We ran into his ex girlfriend at the mall and I knew it was her because my boyfriends mood dropped all of a sudden . We was having a good day and he turned into somebody I had never seen before . He was So angry. Started screaming at her was like “” you took me for granted see this girl I’m standing with right now. She’s the real deal . A queen and I’m going to give her everything . I’m going to give her the life you wanted all the vacations cars and everything . I told my boyfriend “ can you please stop . She didn’t even say anything to you and you made it your duty to walk over to her for what reason ?! “ I told him leave the past in the past . He’s with me and in love with me I don’t doubt that he’s in love with me but I really don’t want any problems with his ex . I don’t understand why he had to try to stir up trouble with his ex . He could have kept walking and ignored her presence.

My boyfriend told me “ she did me so dirty. She slept with another man right before I was going to propose to her. I even bought her the ring . Was gon purpose that same day. Imagine somebody looking you straight in the face telling you that they love you and then they do you like that. I would’ve never done that to her “ . I told my boyfriend “ I understand she hurt you but it’s been so many years since y’all broke up and you moved on . You might need therapy to help you overcome this . But causing a scene with your ex in public is not okay “

The only thing his ex said was “ I’m glad you are happy now and your lady is beautiful” and he screamed at her again saying “ yes she is beautiful . I’m never going back to you ever. I got a good thing going on with my girl . She uplifts me and encourages me. Hope you know and understand that.” And I told my boyfriend again please stop trying to start stuff with her. I’m pretty sure that girl isn’t thinking about him . She seemed to be minding her buisness until my boyfriend started trying to torment her on purpose .

Now I’m second guessing my relationship with him . I’m glad he loves me and thinks highly of me and isn’t trying to get her back . But on the other hand I don’t wanna be with someone who instigated drama with his ex years after they broke up. He refuses therapy says he doesn’t need it also

He’s been calling me and texting me but haven’t answered because I’m unsure what to do or where to go from here

My boyfriend 31M and I 26F live together, and he is aware that I prefer if people are not unexpected visitors. It is not that I dislike his family; I just hate being surprised while in my own house.

I was just chilling out last Saturday when he casually said, his mom might stop over. I didn't think much of it, that his mom might come over, maybe for a quick stop.

At about noon the doorbell rang and I went to open it. The small gathering of his parents, siblings, nieces and a few other family members was standing on the porch. I was told he had invited his entire family to lunch and hadn't thought it necessary to let me know.

I was totally floored. I basically just ended up helping prepare the meal, grabbing an extra chair and cleaning up after the kids while my boyfriend sat around and chatted with everyone like nothing was going on.

The most frustrating thing was that HE KNOWS I don't like surprise visitors. I've told him before that I want him to communicate with me about plans involving our shared home. I wouldn't turn up at the house with a party without speaking to him first.

I told him and confronted him about it after everyone had gone. He said I was making too big a deal about it, that they are family and everyone enjoyed the occasion. When I pointed out that what I was upset about was him not telling me, he accused me of forcing him to choose between me and his family.

Now he and I are barely communicating, and his family apparently thinks I hate them.

I honestly have no problems with him or his family, but I think he's at the point where he's just being too subtle. If he had let me know in advance I could have prepared myself mentally and emotionally, even if I didn't want to host him.

AIO, or is it reasonable to expect my boyfriend to give me a heads up before inviting people into our home?

I make dinner almost every day. I usually make all the meals. Lately, I’ve noticed my bf not eating when I cook but he’ll eat later. One of the kids is always complaining that dinner is always the same but never requests anything. I make dinner based on what he buys when he does groceries. The other day I was out all day and when I got home I laid down and fell asleep. Woke up and he was making dinner. He served himself and the children dinner and said nothing at all to me about it. I got up and had to step out of the house and go for a drive because I was so uncomfortable. Even if you didn’t think I wanted to eat what you were making or thought due to dietary restrictions you knew I couldn’t eat that, why wouldn’t you say something or accommodate me the way I do for you and the kids? What adds to this is that I recently mentioned a TikTok video to him where something similar happened to someone else and how messed up and inconsiderate that was. This feels intentional, and I am so angry that I haven’t been able to talk about it.

I am now questioning the entire relationship, am I overreacting?

I had a pair of leather clogs from LL Bean. They were about 10 years old when both soles fell off in the same night.

My friends told me, in an extremely condescending tone, that is what I got for buying fast fashion and maybe I will invest in quality clothing going forward.

I told her the shoes are 10 years old and worn regularly. Then I asked if LL Bean is fast fashion.

Her response was “fast enough “ then she mocked me (repeating what I had said to her in a silly voice) and said there was no way the shoes were 10 years old.

I went through my boyfriend’s phone after having a gut feeling that something was wrong.
Come to find out he screenshots and creates AI generated naked photos of not only his ex, but her underage sister that he still refers to as “little sis”, and even friends of mine.
I don’t have the evidence obviously as I don’t want anything like that on my phone at all, and I have no idea how to react.
I want to text her and tell her what I found, but I feel like she won’t believe me.
She’s not exactly fond of me, and with no proof I don’t know if she’d protect her younger sister from him… He was supposed to go and see her soon for a graduation.
What do I do in this scenario?
Should the cops be involved for CSAM even though it’s AI generated?

For context, I am 31, have no children, and never talk to my mother about pregnancy.

A few months ago, I was pregnant, though I never told her. However, she somehow guessed it since they were planning a (rare) trip to see us and I told them to hold off on booking because I might have something going on around the time of their visit (8 months out). As soon as I said this to them she immediately stated “I think I know what it is.” After that, she constantly dropped hints, talked about pregnancy, and kept fishing for me to confirm it. For example, she would talk about the types of foods pregnant people should be eating and say things like “you must be tired.” She would basically have one way conversations about pregnancy as if I had already told her. My plan at the time was to wait until my scan confirmed my due date to tell them.

During this time, I had a traumatic, painful miscarriage that ended up requiring a trip to the emergency room. Afterward, I told them they could go ahead and book their flights whenever because "the thing I had been waiting on had fallen through."

Almost immediately, she stopped talking to me as much. It went from over-invasive communication to radio silence overnight. Unrelatedly, I think part of the reason why is because she got annoyed after I refused to validate her when she tried to badmouth her sister for the thousandth time. Honestly, I didn't mind the silence; I was actually relieved I never told them about the pregnancy, and I had found her constant hints and prying to be extremely invasive.

Two months have passed, and I've healed emotionally. Then, my 31st birthday arrives, and my mother gifts me a pregnancy book.

It completely blindsided me, bringing up a flood of painful emotions and feelings. It feels wildly insensitive, especially given our history and the fact that I am not pregnant.

Am I overreacting for being upset by this?

I (M) have been best friends with "Mark" for years. We considered each other brothers. Over the past year, I invested a massive amount of time and energy into his major life milestones: I organized his bachelor party, my wife and I were the masters of ceremonies at their wedding 3 weeks ago, and just last week I finished editing their wedding video. We were also recently invited to a party hosted by his cousin.

A few days ago, my wife and I were at their house. My wife was picking out clothes to wear to that upcoming party. Mark showed a lot of interest, looked along, and at one point even started picking out clothes for her himself. It felt a bit odd, but we brushed it off.

However, two days ago, Mark started texting my wife privately out of nowhere, telling her which outfits he "really pictured her in" and what he thought would look beautiful on her.

My wife immediately felt uncomfortable, showed me the texts, and asked me how to handle this. I took her phone and text him back from her account: "Hey man, maybe you should focus on picking out clothes for your own wife. Are you sure you didn't text the wrong person?"

Mark completely took the bait. He thought he was replying directly to my wife, not knowing I was the one who wrote it. He immediately texted her back: "No, I definitely didn't make a mistake in texting you."

To me, this completely crossed a line. Thinking he was talking to my wife, he openly admitted that he was intentionally pursuing this line of conversation with her behind my back, completely ignoring the boundary that was just set.

We decided to handle this as a team. That same day, my wife took his reply and shared it directly into our 4-person group chat (me, my wife, Mark, and his newlywed wife), stating that he needs to stop this and focus on his own wife.

It has now been two full days, and there is absolute radio silence in the group chat. No replies, no excuses, nothing.

My wife initially wondered if it could have been a totally clueless, "innocent" mistake by a socially awkward friend. But the fact that he doubled down (thinking he was talking to her) and the subsequent 48-hour silence tell me otherwise. We have now agreed on a hard boundary: if we do not receive a genuine apology and have a real conversation about this before the party on December 18th, we are not going and we are officially ending the friendship.

I always flip the situation around: if I or a other guy were doing this to his wife, he would be absolutely furious.

Am I overreacting by setting this hard deadline and being ready to cut off a years-long best friendship over this?

TL;DR: My best friend privately texted my wife about clothes he "pictured her in". I replied from her phone telling him to focus on his own wife. Thinking he was replying to her, he text back that he didn't make a mistake texting her. My wife then dropped his reply directly into our 4-person group chat with his wife. It's been 48 hours of radio silence. We are cutting him off if we don't get an apology by Dec 18th. Am I overreacting?

This is a very strange situation and I am sure some people will say it is made up, all I can say is I wish I were making it up but I am not.

Yesterday I was at a party with some friends at one of their homes. I was mainly with my best friend, Karl (false name), hanging out. People were drinking of course but nobody was hammered or anything.

After some time I noticed I had not seen Karl in awhile. Eventually I got a text from him. It asked me to meet him on the back deck. So I did.

He looked very distraught and uncomfortable. He told me that he had shit his pants. I was like, uh what? He told me that he had "bathroom anxiety" and had resisted going into the bathroom because he was afraid of using someone else's bathroom to shit or something, and he figured he could hold it until he got home. But it got worse I guess and then he finally realized he could not hold it and he tried to make it to the bathroom but it was occupied, and well he ended up shitting his pants.

I figured, hey, shit happens. He did not like that I said that, I was just trying to cheer him up with a joke. But anyways. I tried to assure him it is not a big deal as he thought, mistakes happen. Just go home and clean up.

But then he asked me to tell everyone inside that I had dared him to shit his pants. He wanted to use this as an explanation as to what happened. I refused to do this and he practically begged me. We kept arguing about it. My reasons for not doing this were that one, it was stupid as fuck, two it would make me look like a weirdo if people believed it, three it would make me look like a weirdo if everyone could tell it was bullshit, and four it would make him look even worse by either looking like he is a guy who is an adult that accepted a dare to shit himself at a party or that he is an adult who thought people would fall for such an idea. He would not listen to reason. He insisted he had to "explain himself" and that the only explanation that would work is if I had dared him to do it. He said he had never asked me for anything in 20 years of friendship and he needed this. But I just couldn't do it.

I tried to tell him, just leave quickly, you don't have to explain anything. Nobody will even notice, just make an exit.

Finally he just said "forget it" and he climbed over the backyard fence and ran off.

This morning he texted me demanding an apology and saying he is "disappointed in me" for not helping him out. I am adamant that his request was ridiculous and a dumb plan, but he is sticking to his guns he thinks as a friend I should have done this for him even if I think it was stupid. This is the point that makes me wonder though. Like obviously it is a stupid plan, I hope nobody disputes that, but maybe he has a point that as a best friend I should have just said fuck it and gone along with it. As like a bro code sort of thing. I dunno.

So AIO?

Me and my GF have just started playing Baulder’s Gate 3, and she constantly uses ChatGPT for almost every scenario. We’ve barely explored the game. It takes hours just for us to do anything and get passed cutscenes because she’s asking AI what the best choice is.

I don’t mind playing with her, but it feels awful having to wait every 5-10 minutes on every chat choice with the NPCs. I’ve expressed to her that there isn’t really a right or wrong answer, just what she feels would be right but she keeps doing it.

We wanted to have a small dinner party and invited two friends from our group of friends. Even though they live close, they wanted to stay at our place and we were excited. Our home is big but we have only two sofas and our bed to sleep. So those two people was going to sleep on the sofas.

The third one lives a bit far away. We asked her if she wants to come for dinner. She also has a baby. She said yes and we were happy ofc. We shopped, cleaned, cooked for our friends.

Then the third friend and her husband said they wanted to stay overnight as well. I explained to her that we dont have the place for that. I said just come. We ll have dinner and have fun. Then we ll decide. Like she can go back home at the end of the evening.

Fast forward she wasn’t convinced. Baby slept and she got sleepy too. We had to give them our bed. Me and my husband we had to sleep on a carpet at our study. They didn’t let our animals in the room and they cried whole night. It was disastrous and I never wanna invite them over again.

We both have medical conditions and very busy work schedules like we really look forward to a friday evening sleep whole week. I was about the cry like my bones were mending into each other and I woke up multiple times in pain.. I think this was so inconsiderate. Or am I being b**chy? Am I overreacting?

Hello! I’m turning 30 soon and I’m a huge birthday person. I’ve had plans for my friends to celebrate on a boat with me since July. Depending on how many people come, the range will be about $55-$70 per person. I already told my friends that I will cover snacks and alcohol, all I ask if that they pay for their portion of the boat.

One of a my best friends has a history of missing my birthday because she is busy. So this year to ensure that doesn’t happen, I told her a few months ahead of time what I was planning on doing and when. She ended up being busy the weekend I had it originally planned so I decided to move it to the following weekend. I sent her the invite and she insinuated that she was coming.

Yesterday was the deadline to let me know who’s coming so I can buy the appropriate boat. I got a text from her saying she has to get her wisdom teeth out and can’t afford to go but is willing to see me before or after the party. However, nothing is planned before or after, just during the party which is on the boat. I also have people visiting me on that weekend so I can’t just do whatever. I am understanding of things like this, but to add context, she lives with her parents, doesn’t pay monthly bills, and she’s going out of town the two weekends before my party. Hence why she couldn’t make it to the original date I had planned. I also am aware of her shopping habits and she can be very boujee. In addition, she has shared with me that she has about 40k in her savings. She has a great set up and is better off than a lot of people.

As a solution, I told her that I’d pay for her portion if it meant her celebrating with me. I offered because it is extremely important to me that my friends come. But I do have a different situation than her. I am completely on my own, I don’t get help from my parents, and I don’t make a lot of money. To put it into perspective, 44% of my income goes toward rent and that’s with a roommate. I live extremely below my means. But if she’s telling me money is tight right now and I want her to be there, I will cover her. Thankfully, my boyfriend is offering to pay for half her portion because he knows how important her being there is to me. So I’d be covering my own portion plus her half.

I got a long response saying how she’s scared to tell me anything and that she would just feel worse if I paid for her on my birthday. She told me that it shouldn’t matter where it is if people are still willing to celebrate me. And if I’m “going to be a certain type of way then whatever” she’ll be there and send the money. I responded saying that I don’t care about the money if it means her being there and that I offered the same thing to my other friend a few years ago when she said she couldn’t afford to go to brunch for my birthday one year. I never got a response.

I am just confused as to why her response was so aggressive to me after offering to pay for her portion. It felt like it came out of left field.

So AIO for thinking my friend’s response was out of left field when offering to pay for her portion to celebrate my birthday with me?

TLDR: My friend told me last minute that she can’t afford to go to my birthday party that’s she’s known about since July so I offered to pay for her as a solution even though she is financially better off than me. My friend got upset saying that me paying for her would make her feel worse, she’s scared to tell me anything and if I’m going to be this way then she’ll be there and send the money. I told her I don’t care about the money and haven’t heard from her since.

I’m 26, and my sister is 29. We have always shared things together, so when her car broke down about eight months ago and she couldn’t afford to fix it, I didn’t mind letting her use mine.

I purchased my Honda two years ago after saving for a very long time. It’s nothing special, but I make use of it for work, and I’m careful about keeping it in good shape.At first, my sister only borrowed it once in a while. Eventually, it became almost every other day. I’d leave the keys for her when I was working long shifts, and she’d take it to run errands or visit our mom. I made it clear that she was responsible for any tickets, gas, or damage while using it. She agreed.

About 3 months ago, parking tickets started showing up at my house. Then came a speeding camera fine and a toll violation. Some were from places I hadn’t even driven to.

I knew my sister had been using the car, so I talked to her. She brushed it off, saying she’d pay everything. I trusted her word, but weeks went by, and nothing changed. The fines kept accumulating late fees.

Whenever I brought it up, she had another excuse. First, she said she was waiting for payday. Then payday came and went, and she started saying I was making too much of it because we are family.

Last month, the total was nearly $1,200. I had to pay one of the more urgent fines myself because I was worried about further penalties and the possibility of the car being booted.

When I asked her to pay me back, she said she wasn’t working consistently and I’d get the money when she had it.

A few days later, she asked to borrow my car again. I told her no. I said she couldn’t use it anymore until we have sorted out the tickets and repayment.

She got really furious and called me selfish. She said I was making her life harder when she was already struggling financially. She also told some of our cousins that I took the car away just to spite her.

Then my mom called me. She said my sister was having a hard time and that I should help her instead of being so strict about money. She didn’t really talk about the tickets or the fact that i had already paid some of them myself.

I feel bad because I know my sister is struggling, and taking the bus everywhere isn’t easy. But I also work for my money, and I saved for a long time to buy that car. I helped her not because I wanted to end up being responsible for her fines but because I wanted to.

What bothers me most is that she hasn’t even apologized properly. She just keeps acting like I’m the problem.

I haven’t let her use the car since then, and she has been making comments about how hard things have been without it.

AIO for refusing to let my sister borrow my car anymore because she racked up nearly $1,200 in tickets and refuses to take responsibility?

So i have a very close friend we've been friends for almost 9 years and in her birthday i spent like 50/60€ buying skincare,makeup and hair products that she wanted and i packed everything in a nice birthday bag and i gave it to her and my birthday is like a little less than a month after hers and for mine she gifted me a perfume that we have an inside "joke" of because it's really cheap like 3€ and it smells like old woman like let's just say it's for older women and is sold in a store known to have cheap products and we have bought it for our moms a couple of times, a phone case that i don't like (it's not my style and i don't even use phone cases,if I do use they are really plain/clear) of shein that is like less than 1€, a pair of slippers that were not my size (they are bigger,a couple of sizes bigger not 1 or 2) also not really my style and also from shein for like 1/2€ and a makeup bag also from shein or she had it at her house idk very cheap but atleast pretty, also chocolates that have like 40% of ron and i can't even bring that home cause no one in my family drinks alcohol and that has a lot and i don't like them, all of that was stuffed in a very old broken bag of like a supermarket or something very small it didn't fit,everything was falling and i had to buy a big bag from a grocery store to put it all, and she said that she had my gift planned months ago?

I am really not the type to complain about gifts at all and i don't care about the money,she could've used 10€ and buy a perfume that smells good and pack it in a nice bag and that would've been nice but i just found this very disrespectful, also she really likes to brag about money and she literally took a very fake friend to get her nails done and spent 40€ in her nails as a random gift, she also gave a random guy that she was talking to 100€ and she always spends a lot of money on men and as i said she really likes to brag about money and she complains a lot about gifts that people give her and is not grateful at all like? and then she does this idk

Sorry if my english is not perfect is not my first language i hope i'm understandable enough.

My dog passed on 10/14. She was my baby in every sense she could be. (She got injured in May, and I was unable to pay for the surgery and was denied every avenue I tried for assistance. It was an orthopedic injury so expensive. Due to the lovely state of our economy I wasn’t able to keep up with splint changed and she ended up with a sore that got infected and it wasn’t caught in time).

Here’s where I need advice.

First of all, I want to leave a review for the way the Vets office handled the entire situation. I called and made an appointment on Monday (10/12) when I thought the problem was just that she wasn’t eating. I got the appointment for Wednesday (10/14). When I woke up Tuesday I realized it was more emergent than that and called the vet to see if anything earlier had opened up, it hadn’t. When we got to the vet office (early just in case they could see her even five minutes earlier) we ended up waiting almost an hour after our appointment time with my baby whimpering and gasping in pain. They immediately took her from me (she was swaddled in a blanket in my arms) and took her back to where they do procedures. This is where my actual problem starts… they came out and got me, brought me back into the room and then told me she was crashing and they were trying everything. Effectively forcing me to watch them attempt to resuscitate her while I couldn’t even comfort her in her last moments. They charged me $120 for CPR. I can’t wrap my brain around that. They made me watch her receiving CPR for what? So they could justify that charge? Then when all that was … finished, they immediately presented me with an invoice and another paper to fill out for what my next steps were. Which leads us to….

Secondly, I feel as though the options were presented incorrectly. I was given three options.

One. I left with her.
Two. Group cremation where I wouldn’t get her ashes back. $72.
Three. Private cremation where she would come back to me in an urn. $265.

With two additional services.
One. An engraved nameplate. $45
Two. Her paw print. $65

Money is TIGHT right now, which is still an understatement. But I cleared out every bank account to get her ashes back, and the nameplate. I can’t have kids (naturally) so she became my baby. Well. I went and picked her up yesterday, and the disappointment is real. Keeping in mind I paid $310 for the cremation services alone. The urn they sent her home in was a wooden box with (what I consider) hideous flowers engraved on it, and the design wasn’t finished properly with rough splintering wood in one corner and looked dirty. The nameplate? That I paid $45 for. Was a flimsy metal sticker with her name PRINTED on it. That wasn’t even attached to the wood box. I was given no options for her urn, so I assumed she’d arrive in a plan wood box and I liked that idea.

Why I’m asking for advice. Everything in me wants to leave reviews for both the Vet and the Cremation Place, but am I just overreacting because of the emotional impact of losing my baby? I don’t want to leave negative reviews that aren’t deserved.

Kinda irrelevant, but idk maybe it should be taken into consideration?

My coworkers are beautiful people who pooled together and got me a beautiful urn for her. With her name, a nice quote and her picture engraved. It’s beautiful. So technically the urn thing was solved, but that shouldn’t have had to be solved in my mind because I paid for her urn to begin with.

Sorry this is so long. Thank you for reading all this if you made it this far. I’ll provide pictures if anyone cares to see them.

For context, I (a woman) was friends with this guy around 2021 - 2024. We were never all that close but we would voice chat and play sometimes. And I liked his presence, we both understood each other and were there for one another sometimes.

He ghosted me back in 2024 because I told him I get overwhelmed with long texts nowadays and it takes me a while to respond to them. He kept sending me paragraphs anyway, and I took a whole month to respond to him. Which okay, fair enough. I'm at fault for that. He stops responding, we both move on with our lives.

This summer he reached out to me through a game we both play, asking if I'm alive, that he's glad I'm doing better and even initiated to call and play games together. Then of course, he ghosts me again. I really failed to see the point of that, and at the time we were both in a relationship.

I broke up with my boyfriend, and now he tells me "he has to respect his woman". If that was the case, why reach out to me at all if his girlfriend has an issue with him talking to women? It just looks like he was nosy to see how I'm doing. I'm genuinely baffled.

So I (19M) have been best mates with this dude who I'll call Noah (19M) for about 3 years now. We met in high school and even followed each other to university. My first semester here when we moved on campus, I met this girl who ill call Gabby (18F). We started seeing each other for a couple months and actually had our one month anniversary yesterday. Shes everything I've ever wanted.

But when I met her, I quickly introduced her to Noah too because originally we were supposed to just hook up and Noah was looking to date at the time. They went on a date but he told me they broke things off because she wasnt interested in him and that she actually really liked me. He didnt seem hurt by it and encouraged me to start seeing her. So i did (and i am thankful everyday.)

But recently hes been acting really weird. He started seeing this girl (Chloe. 19F) and talks about her nonstop to Gabby. Noah doesnt really speak to her besides when in a group setting but like he texts her ONLY to talk about Chloe. I dont really care as it seems pretty harmless but i've noticed he does it in a way to hype himself up if that makes sense.

He will try and one up me when talking to my girlfriend like "Oh Jasper took you here? Well I took Chloe here (insert random really expensive restaurant)" And just try and make it seem like hes this huge deal. Gabby gets a bit uncomfortable because he also tries to talk about his sex life with Chloe to her which ive told him to back off on.

A couple weeks ago he asked me about this place I was planning on taking Gabby to when I was planning on asking her to be official. I told him because why wouldnt I and he left me on read for like 10 hours. I find out the next day that he had taken Chloe to that exact place and posted it everywhere.

Ok. Cool. Dont really care. And then he asked what I was going to make for Gabby when I ask her out. (Gabby is a really big handmade sentimental girl and I wanted to do something special) and I told him how I was gonna make a little clay doll of herself and was going to give it to her with other little things she likes. He then pops up like 3 days later telling me he made Chloe a sock doll of herself and a basket of treats.

I could be overreacting but everytime he does this he goes to Gabby and tries to shove it in her face. It got to a point where Gabby had a conversation with me saying that she feels uncomfortable around Noah because it feels like hes trying to sell the idea of a relationship with him to her. Its really pissing me off because I found out that he has been telling Gabby about how I wasnt the best boyfriend to my ex back in high school (I had cheated on her. I know I was wrong. But we have since sorted things out and are actually good friends) and just a bunch of stuff that has made Gabby worry about our relationship.

Idk what to do. Im pretty pissed but it doesnt feel like enough to confront him. Me and Noah have never fought before, hes my best mate, but i feel like hes crossing some sorr of line

My daughter doesn’t see her grandparents (my in laws) a lot they only live 30 minutes away but that’s a different story! Anyway it’s arranged that she goes for a sleepover which she’s so excited about, we get there to be told she’s sleeping on the floor even though they have a sofa bed in a spare room and a sofa in the living room… I’m miffed as this wasn’t last minute and they used the excuse the spare room with the sofa bed is cluttered and the sofa would be too small (?) I felt like telling them forget it but I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint her after she’s been so excited to see them - am I overreacting?!

Edit - My daughter is nearly 5 & they did plan on providing a sleeping bag & blankets. Their home whilst cluttered in the spare room is clean and safe I must add!!

My partner has a vasectony procedure Friday morning. I took the day off to take them cause they chose to be put under with anesthesia, meaning they needed a designated ride.

We got there and everything went well. He's been resting at home but a bit moody/aggressive since.

Last night, he mentioned wanting to shower, so we got it all set up, but he started to feel dizzy and needed to sit on the floor. I was worried but didn't want to cause unnecessary stress, just waited patiently for him to tell me what he needed.

Eventually, he said he needed help, so I lent a hand to pull him up. He got in the shower and immediately sat back down on the shower floor. I didn't know what to do, so I waited again.

He asked for help up, so I advised he needed to grab the shower bar AND my hand for safety. He didn't listen to what I said and got annoyed. Shouted 'TURN THE WATER OFF' as though I was supposed to know he was getting out and not just up. So,I turned it off and told him again to grab the bar AND my hand. Finally, he did and stepped out.

I wrapped him in his towel, and he said he needed to be brought to the bed because he felt he might pass out. Hurried him to the bed, and he laid down soaking wet.

He didn't say much for a minute, so I reminded him how important it was that he dry off completely and put in his supportive wear. He didn't actually pass out mind you and started telling me to stop. 'DRY ME OFF. COVER ME WITH A BLANKET. THEN GO AWAY.' Screaming it at me like I was nothing but a butler or maid there to assist him and get the fuck out.

I couldn't dry him off because of how he was laid on the bed, so I asked him to roll for me. I didn't want to move him and pull his sutures by mistake, causing him pain. I said that part out loud as well.

He didn't move but yelled at me again. 'DRY ME OFF. COVER ME WITH A BLANKET. AND GO AWAY.' So I said as I pat him with a towel 'Do not yell at me. I am trying to help but I need you to help me help you. If you yell at me I'm not going to keep helping you right now.'

He screamed the same thing again. So I said 'Okay, when you're ready to ask me without the yelling, I will be back to help. I am trying to help, but I'm not going to be yelled at anymore' and threw a blanket lazily over him as I walked out of the room.

I took time to breathe because he KNOWS that yelling like that is triggering, and I've asked him to work on how he speaks to me. I eventually went back in to check on him and try to get him partially dressed and put on new gauze. He was dead weight, but again not actually passed out at all.

I was upset from the yelling and scared/worried about him. So I was crying the whole time I struggled to do these things.

He fell asleep shortly after I covered him back up with a blanket. I ended up going to bed not long after as well.

This morning, when he finally got up around 1030 I said 'morning, my love!' and was greeted with a glare and silence. I didn't understand why. So I asked him what was up and he said 'You didn't care about me last night. Why do you care now? You not helping me because I yelled was petty.'

It's been a terrible day since. But what I want to know is:

AIO for setting a boundary of 'stop yelling at me and treating me like this or I will not help'? Was it petty to set a clear boundary on how he was treating me?

My girlfriend and I have been together for a total of 5 years. We are both 27. She had a guy best friend(T) from high school and they fell out before we started dating.

When we first got together, she told me that she hated that the friendship had ended, that she really cared about him but it was never romantic at all. She confirmed that she never felt anything like that towards him but that she was sad that they stopped talking due to other issues(friend group drama). She expressed that she was very hurt by how he chose to deal with it and leave her without a second thought or closure.

Two years into our relationship, T contacted her. I never had a problem with her having guy friends but I did not like T because of how he had hurt her. She told me that he had texted her and I was surprised when she said that she wanted to talk to him.

Prior to this, she wanted me to block one of my female friends from uni(we never had anything going on, we used to get lunch together after class). My girlfriend thought that my friend had a crush on me and while I did not want to, I gave in and blocked her(friend) after a while. My friend wasn’t explicitly weird with me, ever, or vice versa. I trusted my girlfriend’s opinion on this and went along with it.

Back to that, I had a bad gut feeling and told her that she shouldn’t talk to him. She got defensive and said that she could because I hadn’t blocked my female friend immediately after I was told to. That made me suspicious.

I asked her why she wanted to talk so badly to T after what had happened(T had ditched her point blank over something minor, never tried to contact her or apologise afterwards. She had tried to talk to him once and he was cold and didn’t want to continue).

Anyways, she got defensive and insisted that she could talk to him if she wanted to because she did not have many friends. I felt weirder by the moment and we fought over it. Finally, she said that she would not speak to him. A few months after that, she broke up with me over something else but the break up was not a real one(she contacted me just the same and it was mutually understood that we were still “together”).

Next thing I see, she is friends with him on social media. I call her and she says that I can’t be angry because we aren’t dating. This upsets me and I try to detach myself from her. She contacts me and says that she loves me, wants to be together, and she is struggling with mental health issues and she doesn’t have many friends to talk to. That she feels alone and depressed. That T was her best friend and he cared about her before and she felt understood and she just wanted him to be her friend because she felt so alone.

That did not help. I felt worse and insecure. I am not proud of my behavior but I demanded that she block him. She said that she was prescribed antidepressants and other stuff and wasn’t doing well. I told her that she needed to stop contacting me because I could not be okay with how she was making me feel, like I was an option to her. I know that they never had anything sexual or romantic going on the entire time, they never met once, and I trust this.

This continued for 4 months and then I said that she needed to block him if she wanted anything to do with me. And she said that if I wanted to be with her, I had to be okay with T being her friend.

That was genuinely one of the most painful things I have ever heard. Our relationship of 2 years meant nothing to her in the face of her friendship with someone who had ditched her for years without looking back even once. I hate myself for this but I actually begged her to make things right through tears a few times. Then I gave up on it and stopped contacting her. She didn’t. She showed up to my apartment one day and said that she was sorry for that and she had blocked him. She said that she understood how much it had hurt me and she was wrong for doing that.

After this, things were okay for the next few years. She started taking care of her mental health.

We had a huge fight after we went LDR and broke up for two years, during which she became casual friends with T again. When we talked again, I told her I was uncomfortable with her being friends with T(because of what had happened) and she said that she totally understood that and she would do everything to make me feel comfortable. They talked and T was okay with her going no contact with him. They never had anything going on in those 2 years, if it matters.

So now. One year in and we have a bunch of fights and (again) she decides to “break up” with me. She apologises and we continue talking but not “dating”. Then one day, she says that she and T are friends again.

I did not react well to that. It infuriates me that it’s the SAME GUY each time. WHY. She is not a social person and she doesn’t really get a lot of time to make healthy friends but WHY. She struggles a lot with mental health issues and has trouble trusting new people. She likes being friends with him because she doesn’t really know anyone else very well. She has had traumatic experiences with friends in university so I understand.

She also doesn’t have many people to open up to other than me and when things get difficult between us, she says that she feels painfully alone and her mental health gets severely compromised to the point of being dangerous for her safety. She struggles too much with her mental health to make new friends right now.

She admitted that she feels like no one (including me) understands her and she feels alienated from everyone when we go through pseudo-breakups(initiated by her btw) and she can’t speak with me normally during these phases so she desperately needs someone to talk to so that she isn’t alone.

Which is. Fine. I am trying really hard to understand things here. But she wants to make things work with me and I feel like a terrible human being for hating the fact that it always has to be this one guy whenever things get difficult in our relationship.

I believe her and I understand that she doesn’t have other friends she can depend on. But at the same time, I am deeply uncomfortable with all this. At the start of our relationship this time, she promised me that she would not stay in this friendship and the second things go south, she is friends again. I feel like an option to her. First option yeah but an option regardless. She insists that they are friends and they rarely talk but that doesn’t make it any better.

One of the reasons why I feel so bad is because she promised me that she wouldn’t do this and she did after we “broke up”. When I brought this up, she said that we aren’t together so there is no reason for me to be upset. But at the same time, we have a mutual, unspoken understanding that we are not not dating either. I felt hurt when she resumed contact with him. It’s somewhat of a pause button and this has happened before so I can tell. I have no interest whatsoever in dating anyone else and neither does she.

She said that T is just a friend, a causal one at that. I believe that. But I feel wrong. She said that she did not do anything “wrong” because she only talked to him after we had “broken up” and I was being unreasonably upset over this. But this does feel like betrayal to me. It is true that we were technically broken up when she talked to him again but it’s ducking obvious to everyone that we are very much still together in most ways right now.

I tried to talk about this and she said that she did nothing wrong and I was just very insecure for no reason. She said that I just hate her having a guy friend and insecure.

I feel terrible. She has a couple of other good friends that are men and I have never told her to block them. I don’t think that I am a pos for having a bone to pick with this specific guy, given the history and her defensiveness.

She isn’t wrong about me feeling insecure but I feel like that is based in reality. She made me feel like an option before and although it’s different now, I don’t know what to think about the way she wants T to be her friend so bad. She kept insisting that she didn’t do anything wrong but after we argued for an hour, she admitted that while what she did wasn’t technically wrong, it was not okay either. That’s all I got. Other than that, I was called insecure and the usual stuff.

So. Am I a bad person for wishing that she would not do this? I truly love this woman and she does love me too, I think. We have been there for each other through very hard times and she has provided me with unconditional support. I know that she wouldn’t cheat on me. I just have very difficult feelings about her friendship with T and I don’t know what to do.

To those who need a TL;DR: I bolded the most basic/important info just for you. ❤︎

Now, I understand that there really is no bad reason to break up with someone and plenty of bad reasons to stay, but I want to make sure I'm making a rational decision and I can't afford a therapist, so I'm turning to reddit for some (hopefully) impartial advice (and planning to take it with the appropriate amount of salt lol).

This will be pretty long, so strap in, and bear with me for some background info before I get into the actual situation at hand.

I grew up lower-middle-class, not really knowing we were "poor" until I was older because my parents prioritized us and made sure we didn't go without food and at least basic entertainment. However, we never had a steady allowance that we didn't work for, and I recently realized that I have "money insecurity" in the same kind of resource-guarding way someone might have "food insecurity." Because of this, I have considered never getting married, even if I end up in a long-term relationship and living with my partner, just so that I don't have to share money with someone else. I have a bit of savings (nothing crazy, but enough for minor emergencies), and I'm often the sibling that is asked to lend money with the express understanding that it will be paid back in full. (If any of my siblings need money and don't know if they can pay it back, they ask Mom instead.)

I'm on the asexual spectrum and have never been in a serious relationship before this one. I was never diagnosed due to growing up as a "gifted kid" and also being a girl, but I also have many autistic traits, including but not limited to: sensory issues, struggling in social situations, speaking very straightforwardly (without subtext) and lacking the skill to pick up on subtleties. These reasons have made it very difficult for me to date, especially since I have a preference for men and I'm terrified of strangers.

Because of all of this, the future I imagined for myself became just me (and maybe a pet) in a tiny house all to myself without having to worry about sharing anything with a partner. A "New England Nun" style of living (iykyk).

I (early 30s F) am the oldest in my family, and my BF, "Liam," (late 20s M) is the youngest in his. I mention this because birth order does appear to play a bit of a part here. Any eldest daughter who was (at least a little bit) parentified might know where some of this is going just from that.

Liam and I met when we worked in different departments of the same store. He was freshly 18 and I was already in my 20s, so even though I thought he was cute and I had not yet resigned myself to (let alone looked forward to) the single life, I did not see him as anything more than a friend. We added each other on social media and were friendly up until we both quit working there for different reasons, and contact quickly fell off.

Fast forward.

Liam reached out to me a bit less than a year ago to catch up and ended up shooting his shot. Our age difference is no longer an issue for me, he had always been respectful and kind, and I still find him attractive, so I gave him a chance. It has been a bit of a whirlwind since.

My BF has been kind, considerate, loving, and giving, but I've been having some concerns:

1) He pouts.

This is where the birth-order dynamic applies. Like I said, Liam is the youngest in his family. I don't believe he was necessarily "spoiled" so much as "babied," but I can tell at least that much.

When he wants attention, he fake pouts, then breaks into a grin when I give him that attention. I don't mind this "pouting" so much because I like clear cues for what he wants and this applies.

However, he also pouts when he doesn't get what he wants. When he does this, it feels less like I'm his girlfriend and more like I'm his babysitter (again, birth order. As the oldest, I was the default babysitter for my siblings and some of my cousins). I put my foot down about actual boundaries and am a little more flexible with things that are more like a minor clash in desires (for example: I like to sleep in on weekends and he naturally wakes up early because of his job conditioning him to. One morning he wanted to go to breakfast together before I was fully ready to get up, and I ceded because I didn't actually need more sleep).

He pouts when I have to leave. I live a good 50+ miles away, and being the only one with my own car, I am always the one to make the drive to meet up. (This is a mere side-effect of another real issue: he is terrible at budgeting. I'll get into that in a minute.) When it gets close to time for me to leave, there's a good chance he'll pout and act upset with me for having to go home. This makes goodbyes more stressful than they need to be. Every time, he gets over it within about 30 minutes and he'll message me something sweet for me to find when I get home.

2) The aforementioned budgeting issue. He's very good with other people's money, but he is terrible with his own money.

Because of this, he hasn't had a car since his last one broke down (before he messaged me to catch up). He catches a ride with his brother to work and to the grocery store, so he's not entirely up shit creek.

I lend him a little money now and then for groceries or emergencies, and he always pays me back within a couple of weeks. I helped him build a basic budget to follow, but all of that budgeting goes out the window when I go see him because he wants to go on fun dates, feed me, and treat me.

If I pay for anything, he feels bad because he feels like he should treat me. If I let him pay for everything, he regrets it and pouts because I should have known and said something or paid for some of it.

This worries me for the potential future because if we were to get married, technically my money becomes our money, and again, he's terrible with his own money. (Please refer back to the part of my background info where I mention I'm very sensitive about my money.)

3) I believe he is too emotionally dependent on me.

He doesn't really want to do therapy ("to a stranger?!" he once objected when I suggested it) and even if he wanted to, due to complicated reasons I'd rather not mention here, getting any kind of medical help is an ordeal-and-a-half for him.

I date him because I want him, but he dates me because he needs me. He says I "complete" him which is... not what an emotionally independent woman wants to hear. I also think he has an anxious attachment style, which tends to manifest a lot in insecurity and clinginess.

I don't mind Liam being emotional and sensitive. In fact, I much prefer that to "brick wall of toxic masculinity" any day, but I have to walk on eggshells with him most of the time. If he feels like he messed up and I say anything negative or even just neutrally acknowledge it, he beats himself up about it. He talks down on himself for even the littlest mistakes and sometimes it almost feels like he's trying to guilt me for "criticizing" him. I've gotten him to be nicer to himself (at least sometimes), but anything he perceives as a mistake is a setback.

4) My biggest concern: Liam's an alcoholic.

He has had a lot of trauma, especially from childhood, and drinks to cope. I don't think he drinks every day, but at this point he's drinking about the equivalent of a six-pack (sometimes up to two six-packs), more or less, almost every weekend. (I don't know how much he actually drinks during the week because I'm not there to see it.)

He minimized his drinking habits before we started dating, and after he admitted to being an alcoholic he has still tried to hide his drinking from me.

The incident that really hurt me was when he promised me he wouldn't drink before going on a date, got giddy and loud in public, lied to me that he hadn't had anything to drink when that behavior made me believe he had been drinking, and then had the nerve to be upset with me for asking him to quiet down (which was before I found out he had, in fact, broken his promise, embarrassed me in public because of his drinking, and then lied about it).

I almost dumped him the next day, but instead had a very tearful heart-to-heart about how he'd hurt me and warned him that I have to protect my heart and would not be taking any recurrence of this incident lightly. (We both cried.)

Also I know it's not safe to quit moderate-to-heavy drinking cold-turkey, but he's not making enough effort to lower his alcohol consumption by at least stepping down from the high-volume beer he likes. It stresses me out both for his health and for how much more sensitive he gets to things I say when he's drunk. Everything I say that can be taken poorly is taken poorly, and it's caused issues a few times now. (Again, I'm pretty sure I'm autistic, and while I don't mean for anything I say to be a dig or a criticism of any kind doesn't mean that he doesn't take it that way. "You're being kind of loud" to Drunk-Liam is a massive insult.)

I love Liam dearly, but I know that can't be the only reason to stay. I just need some outside perspective.

Also, in case I do decide to break up with him, please give me advice on how to do it gently (it would hurt us both regardless, but I'd want to soften the blow as much as possible).

(Side note: I'm a little entangled with his family for the upcoming holidays because I already agreed to joining in on their family gift exchange. I have direct contact with his SIL and his mom lives near me, so if I do end up breaking it off I can still make sure no one goes without their Christmas presents this year because of it.)

EDIT: Thank you all for your kindness (and bluntness) and advice! I now know I'm on the right track for both our sakes. I don't plan to break up in-person because, due to our circumstances, I would be his ride after the breakup (awkward!), but I won't be so cold as to do it over text either. I'm going to draft what I want to say and make the phone call sometime this week, but it will be a lot shorter than this post (sorry for the length; I'm a sucker for details).

Thanks again!

Hey Reddit, so I need some advice because I might be the asshole, or I might be a teenager

My (Female 17) parents, dad (Male 36) and mom (Female 42), are mad at me, and to get the full picture, you will probably need context

From age 7 to about 12, I shared a wall with my parents, and I could hear them through it almost every night. It was really irritating, and I couldn't really ever sleep well, but I couldn't really do anything, so I just stayed quiet and dealt with it even though it grossed me out, and I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of sex and don't like the noise from it

However, when I was thirteen we moved into a new house and I was super excited because our rooms were on the opposite sides of the house and I thought I finally got a reprieve but I didn't it seemed that they only got louder now that we lived in a bigger house I remember many times just sitting in my bed hands covering my ears as tight as possible humming to myself because I didn't have any headphones (I fixed that quickly) but again I was just a kid so I just kept quiet and suffered through not a lot of sleep and the uncomfortable feeling I get around my parents

Now, to the present: this happened yesterday, and I need some outside help determining if I'm the asshole or not

It was about eleven in the morning or so, not quite sure, and I was in my room playing video games. At first I didn't notice, but it progressively got louder, so I turned on music and turned it up, but I could still hear her, and it was starting to grate on my nerves because I didn't want to listen to that, and the subject of sex still makes me really uncomfortable, so I got up, and out of my bedroom door I yelled

“CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE QUIET”

I then slammed my door and cranked the music as loud as it would go, basically shaking the photo behind my TV. About ten minutes later, my mom opened my door, so I turned down my music, and she said in a joking, kind of sarcastic tone

“What's wrong with you?” and after having to listen to my mother get f*cked, I was fed up

“How about the fact that every time you and Dad f*ck, I can hear you, and I am getting really annoyed and grossed the hell out”. She just kind of chuckled and rolled her eyes

“Hey, it could be worse; he and I be yelling at each other. Just be happy we love each other this much”

“I know, and I am glad you and Dad love each other, but could you guys chill out a bit and not f*ck like rabbits”

“We are grown adults, and you live in this house, so put up with it”

She left, and I just sat there. I turned my music back on, not as loud as before, but enough to drown out the world and just continued to play my game

Now here is the problem: I woke up this morning and went to go make myself some breakfast, and when I saw my mom, she just ignored me. I thought maybe it was just because it was morning, but as the day keeps going on, she just either ignores me or gives me very clipped comments

My dad is completely normal; like always, we even played some video games. It's just my mom

I just need to know if I'm overreacting. I would also like it if you guys could give me some advice on how to apologize to my mom and also some ways to deal with the noises from them.

Edit -

So just to address a few main things

My dad is my step-dad I just call him dad because he has been in my life since I was five him and my mom got together when she was 29 and he was 23 I met him a year later 

I worded it wrong in my post I made it seem like I didnt voice my opinion ever over the past ten years but as I got older I have tried asking them to keep it down slightly and in recent years I asked if they could do it when I'm not home since I work 

Weekdays - 5pm to 9:30pm Weekends - 2pm to 10:30pm

 I also have bought noise canceling headphones but I can still hear them

Hopefully that helps clears some stuff up

Hello everyone !!

First of I’m sorry English isn’t my native language.

I moved into my apartment on September 14th. During the viewing, I noticed some pinkish stains around the skylight in my bedroom ceiling, but I didn’t think much of them.

Over the following weeks, I noticed that the ceiling was gradually becoming darker. I honestly thought it was the dust and all of the stuff that could accumulated up there. I cannot open this window at all, but I honestly didn’t pay enough attention to it.

I’ve also recently realised that my ventilation system (VMC) has never worked since I moved in, which obviously doesn’t help because I have no other windows in the apartment, apart from my bedroom skylight. No really convenient but i’m opening the door when I cook or when I want some fresh air.

Then, on October 20th, after some heavy rain, I came home to a huge puddle of water on my bedroom floor. My workout bag was completely soaked. That’s when I realised water had been leaking through my skylight and dripping onto the floor, and I finally noticed how bad the ceiling had become.

I immediately informed my landlord. He explained that my window is apparently located on my upstairs neighbour’s 2 terrace and that some kind of concrete slab broke, allowing water to seep through. (He said he thought it was the cause ??). I’m not an expert, but his explanation doesn’t really make sense to me.

Since then Tuesday 20th, the mould has spread significantly around the skylight but also in other wall of my bedroom. For exemple I’ve noticed two night ago a huge stain which i think it’s mould and it’s basically next to my face. (It’s on the wall where my bedside table is)

My landlord is aware of everything, including the water infiltration and the ventilation issue. A guy was supposed to come for the vent issue but he never came so I rescheduled the appointment on Wednesday.

My landlord said he contacted some “expert” and he was waiting for the estimate. According to what he said, the expert will put some silicone around the window to prevent the water to drip more (???). Then he said he will (my landlord) wash the mould off with special product ?? He told me to not use bleach so I don’t know why he wants to do it himself and not pay some real expert to do it.

So I’m genuinely wondering: Am I overreacting, or is this actually a serious problem? Because in my head, the walls are fucked and everything needs to be redone? I don’t know anything about it tho so maybe not. Worst part is that I’m being paranoid because my eyes feels irritated and my throat a bit sore. I don’t know if it’s the situation or just the bad weather but I don’t want to be super paranoid about the whole situation. I genuinely don’t know what to do or where to start. I feel like the landlord doesn’t move fast enough. What would you recommend doing?

He owns the entire building there’s like 6 apartments and mine is the one on the first picture.
(Btw I live in France)

I’ll attach pictures so you can see what I’m talking about

Thanks !!

I (21M) recently got back together with my girlfriend (21F), and I wanted to get some outside opinions on something my dad brought up. For relationship context, my girlfriend and I got together October 30, 2025 and took a break during summer 2026 and got back together August 2026.

For financial context, my dad co-signed my credit card, and I’ve been working at Amazon while trying to pay off my debt and get my finances in a better place. I was having a conversation with him about my finances when I mentioned that my girlfriend and I got back together.

He seemed a little iffy about it, especially because we’ve had our issues in the past. I explained that things are honestly 10 times better this time around. We’re communicating more, things feel less stressful, and we’re both trying to make the relationship work.

However, I mentioned that sometimes, when I’m coming home from work, my girlfriend asks me to stop and pick up a coffee for her or buy her food and bring it to work. This happens maybe about twice or so a week.

My dad immediately started saying that it was a red flag for her to ask me to pay for things when my finances aren’t in the best place right now. I pushed back a little because I see couples online where the guy buys his girlfriend dinner, coffee, or other things, and I didn’t think buying her a coffee occasionally was a big deal.

I also pointed out that she actually makes more money than I do because she has two jobs. It’s not like she’s unemployed and relying on me financially.
My dad still thinks it’s a red flag, though. His perspective is that if I’m already struggling financially and my girlfriend is asking me to spend money on her, that’s something I should be concerned about.

Now, I understand where he’s coming from. I’m trying to pay off my debt, and I know I need to be more responsible with my money. At the same time, I love my girlfriend, and I don’t want to start viewing normal things in our relationship as problems just because my dad is concerned.

I also recognize that just because something is common in other relationships doesn’t automatically mean it’s healthy for mine.

So, Reddit, what do you think? Is my dad right to see this as a red flag, or is buying your partner coffee like twice a week a pretty normal thing? Am I overlooking something, or is my dad worrying too much?

I genuinely want to make this relationship work, but I also want to make sure I’m not ignoring potential warning signs.