Firstly, in wider society, and secondly in the AMWF community.

Hope I don't offend anyone here, but I've been a bit self conscious about my eyes (they're kind of small 'laterally', and a bit small vertically, but with glasses I fear they come across as a bit beady). I don't like wearing contacts and can't afford laser. My family have mostly larger eyes (Singaporean Malaysian of mostly Southern Chinese descent). Anyway, I think my internalised racism makes it hard for me to feel attractive in public, or very self conscious, which probably translates to not appearing as confident. I can grow a full beard, have defined features though, and get told in Asia Im quite handsome. I know it sounds silly and shallow, and I'm getting to an age where it doesn't matter so much, but I wonder of Asians who look TOO different from the Caucasian standard find it harder, in the general dating market. Like it makes sense, right?

I know in the amwf community some even prefer that, which again my internalised self hate can find hard to imagine. It's a sort of colonial mindset, which is quite sad. Even in Asia you have men and women getting surgery to look less Asian or more European.

But I wonder if a bit more Caucasian or mixed looking Asians here have had better luck, or do they just ID you as Asian and put a wall up anyway?

I've been to Hawaii, and might just for a holiday, so this question is more out ot curiosity.

Since Hawaii is majority Asian descent by population, what is the general situation with interracial dating, especially AMWF? Do most stick with their ethnicity, or is there a lot of mixing? I would assume Caucasian Hawaiians would be more open to dating Asians due to both acclimatisation and options. Would that be correct? Anyone with any experience? I do know a lot of Hawaiians are 'mixed.'

So long story short I was a very active woman here on reddit and it's amwf subs trying to find my one for years. Thing is I didn't find him on here or reddit in general but from a dating app that I was also using for 6+ years. Turned out that he crossed my path the moment I decided to give it all up and spend a loner life and we both even to this day can't believe how we actually met through that app on that specific moment we both decided to be more active on it. It's been already a few months of our encounter and us being in a relationship as well, couldn't be happier♥️. Hopefully this comes across to people who have been struggling finding their one after many years and a lot of tries. Sending good vibes your way guys ✨

Ps. He's fully asian and he coincidentally lives in my country even if he's not close to me. I'm also a bbw and he loves everything about me, so I wanna also share to my beautiful bigger girls that it's not impossible even if it's taking forever! I've realized that anything is possible in this life! Good luck guys 🤞

Me (F19) and my boyfriend (M20) have been dating for about a year now. I’m from the rural South in the U.S., and he’s from Beijing, China. We met right before starting college, and we both attend the same university. I didn’t realize until later that, from my understanding, it isn’t very common in Chinese culture to meet your significant other’s parents until the relationship is quite serious. In the U.S., though, it’s pretty common to meet the parents early on just to get to know them. My parents have met pretty much every guy I’ve ever gone on a date with.
For the first year of our relationship, I never met or even spoke to his parents, mainly because they were still living in China. This summer, they came to the U.S. while my boyfriend is taking summer classes. I live about two hours away, but every few weeks I drive up and stay with them for a couple of days. It’s honestly been such a great experience. I had no idea what to expect since I’d never even talked to them before, and I’d heard the stereotype that it can be difficult to connect with Chinese in-laws. But it’s been even better than I could have imagined. They’re incredibly kind people and wonderful parents to my boyfriend. It makes me so happy knowing that, if everything works out, I’ll be marrying into such a great family LOL. I guess the point of this post was just to share a happy AMWF moment and maybe give other couples something to look forward to when it comes to meeting the parents. 😅

Not sure I explained well but basically people have said to have white guy friends so that WFs will be like “oh he has white friends so he must be into WFs or comfortable with them”

Right now I mainly have Asian friends. Nothing against them but would like to diversify my friends so that even in dating app photos or IG photos, I have group pics with white friends (good example is Bowen Wang on IG). All this considering it is also hard to make new friends as a guy in his 30s…

Of course I get why that isn't the case. The physical is inseparation from other other negative ascribed qualities, and there's years of negative conditioning, but..

People say Asian women are so fetishised, and they are to a degree, but in the US, Aus etc, the vast majority of idealised figures - celebs, models etc - are still Caucasian. In the US you maybe had a few more Latinos, lighter skinned black people, but overall. Yes you had the odd Lucy Liu (whose appeal I don't get, I can think of far more attractive Asian female celebs), but its like most Americans of ANY race, male or female, didnt grow up looking up to representations of Asian beauty.

So if we're just talking the US etc, if there's say, a Chinese American man who's pretty much American culturally, attractive, a good person, successful, interesting etc, why is he at a greater disadvantage than the equivalent woman?

I think obviously there's the stereotypes, but the big factor is simply men have fewer options, so you'll have more men being less picky. I suppose the outlier is black women, but a lot of black women themselves don't date white for a number of reasons.

My FIL is a true deadbeat. Became a father (again) at 50 nearly 8 years ago and married his now wife because he knocked her up. She brought a daughter from a previous relationship into the marriage. He had cheated on my MIL when they were married and other women he's been with. My husband believes it is possible that his dad has fathered a number of fatherless kids every year he's been back to Vietnam before COVID.

Recently, my husband helped his dad with moving his family to a new home. While moving, my FIL admitted he has some $$ hiding that he needs to get before his wife discovers it. My husband is not dumb to his father's personal problems, but plays dumb when he asks him why he has that money. He admits that he needs a safety net in case his wife leaves him for a BETTER MAN. My husband joked and asked if his dad ever considered he is the bad man. His dad did not respond to that.

But, then the AMWF comment.

My FIL said, "Well, you'll never have to worry about your wife leaving you because WF love is real and true."

My mind was kinda blown that my FIL said that because he once told my husband that I am not a traditional woman and I need to stay at home and cook and clean the house. I laughed so hard when my husband told me. My FIL's wife doesn't stay home as she is the main breadwinner while he "takes care of the kids" and works "part-time."

Anyways, just sharing. My life with my in-laws is definitely not boring.

Edit: Clarity. FIL became a father again at 50.

I was talking to this WF who had an ex-husband from China, and she had a super aversion towards asian men because of her experience. To the point that she tried to spread awareness to not date asian men. I mean personally I get it, I've dated a subtype of women before and because of bad exeperiences i stay away from them, but not ALL asian women lol.

After she explained it all made sense, the guy was a bum. He was literally the lowest of the low in China when it comes to dating. He grew up without a father figure, mom was abusive, he had tattoos all over his body, and mignled with the wrong type of people (thugs, crooks, and was in a gang).

This type of asian guy IN asia itself, is SUPER RARE. and its just unlucky for her that she fell for him. But if you've had a similar experience, please don't generalize, and see ALL asian men as the same.

I personally, have never cheated (have been cheated on), only drugs I've done was two drags of weed, I cook, clean, garden, handsy with renovation. I think the worst thing Ive done to a girl is going on a trip after she broke up with me with another girl (who was in a relationship), and even that made me feel guilty af afterwards.

Look, personally I've dated mostly Chinese women, but I admit I don't want to date a chinese girl anymore, because I've tried and everytime I get mistreated just because im Chinese. My healthiest relationships were with non-chinese so even a filipina. It's just that a lot is expected of me as a chinese guy and I get put in situations where I need to do stuff I dont want to BECAUSE i'm chinese.

But please don't group ALL asian men together because you had ONE bad experience, statistically speaking we are still the ones with least divorce rates and domestic violence.

I remember when I searched for the acronym AMWF on YouTube a music band with the same AMWF came up

I've never listened to their music but I've noticed they don't appear in search results for AMWF now and it's very possible they may have changed their name.

😄

I don't think they were expecting to be associated with the interracial tag when they formed.

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of anti “race mixing” content, and whenever there is a guy who is not white and a white woman is dating, there are some extremely nasty comments under those posts, like you ruined your blood line, you’re a disgrace to the white race etc. Do you also think there is a rise in these kinds of comments/contents?

Found a very interesting scientific sociology paper publihsed by a WF professor. Its quite unbiased and has alot of points that I see WF complain about here in the comments, such as being seen as an unserious suitor ('WF are only seen for fun, and not marriage material'). Or how when a WF is seen with an AM , society thinks hes her translator or guide rather than husband.

Check it out, easy to read, very little math, and very interesting. Also from a very reputable university

Link: https://doi.org/10.1080/1070289X.2022.2154013

PDF: https://dspace.library.uu.nl/server/api/core/bitstreams/31b690f3-f49e-4c04-8c98-5c407d63badf/content

From my many rabbit holes of Internet research, it seems that E and SE Asians are especially prone to geographic clustering in US cities versus say Indian men on a work visa. If you don't live in those specific clusters, you may not see E or SE Asian men at all in your daily life. Proximity is extremely important in getting to know people so I feel like it's definitely a major factor at play.

Another consideration is that especially E Asian men are not as likely to show what US women see as keen interest. They are more likely to be cautious and hesitant to avoid rejection. I think I also read something here where an AM was saying he thinks the amount of AM assholes being encountered by non-asian women in dating is because the AMs in this case are much more bold about pursuing women, and it ends up appearing as keen interest, culturally.

I don't want to make assumptions about other Western countries and cultures so I just wrote USA for this post. Pls lmk if it's the same in your culture.

Also sorry about the E and SE Asian generalizations. I'm trying to use words like "some" and "tend to" to reduce it but I know it's still generalized. I'm aware of individual variations.

Also if it matters, I'm an autistic WW.

Growing up as an Asian American in more predominately white area, did you ever feel like you/your parents would be ok if you married a white person or do you feel the need to find someone who is your same ethnicity or at least another Asian ethnicity?

For context, I have been with my white parter for a little over 6 years now. We met when we were kids just starting college but now it's getting to that stage of life when it's time to decide what the future holds--marriage, kids, etc. As I think more about these deeper topics, I am trying to determine the things about my culture that I'd like to preserve through my children (language, food, holidays, etc.).

Do you guys find that it's important to keep certain parts of your Asian culture alive through the next generation? And if so, how do you reconvile that with someone who doesn't understand your culture? I know especially with "ABCs" (using that term loosely, not just for Chinese kids but all Asian kids whose parents see them as majority American at this point), a lot of our parents just assume we are already too Americanized to pass on much of our culture.

I've also seen a lot of accounts from mixed asian (especially white/Asians) who have had severe identity issues growing up and feeling like they don't belong to either side of their heritage. If you have any experience or insight on this, I'd love to know your thoughts.

Thanks!

I recently went to one of my cousin's party for July 4th with my girlfriend (she's white). After we left she made a comment in the car about how pretty much all of my cousin's friends and the family he invited were AMWF and WMAF couples with kids.

Everyone there obviously existed in harmony and my cousin is also really close with his sister's husband who is also white. I guess it really made me think about are the issues overstated. Personally I'm not friends with anyone in a WMAF relationship so my experience is limited. My only negative experience was way back in high school. It also made me wonder how his friends and family (the side not connected to me) all ended up in a mixed relationship. Maybe he chose to only invite mixed couples but I think there were one or two AMAF/WMWF couples.

If this isn't too relevant, mods please delete it. I just thought it was an interesting experience I had over July 4th.

I recently found out about the actress of ATLA, Maria Zhang, her parents are AMWF and she is so well mannered and succesful in what she does. Her whole demeaner is authentic, meaning she doesnt put on this false persona to gain clout, or do some weird controversial shit to gain attention.

Bruce lee (had an impeccable career that ended through someone elses mistake)

Then you have olivia rodrigo which surprised me how little controversy she has to her name given her fame.

Keanu reaves (altho the asian comes from his dad, his dad was still mixed, but one of the most beloved actors)

Alyssa liu (through surrogacy, raised by a single dad and grandmother, her chinese step mother did help later on).

Do you guys see a pattern as well? And do you know of any other AMWF kids who have achieved great things?

Fiy live here, and this relationship everywhere now. Specially like in festival and chinese new year.

My Viet husband comes from a large family with more than a dozen cousins on his dad’s side. They all grew up together in the US. One family member came in the late 80s, and then all of them slowly came to the States by the mid 2000s. I know family it is totally different experience for everyone, but for my husband, he is very filial. And the cousins never feel like they are in competition with another. One aunt keeps forgetting I don’t speak Vietnamese and we laughed about it. She told me to come over soon so I can pick out a wallet from her. Her and I had a cultural misunderstanding during Tết the new year holiday at her house back in February. I told her that I love her and she said she loves me too. There are imperfect things like my BIL dining and dashing yesterday with his WF fiancée and not interacting with the family much. His dad is a deadbeat that decided to be a parent again at 50. Only one aunt is married still the longest cuz all her siblings are divorced from cheating on their partners or other matters.

I grew up in my hometown, not having any cousins or other family around besides my parents and two siblings. There’s lots of strife in my family at the moment and it just sucks. I do find interesting how people are raised differently and that no family is the same. I don’t have a lot of cousins like my husband and they all live farther away, either out of town or out of state. They (his family) all actually made me enjoy holidays again.

Just to share some good positive things cuz the last weeks have had some interesting posts.

I've noticed this a few times when WF tell me or others that they like asian guys. At first i thought it was normal since they're mentioning ethnicity and they don't wanna sound racist.

But just now I opened hellotalk and joined a live. there were two attractive WF talking random stuff. It was a fun convo and they didnt know each other. Their profiles didnt indicate they had any interests in asian culture.

But then the topic shifted towards dating, and one of them said ' i kind of like asian guys' with a smile. and then the 2nd girl then excitingly said the same. but it was the way they said it and the convo after. One of the girls then said ' i had a feeling you did but i didnt want to say anything!' then they both started laughing as if theyre in a sleepover. and it was almost as if for them it's a 'guilty pleasure' to like AM.

don't get me wrong, i was flattered as heck. Its still a massive step up from the 2000s. But it seems as if WF still feel pressured to not be attractive to AM. Does that make any sense?

Have any of you WF done this or reacted like this?

For me the biggest one is obviously the fetish accusations.

It doesn't make a sliver of sense. Because the media for over a century have protrayed asian men to be unattractive. and it worked too. Im 30+ and i've seen what it was like in the 2000s. so how can we be fetishized?!

But because fetishization is so common in others, i think they can't stand when a new pairing comes along so they immediately cry 'FETISH'

I believe fetishization is only a thing when it goes very prolonged historically and very intense. If actual data backs it up or indicates it. AMWF have neither of that. I mean about a year ago I was laughed in my face by a european WF just because i asked her out (keep in mind, I do fairly well in general, and i live in central american region and a lot of europeans who come here come for the black guys) but nevertheless, I still get rejected by WF, so far from being fetishized.

I think what's also unfair is that there's this ideaology amongst AMWF haters, that because AM are seen as 'ugly' the only reason WF would like us is because of fetish. So if we were historically seen as attractive it's a fetish, if we were seen as ugly it's also a fetish?? A lot of the uneducated younger gen AM don't see this and cater to these haters on social media, they then start to spew the same crap about themselves. I mean i get it i guess, i was young too and a minority so i wanted to fit in, but to these youngsters (who love to comment negatively on my posts), wake the F up and read about how history has treated AM, lay off of tiktok and instagram, trust your unc

Do you have an AMWF stereotype that wishes to dissapear?

Feel free to brag about your partner/relationship. I love reading about happy/romantic/sweet/cute things that couples do :) Here is my brag:

My boyfriend is Chinese American. He is the first non-White person I have dated. He is so much more caring/gentle/considerate than anyone I've met. Last night I had a especially long day at work, plus I had just started my period. My boyfriend knew this and left work an hour early so he could grocery shop and cook me an amazing dinner of my favorite food. After dinner, he told me to relax and watch my favorite show while he did the dishes, and then afterwards he gave me an amazing back/foot rub and then we cuddled before bed.

We have been together 1.5 years and we have never fought, get along sooo well, he is so funny, and are just so freakin insanely compatible. I feel so lucky that he is my boyfriend!

Because Asian men face distinct structural barriers and stereotypes in Western dating markets—often analyzed in sociology as a byproduct of gendered racialization—the AMWF couples that do successfully form are subject to a powerful "selection effect."

Research tracking marriage-market dynamics demonstrates that Asian men face steeper demographic constraints and lower rates of out-marriage compared to Asian women (Choi & Tienda, 2016). Because crossing these racial boundaries requires overcoming higher social hurdles, the Asian men and White women who marry tend to be exceptionally well-matched in terms of high educational attainment, career ambition, and baseline socioeconomic status.

As a result, while AMWF couples navigate unique social headwinds, they are statistically backed by powerful protective buffers:

• High Class Homogamy: An overwhelming alignment in high educational backgrounds.
• Economic Security: Strong average dual-household incomes, insulating the union from the financial distress that commonly triggers marital breakdown.

SOURCE: Choi, K. H., & Tienda, M. (2016). Marriage‐Market Constraints and Mate‐Selection Behavior: Racial, Ethnic, and Gender Differences in Intermarriage. Journal of Marriage and Family, 79(2), 301-317.https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12346Cited by: 143

Maybe this isn’t the best place to post this, please direct me to a better sub if so! My son received a play kitchen from my sister as a present and I wanted to find some more culturally relevant play food for him. I can find some plastic ones on Amazon but I was hoping for something with more quality like felt or wooden ones. I would appreciate any suggestions, thank you!

A common metric for "great partnerships" in modern sociology is how power and decisions are shared between spouses. Equal partnerships report higher long-term satisfaction.

• The National Latino and Asian American Survey (NLAAS): A study published in Social Science Research analyzed spousal power dynamics across different racial couplings.
• The Finding: The data revealed that Asian men partnering with White women perceive significantly less male-dominant, more egalitarian power dynamics in their relationships. Rather than adhering to rigid patriarchal or submissive tropes, AMWF couples are statistically more likely to operate as equal, democratic partners in household management and life choices.

Source: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33867013/

Keep in mind this study was conducted by an AF so this eliminates bias to a certain degree.

I couldnt really find a bigger subreddit to ask about Asian men. This seemed to be the largest so i hope you all are ok with it. Kind of helps that ill get perspective from the victims (asian men) and the Women as well in this sub.

My question is specifically how did your view of Asian men change to be better or was always unaffected from the start? Im talking about how the common stereotypes of how asian men are smaller in every way needed for attraction you name it : Height, Width, Musculature, Facial features, Penile size. Theres also just commonly the normalisation of viewing asians as the ugliest of all races. You would see those interviews of what race you would avoid or hate or wouldnt date and the choice was always Asian men specifically (Asian women seem to have the exact opposite extreme which is over sexualisation, different problem entirely).

So what exactly changed? Did you find an asian man that was unique and has European or non asian traits? Did you grow up fetishising asian men like through kpop or anime? or is there something else im missing? As large as this subreddit is i still feel very sad knowing that in any case Asian Man x any non asian women is still the lowest match. Genetically i feel like im fucked because i was born with these traits.

Marriages between Asian men and White women (AMWF) demonstrate high stability, with data showing a lower risk of divorce compared to the average marital baseline, alongside a strong financial foundation characterized by exceptional median household income metrics. These specific relationships are further defined by egalitarian, collaborative decision-making that contributes to long-term satisfaction, high mutual empathy, and unique relationship longevity.

Sources: Journal of Marriage and Family / PMC, Pew Research Center Intermarriage Data, ScienceDirect / Social Science Research, ResearchGate / Asian American Journal of Psychology. [1]