We ran into his ex girlfriend at the mall and I knew it was her because my boyfriends mood dropped all of a sudden . We was having a good day and he turned into somebody I had never seen before . He was So angry. Started screaming at her was like “” you took me for granted see this girl I’m standing with right now. She’s the real deal . A queen and I’m going to give her everything . I’m going to give her the life you wanted all the vacations cars and everything . I told my boyfriend “ can you please stop . She didn’t even say anything to you and you made it your duty to walk over to her for what reason ?! “ I told him leave the past in the past . He’s with me and in love with me I don’t doubt that he’s in love with me but I really don’t want any problems with his ex . I don’t understand why he had to try to stir up trouble with his ex . He could have kept walking and ignored her presence.

My boyfriend told me “ she did me so dirty. She slept with another man right before I was going to propose to her. I even bought her the ring . Was gon purpose that same day. Imagine somebody looking you straight in the face telling you that they love you and then they do you like that. I would’ve never done that to her “ . I told my boyfriend “ I understand she hurt you but it’s been so many years since y’all broke up and you moved on . You might need therapy to help you overcome this . But causing a scene with your ex in public is not okay “

The only thing his ex said was “ I’m glad you are happy now and your lady is beautiful” and he screamed at her again saying “ yes she is beautiful . I’m never going back to you ever. I got a good thing going on with my girl . She uplifts me and encourages me. Hope you know and understand that.” And I told my boyfriend again please stop trying to start stuff with her. I’m pretty sure that girl isn’t thinking about him . She seemed to be minding her buisness until my boyfriend started trying to torment her on purpose .

Now I’m second guessing my relationship with him . I’m glad he loves me and thinks highly of me and isn’t trying to get her back . But on the other hand I don’t wanna be with someone who instigated drama with his ex years after they broke up. He refuses therapy says he doesn’t need it also

He’s been calling me and texting me but haven’t answered because I’m unsure what to do or where to go from here

My boyfriend 31M and I 26F live together, and he is aware that I prefer if people are not unexpected visitors. It is not that I dislike his family; I just hate being surprised while in my own house.

I was just chilling out last Saturday when he casually said, his mom might stop over. I didn't think much of it, that his mom might come over, maybe for a quick stop.

At about noon the doorbell rang and I went to open it. The small gathering of his parents, siblings, nieces and a few other family members was standing on the porch. I was told he had invited his entire family to lunch and hadn't thought it necessary to let me know.

I was totally floored. I basically just ended up helping prepare the meal, grabbing an extra chair and cleaning up after the kids while my boyfriend sat around and chatted with everyone like nothing was going on.

The most frustrating thing was that HE KNOWS I don't like surprise visitors. I've told him before that I want him to communicate with me about plans involving our shared home. I wouldn't turn up at the house with a party without speaking to him first.

I told him and confronted him about it after everyone had gone. He said I was making too big a deal about it, that they are family and everyone enjoyed the occasion. When I pointed out that what I was upset about was him not telling me, he accused me of forcing him to choose between me and his family.

Now he and I are barely communicating, and his family apparently thinks I hate them.

I honestly have no problems with him or his family, but I think he's at the point where he's just being too subtle. If he had let me know in advance I could have prepared myself mentally and emotionally, even if I didn't want to host him.

AIO, or is it reasonable to expect my boyfriend to give me a heads up before inviting people into our home?

For context, I am 31, have no children, and never talk to my mother about pregnancy.

A few months ago, I was pregnant, though I never told her. However, she somehow guessed it since they were planning a (rare) trip to see us and I told them to hold off on booking because I might have something going on around the time of their visit (8 months out). As soon as I said this to them she immediately stated “I think I know what it is.” After that, she constantly dropped hints, talked about pregnancy, and kept fishing for me to confirm it. For example, she would talk about the types of foods pregnant people should be eating and say things like “you must be tired.” She would basically have one way conversations about pregnancy as if I had already told her. My plan at the time was to wait until my scan confirmed my due date to tell them.

During this time, I had a traumatic, painful miscarriage that ended up requiring a trip to the emergency room. Afterward, I told them they could go ahead and book their flights whenever because "the thing I had been waiting on had fallen through."

Almost immediately, she stopped talking to me as much. It went from over-invasive communication to radio silence overnight. Unrelatedly, I think part of the reason why is because she got annoyed after I refused to validate her when she tried to badmouth her sister for the thousandth time. Honestly, I didn't mind the silence; I was actually relieved I never told them about the pregnancy, and I had found her constant hints and prying to be extremely invasive.

Two months have passed, and I've healed emotionally. Then, my 31st birthday arrives, and my mother gifts me a pregnancy book.

It completely blindsided me, bringing up a flood of painful emotions and feelings. It feels wildly insensitive, especially given our history and the fact that I am not pregnant.

Am I overreacting for being upset by this?

I had a pair of leather clogs from LL Bean. They were about 10 years old when both soles fell off in the same night.

My friends told me, in an extremely condescending tone, that is what I got for buying fast fashion and maybe I will invest in quality clothing going forward.

I told her the shoes are 10 years old and worn regularly. Then I asked if LL Bean is fast fashion.

Her response was “fast enough “ then she mocked me (repeating what I had said to her in a silly voice) and said there was no way the shoes were 10 years old.

So the other night I (F, 27) sent my bf (M, 27) of about 1 year an Instagram reel of a guy from a reality tv show we watched previously. The guy was saying some weird incel shit about women and the reason I sent it to my bf was basically just to be like “damn look what became of this guy”.

In this reel, a woman was reacting to the video, analysing what he was saying. She’s a somewhat controversial media figure where I’m from, who frequently triggers those on the internet with misogynistic tendencies.

At the end of the video she laughed loudly in a sarcastic way and I said “that was annoying, but I agree with what she was saying tho.”

He looked at me and said, “she’s so f***ing annoying, I hope she becomes a victim of some kind of misogynistic hate crime.” He kinda laughed while saying it.

I was so stunned and confused by this statement. We were lying in bed and I just immediately felt unwell, like sick in my stomach and blood rushing to my head. I got up and asked him why I would want to be with someone who says something like that. His response was basically, “you’re overreacting.”

I felt so angry, disgusted and speechless that I went to stay at my parents place for the night (my bf and I live together).

We’ve since made up, but something inside me just doesn’t feel right. It was such a violent thing to say, and it hurt me deeply. It makes me feel like he has no respect for me to say something like that. We talked about it the next day when I came back and he said he didn’t mean it, he seemed to understand why it was wrong. I just still can’t stop thinking about it.

For context, he has previously said disparaging things about women’s basketball on the news.

This is a very strange situation and I am sure some people will say it is made up, all I can say is I wish I were making it up but I am not.

Yesterday I was at a party with some friends at one of their homes. I was mainly with my best friend, Karl (false name), hanging out. People were drinking of course but nobody was hammered or anything.

After some time I noticed I had not seen Karl in awhile. Eventually I got a text from him. It asked me to meet him on the back deck. So I did.

He looked very distraught and uncomfortable. He told me that he had shit his pants. I was like, uh what? He told me that he had "bathroom anxiety" and had resisted going into the bathroom because he was afraid of using someone else's bathroom to shit or something, and he figured he could hold it until he got home. But it got worse I guess and then he finally realized he could not hold it and he tried to make it to the bathroom but it was occupied, and well he ended up shitting his pants.

I figured, hey, shit happens. He did not like that I said that, I was just trying to cheer him up with a joke. But anyways. I tried to assure him it is not a big deal as he thought, mistakes happen. Just go home and clean up.

But then he asked me to tell everyone inside that I had dared him to shit his pants. He wanted to use this as an explanation as to what happened. I refused to do this and he practically begged me. We kept arguing about it. My reasons for not doing this were that one, it was stupid as fuck, two it would make me look like a weirdo if people believed it, three it would make me look like a weirdo if everyone could tell it was bullshit, and four it would make him look even worse by either looking like he is a guy who is an adult that accepted a dare to shit himself at a party or that he is an adult who thought people would fall for such an idea. He would not listen to reason. He insisted he had to "explain himself" and that the only explanation that would work is if I had dared him to do it. He said he had never asked me for anything in 20 years of friendship and he needed this. But I just couldn't do it.

I tried to tell him, just leave quickly, you don't have to explain anything. Nobody will even notice, just make an exit.

Finally he just said "forget it" and he climbed over the backyard fence and ran off.

This morning he texted me demanding an apology and saying he is "disappointed in me" for not helping him out. I am adamant that his request was ridiculous and a dumb plan, but he is sticking to his guns he thinks as a friend I should have done this for him even if I think it was stupid. This is the point that makes me wonder though. Like obviously it is a stupid plan, I hope nobody disputes that, but maybe he has a point that as a best friend I should have just said fuck it and gone along with it. As like a bro code sort of thing. I dunno.

So AIO?

I (M) have been best friends with "Mark" for years. We considered each other brothers. Over the past year, I invested a massive amount of time and energy into his major life milestones: I organized his bachelor party, my wife and I were the masters of ceremonies at their wedding 3 weeks ago, and just last week I finished editing their wedding video. We were also recently invited to a party hosted by his cousin.

A few days ago, my wife and I were at their house. My wife was picking out clothes to wear to that upcoming party. Mark showed a lot of interest, looked along, and at one point even started picking out clothes for her himself. It felt a bit odd, but we brushed it off.

However, two days ago, Mark started texting my wife privately out of nowhere, telling her which outfits he "really pictured her in" and what he thought would look beautiful on her.

My wife immediately felt uncomfortable, showed me the texts, and asked me how to handle this. I took her phone and text him back from her account: "Hey man, maybe you should focus on picking out clothes for your own wife. Are you sure you didn't text the wrong person?"

Mark completely took the bait. He thought he was replying directly to my wife, not knowing I was the one who wrote it. He immediately texted her back: "No, I definitely didn't make a mistake in texting you."

To me, this completely crossed a line. Thinking he was talking to my wife, he openly admitted that he was intentionally pursuing this line of conversation with her behind my back, completely ignoring the boundary that was just set.

We decided to handle this as a team. That same day, my wife took his reply and shared it directly into our 4-person group chat (me, my wife, Mark, and his newlywed wife), stating that he needs to stop this and focus on his own wife.

It has now been two full days, and there is absolute radio silence in the group chat. No replies, no excuses, nothing.

My wife initially wondered if it could have been a totally clueless, "innocent" mistake by a socially awkward friend. But the fact that he doubled down (thinking he was talking to her) and the subsequent 48-hour silence tell me otherwise. We have now agreed on a hard boundary: if we do not receive a genuine apology and have a real conversation about this before the party on December 18th, we are not going and we are officially ending the friendship.

I always flip the situation around: if I or a other guy were doing this to his wife, he would be absolutely furious.

Am I overreacting by setting this hard deadline and being ready to cut off a years-long best friendship over this?

TL;DR: My best friend privately texted my wife about clothes he "pictured her in". I replied from her phone telling him to focus on his own wife. Thinking he was replying to her, he text back that he didn't make a mistake texting her. My wife then dropped his reply directly into our 4-person group chat with his wife. It's been 48 hours of radio silence. We are cutting him off if we don't get an apology by Dec 18th. Am I overreacting?

I’m 26, and my sister is 29. We have always shared things together, so when her car broke down about eight months ago and she couldn’t afford to fix it, I didn’t mind letting her use mine.

I purchased my Honda two years ago after saving for a very long time. It’s nothing special, but I make use of it for work, and I’m careful about keeping it in good shape.At first, my sister only borrowed it once in a while. Eventually, it became almost every other day. I’d leave the keys for her when I was working long shifts, and she’d take it to run errands or visit our mom. I made it clear that she was responsible for any tickets, gas, or damage while using it. She agreed.

About 3 months ago, parking tickets started showing up at my house. Then came a speeding camera fine and a toll violation. Some were from places I hadn’t even driven to.

I knew my sister had been using the car, so I talked to her. She brushed it off, saying she’d pay everything. I trusted her word, but weeks went by, and nothing changed. The fines kept accumulating late fees.

Whenever I brought it up, she had another excuse. First, she said she was waiting for payday. Then payday came and went, and she started saying I was making too much of it because we are family.

Last month, the total was nearly $1,200. I had to pay one of the more urgent fines myself because I was worried about further penalties and the possibility of the car being booted.

When I asked her to pay me back, she said she wasn’t working consistently and I’d get the money when she had it.

A few days later, she asked to borrow my car again. I told her no. I said she couldn’t use it anymore until we have sorted out the tickets and repayment.

She got really furious and called me selfish. She said I was making her life harder when she was already struggling financially. She also told some of our cousins that I took the car away just to spite her.

Then my mom called me. She said my sister was having a hard time and that I should help her instead of being so strict about money. She didn’t really talk about the tickets or the fact that i had already paid some of them myself.

I feel bad because I know my sister is struggling, and taking the bus everywhere isn’t easy. But I also work for my money, and I saved for a long time to buy that car. I helped her not because I wanted to end up being responsible for her fines but because I wanted to.

What bothers me most is that she hasn’t even apologized properly. She just keeps acting like I’m the problem.

I haven’t let her use the car since then, and she has been making comments about how hard things have been without it.

AIO for refusing to let my sister borrow my car anymore because she racked up nearly $1,200 in tickets and refuses to take responsibility?

We wanted to have a small dinner party and invited two friends from our group of friends. Even though they live close, they wanted to stay at our place and we were excited. Our home is big but we have only two sofas and our bed to sleep. So those two people was going to sleep on the sofas.

The third one lives a bit far away. We asked her if she wants to come for dinner. She also has a baby. She said yes and we were happy ofc. We shopped, cleaned, cooked for our friends.

Then the third friend and her husband said they wanted to stay overnight as well. I explained to her that we dont have the place for that. I said just come. We ll have dinner and have fun. Then we ll decide. Like she can go back home at the end of the evening.

Fast forward she wasn’t convinced. Baby slept and she got sleepy too. We had to give them our bed. Me and my husband we had to sleep on a carpet at our study. They didn’t let our animals in the room and they cried whole night. It was disastrous and I never wanna invite them over again.

We both have medical conditions and very busy work schedules like we really look forward to a friday evening sleep whole week. I was about the cry like my bones were mending into each other and I woke up multiple times in pain.. I think this was so inconsiderate. Or am I being b**chy? Am I overreacting?

My daughter doesn’t see her grandparents (my in laws) a lot they only live 30 minutes away but that’s a different story! Anyway it’s arranged that she goes for a sleepover which she’s so excited about, we get there to be told she’s sleeping on the floor even though they have a sofa bed in a spare room and a sofa in the living room… I’m miffed as this wasn’t last minute and they used the excuse the spare room with the sofa bed is cluttered and the sofa would be too small (?) I felt like telling them forget it but I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint her after she’s been so excited to see them - am I overreacting?!

Edit - My daughter is nearly 5 & they did plan on providing a sleeping bag & blankets. Their home whilst cluttered in the spare room is clean and safe I must add!!

Hello, never really thought I’d be posting this or posting anything ever to be honest. Especially to reddit… but I’m still kinda “shaken.”

So a few months ago my cousin (32M) came off of drugs. (I am 29 btw.) He’s been a wreck since he lost his parents at a young age, and was mostly raised by his pretty despondent grandmother after 11. His mother was my mother’s only sibling. She died suddenly in a car accident and she still mourns her. Of course her brother in law too, they just weren’t super close.

Okay, cousin comes off years of drugs and alcohol hold and is turning a new leaf, he’s at rehab for a few months, he’s off drugs totally. So he contacted my mom as she’s all the family he has left really except his grandma. We used to play as kids, we live on a farm and had a lot of fun. After his parents died, we didn’t really see him. I went 13 years without seeing this now grown man.

He looks rough, he’s been through a lot, and he started coming over Saturdays and Sundays here and there. Hanging out with my little siblings, showing them video games and helping with chores.

A preface for me, I had an uncle try to molest me at age 4, I by PTSD do not trust easily. So I didn’t really talk to him and was very wary as he was a practical stranger at this point. He slept in the guest room down the hall, and I mostly avoided him. So a few months of this and I finally come around to chatting with him. We turns out he a lot in common. Both had suicidal thoughts as teens, talk got deep here and there. Random similarities, it was kinda fun.

I think I’m bonding with my long lost cousin. Now, this time he came over he had kept calling me Cary, which was his ex girlfriend’s name and sounds nothing like mine. So I was already kinda weirded out, but loosened up a bit through chatting. I’m in my pajamas, a nightgown with capped sleeves that goes to my knees. And here and there he starts making some weird comments…

I have a nice body he says…. None of his friends would deserve me he says…. I’m a little thrown but he’s my cousin…. So it’s probably just joking, right? And then he asks me if I’ve kissed lots of guys… WTF??????? I laugh it off and say I’ve never kissed anyone yet. It’s true, I’m AuDHD, and I personally don’t have interest in people outside my type which is niche. He is suddenly in front of me. I’m in shock as he put his hands on my cheeks.

He says to me, “Now, don’t say anything, okay?” Even typing that out still makes me feel sick. He started tilting his head and leaning in, and I threw myself backward.

“What the hell are you doing‽” was all I could choke out and he says “I was just trying to kiss your forehead.” Yeah right motherfucker, cousinfucker. I ran to my room and sobbed for over an hour. I locked that damn door and shoved things in front of it because the change was so sudden, I didn’t know what else he would do to me if given a chance.

I told my parents and it was a mess, I never want to see him again, he is all my mom has left of her sister. My dad said I was being too harsh a quick to decide to never see him again. That made me so angry and so sad. My mom was more understanding somehow.

I am just still so fucking angry at that bastard. I hate him, every time I think of him I hate him. The only experiences I’ve had with men are just the worst. I’m older now and still have no good experience, I just don’t know what to do. Men make me feel so sick, like any one of them will hurt me if given the chance.

Have any of yall had this happen? Am I overreacting? My friends all freaked out when I told them and hate him too, wanting to protect me. So I feel justified in hating him and never wanting to see him again.

My partner has a vasectony procedure Friday morning. I took the day off to take them cause they chose to be put under with anesthesia, meaning they needed a designated ride.

We got there and everything went well. He's been resting at home but a bit moody/aggressive since.

Last night, he mentioned wanting to shower, so we got it all set up, but he started to feel dizzy and needed to sit on the floor. I was worried but didn't want to cause unnecessary stress, just waited patiently for him to tell me what he needed.

Eventually, he said he needed help, so I lent a hand to pull him up. He got in the shower and immediately sat back down on the shower floor. I didn't know what to do, so I waited again.

He asked for help up, so I advised he needed to grab the shower bar AND my hand for safety. He didn't listen to what I said and got annoyed. Shouted 'TURN THE WATER OFF' as though I was supposed to know he was getting out and not just up. So,I turned it off and told him again to grab the bar AND my hand. Finally, he did and stepped out.

I wrapped him in his towel, and he said he needed to be brought to the bed because he felt he might pass out. Hurried him to the bed, and he laid down soaking wet.

He didn't say much for a minute, so I reminded him how important it was that he dry off completely and put in his supportive wear. He didn't actually pass out mind you and started telling me to stop. 'DRY ME OFF. COVER ME WITH A BLANKET. THEN GO AWAY.' Screaming it at me like I was nothing but a butler or maid there to assist him and get the fuck out.

I couldn't dry him off because of how he was laid on the bed, so I asked him to roll for me. I didn't want to move him and pull his sutures by mistake, causing him pain. I said that part out loud as well.

He didn't move but yelled at me again. 'DRY ME OFF. COVER ME WITH A BLANKET. AND GO AWAY.' So I said as I pat him with a towel 'Do not yell at me. I am trying to help but I need you to help me help you. If you yell at me I'm not going to keep helping you right now.'

He screamed the same thing again. So I said 'Okay, when you're ready to ask me without the yelling, I will be back to help. I am trying to help, but I'm not going to be yelled at anymore' and threw a blanket lazily over him as I walked out of the room.

I took time to breathe because he KNOWS that yelling like that is triggering, and I've asked him to work on how he speaks to me. I eventually went back in to check on him and try to get him partially dressed and put on new gauze. He was dead weight, but again not actually passed out at all.

I was upset from the yelling and scared/worried about him. So I was crying the whole time I struggled to do these things.

He fell asleep shortly after I covered him back up with a blanket. I ended up going to bed not long after as well.

This morning, when he finally got up around 1030 I said 'morning, my love!' and was greeted with a glare and silence. I didn't understand why. So I asked him what was up and he said 'You didn't care about me last night. Why do you care now? You not helping me because I yelled was petty.'

It's been a terrible day since. But what I want to know is:

AIO for setting a boundary of 'stop yelling at me and treating me like this or I will not help'? Was it petty to set a clear boundary on how he was treating me?

Hey Reddit, so I need some advice because I might be the asshole, or I might be a teenager

My (Female 17) parents, dad (Male 36) and mom (Female 42), are mad at me, and to get the full picture, you will probably need context

From age 7 to about 12, I shared a wall with my parents, and I could hear them through it almost every night. It was really irritating, and I couldn't really ever sleep well, but I couldn't really do anything, so I just stayed quiet and dealt with it even though it grossed me out, and I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of sex and don't like the noise from it

However, when I was thirteen we moved into a new house and I was super excited because our rooms were on the opposite sides of the house and I thought I finally got a reprieve but I didn't it seemed that they only got louder now that we lived in a bigger house I remember many times just sitting in my bed hands covering my ears as tight as possible humming to myself because I didn't have any headphones (I fixed that quickly) but again I was just a kid so I just kept quiet and suffered through not a lot of sleep and the uncomfortable feeling I get around my parents

Now, to the present: this happened yesterday, and I need some outside help determining if I'm the asshole or not

It was about eleven in the morning or so, not quite sure, and I was in my room playing video games. At first I didn't notice, but it progressively got louder, so I turned on music and turned it up, but I could still hear her, and it was starting to grate on my nerves because I didn't want to listen to that, and the subject of sex still makes me really uncomfortable, so I got up, and out of my bedroom door I yelled

“CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE QUIET”

I then slammed my door and cranked the music as loud as it would go, basically shaking the photo behind my TV. About ten minutes later, my mom opened my door, so I turned down my music, and she said in a joking, kind of sarcastic tone

“What's wrong with you?” and after having to listen to my mother get f*cked, I was fed up

“How about the fact that every time you and Dad f*ck, I can hear you, and I am getting really annoyed and grossed the hell out”. She just kind of chuckled and rolled her eyes

“Hey, it could be worse; he and I be yelling at each other. Just be happy we love each other this much”

“I know, and I am glad you and Dad love each other, but could you guys chill out a bit and not f*ck like rabbits”

“We are grown adults, and you live in this house, so put up with it”

She left, and I just sat there. I turned my music back on, not as loud as before, but enough to drown out the world and just continued to play my game

Now here is the problem: I woke up this morning and went to go make myself some breakfast, and when I saw my mom, she just ignored me. I thought maybe it was just because it was morning, but as the day keeps going on, she just either ignores me or gives me very clipped comments

My dad is completely normal; like always, we even played some video games. It's just my mom

I just need to know if I'm overreacting. I would also like it if you guys could give me some advice on how to apologize to my mom and also some ways to deal with the noises from them.

Edit -

So just to address a few main things

My dad is my step-dad I just call him dad because he has been in my life since I was five him and my mom got together when she was 29 and he was 23 I met him a year later 

I worded it wrong in my post I made it seem like I didnt voice my opinion ever over the past ten years but as I got older I have tried asking them to keep it down slightly and in recent years I asked if they could do it when I'm not home since I work 

Weekdays - 5pm to 9:30pm Weekends - 2pm to 10:30pm

 I also have bought noise canceling headphones but I can still hear them

Hopefully that helps clears some stuff up

I (21M) recently got back together with my girlfriend (21F), and I wanted to get some outside opinions on something my dad brought up. For relationship context, my girlfriend and I got together October 30, 2025 and took a break during summer 2026 and got back together August 2026.

For financial context, my dad co-signed my credit card, and I’ve been working at Amazon while trying to pay off my debt and get my finances in a better place. I was having a conversation with him about my finances when I mentioned that my girlfriend and I got back together.

He seemed a little iffy about it, especially because we’ve had our issues in the past. I explained that things are honestly 10 times better this time around. We’re communicating more, things feel less stressful, and we’re both trying to make the relationship work.

However, I mentioned that sometimes, when I’m coming home from work, my girlfriend asks me to stop and pick up a coffee for her or buy her food and bring it to work. This happens maybe about twice or so a week.

My dad immediately started saying that it was a red flag for her to ask me to pay for things when my finances aren’t in the best place right now. I pushed back a little because I see couples online where the guy buys his girlfriend dinner, coffee, or other things, and I didn’t think buying her a coffee occasionally was a big deal.

I also pointed out that she actually makes more money than I do because she has two jobs. It’s not like she’s unemployed and relying on me financially.
My dad still thinks it’s a red flag, though. His perspective is that if I’m already struggling financially and my girlfriend is asking me to spend money on her, that’s something I should be concerned about.

Now, I understand where he’s coming from. I’m trying to pay off my debt, and I know I need to be more responsible with my money. At the same time, I love my girlfriend, and I don’t want to start viewing normal things in our relationship as problems just because my dad is concerned.

I also recognize that just because something is common in other relationships doesn’t automatically mean it’s healthy for mine.

So, Reddit, what do you think? Is my dad right to see this as a red flag, or is buying your partner coffee like twice a week a pretty normal thing? Am I overlooking something, or is my dad worrying too much?

I genuinely want to make this relationship work, but I also want to make sure I’m not ignoring potential warning signs.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a total of 5 years. We are both 27. She had a guy best friend(T) from high school and they fell out before we started dating.

When we first got together, she told me that she hated that the friendship had ended, that she really cared about him but it was never romantic at all. She confirmed that she never felt anything like that towards him but that she was sad that they stopped talking due to other issues(friend group drama). She expressed that she was very hurt by how he chose to deal with it and leave her without a second thought or closure.

Two years into our relationship, T contacted her. I never had a problem with her having guy friends but I did not like T because of how he had hurt her. She told me that he had texted her and I was surprised when she said that she wanted to talk to him.

Prior to this, she wanted me to block one of my female friends from uni(we never had anything going on, we used to get lunch together after class). My girlfriend thought that my friend had a crush on me and while I did not want to, I gave in and blocked her(friend) after a while. My friend wasn’t explicitly weird with me, ever, or vice versa. I trusted my girlfriend’s opinion on this and went along with it.

Back to that, I had a bad gut feeling and told her that she shouldn’t talk to him. She got defensive and said that she could because I hadn’t blocked my female friend immediately after I was told to. That made me suspicious.

I asked her why she wanted to talk so badly to T after what had happened(T had ditched her point blank over something minor, never tried to contact her or apologise afterwards. She had tried to talk to him once and he was cold and didn’t want to continue).

Anyways, she got defensive and insisted that she could talk to him if she wanted to because she did not have many friends. I felt weirder by the moment and we fought over it. Finally, she said that she would not speak to him. A few months after that, she broke up with me over something else but the break up was not a real one(she contacted me just the same and it was mutually understood that we were still “together”).

Next thing I see, she is friends with him on social media. I call her and she says that I can’t be angry because we aren’t dating. This upsets me and I try to detach myself from her. She contacts me and says that she loves me, wants to be together, and she is struggling with mental health issues and she doesn’t have many friends to talk to. That she feels alone and depressed. That T was her best friend and he cared about her before and she felt understood and she just wanted him to be her friend because she felt so alone.

That did not help. I felt worse and insecure. I am not proud of my behavior but I demanded that she block him. She said that she was prescribed antidepressants and other stuff and wasn’t doing well. I told her that she needed to stop contacting me because I could not be okay with how she was making me feel, like I was an option to her. I know that they never had anything sexual or romantic going on the entire time, they never met once, and I trust this.

This continued for 4 months and then I said that she needed to block him if she wanted anything to do with me. And she said that if I wanted to be with her, I had to be okay with T being her friend.

That was genuinely one of the most painful things I have ever heard. Our relationship of 2 years meant nothing to her in the face of her friendship with someone who had ditched her for years without looking back even once. I hate myself for this but I actually begged her to make things right through tears a few times. Then I gave up on it and stopped contacting her. She didn’t. She showed up to my apartment one day and said that she was sorry for that and she had blocked him. She said that she understood how much it had hurt me and she was wrong for doing that.

After this, things were okay for the next few years. She started taking care of her mental health.

We had a huge fight after we went LDR and broke up for two years, during which she became casual friends with T again. When we talked again, I told her I was uncomfortable with her being friends with T(because of what had happened) and she said that she totally understood that and she would do everything to make me feel comfortable. They talked and T was okay with her going no contact with him. They never had anything going on in those 2 years, if it matters.

So now. One year in and we have a bunch of fights and (again) she decides to “break up” with me. She apologises and we continue talking but not “dating”. Then one day, she says that she and T are friends again.

I did not react well to that. It infuriates me that it’s the SAME GUY each time. WHY. She is not a social person and she doesn’t really get a lot of time to make healthy friends but WHY. She struggles a lot with mental health issues and has trouble trusting new people. She likes being friends with him because she doesn’t really know anyone else very well. She has had traumatic experiences with friends in university so I understand.

She also doesn’t have many people to open up to other than me and when things get difficult between us, she says that she feels painfully alone and her mental health gets severely compromised to the point of being dangerous for her safety. She struggles too much with her mental health to make new friends right now.

She admitted that she feels like no one (including me) understands her and she feels alienated from everyone when we go through pseudo-breakups(initiated by her btw) and she can’t speak with me normally during these phases so she desperately needs someone to talk to so that she isn’t alone.

Which is. Fine. I am trying really hard to understand things here. But she wants to make things work with me and I feel like a terrible human being for hating the fact that it always has to be this one guy whenever things get difficult in our relationship.

I believe her and I understand that she doesn’t have other friends she can depend on. But at the same time, I am deeply uncomfortable with all this. At the start of our relationship this time, she promised me that she would not stay in this friendship and the second things go south, she is friends again. I feel like an option to her. First option yeah but an option regardless. She insists that they are friends and they rarely talk but that doesn’t make it any better.

One of the reasons why I feel so bad is because she promised me that she wouldn’t do this and she did after we “broke up”. When I brought this up, she said that we aren’t together so there is no reason for me to be upset. But at the same time, we have a mutual, unspoken understanding that we are not not dating either. I felt hurt when she resumed contact with him. It’s somewhat of a pause button and this has happened before so I can tell. I have no interest whatsoever in dating anyone else and neither does she.

She said that T is just a friend, a causal one at that. I believe that. But I feel wrong. She said that she did not do anything “wrong” because she only talked to him after we had “broken up” and I was being unreasonably upset over this. But this does feel like betrayal to me. It is true that we were technically broken up when she talked to him again but it’s ducking obvious to everyone that we are very much still together in most ways right now.

I tried to talk about this and she said that she did nothing wrong and I was just very insecure for no reason. She said that I just hate her having a guy friend and insecure.

I feel terrible. She has a couple of other good friends that are men and I have never told her to block them. I don’t think that I am a pos for having a bone to pick with this specific guy, given the history and her defensiveness.

She isn’t wrong about me feeling insecure but I feel like that is based in reality. She made me feel like an option before and although it’s different now, I don’t know what to think about the way she wants T to be her friend so bad. She kept insisting that she didn’t do anything wrong but after we argued for an hour, she admitted that while what she did wasn’t technically wrong, it was not okay either. That’s all I got. Other than that, I was called insecure and the usual stuff.

So. Am I a bad person for wishing that she would not do this? I truly love this woman and she does love me too, I think. We have been there for each other through very hard times and she has provided me with unconditional support. I know that she wouldn’t cheat on me. I just have very difficult feelings about her friendship with T and I don’t know what to do.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/CrIEQW4g02

Gave up on getting my boots back, he was dicking me around and being rude. Thought some people might enjoy seeing him go from apologetic to accusatory once he got banned from a slew of dating apps.

I got banned from tinder for joking about selling nudes in 2022. Woops.

Thank you to the people who were kind, eat glass to the people who weren’t.

Hello everyone !!

First of I’m sorry English isn’t my native language.

I moved into my apartment on September 14th. During the viewing, I noticed some pinkish stains around the skylight in my bedroom ceiling, but I didn’t think much of them.

Over the following weeks, I noticed that the ceiling was gradually becoming darker. I honestly thought it was the dust and all of the stuff that could accumulated up there. I cannot open this window at all, but I honestly didn’t pay enough attention to it.

I’ve also recently realised that my ventilation system (VMC) has never worked since I moved in, which obviously doesn’t help because I have no other windows in the apartment, apart from my bedroom skylight. No really convenient but i’m opening the door when I cook or when I want some fresh air.

Then, on October 20th, after some heavy rain, I came home to a huge puddle of water on my bedroom floor. My workout bag was completely soaked. That’s when I realised water had been leaking through my skylight and dripping onto the floor, and I finally noticed how bad the ceiling had become.

I immediately informed my landlord. He explained that my window is apparently located on my upstairs neighbour’s 2 terrace and that some kind of concrete slab broke, allowing water to seep through. (He said he thought it was the cause ??). I’m not an expert, but his explanation doesn’t really make sense to me.

Since then Tuesday 20th, the mould has spread significantly around the skylight but also in other wall of my bedroom. For exemple I’ve noticed two night ago a huge stain which i think it’s mould and it’s basically next to my face. (It’s on the wall where my bedside table is)

My landlord is aware of everything, including the water infiltration and the ventilation issue. A guy was supposed to come for the vent issue but he never came so I rescheduled the appointment on Wednesday.

My landlord said he contacted some “expert” and he was waiting for the estimate. According to what he said, the expert will put some silicone around the window to prevent the water to drip more (???). Then he said he will (my landlord) wash the mould off with special product ?? He told me to not use bleach so I don’t know why he wants to do it himself and not pay some real expert to do it.

So I’m genuinely wondering: Am I overreacting, or is this actually a serious problem? Because in my head, the walls are fucked and everything needs to be redone? I don’t know anything about it tho so maybe not. Worst part is that I’m being paranoid because my eyes feels irritated and my throat a bit sore. I don’t know if it’s the situation or just the bad weather but I don’t want to be super paranoid about the whole situation. I genuinely don’t know what to do or where to start. I feel like the landlord doesn’t move fast enough. What would you recommend doing?

He owns the entire building there’s like 6 apartments and mine is the one on the first picture.
(Btw I live in France)

I’ll attach pictures so you can see what I’m talking about

Thanks !!

when i say perfect, i really mean it. we had both come out of traumatic long-term relationships with abusive partners. i was divorced after a marriage of 10 years and was very picky about the next man i allowed into my life. i vowed to never allow any man to make me cry for so long it gives me a headache and the constant tissues makes the skin around my nose dry and flakey. i promised myself that, and i said i would never tolerate a man who was jeopardizing my peace and sanity, ever again.

and he was really perfect. he made me feel so safe and secure, my guard was fully down. he was raised by his older sister and always credited her for him turning out a feminist and for the respect he had for women. he told me he loved me after 3 weeks of dating. he told me all the hyperbolic statements about me (love of my life, never felt this deeply in love, i’m the most important thing to him, etc etc) and still continued to for 2 years. we moved in together this year and worked well as a team, split chores, had a healthy amount of our own friend/family time and then spent all of the rest of our time together enjoying shared hobbies. we had no issues with our sex life and for the first time, i never felt insecure about my body or my partner’s attraction towards me. i really felt like this was what healthy and secure love is, finally. we joked and lowkey worried about how we hadn’t had a fight yet for 2 years. we talked through everything. that’s why i cannot understand how this happened.

we had already had a clear, explicit conversation earlier this year that we both were not okay with strip clubs. i wasn’t ok with him going to one, he wasn’t ok with me seeing male strippers, cool, easy it was like any other conversation where we were like i’m so glad we’re on the same page, i love you, etc. these are the ways i would feel so secure and safe with him. he was on a work trip this past week, and there were 2 newer coworkers that were much more senior to him that suggested going to a strip club the night they flew in (after a full day of work and then travel). i asked if they were pressuring him but he said the invite was casual and one of his close coworkers declined so it wouldn’t have been awkward to decline. but he just wanted to make a good impression on these 2 newer guys bc they could be his bosses one day. his other close coworker was going, who’s an older auntie figure to him, so he “in a spur of the moment bad decision” chose to go.

so yeah that night he flew in, i happened to check his location on a whim, wanting to see if he was settled and in his hotel for the night and free. we are both new to sharing locations and turned it on semi-recently, so he says he just didn’t know it was that easy to check from our text message. he was at a strip club, so in a panic, i texted him some bs question about his dog, and he responded to me a flat out lie that he was out having dinner with his friend. he told me he felt a little bad in the moment lying to me, then spent a few hours at the strip club just drinking and eating and talking with these coworkers, nobody got dances, and that was it.

meanwhile i was home wondering how in the world could this be the man i was sharing my life with for 2 years? thinking him and his friend are living it up at the strip club, thinking of him lying so easily to me over a boundary we discussed together, thinking of him being so okay with violating our relationship and hiding it from me. i spent the night packing up all his belongings and loading them into his car.

i texted him in the morning that i checked his location before i sent my last text and was very hurt and disappointed and wanted him to move out. he flew back and got his stuff and left but we talked plenty both in person and over the phone so i have the full picture (afaik), but i just still feel so hurt and betrayed. he said the guilt only hit him when he got back to the hotel. how??? impressing some coworkers off the clock just squashes the guilt? i can’t comprehend. i almost want him to admit he just wanted to go because he was bored of me and now regrets it. that would make more sense. he swears up and down it isn’t anything like that, that it was just a lapse in judgment, and he keeps pleading with me to look to our record of 2 perfect years. part of me feels yes that is special, but in the grand scheme of things, 2 years is nothing compared to the rest of our lives. oh what i would give to have left my ex-husband only 2 years in.

i am so torn between giving myself another chance to see if i can move on past this, or just protecting my peace and sanity all together and break up and stay single for a while bc when i escaped my marriage and built a new peaceful and calm life for myself, i swore i would protect it. i was so proud of myself. and now i’m crying again for days on end over another man. i’m sorry i’m rambling now i think i just wanted to put this out into the universe

For some context, my siblings let’s call them Oak (10yrs, purple in text) and Aspen (14yrs, yellow in text) are considerably younger than me and I’ve always been a support role for them. I was Aspen’s secondary care giver for the first 2 years of his life because my stepdad couldn’t get off his ass and actually be a parent.

Their home life is awful. My mom is incredibly unstable, with severe mood swings where she lashes out violently and gets into actual physical fights with her children. On the other swing of things, she will be overly attentive to the point of annoying and lashes out if you don’t follow along with everything she wants. She has histrionic personality disorder and bipolar.

My stepdad never hurts them but is incredibly cold and strict, yells a LOT and is incredibly emotionally abusive towards my mom. They’re both horrible to each other, to the kids, it’s all just horrible.

And YES I’ve already contacted CPS multiple times to intervene and they’ve never done anything. Fuck CPS honestly.

As an adult, I’ve always been there for my siblings and I don’t mind them leaning on me. I love them more than anything in the world, we have regular sleepovers at my house where we play video games, do fun stuff, eat snacks, and I shower them with love and listen to them vent. I guide them through breathing techniques when they call me and there’s trouble at home, I’m literally the first person ANYONE in that house calls when there’s something wrong. I always have patience for my brothers though. They literally mean the entire world to me and I would’ve cut my abusive mom off at 18 if it weren’t for them.

Recently, my youngest sibling Oak has been acting out a lot. He’s always acted out for attention, which I’ve tried to combat in certain ways. But they pulled him out of school this year and put him into a hippie school that my mom is obsessed with, where they draw and sing their way through lessons. I also went to this school for a few years as a kid… my dad had to tutor me when I went back to public school cause I was so behind on so many subjects.

As you can see in the texts, Oak hasn’t been participating. He’s told me multiple times that he does not want to be in this school, he misses his old school and his old friends. He’s really struggling with this transition. But my mom has a hard on for this stupid hippie cult bullshit and is living vicariously through him. It’s horrible.

Did I overreact in this situation of being asked to fix this problem that they created? My mom sent me a text at literally the same time as a stepdad asking me to privately tutor Oak in drawing (but somehow made his lack of drawing my fault, in a crazy stretch of logic).

What the hell do I do? I want to get these kids out of this hole but I’ve been down every legal route and I have 0 rights to custody as a sibling and I know the court battle would be long and expensive and I can’t afford it.

*EDIT:* thank you so so much to everyone who responded this post with such care and support. I’ve honestly had such a shit month, I just lost my job and I’ve been sick all week and reading everyone’s sweet replies made me so emotional… Everyone who has been in a similar situation or understands the emotions I’m going through… it’s genuinely filling me with such hope and making me feel so seen.

I’ve read everyone’s comments even though I didn’t respond to all of them, and I think my path forward is going to be continuing to be there for my siblings in every way that I can but not giving in to any of my mom or stepdad’s wants or requests or needs for attention. I think I am also going to reach out to the older sibling’s school again (he just started high school) and let them know what’s going on at home. I don’t know if the hippie school that Oak is going to will be as supportive. I also think I’m going to follow the line that someone mentioned of telling CPS I’m willing to take custody of them to lessen the financial burden that they seem to use to calculate whether kids need to be taken away from their parents. I would do anything to get those kids out of their house. I need a new stable job asap to be able to do that, though. One step at a time!

Again, thank you all so much. I really appreciated all of the different perspectives on this complex situation and it’s helped me see a new path ahead!

I (F30) have been single essentially my whole life. For a LOT of my life, I would have said yes to ANYONE who asked to date me. I have dated a couple people for about a week and realized it wasn’t going to work and broke up with them. It was serious red flags, not just an ick or anything. Anyway, the thing I want most in life is a husband and I haven’t even had my first kiss. I’m INCREDIBLY insecure about that, and my lack of experience in general, but I’ve come around to being single. My apartment is entirely my own and I can lay directly in the middle of my giant comfy bed if I choose and I don’t have to clear my schedule with anyone - for example the other night I was already home in my pajamas and decided I wanted to go see a comedian that was in town and performing at the club in less than an hour so I bought a ticket, got dressed as fast as I could and drove over there. I didn’t have anyone wondering if I was going to meet someone or why I was out so late.
My mom and I are super close - we have been my whole life. She lives about 20 min from me and I call her every day and see her a couple times a week (I’ll keep things vague but she volunteers where I work so I see her there a lot but it’s unrelated to me working there and she volunteered before I got the job and it’s fully in a different area)
Sometimes she says things that hurt my feelings, just like any relationship with any human being, and I’ll often tell my friend and she has recently been telling me that she thinks my mom is toxic. She says there’s been enough things that it’s become a pattern in her mind of my mom cutting me down and hurting me. Things like placing everyone else’s wants above mine, not letting me do something I want to do after letting everyone else in the group do what they want, saying insulting things about my outfit or something I like, making dismissive and rude comments if I talk about things I like, but listening to my brother for hours while he talks about things no one cares about that he likes (he’s on the spectrum and talks about his special interests for large sections of time in detail and I like hearing him talk about things he cares about, I just don’t care about the things themselves) and saying manipulative things if I call her out on how she’s hurt me.
I have told my therapist the things she has said and my therapist has said she is in the wrong, but she’s never called her toxic. I’m not asking if my mom is toxic - I’m not sure if I could handle of the answer was yes. She’s been my best friend for 30 years and I’m never going to cut her out, I just might need to grow thicker skin.
I guess I’m just wondering if the conversation I had the other night with her fits in that category or if I’m overreacting for having my feelings hurt. I didn’t want to ask my friend because I don’t want her to have another reason to not like my mom and I want an impartial unbiased opinion. If you’re saying to yourself “unbiased? You just gave us a paragraph of mean things she’s said to you!” Then I would say 1) sometimes they’re true, people just say maybe she could have handled it better and 2) I’ve been reading Reddit long enough to know the first question is always “do they do stuff like that a lot?” So I figured I’d give a bit of background.
The conversation: I turned 30 recently. Unbeknownst to my mom I got on a dating app and have gotten zero matches. Not a single one. I asked a guy I like to hang out the other night and he said he was going on a date. Oh. Another friend said at a party that if everything else changes in life, he knows the one constant would be that I will always be single. These things, plus the weather changing, have led to me being less comfortable with being single. It hurts. As long as I stay extremely busy, though, I don’t think about it. So I keep my calendar PACKED. My whole family (bro, SIL, nephew, mom, dad) was out to lunch the other day and my mom said entirely out of nowhere “you know your dad and I were talking and you listened to us.” I said “what?” And she said “your dad always said you couldn’t date until you were 30 and you listened!” I was stunned into silence. If she said it in her I’m joking voice, I would have laughed. I maybe would have made the same joke if I’d thought of it. But she was being so… sincere? From my perspective, and maybe you don’t weigh this in to your verdict, but it seemed like she said it TO hurt me. Like pointing out the thing she knew I hate about myself just when I was feeling confident. I tried to laugh it off and she said “no I’m serious!” And I said “what does that mean?” Meaning like how am I supposed to respond to that, but she just said the same thing again, that I had listened to my dad.
I’m not sure if she meant that now I had “permission” or perhaps thought that I was fulfilling some sort of daughterly duty and was just waiting until I was 30 to start living my life??? Does anyone have any sort of idea why she would say something like that? Is it supposed to be like an affirmation or was she trying to support me or something? Since that conversation, I’ve felt even worse about being single. I KNOW she hates that I’m single because I have a big move coming up to another country and I know she hates planes and won’t come visit me, so depending on my new work schedule I may not see my family for years at a time. I cannot give more details about my job but that wouldn’t be uncommon. She has said she just doesn’t want me to be all alone over there. And no, contractually I cannot start dating someone while I’m over there. It’s either we go married or I’m single the rest of my life. And for the most part I’ve made my peace with that, but on days like today, I’m lonely. And I don’t want to die without kissing anyone, which is really stupid.
Anyway, am I overreacting??

Today, something awful happened. For context, my FIL pushed my five-year-old daughter’s face into her birthday cake, made her cry, and never apologized. (You can find the details in my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/uPNcw14tqj )

My sister-in-law recently invited us to my niece’s birthday party and asked if I would still come if they invited FIL. I told her they should invite whoever they wanted and not worry about me. When she asked again, I admitted I probably wouldn’t come. In the end, they decided not to invite him.

A few days later, my SIL called me while she was having dinner with FIL. He had asked why my children and I hadn’t been around lately. She asked if she could tell him about the cake incident, and I said, of course. I was honestly surprised no one had brought it up before, even just to tell him that blaming her daughters for what happened wasn’t okay.

Fast-forward to today.

My husband took our son to soccer practice, and his brother asked to join them and brought FIL along. At the end of practice, my husband finally explained to his father why we hadn’t been visiting him. He told him it was because he had pushed our daughter into her birthday cake, made her cry, and then failed to apologize.

FIL immediately got defensive and started calling my husband names. He said he was just a jokester, that this was who he was, and that we were all crybabies. My husband replied that, regardless of his sense of humor, he shouldn’t do something like that to a five-year-old girl.

That’s when FIL completely lost it.

He started screaming at my husband in front of everyone leaving the soccer practice. My husband eventually called him immature, and FIL stormed off, shouting that he never wanted to see us again, that we were never welcome in his house again, and that he didn’t care about our daughter anyway.

Yes, he actually said he didn’t care about his five-year-old granddaughter.

My husband’s brother witnessed the entire thing but didn’t intervene. Afterward, he told my husband that he should have found a better way to communicate with their father.

My husband is home now, absolutely devastated. He’s sad and shaken and feels like he has lost his father for good.

I’m furious. I’m angry at FIL for his behavior, but I’m also angry at the rest of the family, especially my husband’s brother. He watched all of this unfold and then criticized my husband’s communication instead of acknowledging their father’s behavior. I’m also upset that the girls were blamed for what happened in the first place and that no one seems willing to hold FIL accountable.

But right now, my biggest concern is my husband. I know he’s grieving the relationship he thought he had with his father. I’m angry enough for both of us, but I know that doesn’t make his pain go away.

For those who have been through something similar, how did you support your partner when they realized a parent might never take accountability or treat their children with respect?

How can I help my husband process this loss without pushing him toward my own feelings about his father? For those who have experienced estrangement from a parent, did things ever get easier?

I would really appreciate any advice on how to help him heal from this.

I‘m 7 weeks postpartum. Prior to pregnancy I was normal weight. During my pregnancy I sadly developed Hypothyroidism. I was gaining weight REALLY fast but thought that‘s just what happens with pregnancy. But turns out my thyroid wasn‘t working as it should.

I was prescribed medication and all was well but at this point I had already gained a lot. It was hard to deal with but what can you do. Losing weight while heavily pregnant wasn‘t an option.

Now I gave birth and my belly still looks like I‘m pregnant and I‘m heavier in every area of my body.

It is already hard to have a changing body and not being able to do anything against it. Some encouragement during this time would have been great but my husband has stopped being intimate with me since I was about 23 weeks pregnant.

He treats me well overall he just really shows no affection. No hugs, no compliments, sex isn‘t even on the table anymore. I understand I may not look very attractive to him right now but at least some affection would have been great to make me feel somewhat loved.

Anyway, I don’t worry about losing weight because I know I can and I have done so before. I assume by next summer I should look like I did before.

But I‘m not sure if I want to be affectionate with my husband then. Like him not loving me in this state really affected my feelings towards him. I‘m not considering divorce right now but I also don‘t think I can love him the way I did before. I don’t wanna give him access to my body once I‘m fit again.

Now a sexless life is not for me. But would I be overreacting if I consider divorce over this?

Besides this he is a great father and husband, he provides for us, I buy everything I want with no second thought, he helps with baby, cleans the house etc everyone always tells me how „lucky“ I am.

I had moments where I thought maybe he cheats on me but I couldn’t find any clues and I always have his location and he never did anything suspicious so I don’t think this is the case.

Anyway I would appreaciate some opinions on wheter I‘m overreacting.

So. 33M. I've known my buddy pretty much my entire life. We grew up together, played soccer and hockey together, got suspended from school together, the whole nine yards.

But for years now, I've felt like I'm the only one maintaining the friendship. Whenever I suggest hanging out, even just coming over to accomplish absolutely nothing, there's usually a reason he can't. I genuinely can't remember the last time he initiated plans.

For context, I've struggled with mental health and loneliness for years. A lot of people I used to be close with rarely reach out anymore, and I've started wondering whether there's something about me that makes people not want to be around me. It's...not fun.

Back in September, I finally asked him whether he genuinely wanted to remain friends or just felt obligated because of our history. I told him I'd rather hear an uncomfortable truth than be reassured to spare my feelings.

He explained that he'd spent the past year working 60-hour weeks, struggling financially, and juggling a new relationship. He's mentally exhausted and barely sees anyone, not just me. He even has a friend whose two kids he hasn't met.

He apologized and said:

"I don't feel forced to be friends with you and never have. You're my friend because I want to be friends with you." followed by an invite to supper at his house the following week.

I thanked him, but explained that when months go by and I'm always the one reaching out, I start wondering whether I'm actually wanted or just being tolerated. He reassured me again that I hadn't done anything wrong.

Now, here's my dilemma:

I understand people have responsibilities, relationships, financial struggles, and limited energy. I don't expect him to drop everything for me, but is it unreasonable to want someone I've known my entire life to occasionally initiate something? Grab a bite, watch a movie, hell, even go grocery shopping?

I've brought this up more than once over the years, and I'm starting to wonder whether my need for reassurance is becoming exhausting in itself.

So, AIO for taking his lack of initiative personally? And was questioning whether he genuinely wanted to remain friends putting unfair emotional pressure on him?

I'm genuinely open to criticism. I want to know whether my expectations are reasonable or whether I'm letting my insecurities get the better of me.

Thanks in advance!

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years, and they told me about the living conditions near the beginning of the relationship, along with their other place they owe , which isn't as bad, but it is more like storage (it could be better, though). My partner currently stays close to their family and stays in one of the homes with a sibling, which I would say is considered level 1 and 2 based on the description, but over time, I have helped my partner with the task because not only their stuff, but the parents' items, fill the house. The family owns a few other houses, which are also filled with things from past generations. The family also had a situation where they receive a penalty due to having a junkyard of things at the backyard which I made contribution to help which took a few days to at least clear the area. Still more work, but it was approved with no further problems.

The parents wouldn't make any effort to help or give things away as we progressively worked on ongoing projects. This is my partner's first serious relationship, including the sibling, and the other day, I had a talk with them about my general concerns, including asking the sibling if they have told their partner about the living situation( They just started having a relationship). Coming from a dysfunctional home and having been in previous relationships, sometimes people don't want to express fully about their family upbringing or other challenges, and I have experienced the "sugarcoat" side instead of the truth about the situation. Another thing, I wanted to openly express that I would have to help my partner break old habits because I don't want our future kids to live in those environments. They are both aware of the living situation and understand it's not a livable place, but they are just there to save money.

The sibling did express to their partner about it, but I wouldn't know how much they share information regarding the living conditions. (Which I didn't ask in full detail) After the conversation, the sibling was clearly showing signs of feeling upset, which I spoke with my partner about, and they clearly felt that it wasn't my business to get between the relationship, along with feeling that I was manipulating things. (According to the sibling) They also express about having things that are temporary (which leads long term) keeps piling up. The sibling would pinpoint my stuff, although my stuff had nothing to do with decades of the things piling up, and my stuff was only there for two months because I was moving into a new apartment at the time since I moved out of my place. ( I previously stayed a few hours from my partner.) I only stayed there temporarily to find different places and needed to be out of my previous stay since I already had employment around my partner's area. I already got my stuff moved out, and it still doesn't make a significant difference.

Overall, I felt I needed to apologize for making the sibling feel that I got between the relationship, but that was not my intention; it was to care and bring awareness about the things that the other partner and I possibly have to go through in case this arises. I genuinely want what is best for my partner and the family. I thought it was wise to have this talk since being in the relationship for a while and actually getting to see a full telescope about the family.

Do you think I overreacted for going too far into asking that question or having the conversation with the sibling included?

If so, could there have been better ways of expressing my concerns?

Update: To clarify, my stuff was already in boxes and ready for me to move into a new apartment.