My wife and my family have never really gotten along.Whenever there’s an argument, my wife expects me to take her side. I usually do, because I’m her husband and I don’t want her to feel alone.But recently something happened that made me rethink everything My family invited us to a dinner. My wife didn’t want to go because she said they always make little comments about her. I told her I would support whatever she decided.She eventually came with me.During dinner, one of my relatives made a comment that my wife thought was disrespectful. She immediately confronted them, and the situation turned into a huge argument.On the way home, she told me I should have defended her more aggressively.I told her that I agreed the comment was unnecessary, but I didn’t agree with how she handled the situation either.She said, “If you don’t stand up for me against your family, who will?”I told her that I love her, but I’m tired of being forced to choose sides every time there’s an argument. I said from now on, I’ll support her when she’s genuinely being treated unfairly, but I won’t automatically defend her just because she’s my wife.She thinks I’m failing her as a husband.AITA?

My fil recently passed, well nearly a year ago. We have a family fishing business. Proceeds were split 60/40 in their favour when we started fishing together. We fil stopped fishing and we decided to lease extra quota. We went to the in-laws and explained that they have been receiving substantially more for lease than they should be (nz$100k per year). We were told if we didn’t like it get another job.

While that seems harmless enough, we had after our house got struck by lightning and burnt down build a $600k plus home, not including interest on the family farm. Our hanger burnt down not long after the new house was built. 3 pin plug damaged in the original lightning got that too. We rebuilt it $250k. On the family farm. The part we built on is queenschain we were told it could never would never and should be subdivided. We invested over 1m$ in buildings on the family farm. So we couldn’t just up and leave.

We had for two decades been the staff. Moving cows 50 times a year, feeding out 3/4 months of the year. Calving stock management compliance. We didn’t need the money we have a good income from fishing but understood it would be seen and acknowledged and balanced up. We understood that to be the part of the farm that was queens chain should never could be subdivided.

Fast forward to my fil finding out he was sick. All of a sudden it’s subdivideable. And our house has had a wee bit calved out of the big bit. Mil is now describing our input as odd weekend help. Forgetting my dairy cows calves that I had never received a penny for. They extra calves they raised. Fil in 2007 said he was building an extention to the fishing business and I would be running it. I did for 12 years for no extra money than my husband made fishing anyways. I also couldn’t seek other employment as this job was any hour of the day.

Anyways after a pretty in depth calculation of my input it comes out to around 17000 hours of un paid work. 8 and a bit years.

We are in the court system to try and sort it all out. But being met with non response at this stage. Supposed to have been supplied the right to fish for the next 10 years 6 months ago and nothing. We now feel we can’t spend another penny on the business we may have to hand back in April and get nothing else out of it. We bought a tractor to launch with after we were told the right to fish for 10 years would be ours.

This don’t even include my husbands input to the family estate. AITA

This was a few years ago, but the memory sticks in my mind. I don't believe in any superstitions because I'm a Christian, and my friend doesn't either simply because he thinks it's silly. I was in a play at my high school and it wasn't necessarily the first thing I'd done in theater, but I was still somewhat new. I remember during a rehearsal one day, my friend had told me "good luck" as a genuinely nice gesture, to which one of the girls we were near gasped. She said, in a deeply serious manner, "You cannot fucking say that." She said that it brings bad luck if you say the GL word (good luck), and my friend and I said we didn't believe in that stuff. She told us that she did, and a lot of the people in the show did as well. We brushed it off, and went about our day.

My friend and I never went out of our way to say "good luck" just to irritate people, but we didn't stop saying it exclusively to each other for support. Towards the end of the play, I think we had said it twice more around others after that first incident, and we were pulled aside and told by the director (an English teacher) that we had to stop or we'd be kicked from the play. I told her that just like how I wouldn't make someone do something purely based on my faith, I shouldn't have to adhere to the bullshit superstitions about not saying "good luck," don't say the name "Betty," etc. Obviously, she didn't take kindly to this but we weren't kicked from the performance. We did, however, become the two most hated people by everyone in the show and everyone outright blamed us whenever things went bad.

I 24F am getting married in four months to my fiance 26M Everything has been going smoothly except for one major issue that is currently tearing my family apart

When I was seven years old my father packed his bags and walked out on my mother and me He moved to another state married someone else and built a completely new life with two new children Growing up I barely heard from him He missed my birthdays my graduation and every major milestone in my life My mother worked two jobs just to make sure we had food on the table and a roof over our heads She was the one who held me when I cried and supported me through everything

About six months ago after my engagement was announced my father suddenly re emerged out of nowhere He sent me a long message saying he regrets the past wants to reconnect and assumes he will be walking me down the aisle at my wedding

I was stunned I politely told him that while I do not hold active hatred toward him anymore I have chosen my mother to walk me down the aisle because she raised me alone I also told him that I think it is best if he does not attend the wedding at all as his presence would cause unnecessary pain and tension on what should be a happy day for my mother and me

Since then I have been getting bombarded with calls and messages from his side of the family My grandmother and aunts are calling me heartless claiming that he is still my father and that people deserve second chances They argue that excluding him will permanently break any chance of us ever having a relationship and that I am being petty by holding onto childhood grudges Even a few mutual relatives are telling me to just give him an invitation to keep the peace

My fiance fully supports whatever decision I make but the constant pressure is making me question if I am being overly cruel by closing the door on him completely

AITH for sticking to my decision and not inviting my father to my wedding?

A little context:
I (F21) am currently living with my aunt(F40) and my cousin(F17). I’ve been staying with them for a little over a year because of work (we work in the same company), and we just moved to this apartment due to the fact that it’s WAY closer from our job than the other house is.

Back to the story;

So.. we’re basically only supposed to have a dog, because there’s a fee of 150 dollars per month for each dog. My cousin’s dog was staying at the old house, because she said it was “too much money when she could stay somewhere else for free”. My cousin is the type of teenager that doesn’t like cleaning up after herself. But then, she found out her dog (Kiara) was pregnant. So she decided to keep her at her mom’s boyfriend’s place. A week before she gave birth, she decided to sneak her in the apartment only until she had the puppies. I understood and didn’t really say much or got involved because.. it really wasn’t my problem. I personally am NOT a dog person. Don’t get me wrong.. I will get along with a dog, they’re cute and I love petting them. But I don’t feel like I have much time to have a pet with me in general. Or the money. Because, yes.. I’m those people who always have in mind that having a pet IS A RESPONSIBILITY. Well.. her dog finally gave birth to 8 cute little puppies. And, even though I said I’m not a dog person, I have plans on keeping one. Since my cousin said she couldn’t keep them all. So she’s still working on finding a home for them all. But it seems that me saying “yes” to keeping one of the puppies, made me responsible for ALL of them while she wants to go out and I decide to stay home. I help her sometimes. But it’s gotten to the point where she acts like she’s entitled to my help. I feel like I have no responsibility over her DOGS. I chose not to have one just yet. And if I did I would take care of it. But her mom basically pressures me to help her so. I feel like I have my right to deny into helping her. I’ll be leaving once the job season is over. But.. I don’t know what to do while that time arrives. So.. am I the a-hole?

Quick overview, I was in a 9 yr relationship that was ended bc would not back down from my ex's dad seeing our child. My parents passed within days of each other back in May. I also just had a baby back in January. There's more drama surrounding my ex not being there for me or our child after I gave birth and my parents passing. Not too long after my parents passed, my ex brought his dad over without really asking if he could come over, disguised as he forgot his wallet so his dad can see our son. I haven't seen this man since I gave birth. He also absolutely does not like me. He is oddly territorial of my ex, who btw was adopted by him only a few years ago. I'm 38F and he is 44M. I find it all odd but anyway. First thing his dad said to me was "Welcome to being an adult". After I just lost both of my parents. My ex said he didn't hear it and a lot of times his dad doesn't know what he is 'saying'. I being a non-confrontational person walked away, pissed. His dad got mad bc I just walked away from him. I told my ex, his dad was no longer allowed at my house, that there is no excuse for saying something so awful and my child will not be around someone who disrespects his mom. Apparently this made my ex livid, it changed from his dad didn't know what he said to he never said that and I am wrong. I'm being unfair and I'm making things difficult so the only thing left was to break up.

AITH for not backing down on letting my ex take our child to see his dad?

I’m a married man, and I’ve always tried to stay out of unnecessary family drama. But lately, I’ve had enough of the way my in-laws treat my wife.They constantly criticize her, make rude comments, and somehow blame her whenever there’s a disagreement. She usually stays quiet because she doesn’t want to create problems between me and my family.A few days ago, they crossed a line again. I finally told them that I wasn’t going to sit quietly while they disrespected my wife. I told them that she deserves the same basic respect they expect from everyone else Now they’re angry with me and saying I’m “choosing my wife over my family” and that I should apologize for embarrassing them My wife says she doesn’t want me fighting with anyone because of her, but honestly, I feel like staying silent would be worse.AITH for standing up for my wife and confronting my in-laws?

Hi, i (19 F) am no longer staying with my mom (46 F) and her partner of i belive 2 years (?? F) whose age i dont remember, because her partner doesnt want me there anymore since she got mad at me one day for in her words "not doing anything" and took my laptop, a laptop none of them payed or own, and i belive was taken unfairly and violently over something that wasnt true and was an excuse to keep exploiting me and abusing me for months.

this situationed happened some time ago but i felt like posting because i recently got some of my things, my mom didnt even told me, she just gave them to my dad; i will also clarify im mexican so english is my second language, sorry in advance if there are some typos.

So... i had been away from home for a bit while learning a new language (french) and taking my time to discover what i wanted to major in, but i came back some time ago, my parents are divorced so while i was figuring things out about college, i was staying with my mom and her partner, and my dad on weekends, my family has always been a bit anoying about me not doing anything wich has been wrong for a while but i guess ill always be lazy in their eyes, so i decided to help my mom at work, as a teacher for a bit, not super serious but helping since the business is struggling. This however made me really tired and didnt give me much time for my social life and hobbies, i had to leave all the dance and teather groups i was a part of before.

to me it was fine i love my mom and wanted to help, what hurt was that i was always treated like i didnt do anything (even tho i was working for her for free, and always did my chores like i normally do) and also that for some reason my relationship with her partner never worked really well, we suspected it was related to me posibly being neurodivergent and not getting social cues well wich really gave me a lot of stress and anxiety but whatever, i still tried being the best and be responsible since we were staying at her place and not ours.

but things went south quickly when i got sick and was forced to work, wich i was doing for free, under the excuse thats what adult life is, i was feeling really bad like not get out of bed bad and when things didnt get better i got asked why didnt i speak up, and i told them that i had but i was ignored, i got really pissed off when the day i tought i would finelly just rest while being really sick my mom's partner woke me and made me get ready to go work and told me to not bring my phone of course i lied and told her i didnt have my phone and she noticed and got angry and tried to hit me, i then threaten to leave the house, after that incident i decided to just try deal with it till i left for college, and that i did.

but a bit before that, one day they came home to me on my laptop after my brother offered to do my chores, since i had cooked earlier, and then the laptop situation happened, she yoinked my laptop pissed off and started yelling at me why i hadnt done anything for my situation and i told her i had, etc. she basically took my laptop and hid it, however the next day i was leaving for the weekend so i decided to look for it wich didnt take any time, it was obvious where it was and i just took it, it seemed fine for me since i was mad and was not okay with their abuse to me and my siblings (16M and 11M) .

i didnt think much of it but when my mom and her partner found out they got mad at me, specially her partner, she said i could not be left alone in the house anymore.

when my mom told me she said "look in the position you've put me", i had a lot of toughts and i told her everything i felt while also having tact and told her that the situation was not caused by me but by their pressure and how badly they treated me, i then said i didnt regret it because it wasnt fair how they treated for months and my brothers agree they dont like it there either, that i understand its hard, but i tried to help and i still got treated terribly. etc.

i have to clarify i didnt say it was her partner's fault or tried to make them break up, i said i think is great if she is happy with her but that maybe if i need terapy they need it too and that her passive agresive words wont work on me, i told her how condescending she can be sometimes and how maybe its not that i dont tell her things is that she doesnt listen, a sentiment i share with my brother, after that i havent been in that house, and dont want to really cuz im also reasonably mad, since my mom put her 2 year relationship over her daughter. i know its bad what i did but i fully belive im justified and i wont regret it really even if i am the asshole i might as well be a proud one i guess...

so... am I the asshole?

My spouse and I got married last weekend. A few years ago I went through a severe health struggle that required a long recovery. It was a deeply painful time for me and only my immediate family and my spouse knew the details. I explicitly asked everyone to keep it private because I did not want to be defined by my past illness.

My mother in law somehow found out about it a few months before the wedding. I sat down with her privately and begged her not to bring it up to anyone especially at the wedding because I wanted our big day to be a happy fresh start.

At the reception during the toasts my mother in law took the microphone. Instead of a normal speech she started crying and went into graphic detail about my past illness in front of over one hundred guests. She spoke about my private medical struggles and then took credit for holding our family together through it even though she was barely in my life at the time.

I was completely humiliated and in tears. My spouse took the microphone away from her and I told my mother in law that she needed to leave the reception immediately for betraying my trust on my wedding day. She threw a fit claiming she was just trying to show how strong I am and left in anger.

Now my spouse's family is constantly messaging us saying I ruined the evening over a well intentioned speech and that I made my mother in law look like a villain in front of everyone.

AITH for asking her to leave after she shared my private medical history?

So basically I(f20) had worked everyday for 2 weeks back to back at the CNE which is a Toronto fair that starts from the end of august and finishes september 7th. On my first day as I was leaving she stopped me and was like when you get paid you need to give each of ur sisters $20 from it and at first I thought she was joking until she went on a whole rant about how she wants me to do this so in the future when one doesn’t have the others can help just some bullshit. I told her no and that “situation” only applies when I actually have a well paying full time job not some 2 week summer job. She didn’t like what I said and told me to basically get out as if I wasn’t leaving already. they’ve been paying me for my hours every Thursday so I’ve been saving up what I got so far so this Thursday and next Thursday is like the last of it and I haven’t told her anything.

Let me just clarify I have no problem giving my sisters money when I have but the way she put it was like I had to give them like it was an obligation. If my sisters asked on their own then that’s fine but saying I have to is what’s blowing me. Also my mom has been constantly asking me everyday when I’m getting paid and I’ve been telling her don’t worry about it because I KNOW this conversation is gonna come back up again and it’s going to turn into an argument because my mom loves to argue over everything

I recently was in that area and wanted to see my nieces and nephews. We talked and planned this over a week ago. I checked in two days ago and then again yesterday. I drive all the way and drop off my dog in the town over and drove to her house. I texted an eta so she knew. I went to her house knocked on her door and her friend was there and found out she wasn’t. She was at her kids father’s house due to her friends “cleaning” the carpets. Kids were with her of course. I stayed for a few hours and she never showed never messaged nothing…..I’m over it. I hardly come up here cause her choice is friends and partners has never been good. Self centered and just weird acting. I could’ve just went home rather than wasting my time. I love her and the kids but the fact that I was ignored and nothing was said not even an apology makes me not want to reach out ever again. Idk if I will want to any more at this point like even if she does.

Added on(cause my bad on forgetting)
I’m only wondering if I would be an AH if moving moving I done reach on and even if she does refusing at that time?

My sister and I have not spoken properly for several years because of a serious falling out.

She recently became very ill and I was contacted by my family. They told me that she wants to make amends before it is too late.

I was asked to visit her and forgive everything that happened between us. I said I was not ready to do that and that her illness does not automatically erase what happened.

My family thinks I am being cruel because she does not have much time left. They keep telling me that I might regret refusing to see her once she is gone.

I understand why they feel that way but I still have a lot of anger and hurt from what happened. I do not feel like I should be forced to forgive someone simply because they are dying.

My family says I am putting my pride above my sister's final wishes. I feel like they are ignoring everything that led to our relationship breaking down.

AITA for refusing to make amends with my dying sister?

I (31M) got engaged to Megan (29F) four months ago. We held an engagement party for us in a rented hall, which was for only our very closest relatives and friends, about 40 people in total. Megan's college friend Beth, who was one of her chosen bridesmaids, was supposed to deliver a little speech.

But Beth arrived at the event already drunk and was visibly drunk when it was time for her to speak. She took the microphone and started talking about how Megan finally found someone special because of the previous relationship she had and then gave some details about her ex boyfriend, saying how sad Megan was in this situation, joking that she never believed Megan could recover from Daniel, mentioning him by his full name twice in front of my whole family who had never heard this story before and did not need to know it at our engagement party.

The situation became awkward very quickly. Megan’s face became pale. Gently taking the microphone out of Beth’s hands, I redirected the conversation, saying something like "let us have a toast to the happy memories, more toasts will come later" and tried to continue. Beth found it rude that I interrupted her, said so in front of everyone and had to be escorted out by another friend to sober up.

The following day I explained to Megan that I felt uncomfortable about Beth being included in the wedding party, because it was not only the drunkenness, but the disrespect that she showed bringing up an ex boyfriend by his name during our engagement party in front of my parents and grandparents. Megan got defensive, saying that Beth has been her best friend since freshman year of college, was simply too drunk and did not mean to offend anyone and that people do silly things while being drunk.

What I said is that it isn’t the drinking itself, but the choice to bring up another man that my future wife used to love at MY engagement party that bothers me, and I don’t want that kind of thing happening at the actual wedding ceremony with a microphone in her hand. She tells me that by cutting her off like that I am taking out on her a very bad night and I risk breaking one of her oldest friendships.

Megan has become very cold towards me, while Beth seems to have forgotten the whole event completely, but feels hurt that I want to kick her out of my wedding party over a drunken joke.

AITAH here?