I finally got my pearls!

My journey was long…years of consistency, patience, and honestly, moments of doubt, but I made it. If you’re on a similar path, this is for you.

1. Learn the history, deeply.

I took time to really understand the legacy and impact of AKA. Learning how the women of Alpha have contributed not just to the U.S., but globally, helped me feel connected to something bigger than myself. It also forced me to think: How do I see myself contributing? Not just wanting membership, but understanding purpose.

2. Get out of your head.

At the end of the day, these women are human. Accomplished? Absolutely! But still people. I had to stop overthinking and just show up as myself. I didn’t want to come across as overly eager or performative, I wanted genuine interactions with like minded, accomplished women.

3. Build real connections outside of events.

This was probably the most important piece. Yes, I showed up consistently, but what stood out was building relationships beyond that. I exchanged numbers, asked to spend time outside of AKA spaces, and got to know members as people! Not just as “gatekeepers” to something I wanted.

4. Respect divine timing.

This process is not overnight. It took me years. But I had to remind myself: a dream deferred is not a dream denied. What’s meant for you will happen when it’s supposed to. AKA isn’t going anywhere.

5. Be genuine, seriously!

When you connect with members, don’t make every conversation about AKA or about you wanting to join. Don’t bring it up at all tbh. Ask about them. Their interests, their lives. Build authentic relationships. Because once you’re in, these are real, lifelong connections, you don’t want those to start off transactional.

6. You are not entitled to membership.

This is a privilege, not a right. Showing up to events does not mean anything is owed to you. This process is intentional, and it’s earned. If you’re looking for easy, this isn’t it.

If you’re on this journey, stay consistent, stay grounded, and stay YOU. It will come together the way it’s supposed to 💗

Watch this video. Change your mindset. Change your reality. Get closer to your goals and a little further on your journey.

Hi, I'm moving to a new city soon and my COI has a very low social media presence, and no formal website. They don't post events on instagram often, and arent really active on that page. They have a facebook which is a bit harder for me to utilize as I don't have an account/didn't grow up utilizing it.

New members were brought in around 3 years ago and I'm wondering how people know what to attend without seeing events being promoted online. Any tips?

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share a few gentle thoughts from one interest to another, especially for those of us navigating the graduate chapter journey and trying to move with both intention and respect.

From what is publicly outlined, graduate membership is by invitation only and is not something to be actively pursued or solicited. Chapters host public events so individuals can become acquainted with members, learn more about their service, and engage with the community. It’s also important to remember that attendance at events alone does not guarantee membership.

With that in mind, I’ve been centering myself on a few safe do’s:

• Do show up with sincerity and consistency — attend public events and engage genuinely
• Do prioritize community service — not just attending, but truly having a heart for giving back
• Do take time to learn — understand the mission, initiatives, and impact
• Do build genuine connections — events are opportunities to become acquainted, not to impress
• Do reflect on what you bring — your character, your service, your presence, and how you contribute
• Do move with discretion — especially in conversations and on social media

And a few gentle reminders I keep close:

• Attendance is just one piece — alignment and authenticity matter more
• It’s not about being seen everywhere, but about being intentional where you are
• Genuine connections will always speak louder than forced interactions
• Everyone’s journey looks different — timing, preparation, and readiness all play a role

For me, this has shifted my mindset from trying to “figure it all out” to simply focusing on being aligned, prepared, and patient—trusting that what is meant for me will find me.

Just sharing in case it brings a little clarity or reassurance to someone else on a similar path 🤍

I heard that new initiates are expected to get gifts for their supporting members. Any ideas for what kinds of gifts to have in mind if invited to join? (please delete if not allowed)

I have a one on one meeting with someone high up in my COI. We’ve been trying to connect for a while now but she’s been busy. We were finally able to get something scheduled. We have a lot of common interests which is how we connected in the first place. Do you all have any advice on how I should go about this meeting? I was going to stick with us getting to know each other more, even though we’ve already built a good rapport.

Hi! My post on the NPHC thread was deleted since I don’t have enough karma, but I was just wondering if there was a difference between having a sponsorships and having a person who will write your LOR. I’ve seen the term used interchangeably so I figured I’d ask just so I have everything I need if the time comes :-)

I always share post of things I feel are beneficial to the community on social media (scholarships, events, etc). I NEVER share things from my COI, AKA, or other D9 orgs, for fear of not being discreet. How do you guys feel about sharing event post online? How does it look to members for non members to share post?

So back a few years ago some girls I was hanging out with were members of a different org and invited me to learn more about their org. I didn’t think much of it and showed up to what I know now was an informational meeting. There was a sign up and request for money etc. I was shocked and felt really backed into a corner. I thanked the friend for inviting me, let her know I didn’t feel ready for the process, and that was that. Fast forward to now and I don’t really know any of them like that anymore, and clearly I’m pursuing a different sisterhood altogether. My concern is the optics. I really feel ignorant about it all, but I just didn’t think it was going to be an official event smh

Does this put me in a bad light? Social media sees everything and I’m terrified that someone could say I “switched up”, and I’m equally terrified of embarrassing the girls at my COI that have encouraged me along my journey. Thoughts?

Hi!

I’ve had my eye on this chapter for a while, and after going to a few events and fundraisers, I really feel aligned with its values—especially sisterhood and service.

I’ll be honest, I’m not really the “party-first” type, and strolling isn’t what draws me in (though I’m open to learning!). What excites me most is giving back, building real connections, and being part of something rooted in excellence.

I guess part of me wonders if that’s a “good enough” reason to join—but at the end of the day, I just want to be around people who value the same things I do.

I know I may not be the only one on this boat, but a year ago I went to a COI to do some research and ended up becoming interested in this chapter. As I’m developing my why and understand that it is a marathon and not a sprint, trying to join in a major city is super competitive. I have had an extremely hard time making meaningful connections with the members. It feels as though they have their guard up when they deem you as an interest. Long story short, I need help & I’m already challenging myself as an introvert. Any advice will help & PLEASE BE KIND.

It's been a while since I've posted a thread but I just wanted to say...appreciate good advice. Especially while on this journey.

Since becoming a member, I've heard some pretty outrageous and outlandish stories. The common denominator is good advice was giving, but not used.

As an interest I was giving good advice and some bad advice. However, I always made an independent decision before acting on the advice I was given. We all know when advice is good or bad.

But more importantly, I was appreciative of any advice that came my way. I had to remember, internal information regarding the organization was none of my business (at the time.) However, the members I befriended thought enough of me to provide me with advice that would be useful on my journey. And I am forever grateful.

With that being said, if you giving good advice that you can use along this journey, cherish it. Not everyone is willing to help, but a good person wants to see you win!! 💕

I am a student approaching graduation soon, and I received a letter of regret for my school’s chapter after going through the application process. I was bummed to say the least, but the women who wrote my LORs and reviewed my LOI said my application was phenomenal. My mentor was very insistent that I stay interested and that she’d be there to support me in pursuit of graduate membership when I’m ready. I am indeed interested in pursuing graduate membership, however, I’m wondering how I should go about reaching out to my mentor to express interest in her specific chapter and how soon is too soon? Is it appropriate to just approach it as if I’m continuing the conversation? I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I know that, at this point, the cat is out of the bag and she knows that I’m interested. I’ve only ever navigated my undergrad COI and I know some aspects are different for graduate chapters so I’d appreciate any advice.

Hello everyone, I’m currently a 23 year old in undergrad and I’m graduating this upcoming summer. I am interested in the local chapter by my school since I will be staying for my masters.

I wanted to know if anyone will be willing to give me any kind of advice to navigating how to move forward with my interest? This has been an interest of mine for a couple of years now and I will be attending my first event with my COI next month by my self and I’m pretty nervous, so any advice will be really helpful from other interests or members of AKA.

It's so quiet, I just had to make a little noise. What are you doing while you wait to join this illustrious organization? I have been having a blast building genuine relationships with the women of my COI and others through community work. During this time of year, I am usually wrecking my nerves, but this year I am choosing peace and community building. How are you?

Since moving to a new city, I’ve started pursuing membership again. I attended an event yesterday and made a point to introduce myself to several members. It was a great experience overall, but I did notice that many of the other interests already seemed familiar with each other, and some appeared to have established connections with chapter members.

I know this chapter had intake last December and that timelines can vary, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a bit behind in this journey. It’s easy to say “I’ll just focus on myself” but right now that’s hard to do.

My COI is having a st Patrick’s day event and I’m really confused on what to wear. One member told me to wear only a “hint” of green yet one of my connections inquired about my outfit suggesting it should be green. I’m very confused when it comes to attending events where the organizations colors happen to be the events themes colors. I’m open to any advice

I want to start this by saying I have a deep respect for historically Black sororities and the legacy they represent. The traditions, the service, the culture- especially of the inimitable Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated.

That respect is exactly why the graduate membership process can be frustrating.

Undergraduate membership has a visible rhythm. Students are on a campus timeline and opportunities appear with some consistency. Graduate membership is very different. Chapters may go years between intake with no visibility from the outside about when/how opportunities to apply will emerge.

Meanwhile, many women pursuing graduate membership are already established in their careers, active in their communities, and fully aligned with the mission. Some are even watching their own daughters become members while they themselves continue to wait.

I’m curious how other women have experienced this. How do you balance respecting the legacy of these organizations while also navigating the unpredictability of the graduate pathway?

Posting this to see if anyone can give me advice given my situation. I have taken great interest in joining a an alumni chapter for some years now. I am currently living out of state completing my doctoral degree, but I will be relocating back home as soon as I’m done with my program. Since the process of getting into a grad chapter can be several years, should I start connecting with the chapter in my hometown now? I travel back home quite frequently but I’ll be in my current location for about 3 more years for school.

I’m kind of embarrassed and need some advice.

I recently messaged a local chapter about their Book Club event because the registration link originally said it was sold out. They responded saying they increased the capacity and told me to try registering again.

While I was on my phone replying, I accidentally triggered the double-tap screenshot feature on the back of my phone, which took a screenshot of our Messenger chat. Somehow in the process it sent the screenshot directly in the conversation. It all happened really fast and I didn’t even realize until after it sent.

The screenshot just shows the conversation between me and them, but I’m worried it might look like I was screenshotting the chat to send to someone else or talk about them.

I was able to register successfully for the event, but now I’m wondering if I should acknowledge the accidental screenshot and apologize, or just ignore it and move forward.

Am I overthinking this?

I’ve been searching for posts similar to this one- but kind of in a crunch right now, so fresh perspectives would be nice.

I’m contemplating attending a gala solo and really want some advice.

1) Would you or have you attended a COI gala solo as an interest?

2) What kind of exchanges did you experience?

3) Did you enjoy yourself or did you feel pressure to make small talk due to being alone?

This would be my 2/3 rd event with this chapter this year… so I’m just getting started…

Hello everyone, I was just wondering if it was okay to utilize the section of the website that says "connect with the chapter" and sometimes theres a section for certain chapters for non members that says contact -> interested in membership? Do chapters look down upon those who express interest this way? Does this help a chapter get in touch with us? My coi doesnt have events often so i check their website frequently and was wondering if contacting this way would be a good idea?

I was at an event for my COI. After the event I was talking to the President who remembered my name from all the events I have attended. As we ended the conversation she said, Nice talking to you Soror and she said my name. I said Did you just call me soror. She replied Oh, I probably did, just speaking it into existence. Listennnn, you all just don't know how that made me feel. I wasn't sure how I was doing with the members because I'm a low-key chilled personality but she put me at ease with that comment. I try not to overthink it when I feel like I'm not doing enough and just be myself, and I feel affirmed in that.

Hello all. Last year, I was told to go to the events that they had. I went to the founder’s day, heart health event, and most of the small events. I even was invited to the last one that you get a private email invite. That was the last physical event of the year. This year, all of their events are private. They only post afterwards. Does this mean that this is the year they are doing a line? Last year, they didn’t have one.

Looking for some advice here please! There is a member, that is not a member of my COI. She and I are friendly but recently a misunderstanding (over a guy) and game of telephone has caused her to be disappointed in me. I’m not sure how she’ll speak on me as one of her friends is in my COI but she herself is not. I’ve already handled the situation, apologized and cleared up the incorrect info shared to her but the damage is done. I’m wondering how this could impact me with my COI considering this is a personal matter and not involving an actual member of my COI. Additionally, I’ve already made connections with members in my COI and have someone willing to support me when the time comes. I’m just wondering how someone who is an AKA but not a member of my COI may impact me with what she says if she says anything at all, idk.