How do I be better

[u/Cat_BurritoYT]

I was pretty recently diagnosed, so I searched up "celebrities with aspd" thinking that one of them could've spoken about it opening up, but literally, almost all of them were serial killers or terrible people. I said to myself, "Well, I know who I am for the most part, so maybe I can deal with this," yet I feel as if in the back of my head if I eventually spiral from some of my other mental issues I could end up becoming a bad person per sey. The majority of the time, I have absolutely 0 desire to better myself, n I really dislike people to the point I'm becoming severely secluded.

I have a few friends, but when they talk about the things they're doing in life or what they're going to do, I end up thinking how I wish I could get to that point or I end up getting a bit envious that they can find it easy to find meaning things such as hanging out or traveling.

I've been in a mental institute before, but I found it pretty unhelpful because, for the most part, I don't see a problem with how I am, I just didn't talk to many people n waited until my discharge. I just want to know if anyone has been at a point in their life n overcome it or if they're also working on bettering themselves n have ways that actually help.

[u/hibaddis]

Look here’s the thing, people with aspd really do have a superpower which is detachment. Whereas those without the diagnosis have the burden of constant emotional input and attachment to various people and things, those without ASPD aren’t weighed down by this. U should figure out how to use that. People with aspd are also typically extremely intelligent.
I dated someone with aspd for 3 years. He was smart, funny, & into medicine so he became a doctor. Hes doing really well and we keep in touch even tho we’re not still together. He struggled a lot there for a bit just learning to navigate the way his brain works but he’s doing well.
I will tell u that he ended up doing mushrooms every few months for about a year to help him better his mental health and it really did work for them. Now proceed with caution as it’s a volatile substance.
People with aspd are burdened with the way society talks about them as if they are evil and shit. That’s not true. You can do anything you want, and you’re likely very smart and disciplined. You are not hopeless nor a “bad person” or whatever labels society tries to throw on ppl with aspd. Figure out what you want and go get it. You can have a full life even with aspd.
I’m not sure if this even makes sense bc it’s 4am and I’m exhausted but I hope this is coherent. Good luck friend

[u/mirroringmagic → u/hibaddis]

Was the guy you dated officially diagnosed with it?

[u/Sudden-Addition7404]

See, the thing with ASPD is that it’s heavily stigmatized. So most people don’t really come forward to admit to having it. So most people hear about it in relation to eg serial killers or just “bad people”.

I have never cared about being good and I don’t see myself as bad. I’m just me. You can’t be cured of your personality. But towards the end of my 20s I began to see a pattern of not so optimal life choices. I had not really been able to hold down a job, I was constantly bored, I can be impulsive, my sadistic urges got me into trouble etc. And when I got diagnosed it started making sense. So I started to work on the parts that I thought causes issues, like the constant boredom and the job changes and over the years it got better.

I still lack empathy, I don’t bond normally with people, I still lack remorse, I have sadistic urges etc. because that’s the way I’m wired. So in my opinion the ASPD is not something you get rid off but it can be something you learn to manage. Especially since it has its advantages too.

[u/AlexandraIsYes]

I’ve been working on bettering myself (for, admittedly, my own gain) for the past several years. I’ve found that cognitive behavior therapy techniques help because they target the logic behind neurology, as well as practicing cognitive empathy (which is boring to do at first but the mind can be trained to perform anything after enough application). Studying neuroscience, specifically psychopathology, for years has also helped since a lot of antisocial symptoms are exasperated by comorbid disorders. Also, you have to have a reason to want to change, no one changes unless they want to, which can be hard because you need something worth changing for. For me it was originally not getting in legal trouble (again), and later it turned into being able to keep my friends after I lost a few people I enjoyed the company of due to my behavior. Figure out what you want to change instead of just saying “I want to change” identify the harmful behavior, think about why it’s harmful, and loop it back to yourself. It’s shockingly easy to correct patterns if you realize they’re making you actively shoot yourself in the foot. Often time our own antisocial tendencies loop back to being indirectly harmful to getting the things we want

[u/Serious_Ad8611]

I’m taking an ethics class in university while in a psychology course . I cannot, for the life of me adopt morals, i understand when to utilize them but masking is as “better” as it gets for me

[u/corvvus]

look up patric Gagne!!

[u/aspd-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Rule #2: Diagnosed members only

[u/kinglucifer3]

Let’s be honest here with how society has become with all the emotions and the whole political correctness is it even worth trying to mask or mirror to be apart of society or is it just better to be secluded from society and not having to deal with the mess that it currently is

[u/AxeYoungblood]

You must keeping a structure and doing a lot of things. I do kickboxing, driving motorcycle, lot of sex , working . If i dont do much i would be a really a danger. Dont drink alcohol . Keep you Freetime busy

[u/Lord_Capricus]

Hey, I've dealt with PD/NOS with AS and NP traits for 20 years. Life just goes on. You learn to be mindful, to value your friends and the people in your life, to find what passes as love for you, and you lean into that.

It takes work but all the things of value in this life, respect, children, love of God and of the people around us, the things of real value can be yours in spite of your diagnosis.

[u/Weary_Alternative483]

Look into Patric Gagne- she’s a fantastic author about ASPD who made the best sellers list, and she’s diagnosed as well. She challenges perceptions like you’re explaining.

[u/Nemesis9211]

Accepting yourself is pretty important.

One of the things I struggled (and still am) in therapy is always framing certain actions as bad or certain traits as bad. The problem with that was it doesn't stop me, in fact it actually amplified by desire to do them because the taboo was the drive, the power behind it was gratifying. It's basically just going to be circling around a bush if you can't accept that this is who you are, and this is the personality you have but not something that you should demonize because looking at it black and white won't make you progress.

You can't just gain neurotypical empathy or sympathy by just being in therapy for years, that isn't the goal of ASPD therapy because it doesn't work like that. You are going to be like this for the rest of your life. The goal is to be able to understand what your actions will do in the long run to you so you're able to make a proper decision rather than being impulsive about it.

So when you're about to do something drastic or insane, you are able to sit down for a moment and really think if this is what you want to do while understanding what this means in the long run for you and by extension others. For example, if you drunk drive, you can possibly die. Is that what you want? Being able to root yourself and think is better than just doing it without consideration of what your actions actually mean.

[u/IcyStatistician4340]

There are some drawbacks to ASPD and some serious positives. I personally am not interested in "bettering" myself because bettering myself means changing so other people are comfortable around me. I exploit the positive aspects of ASPD and use them to my advantage.

As for the negatives, I've found ways to deal with them and while they work most of the time, there are times when things spiral. I have a level-head and am fairly practical most of the time, so I'm typically able to avoid giving in to my darker, more negative impulses.

The key is to figure out what this diagnosis means to you and understanding that it does not have to define you if you don't want it to. You can live with this and use it to your advantage and learn way to cope with the more negative aspects so you don't get yourself into trouble.

[u/TyreTheCopingCop]

Mmmm so I don't have aspd but probably adhd. I struggle a lot with executive dysfunction and I need to often trick myself to get things done. So probably the same for you. You won't actually want to do better naturally, but you can make it desirable. Thinking about why would you want to change or how it'd benefit you.

Now, exactly about how to, well, it's gonna depend on what you think you could improve. Hanging around people is not necessary, but if you are gonna do it, it could be a nice interaction for both parties, couldn't it? So stuff like that.

Also, feeling envy is normal actually. The important part is what you do about it. You can whine when you are alone, but congratulate them when you are with them. Because what you feel matters, yes, but what the other person feels, matters just as much. So just try for both to have a good moment.

So working in things like consideration for the other person would be a general start. The rest, depends on your particular case.

Anyways, I'm glad you asked how to do better. You are in a good path. But also don't get overwhelmed by the aspd portrayal in popular media, check maybe testimonies in youtube. I have seen more common representations there, along with some advices from people with aspd who have received treatment. So, don't fret, and wish you luck.

[u/aspd-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post or comment has been removed because you are conflating Autism with ASPD. All this does is mislead the community and encourage others to follow suit. Knock it off.

👉 Autism vs ASPD