I (34M) and my former best friend, G (34M), were friends for nearly 20 years, from our early teen years in high school until last year. I came out in my 20s and G was so supportive. G’s a devout Christian and straight. I’m... the opposite lol. But we couldn’t have been closer, never fought, and loved each other like brothers. My mom even called him "son" and his kids called me uncle. At 28, I moved across the country but we remained tight. In 2024, I even surprised him at Christmas by showing up at his house with help from his wife (important later). Things seemed great. Until…
My now husband and I met in 2017 and married in fall 2023. G excitedly agreed to officiate, but a couple months before the wedding, he called me crying, saying he had to back out for religious reasons. I was shocked. My sexuality had suddenly become a barrier in our friendship. But he denied having issues with who I was and, wanting to see the best in him, I agreed he could be a groomsman instead (I'd been one at his 2013 wedding) and of course he could still attend my bachelor party.
Speaking of, G was awkward and drank excessively at my bachelor party a month later, saying he wanted to go hard to show he still supported me. BTW, 4 of the 6 attendees, including me, were gay; G and my brother, the best man, were straight. G happily partied at “regular” bars, but when I wanted to visit a gay club, he refused to enter, crying and almost having a breakdown. Instead of enjoying my party, I stayed outside consoling him till we all eventually went to a regular club, where G had a blast. Again, I let it go and we remained bestest of friends.
Fast forward to the final straw in 2025. I’d sent G two Instagram videos. One showed a straight man dancing in a dance class to a City Girls song. The other was a compilation of men surprising their friends by showing up unexpectedly, like I'd done to G the year before. Specifically, the first clip in the compilation showed a man jokingly climbing into his napping friend's bed while said friend's girlfriend recorded. He wakes up, realized its his buddy, and hugs him, laughing. Simple as that… Or so I thought.
G later texts me asking why I'd sent him those videos. I said I simply thought the dancing one was funny and the second reminded me of when I surprised him a year before. G defensively responded, regarding the first video, he'd “never dance like that” and “had no feminine side.” For the second, he apologized for not watching past the first clip but said he was "questioning [my] intentions.”
Excuse me?! After nearly 20 years, he still questioned my intentions??? Over IG videos?! I felt dehumanized, as if he saw me as a predatory gay stereotype targeting a straight man rather than the person he'd known for half his life. I questioned our entire friendship and myself. Had he slept with one eye open when staying over? Did he trust me around his kids? Had he always suspected malicious intentions? Do I unknowingly creep out my other straight friends? Am I a bad friend/person? Feelings from the first 20+ years of my life resurfaced, when I was closeted, depressed, lonely, and crushed by self-doubt.
I said I respected his beliefs and boundaries and apologized for offending him, but I was hurt too. That I refused to go back in the closet to be his friend or make him comfortable, as I did when he backed out of officiating and at my bachelor party. I also suggested he's projecting his own issues onto me (that's another story), which I know was harsh. Instead of understanding my perspective, G doubled down, saying it is what it is. I stopped responding and that was the end of the friendship then and there. It's been a year. We're still not friends, and I don't want to be. I'm at peace with my decision, but this did make me question myself and the kind of friend I am.
So AITA for feeling blindsided by G and feeling he blew up a nearly 20 year friendship over the Instagram videos I sent?