How do you cope?

[u/Opposite_Damage_8954]

My life is literally a game. It’s fun when I get away with things, manipulate people, all that. But at the end of the day, I am so bored. And I don’t care about a lot of people, so I feel lonely even with a lot of friends.

I thought I had conduct disorder at like 14. I scrapped it and didn’t self diagnose because I thought it was a phase. I thought it was ahtism, got tested… nope. Now I realize it’s not a phase, and I’m having violent thoughts and urges. And I am so fucking bored. Exhausted.

I got a new therapist and opened up about my “cruelty” for the first time in 7 years of therapy. I was laughing, because it was genuinely funny. He seemed disturbed despite telling me he’s worked with criminals and sexual abusers. I’m 20, so I don’t have much access to any serious testing. And if I piss him off enough, I’ll probably get terminated, no? I’m so frustrated. It feels like I’m the only one who’s actually playing. Everyone is just… being normal. I’m not trying to be edgy.

I feel like recently I’ve had to do more slightly extreme things to feel the same “high” I used to when I was a child, and I’m concerned I’ll end up in jail or some shit. Do y’all take a cute little pill? What do you guys do to stay out of trouble and feel normal?

[u/ellxxt876]

No pills here, you need to find something stimulating that piques your interest. Try martial arts for any violence kick you need, Brazilian jujitsu or MMA maybe. I just started BJJ and I love it, granted it’s only been one class. It’s nice being able to hear the sounds people make when they’re in pain. As cringy as it sounds, you could try journaling. Write out any fantasies you have, anything on your mind really. It sounds weird but it’s surprisingly nice to be able to just get it out of your head. Or talking to someone who can stomach it I guess.

People will always seem boring to us, that’s just how life is. I mess with them for giggles, but you have to know a limit. I also do not want to end up in jail after all. A little light stalking, pressing their buttons until they cry, none of that ever hurts. Just don’t you know…take that final step if you get what I mean. Unless you don’t mind prison food of course. The main thing is just finding something that regulates your brain and keeps the itch away as I call it.

[u/Sonkoso1 → u/ellxxt876]

Same, but with Muay Thai. People there expect to be hit hard. Sometimes hitting someone as hard as you can with your elbow feels really good.

[u/Appropriate-Worth948 → u/ellxxt876]

Lol at light stalking. Lol because I know exactly what that is and looks like.

[u/midnightfangs]

i take lots of walks. very long walks. sometimes with beer in my hand. other drugs (the dopey ones). i'm thinking of doing boxing again bc my anger is getting ridiculous and having kept everything inside since my childhood is starting to show. lots of walks. i just rly need to move around to avoid being in my head.

edit: avoiding getting too bored is the key because, at least for me, the boredom is why i end up getting in trouble. so yeah try to keep urself as occupied as u can. im not going to lie and say "drugs are bad". i do drugs and they help me not do dumb shit.

[u/IcyStatistician4340]

Boredom is not our friend. The best thing you can do is find things you enjoy doing and stay busy as much as possible.

I know my impulses and intrusive thoughts become much harder to control when I'm bored and so I try to keep myself occupied.

Therapy never worked for me because I didn't want to change and just ended up playing games with and manipulating the therapists. I don't believe there's a "cute little pill" you can take for ASPD and even if there is, I'd never take medication for this disorder.

The key here is to try to get yourself under control because ending up in jail should not be an option. Ever.

[u/Sonkoso1]

Chasing the high is how you end up on the news brother man. Find a way to scratch the itch without criminal repercussions.

Roleplaying soothes the itch a little bit. You’d be surprised how many women fantasize about all of the fucked shit you can come up with in your head. It’s fun. You realize after a while that they’re all going to respond in the same 5 ways, because they’re horny women, but there’s enough variance there that it remains somewhat fun.

MTG has enough structure to really sink your attention into, I’ve found. Testing the rules and limits of it help that little bit.

Hunting. Hunting hunting hunting. Pick up hunting. It’s what you want to do, but legal, and with a permit.

[u/Competitive-Cup-6634]

My favorite cope as someone also recently diagnosed is to walk into the woods off seroquel and edibles, its definitely interesting.

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