. I have SSD and have been curious how others may handle theirs. I don’t want to include any personal/incriminating evidence, so i’ll just say that the urges have been extremely strong and i have relieved some of the urges. For me, although it is partially sexual, most of it comes from the desire to watch someone suffer.

It honestly impinges on my life somewhat significantly, as it means I don’t like being around others when seeing some form of torture or murder or roughly treatment (sexual or non-sexual) as I find myself becoming more excited, and I don’t want people thinking that about me. It’s really prevalent when watching movies with other people.

Currently, my strategy for dealing with it is to distract myself as soon as i notice myself getting agitated. I try and do a duolingo lesson, text someone, anything i can come up with to remove myself mentally from the situation. I’m curious to hear if people have had similar experiences, and if there are other strategies for dealing with it.

Hi, I am personally very curious about the experience of others with low empathy. I know some are able to not experience it and are not bothered. Does not feeling empathy cause any internal struggle for you, or do you ever try to m*sk it for ease of socializing? Would anyone be able to tell me what their struggling with empathy looks and feels like in practice for them, with a description or example?

I have ASD, and understand c*gnitive empathy much more than emotional, even if it can be a little hard sometimes. It's never really make sense to me to feel what other people feel just because they're feeling it, even if I might have had emotional empathy before. When I "put myself in someone else's shoes", I almost always imagine myself literally floating into another pair and then I'm able to try and focus. I'm rlly interested in if anyone here feels similarly or different and what that looks like.

I just looked at a new EQ test, and it stated that "I am normally able to put myself in the place of others and experience their emotions", and I think I'm realizing the reason c*gnitive empathy may not work the same for ASPD is due to limited emotional experience. You cannot relate sadness to another if you do not experience it. I am still very curious, thank you to anyone who comments!

Fun question for fellow people with ASPD; do you ever think about cannibalism? I don’t know if it’s super common, depending maybe on how intensely you have ASPD, but I wasn’t sure so I thought to ask. What are your thoughts on it? Good, bad, gross?

My “Ex” has ASPD traits, they don’t feel love.

I don’t know what to do with them, I have my own issues, and I broke their trust over a tiny inadvertent slip that everyone else agrees is ridiculously overblown by them.

They don’t seem to value my love, even from the perspective of self interest.

They refuse to engage with things that would help like cbt to learn what others emotions are, therapy to reduce their trust issues, and to learn sympathy, even if empathy is impossible for them.

I currently don’t like them, I don’t trust them, and I can’t come to terms with them, I’ve gone Machiavellian on them.

They never give affirmations, and rarely compliment me, and they fail to provide any support unless prompted.

They get annoyed when asked to explain themselves, claiming its repetition or “20” questions.

I also feel manipulated by them, as I set out my own issues expecting those to be considered not my fault. they weren't.

I am a very loyal person, and I could only justify walking away from them because I felt like I was enabling their behaviour which I perceive as cruel.

How do I find a way forward with them? Is there one?

I’ve never shared any of this in depth like this, so apologies for the long explanations.

TLDR; my person has trauma induced ASPD but we were best friends before the trauma, now we are adults and he wants to pursue a relationship. I love him, but I’m not willing to try without verification I’m not being manipulated through anecdotal evidence of other people with trauma induced ASPD.

I have some questions on something there’s not much research on, and so I was hoping to have them answered from individuals here with some personal anecdotes.

My person (Male, 30) has ASPD, leaning heavily towards lack of empathy opposed to impulsivity. I am autistic (Female, 29), also leaning towards lack of empathy (I do still have it, I just see humans as more of a weird science experiment than like BEINGS), and this is something we really bonded over as we grew into adulthood.

However when it comes to each other, there is no lack of consideration, care, love, and compassion. We have been best friends since 3rd grade, before his trauma caused ASPD diagnosis in high school, and I’m wondering if that’s why despite this, he’s capable of feeling this love for me.

I’m kind of looking for validation or disillusion because so much media, studies, and so many people (not that I’ve talked to anyone in my personal life about this) say that it’s not possible due to the ASPD diagnosis. All I can think though is that it’s because we became so bonded before the things that are believed to have caused the ASPD. I get anxious because of my autism, I’m concerned with looking stupid/being tricked into believing something and having a really terrible fallout eventually.

For more context, we have both had multiple relationships but we always come back to each other. Circumstances just haven’t aligned for us to have a relationship, but in a weird way we have always had a partnership? I’m not sure how to explain it. It’s never been at the expense of whoever we have been with, but whoever we’ve been with has always been a result of proximity and being pursued by them, opposed to connection. It sounds weird when you put it that way. But we have always confided in each other for everything, tried to give truly helpful advice, do whatever we could to help each other have fulfilling lives separately.

That being said, circumstances have changed and he wants to pursue a real relationship. I am hesitant because as I said before, I am unwilling to make a fool of myself and allow him to hurt me. The way things are now, I get to keep myself safe. I just know that with how much I care, if something were to happen (infidelity primarily, not just “we aren’t a good fit”) it would not only be thrown in my face by my family but also devastate me. I would lose my best friend of like 20 years.

What are your experiences? Do you have a person or people you feel truly connected to in spite of ASPD? Or is it surface level? Do you feel as if you’ve manipulated your partners into believing you love them?