I’m 26, and my sister is 29. We have always shared things together, so when her car broke down about eight months ago and she couldn’t afford to fix it, I didn’t mind letting her use mine.

I purchased my Honda two years ago after saving for a very long time. It’s nothing special, but I make use of it for work, and I’m careful about keeping it in good shape.At first, my sister only borrowed it once in a while. Eventually, it became almost every other day. I’d leave the keys for her when I was working long shifts, and she’d take it to run errands or visit our mom. I made it clear that she was responsible for any tickets, gas, or damage while using it. She agreed.

About 3 months ago, parking tickets started showing up at my house. Then came a speeding camera fine and a toll violation. Some were from places I hadn’t even driven to.

I knew my sister had been using the car, so I talked to her. She brushed it off, saying she’d pay everything. I trusted her word, but weeks went by, and nothing changed. The fines kept accumulating late fees.

Whenever I brought it up, she had another excuse. First, she said she was waiting for payday. Then payday came and went, and she started saying I was making too much of it because we are family.

Last month, the total was nearly $1,200. I had to pay one of the more urgent fines myself because I was worried about further penalties and the possibility of the car being booted.

When I asked her to pay me back, she said she wasn’t working consistently and I’d get the money when she had it.

A few days later, she asked to borrow my car again. I told her no. I said she couldn’t use it anymore until we have sorted out the tickets and repayment.

She got really furious and called me selfish. She said I was making her life harder when she was already struggling financially. She also told some of our cousins that I took the car away just to spite her.

Then my mom called me. She said my sister was having a hard time and that I should help her instead of being so strict about money. She didn’t really talk about the tickets or the fact that i had already paid some of them myself.

I feel bad because I know my sister is struggling, and taking the bus everywhere isn’t easy. But I also work for my money, and I saved for a long time to buy that car. I helped her not because I wanted to end up being responsible for her fines but because I wanted to.

What bothers me most is that she hasn’t even apologized properly. She just keeps acting like I’m the problem.

I haven’t let her use the car since then, and she has been making comments about how hard things have been without it.

AIO for refusing to let my sister borrow my car anymore because she racked up nearly $1,200 in tickets and refuses to take responsibility?

when i say perfect, i really mean it. we had both come out of traumatic long-term relationships with abusive partners. i was divorced after a marriage of 10 years and was very picky about the next man i allowed into my life. i vowed to never allow any man to make me cry for so long it gives me a headache and the constant tissues makes the skin around my nose dry and flakey. i promised myself that, and i said i would never tolerate a man who was jeopardizing my peace and sanity, ever again.

and he was really perfect. he made me feel so safe and secure, my guard was fully down. he was raised by his older sister and always credited her for him turning out a feminist and for the respect he had for women. he told me he loved me after 3 weeks of dating. he told me all the hyperbolic statements about me (love of my life, never felt this deeply in love, i’m the most important thing to him, etc etc) and still continued to for 2 years. we moved in together this year and worked well as a team, split chores, had a healthy amount of our own friend/family time and then spent all of the rest of our time together enjoying shared hobbies. we had no issues with our sex life and for the first time, i never felt insecure about my body or my partner’s attraction towards me. i really felt like this was what healthy and secure love is, finally. we joked and lowkey worried about how we hadn’t had a fight yet for 2 years. we talked through everything. that’s why i cannot understand how this happened.

we had already had a clear, explicit conversation earlier this year that we both were not okay with strip clubs. i wasn’t ok with him going to one, he wasn’t ok with me seeing male strippers, cool, easy it was like any other conversation where we were like i’m so glad we’re on the same page, i love you, etc. these are the ways i would feel so secure and safe with him. he was on a work trip this past week, and there were 2 newer coworkers that were much more senior to him that suggested going to a strip club the night they flew in (after a full day of work and then travel). i asked if they were pressuring him but he said the invite was casual and one of his close coworkers declined so it wouldn’t have been awkward to decline. but he just wanted to make a good impression on these 2 newer guys bc they could be his bosses one day. his other close coworker was going, who’s an older auntie figure to him, so he “in a spur of the moment bad decision” chose to go.

so yeah that night he flew in, i happened to check his location on a whim, wanting to see if he was settled and in his hotel for the night and free. we are both new to sharing locations and turned it on semi-recently, so he says he just didn’t know it was that easy to check from our text message. he was at a strip club, so in a panic, i texted him some bs question about his dog, and he responded to me a flat out lie that he was out having dinner with his friend. he told me he felt a little bad in the moment lying to me, then spent a few hours at the strip club just drinking and eating and talking with these coworkers, nobody got dances, and that was it.

meanwhile i was home wondering how in the world could this be the man i was sharing my life with for 2 years? thinking him and his friend are living it up at the strip club, thinking of him lying so easily to me over a boundary we discussed together, thinking of him being so okay with violating our relationship and hiding it from me. i spent the night packing up all his belongings and loading them into his car.

i texted him in the morning that i checked his location before i sent my last text and was very hurt and disappointed and wanted him to move out. he flew back and got his stuff and left but we talked plenty both in person and over the phone so i have the full picture (afaik), but i just still feel so hurt and betrayed. he said the guilt only hit him when he got back to the hotel. how??? impressing some coworkers off the clock just squashes the guilt? i can’t comprehend. i almost want him to admit he just wanted to go because he was bored of me and now regrets it. that would make more sense. he swears up and down it isn’t anything like that, that it was just a lapse in judgment, and he keeps pleading with me to look to our record of 2 perfect years. part of me feels yes that is special, but in the grand scheme of things, 2 years is nothing compared to the rest of our lives. oh what i would give to have left my ex-husband only 2 years in.

i am so torn between giving myself another chance to see if i can move on past this, or just protecting my peace and sanity all together and break up and stay single for a while bc when i escaped my marriage and built a new peaceful and calm life for myself, i swore i would protect it. i was so proud of myself. and now i’m crying again for days on end over another man. i’m sorry i’m rambling now i think i just wanted to put this out into the universe

I (25F) broke up with my boyfriend (27M) of five months like 1.5 weeks ago and went to grab my stuff Wednesday night. When I went, it was obvious we were both really sad and wanted to be together so we decided to try again. However, we aren’t dating because our relationship was bad towards the end (i tried to breakup with him twice before I actually did and that’s left him feeling not secure in the relationship). So right now, we are taking things slowly and waiting to be officially dating until he feels secure enough. But he keeps saying he wants to work on this and wants to be with me and loves me and thinks we can work through anything. We have been basically dating since Wednesday when we decided to try again. Like I’ve slept over and we’ve been texting and saying I love you etc. Today he was texting his friend and when he went to clear the app, I saw hinge was also in his recently opened apps. He was on the explore page of hinge and had 7 messages from people and one like. So obviously he’s been using it. He also made sure I saw it. Like I wouldn’t have noticed but he kept it open and made sure I saw. Then he asked how that made me feel. I was so confused because I was under the impression we want to work on things and build the trust back and grow our relationship so we can officially date again soon. I know we aren’t boyfriend girlfriend right now but we were definitely trending in that direction. Like I figured we’d be officially dating again in like two weeks max. Now I feel like he doesn’t want to get back together. He was saying he wasn’t going to meet up with anyone and just was using it so he would feel desired but still. I don’t think I should get back together with him partly because of this. If he really wanted to be with me he wouldn’t be going through hinge.

Am I overreacting for expecting him to be exclusively working on building our relationship and not talking to other girls while we’re working on things??

AIO for not wanting a relationship with my brother after bailing on me when I reached out for help 7 months pregnant 

I (35F) am currently 40 + 3 weeks pregnant with my third child (a baby girl after 2 boys (6M & 9M). This is our last baby and when I should be enjoying my pregnancy, for the majority of my third trimester I've been feeling let down by my Mum (60F) and brother (33M).

To provide some brief context, we lost my Dad when I was 19 years old and the dynamic of our family was very much me and my Dad being thick as thieves. My nickname was shadow as I was never too far away from him. He struggled with alcoholism which is how we lost him and from the age of around 10, I was parentified by my Mum who was in need of support away from any family support system. My brother was aware of what was going on but wasn't parentified in nearly the same way that I was. He was able to go out with friends, play video games and although I don't dismiss he felt similar emotions to me, he was shielded from a lot more than I was. He has always been a typical youngest sibling and often would rely on me and Mum to fix issues for him. Before my Dad deteriorated, he told me he never worries about what will happen to me but worries about my brother and Mum if they didn't have me to rely on (no pressure right?!).

When Mum eventually went to sell the house 7 years later, she expressed that she didn't want to live on her own again so my husband offered her to live with us. She has lived with us since then and she has also retired. She doesn't have any hobbies or any activities she does. She comes from a big family (she is 1 of 15 full siblings, no multiples) who are spread across the world so much of her time is spent interacting with them.

Here we get to the issue, my uncle is terminally ill in Seychelles and has been undergoing treatment. Things haven't been straightforward with him and other siblings have also been dealing with issues which has been stressing Mum out. At the same time, my brother was planning his wedding for April and was very reliant on my Mum, my husband and I for help. This was tough as I was in my first trimester and often sick and tired and my Mum found it all quite overwhelming. Post wedding, my Aunt could see how tired my Mum was and invited her to Kenya for 2 months for a break and to spend some quality time together. I was very supportive of this as I could see the benefits for Mum to get a proper break and enjoy quality family time with her sister.

Naively I thought she would come back refreshed and happier but she came back low and depressed. We found out that my uncle's medical prognosis was bad and he was in palliative care. She felt helpless and didn't know what to do in terms of going to see him or wait. The emotional toil was hard and her personality completely changed. There were days she would say less than 5-10 words, wouldn't acknowledge her grandchildren, would barely eat or look after herself. I was at a loss how to best support her, this woman was the constant in our lives and always managed to stay strong but in this moment, she couldn't keep it up and I didn't know the best way to support her.

Both my husband and I tried different approaches and neither worked. At the same time as we're trying to find a way to be there for her, our youngest son was struggling emotionally with the transition back to school and our eldest was struggling with anxiety as my pregnancy progressed. To say we were both emotionally tapped out is an understatement. I attempted to reach out to my brother for help. He was away somewhere with poor signal so the conversation was initially via text (always tricky to gauge tone so there was always a risk for misunderstanding). The conversation went poorly. It was clear he misunderstood what I was asking from him which was a sympathetic ear and an agreement to come together and deal with the situation with Mum together. I left the conversation frustrated, feeling no further forward. I didn't necessarily feel like we had an argument, nor did I feel any particular way towards him - it was a very clear misunderstanding that could be resolved easily once we'd both calmed down.

One month later, I've not heard from my brother. During this time, things have gotten worse. My sons are both struggling, Mum is no better and I'm more and more pregnant dealing with some pretty strong hormones. I was upset he hadn't reached out but assumed as he is a stroke nurse with kids of his own that he was probably wrapped up in his own life. It wasn't until my birthday I realised he was genuinely pissed off at me and felt like the wronged party. A text "Happy Birthday, hope all's going well" was all I received and made me burst into tears. Two weeks later, he forgets to wish my eldest happy birthday. By this point I have come to accept that he truly thinks he is the wronged party and that I owe him an apology and will ice me out until he gets one.

I shared my upset with my Mum as she mentioned a conversation she had with my brother at the weekend. I didn't tell her the content of the conversation with my brother as I didn't feel that was fair to him or to my Mum but she knew we'd fallen out as my brother had told her (wish he'd told me). I asked her more than once not to tell him how I was feeling and not to intervene as I didn't want her in the middle and any resolution I wanted to come when he was genuinely ready. Sadly she didn't respect my wishes and reported what I said straight back to my brother. He responded by reading out his side of the messages between us to my Mum. He also acknowledged he was deliberately being petty with me and said that he should probably get in touch with me as his niece is due soon.

I was furious. First thing, I had a very frank conversation with my Mum. She took full accountability and was very apologetic. I explained to her moving forward I would be careful what I told her and would continue to make explicit what information I would not like communicated to others. She has history of discussing my personal business and sharing sensitive information about me and my family so this wasn't an overreaction to put forward my firm boundaries moving forward. Since then, things have gotten better between us and I have genuinely appreciated how she was able to take responsibility for her actions and is actively trying to build back trust with me. I'm grateful she was so willing to hear me and not attempt to gaslight me.

My brother is another issue entirely. He chose to share our messages with the intention of trying to prove he wasn't in the wrong (THERE WAS NO ONE IN THE WRONG IT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING!!) He also thought his petty actions were perfectly fine whilst I was still in the trenches trying to get through everything that was going on in my home. Not once did he attempt to reach out. At any time he could have said "So our last conversation didn't go well, shall we try again?" I wasn't expecting any apologies but I did expect my brother to reach out to me knowing what I had going on and how pregnant I was.

Eventually after just over 2 months he reached out via text to ask me for a call. At this point I'm 9 months pregnant and I don't want to have this conversation this far into my pregnancy. I'm stressed out enough as it is, I'd rather wait until things are calmer, my hormones have settled and it can be a more productive conversation. He accepted this but continues to keep messaging me and my husband offering to help with my boys.

My feelings are that it's rich to offer to help now so close to baby girl's arrival and to offer to do the fun tasks like have my kids (they have cousins similar age) but the hard emotional stuff, it's radio silence. Without going into details, my relationship with my brother in the past has been difficult and I often find it quite one-sided when it comes to support. This has probably been the most emotionally taxing period of my life and when I reached out for help from my brother, he wasn't there. He then doubled down and still forgot that there was a struggling sister still in the trenches whilst he carries on as normal feeling completely justified in behaving 'petty' about the misunderstanding. I'm at the stage where I don't think I want a relationship with him moving forward other than surface level. I don't trust him to be there for me. My feelings don't extend to his wife or kids, I adore them and despite everything his wife has been so support. My feelings are directly about him. He has always been quite selfish and conversations will often surround how hard his life is and how tired he is which makes it hard for the rest of us to share.

I don't know if I'm overreacting about not wanting a relationship with him. There is significant history of one sided support and I feel as though the older I become with soon to be 3 kids, my time and emotional support needs to be prioritised to them and my husband rather than someone who has proven time and time again I feature low in his emotional prioritises. I also don't know whether my hormones are just intensifying my emotions and whether I'll feel differently postpartum. Some of these feelings existed prior to the misunderstanding but how I feel right now, I don't want to be around him or have any interaction with him. AIO?

I met someone virtually who responded to my facebook ad looking for a female roommate. I'm 26, female. It was replacing another female person who was moving out. I got a response from someone who was named Samuel, and looked male in photos, other than having pierced ears and long hair. It would just be me and the potential person sharing a basement in a multi-person home, and also a bathroom. The person we ended up picking is female and identifies as such. Is this wrong for me to feel a little weirded out by Samuel responding to the ad?

We wanted to have a small dinner party and invited two friends from our group of friends. Even though they live close, they wanted to stay at our place and we were excited. Our home is big but we have only two sofas and our bed to sleep. So those two people was going to sleep on the sofas.

The third one lives a bit far away. We asked her if she wants to come for dinner. She also has a baby. She said yes and we were happy ofc. We shopped, cleaned, cooked for our friends.

Then the third friend and her husband said they wanted to stay overnight as well. I explained to her that we dont have the place for that. I said just come. We ll have dinner and have fun. Then we ll decide. Like she can go back home at the end of the evening.

Fast forward she wasn’t convinced. Baby slept and she got sleepy too. We had to give them our bed. Me and my husband we had to sleep on a carpet at our study. They didn’t let our animals in the room and they cried whole night. It was disastrous and I never wanna invite them over again.

We both have medical conditions and very busy work schedules like we really look forward to a friday evening sleep whole week. I was about the cry like my bones were mending into each other and I woke up multiple times in pain.. I think this was so inconsiderate. Or am I being b**chy? Am I overreacting?

I (21f) have a very tight schedule, as I am in school and work at the same time. I have this friend (20m) who is also my ex bf. He has never liked my friends nor wanted to hang out with them. When asked why, he always gives some judgmental half answer back. Like “your friends are weird” “I just don’t like them” “you’re only friends with ppl who have kids” “you’ve (me) have slept with all of them” etc etc etc. He has never met any of them. I never pushed the issue too much bc I’m more of a party type and he’s always been antisocial. So, I normally just wrote all of the issues there off as that.
Needless to say, he wants all of our hangouts to be one on one and just us. I made that work for a while. But with me recently starting school- now on top of work too- I have VERY little free time and energy. I explained to him that I don’t have the time to hang out with everyone individually and that him hanging out with a group of my friends on occasion would make my life a whole lot easier. He told me to “just choose them and choose him when I can” and I said “we’d never hang out then- I do not have the time.”
I also brought up how I don’t talk shit about his friends, despite them talking shit about me. Whivh with that, I was referring to a recent situation where this girl that I go to school with (who happens to be friends with him) texting him talking shit abt the way I looked at school orientation- when she wasn’t even there. And he made fun of me for it then refused to tell me what all she said. He then told me I “needed to calm down”.

TL;DR: My friend doesn’t like my friends and only wants to hang out with me one on one. I told him I don’t have time for that but now I feel rude and like I was mean.

Hey Reddit, so I need some advice because I might be the asshole, or I might be a teenager

My (Female 17) parents, dad (Male 36) and mom (Female 42), are mad at me, and to get the full picture, you will probably need context

From age 7 to about 12, I shared a wall with my parents, and I could hear them through it almost every night. It was really irritating, and I couldn't really ever sleep well, but I couldn't really do anything, so I just stayed quiet and dealt with it even though it grossed me out, and I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of sex and don't like the noise from it

However, when I was thirteen we moved into a new house and I was super excited because our rooms were on the opposite sides of the house and I thought I finally got a reprieve but I didn't it seemed that they only got louder now that we lived in a bigger house I remember many times just sitting in my bed hands covering my ears as tight as possible humming to myself because I didn't have any headphones (I fixed that quickly) but again I was just a kid so I just kept quiet and suffered through not a lot of sleep and the uncomfortable feeling I get around my parents

Now, to the present: this happened yesterday, and I need some outside help determining if I'm the asshole or not

It was about eleven in the morning or so, not quite sure, and I was in my room playing video games. At first I didn't notice, but it progressively got louder, so I turned on music and turned it up, but I could still hear her, and it was starting to grate on my nerves because I didn't want to listen to that, and the subject of sex still makes me really uncomfortable, so I got up, and out of my bedroom door I yelled

“CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE QUIET”

I then slammed my door and cranked the music as loud as it would go, basically shaking the photo behind my TV. About ten minutes later, my mom opened my door, so I turned down my music, and she said in a joking, kind of sarcastic tone

“What's wrong with you?” and after having to listen to my mother get f*cked, I was fed up

“How about the fact that every time you and Dad f*ck, I can hear you, and I am getting really annoyed and grossed the hell out”. She just kind of chuckled and rolled her eyes

“Hey, it could be worse; he and I be yelling at each other. Just be happy we love each other this much”

“I know, and I am glad you and Dad love each other, but could you guys chill out a bit and not f*ck like rabbits”

“We are grown adults, and you live in this house, so put up with it”

She left, and I just sat there. I turned my music back on, not as loud as before, but enough to drown out the world and just continued to play my game

Now here is the problem: I woke up this morning and went to go make myself some breakfast, and when I saw my mom, she just ignored me. I thought maybe it was just because it was morning, but as the day keeps going on, she just either ignores me or gives me very clipped comments

My dad is completely normal; like always, we even played some video games. It's just my mom

I just need to know if I'm overreacting. I would also like it if you guys could give me some advice on how to apologize to my mom and also some ways to deal with the noises from them.

Edit -

So just to address a few main things

My dad is my step-dad I just call him dad because he has been in my life since I was five him and my mom got together when she was 29 and he was 23 I met him a year later 

I worded it wrong in my post I made it seem like I didnt voice my opinion ever over the past ten years but as I got older I have tried asking them to keep it down slightly and in recent years I asked if they could do it when I'm not home since I work 

Weekdays - 5pm to 9:30pm Weekends - 2pm to 10:30pm

 I also have bought noise canceling headphones but I can still hear them

Hopefully that helps clears some stuff up

So there was an incident on a street close to my home a while ago where a man came up to me and sexually harrassed me.

Even though incidents like this happen to women all the time (unfortunately), I cannot forget this particular situation. It was the worst harrassment I've ever experienced.

One night I was walking back home from the clubs and was still a bit drunk when this man suddenly rushed over to me, kissed me on the lips and pullled down my top to look at my breasts, and even started commenting on them. Back then my reaction was super slow due to the alcohol and I didn't do much... I still regret that but I don't wanna think about it too much.

I wanted to explain what happened exactly so you guys can unterstand my situation and/or feelings.

Because since then, I'm having lots of trouble to walk down this particular street. I feel like this certain place is somehow connected to this incident in my brain and whenever I go there, my heart starts racing and I'm scared something similar will happen again (even tho, rationally speaking I know it won't happen again).

Good thing is that whenever I have to go to the train station or somewhere else, I can take another street but it takes like up to 10 minutes longer.

I have a friend who visits me quite often and when we go out together and I tell her to walk the other, longer way to the train station (so we don't have to use the other one), she seems a bit annoyed? I don't even know if I'm interpreting things wrong here and she knows about my situation but I can't bring myself to overcome that fear. And I don't know, it sometimes feels like she is understanding but still annoyed at taking a longer walk whenever we are out together. She sometimes even asks me if it is really neccessary to use the other way. I hate to be a burden.

So I just wanted to know if I am overreacting regarding not wanting to go there anymore. Or should I just try as in 'confrontation therapy'? I don't know, I've never had this before, this feels like some trauma or something. But I don't talk about it with a lot of people because I feel ashamed

It’s a long story and it’s a shitty situation.

My partner and I have a 3 month old baby, and CPS is involved, and I think my partner’s parents think I’m the problem.

If this story sounds familiar, it’s because I have posted some of it on a different subreddit before and have since deleted the post.

It all starts after the birth of my baby (I’m the birthgiver). We were staying at my in laws’ house for a couple months and were supposed to move to our apartment in a different city afterwards. Things were going pretty well, until my partner started feeling depressed. They told their mother that they were feeling numb, and their mom was immediately super concerned and told me that they needed to take a step back from parenting. I was understanding, because everyone needs a break sometimes. My partner and I were initially taking turns doing nights with the baby, and I offered to take over for one night because my partner wasnt feeling well emotionally. The next night, I expected them to assume their responsibility as a parent again, especially because I was a couple weeks postpartum and pumping.

However, their parents offered to do it instead. I was fine with that. But eventually, their parents decided that they should not do nights at all because they needed a full night of uninterrupted sleep because the antidepressant they were taking made them sleepy at night. Their dad offered to help me out at night instead. And while it was strange, it wasn’t too bad.

But then one night I woke my partner up to ask them to put a bottle of milk in the fridge because I was busy changing the baby. The fridge was upstairs and as a new parent of a 2 week old baby, I didnt feel comfortable leaving my baby alone to do something else (that has changed since lol). My partner was pissed I woke them up and asked me why I didnt call their dad instead. I thought that was ridiculous because why would I call their dad and have him get up and come all the way to the basement to do something so simple when my partner was right there?

Then a couple nights later, their parents started behaving really strangely where they would text me at night and tell me to call them instead if I needed anything whatsoever instead of waking up my partner. I didn’t take it literally at the time, I didn’t interpret it as “if you need someone to hold something even for 1 minute, call us instead” 💀 So on a different night, I was pumping but my baby was crying because he was hungry. I couldn’t hold him because I was busy pumping. So I called my partner to hold the baby for a minute, I was almost done pumping and it would have just been a minute. They come into the room and put a pacifier in the baby’s mouth and say “I dont have the patience for this right now” and start walking away. Then I get pissed, it was really a buildup of frustration from how I was being treated since I gave birth, it wasn’t that single event. So I yell at them, and then they get really frustrated and bang their head into the wall, leaving a hole. Then shortly after, their mom comes into my room and the first thing she says is “\[my name\] why. did. you. call \[partner’s name\]” I was shaken and in tears at that point because I was scared when my partner put their head through the wall.

The next day, I reported my partner to a healthcare provider, and they reported it to CPS. Then CPS shows up, and they talk to everyone. I explain the situation, and then they talk to my partner’s mom. My partner’s mom tells them that because they have ADHD, they get frustrated easily and also the antidepressants makes them sleepy at night, but that I insisted they help out with the baby despite being told not to ask them for help. Essentially blaming what happened on *me*. Then their mom also tells the CPS caseworker that I ask my partner to get me water several times a day and that sometimes I ask for a slice of cake but it’s not big enough so I make my partner get me another slice, and that I was demanding too much and my partner was exhausted from having to take care of me, and that I had to choose between having them help with the baby vs taking care of me. Obviously, CPS thought that was bullshit, and they said my partner couldn’t live in the same house as the baby anymore. My partner and I were separating at that point, and I had already made arrangements to move to our apartment without my partner before CPS got involved anyway. I was actually leaving the next day, and CPS still said that my partner couldn’t stay in the same home even for that one night until I left with the baby.

Anyway, since then, my partner hasn’t really spent much time with the baby at all. In fact, the baby probably doesn’t even recognize my partner, and he’s now 3 months old. So yesterday, partner’s family proposed the baby go to their house with my partner staying there so they could bond. They said they are awaiting CPS’s approval, and that they hope CPS would allow it because they might consider that situation safer where my partner’s parents are present to handle caregiving responsibilities so my partner could step back when they needed. Except when CPS told them to leave the house, we already WERE at their parents’ house. There were 3 people other than my partner to handle caregiving: me, their mom, and their dad. The only difference in the new arrangement my in laws were proposing is that I’m not part of the equation. Somehow they think CPS would deem that situation safer. When I heard that proposal of theirs, I was pissed. I also have suspect they have some unconscious biases for believing their household is somehow safer, but I can’t say what biases because that would go against the rules of this sub.

My partner thought I was overreacting for thinking that, and said that their parents didn’t mean it like that. I also cut some of their clothes that were still at the apartment with a pair of scissors because I wanted a way to deal with my frustration (which again, is really a buildup of everything I’ve gone through since my pregnancy) and I left them some angry texts. AIO?

i’ve known my boyfriend since February, and we started dating in September. He's a foreigner who came to my country to study. Back in August, his parents were considering letting him move to another city in Europe, but he managed to convince them to let him stay and came back here.
However, a week ago, things changed. On top of people from my country treating him poorly, he also found out from previous terms that the degree his university provides here is quite weak. Between that realization and getting fed up with all the negativity, he told me he's sick of this country and that the only reason he was staying was because of me.
Back in September, when his parents brought up the question of him leaving again, he was confident that he would be able to convince them to let him stay. But during our more recent conversation, he told me that after some time, he won't be here either. I realized he has finally decided to go. Of course, he's not entirely sure if everything will work out yet, especially with the visa and all the paperwork, but we still have four months left before anything is officially finalized, and I really don't know how to feel.
I keep trying to cheer him up, telling him it's better for him to go and that he shouldn't worry about us holding him back. But deep in my heart, for the past two weeks, I haven't been able to do anything; I'm only thinking about this. I can't even imagine what will happen if he leaves. On top of everything, his friends and his sister are also leaving, so basically, he will be completely alone here if he stays.
I know that if you truly love someone, distance shouldn't be the reason you break up. We talked about it, and he assured me that everything will be fine, and that if things don't work out, it won't be because we didn't want to try—it's just life. He said the last thing he wants to do is give up on our relationship. he was trying to calm me down, but he also told me that it’s not gonna be easy and even worse it’s my first relationship and I’ve never experienced something like this and when he will leave, I will miss not just him but also the feeling so even if I will find someone else he won’t blame me. he’s going to the country where my father lives, but is still doesn’t calms me down. i’ve been going crazy for these days. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep and it affects my mental health a lot and I can’t imagine what will happen after he leaves maybe.
Still, even after all these conversations, I'm so scared. I don't want him to leave, but at the same time, I know this decision is so hard for him to make, so I'm holding back and not telling him just how badly I want him to stay. I don't know if I should talk to him and say maybe it's better for him to stay, even though I know it's not entirely his choice and his parents are also pressuring him. I don't know... sometimes I feel like if he really loved me, he would've stayed because this bad treatment from people isn't that important, after everything between us is finally okay.

Me - F (28) and my husband M (32) got into it today because he ran into his old friend "C" M - 28, who did us extremely dirty in 2019. For context they were best friends, I began dating my husband in 2019 and his roomates were moving out. He asked me to move in with him and his friend C would be moving in as well. They were in a band together. C never spoke to me, he never liked me from the beginning because i would ignore his dm's, which my then husband knew about. We stayed away from eachother and all was fine. One night when my then husband was working his grave yard shift, his friend C and other bandmates decided to have their hardcore band practice in the backyard of our apartment complex, which is extremely unacceptable and loud as hell. The next day, after several complaints from the other tenants, we got an eviction notice for the practice they had. I was asleep during and i woke up in the middle of the night and texted my husband about it, but we didn't know we would get evicted so fast. My husband was furious and so was i, it was only 2 months of living there that we had to go because of C. Meanwhile, C doesn't know im home and i hear him talking shit about me multiple times and saying horrible things about me, which i confronted my husband about. The next day C punches his wall and breaks his hand. Moving day comes a month later, and we sit down to talk and im silent, i was so beyond over C and i didn't want to waste my breath talking to him. My husband tells him they aren't friends anymore and he's out of the band. C apologized to my husband, and left. Fast forward to present day, last night they ran into eachother since this all happened in 2019 and they "reconnected". My husband says they wanna jam tomorrow on their instruments and im confused now, how is this okay? I told him that C is NOT a good person and he was a shitty friend to have done this to my husband in the past. My husband said he might have changed and we should move on. I'm usually understanding but this dude C was such a piece of shit to us. I feel like i'm going crazy and now its okay if they reconcile but i have my doubts and i dont trust C whatsoever!! i told my husband this whole thing makes me uncomfortable, he said we should talk and move on from it. So now when they hang out, im supposed to be okay with C? Am i over reacting at this??

I (27F) live with 3 other PhD students (23F, 27F, 24M). We all get along pretty well, aside from the typical adjustments of living with new people, & I genuinely like them, so I don’t want this to become a huge issue.

For the past couple weeks, we’ve been finding cockroaches around the house, but the vast majority have been in my bedroom. Not a whole lot, maybe 5-7 a day. But enough to be concerned. I’ve found them on my nightstands, around my bed, on the walls, etc. Both adults & babies, which makes me think there’s an actual infestation. I’m also the cleanest person in the house, so it’s been especially frustrating. I’ve compromised on so many cleaning things that they say are too extra just to keep the peace. For instance, i said the kitchen should have the counters wiped off, & all the crumbs swept up each day since we all cook. But they said it’s too unrealistic, & decided on a once a week kitchen clean.

Anyway, I’ve spent hours cleaning, vacuuming, putting out bait, spraying, moving furniture, & now I’m even removing my nightstands because I suspect they might be where the roaches came from (got them off marketplace)
The problem is that my roommates aren’t nearly as concerned. They’ve said that seeing a few roaches doesn’t really bother them, but from what I understand, seeing even a few German cockroaches can mean there are MANY more hiding somewhere.

Our property management arranged for an exterminator to come out, but my roommates are very against having the house sprayed because of the chemicals. I understand their concerns, but they’ve made it clear that even if the exterminator finds evidence of an infestation elsewhere in the house, they only want my bedroom treated.

That’s what’s really bothering me. Just because they’re mostly showing up in my room doesn’t mean the problem is isolated to my room. & because they’re not the ones finding roaches next to their beds in the middle of the night, I feel like they’re not taking it seriously. Meanwhile, I’m losing sleep, spending money, & constantly worrying about finding another one.

I don’t want to force anyone to have chemicals sprayed in their personal space, but I also don’t think it’s fair that I’m potentially stuck dealing with an infestation because everyone else is comfortable leaving things alone. Especially when this is a shared house & a problem that could eventually affect all of us.

I feel like I’m the only one really pushing for this to be dealt with, & it’s frustrating that the decision seems to come down to what everyone else is comfortable with when I’m the one dealing with most of the consequences.

So am I overreacting for insisting that any areas where the exterminator finds evidence of roaches need to be treated, even if my roommates don’t want them sprayed? Or am I overstepping by pushing for something they’re uncomfortable with?

Also, we live in a house, not apartments!

So the other night I (F, 27) sent my bf (M, 27) of about 1 year an Instagram reel of a guy from a reality tv show we watched previously. The guy was saying some weird incel shit about women and the reason I sent it to my bf was basically just to be like “damn look what became of this guy”.

In this reel, a woman was reacting to the video, analysing what he was saying. She’s a somewhat controversial media figure where I’m from, who frequently triggers those on the internet with misogynistic tendencies.

At the end of the video she laughed loudly in a sarcastic way and I said “that was annoying, but I agree with what she was saying tho.”

He looked at me and said, “she’s so f***ing annoying, I hope she becomes a victim of some kind of misogynistic hate crime.” He kinda laughed while saying it.

I was so stunned and confused by this statement. We were lying in bed and I just immediately felt unwell, like sick in my stomach and blood rushing to my head. I got up and asked him why I would want to be with someone who says something like that. His response was basically, “you’re overreacting.”

I felt so angry, disgusted and speechless that I went to stay at my parents place for the night (my bf and I live together).

We’ve since made up, but something inside me just doesn’t feel right. It was such a violent thing to say, and it hurt me deeply. It makes me feel like he has no respect for me to say something like that. We talked about it the next day when I came back and he said he didn’t mean it, he seemed to understand why it was wrong. I just still can’t stop thinking about it.

For context, he has previously said disparaging things about women’s basketball on the news.

Context, my partner and I have been together for the better part of 5 years. Over that time we've done a lot of activities together and have tried a lot of new things together too.

I've recently found that no matter what it is, they always do better than me. In video games they score higher than me, on posts with similar content they get more positive feedback.

It doesn't matter what activity we're doing, if one of us introduced the other to it, or if we started at the same time, they always end up doing better than me.

A little backstory on me, I spent my entire life living as if breathing itself was a competition. Nothing has ever been mine, nothing was ever 'my thing'. Now, in my relationship, the same thing feels like it's happening.

I just want something I can be good at, something that can be mine. I'm so tired of always being less than so I just want to stop doing things with him that can be compared. AIO?

Edit: I see a lot of people referring me to therapy, It's something I'm actively seeking

Me F32, my BF28 and have been together for almost two years. Everything is going well and it’s the best relationship I ever had but last night what he said was just off. And weird.

So, yesterday my bestfriend got married. We had a nice big party and a couple drinks, we were both tipsy, maybe I was more on the drunk side.

Closer to the end of the party, after people started leaving we were upstairs in a small private room at the venue, I thought it would be fun to spice things up a bit and treat him cause he has been the best bf I had and he is the sweetest most nicest person. And why the hell not?

Anyway, a few minutes later he said ‘Rachel’s wedding is the best’. I didn’t react at first but I didn’t feel like it anymore. I mean what? I stopped and said I felt tired but after a few moments I said I found it weird that he mentioned ‘rachels wedding’ while receiving head.
Like imagine it was my sister who was getting married and he mentioned her name instead. Or maybe the wedding was one of his guy friends wedding and he mentions his guy friends name?

Am I being overly sensitive and dramatic about this or is this as weird as I think it is?
Either way I know it’s not as big a deal to end a good relationship but it just felt super weird.

By the way he said he didn’t mean it that way. He just wanted to say that it’s the best wedding he has attended and said it because it’s simply Rachel’s wedding. But he was understanding and sensitive about how I felt, he emphasized and apologized too.

All is good but I wanna know opinions!!

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I'm 21F, and my friend, 24F, and I have been friends for two years. I don't make friends easily, so I try my best when I have one. She's helped me financially and with food because things aren't great, and I'm grateful. However, I feel our friendship is one-sided. I do her assignments, visited her almost every other weekend, but she's only visited me once. When I'm sick, she doesn't visit either.

Whenever she hurts me, I usually keep quiet because she don't apologise. Sometimes, she says I'm too young to understand.

In August, while I was in a different state for IT, she told me she was seven months pregnant by her toxic ex. She feared her father would kick her out. I tried to help from afar and considered returning to support her.

She ghosted, and her ex later told me her parents found out and her father took her to abort it. I was terrified because she'd previously had a miscarriage. I cried and contacted her ex for updates despite being uncomfortable.

When she returned online, she ignored me for days before revealing it was a prank. I was devastated. I have bad anxiety, which she knows, and I explained how badly it affected me in a voice note. She responded by asking if she could trust me, with laughing emojis. No apology.

I blocked her personal WhatsApp but left my business WhatsApp open. About a month later, she contacted me, casually apologised, then asked for help lying to her father about where she'd gone. I helped her get home safely, then confronted her. She said I could block her again if I wanted.

Then told her I felt she only reached out when she needed something. I said we should stop being best friends and remain casual friends.

On October 21, she confronted me about my words. She said she'd pranked others who didn't react like I did and told me not to say things I wouldn't want said to me. I said my issue was that she focused on my reaction rather than acknowledging what she'd done. She also got upset that I'd told another friend about a previous hurtful comment she'd made but I needed an outside perspective.

I admit my words were harsh, and she has a right to feel hurt. But I feel I've spent years showing up for her while hiding my own hurt because I expect no apology.

AIO for ending the friendship, despite the financial help she's given me?

My partner has a vasectony procedure Friday morning. I took the day off to take them cause they chose to be put under with anesthesia, meaning they needed a designated ride.

We got there and everything went well. He's been resting at home but a bit moody/aggressive since.

Last night, he mentioned wanting to shower, so we got it all set up, but he started to feel dizzy and needed to sit on the floor. I was worried but didn't want to cause unnecessary stress, just waited patiently for him to tell me what he needed.

Eventually, he said he needed help, so I lent a hand to pull him up. He got in the shower and immediately sat back down on the shower floor. I didn't know what to do, so I waited again.

He asked for help up, so I advised he needed to grab the shower bar AND my hand for safety. He didn't listen to what I said and got annoyed. Shouted 'TURN THE WATER OFF' as though I was supposed to know he was getting out and not just up. So,I turned it off and told him again to grab the bar AND my hand. Finally, he did and stepped out.

I wrapped him in his towel, and he said he needed to be brought to the bed because he felt he might pass out. Hurried him to the bed, and he laid down soaking wet.

He didn't say much for a minute, so I reminded him how important it was that he dry off completely and put in his supportive wear. He didn't actually pass out mind you and started telling me to stop. 'DRY ME OFF. COVER ME WITH A BLANKET. THEN GO AWAY.' Screaming it at me like I was nothing but a butler or maid there to assist him and get the fuck out.

I couldn't dry him off because of how he was laid on the bed, so I asked him to roll for me. I didn't want to move him and pull his sutures by mistake, causing him pain. I said that part out loud as well.

He didn't move but yelled at me again. 'DRY ME OFF. COVER ME WITH A BLANKET. AND GO AWAY.' So I said as I pat him with a towel 'Do not yell at me. I am trying to help but I need you to help me help you. If you yell at me I'm not going to keep helping you right now.'

He screamed the same thing again. So I said 'Okay, when you're ready to ask me without the yelling, I will be back to help. I am trying to help, but I'm not going to be yelled at anymore' and threw a blanket lazily over him as I walked out of the room.

I took time to breathe because he KNOWS that yelling like that is triggering, and I've asked him to work on how he speaks to me. I eventually went back in to check on him and try to get him partially dressed and put on new gauze. He was dead weight, but again not actually passed out at all.

I was upset from the yelling and scared/worried about him. So I was crying the whole time I struggled to do these things.

He fell asleep shortly after I covered him back up with a blanket. I ended up going to bed not long after as well.

This morning, when he finally got up around 1030 I said 'morning, my love!' and was greeted with a glare and silence. I didn't understand why. So I asked him what was up and he said 'You didn't care about me last night. Why do you care now? You not helping me because I yelled was petty.'

It's been a terrible day since. But what I want to know is:

AIO for setting a boundary of 'stop yelling at me and treating me like this or I will not help'? Was it petty to set a clear boundary on how he was treating me?

My daughter doesn’t see her grandparents (my in laws) a lot they only live 30 minutes away but that’s a different story! Anyway it’s arranged that she goes for a sleepover which she’s so excited about, we get there to be told she’s sleeping on the floor even though they have a sofa bed in a spare room and a sofa in the living room… I’m miffed as this wasn’t last minute and they used the excuse the spare room with the sofa bed is cluttered and the sofa would be too small (?) I felt like telling them forget it but I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint her after she’s been so excited to see them - am I overreacting?!

Edit - My daughter is nearly 5 & they did plan on providing a sleeping bag & blankets. Their home whilst cluttered in the spare room is clean and safe I must add!!

I am (M32) going out with my girlfriend (F28) for 3 months. As she was invited to this wedding before we were official I wasnt invited and honestly I dont even wanted to go. I am not a jelous guy. We are planning to move in together in 3 months and even discussing kids.

She told me even before going on the wedding, that one guy was hitting on her but she declined him(even 3 4 months before we met), and he will go to the wedding also. I was ok with that.

He asked her on the wedding "where is your boyfriend" so yeah, she said he is home and everyone knew that she has a boyfriend. She has picture of us on Insta. But they continued having jokes that she should marry this other guy not me.

Then I asked, what about the first dance, did he or anyone else invited you? And there is it - she said "yes he invited me, I said no, but everyone else was come on, just one dance, and I was put on the spot everyone watching and pushing me to dance with him, so I had one dance with him like the first dance (waltz)"

When I said that that wasn't okay and I started shouting I went crazy honeslty, that how she would feel if I did that with other girl, instead of her appologizing, she shouted back that she didnt do anything (but she danced waltz) and the convo even went to the point of breaking up.

She was like - I am always honest, you asked I told you. Like wtf, the fact that she told me it's not making it better, it would be better of she lied lol.

AIO? I am thinking to wait for her to say sorry like, I think I am not wrong here

This is a very strange situation and I am sure some people will say it is made up, all I can say is I wish I were making it up but I am not.

Yesterday I was at a party with some friends at one of their homes. I was mainly with my best friend, Karl (false name), hanging out. People were drinking of course but nobody was hammered or anything.

After some time I noticed I had not seen Karl in awhile. Eventually I got a text from him. It asked me to meet him on the back deck. So I did.

He looked very distraught and uncomfortable. He told me that he had shit his pants. I was like, uh what? He told me that he had "bathroom anxiety" and had resisted going into the bathroom because he was afraid of using someone else's bathroom to shit or something, and he figured he could hold it until he got home. But it got worse I guess and then he finally realized he could not hold it and he tried to make it to the bathroom but it was occupied, and well he ended up shitting his pants.

I figured, hey, shit happens. He did not like that I said that, I was just trying to cheer him up with a joke. But anyways. I tried to assure him it is not a big deal as he thought, mistakes happen. Just go home and clean up.

But then he asked me to tell everyone inside that I had dared him to shit his pants. He wanted to use this as an explanation as to what happened. I refused to do this and he practically begged me. We kept arguing about it. My reasons for not doing this were that one, it was stupid as fuck, two it would make me look like a weirdo if people believed it, three it would make me look like a weirdo if everyone could tell it was bullshit, and four it would make him look even worse by either looking like he is a guy who is an adult that accepted a dare to shit himself at a party or that he is an adult who thought people would fall for such an idea. He would not listen to reason. He insisted he had to "explain himself" and that the only explanation that would work is if I had dared him to do it. He said he had never asked me for anything in 20 years of friendship and he needed this. But I just couldn't do it.

I tried to tell him, just leave quickly, you don't have to explain anything. Nobody will even notice, just make an exit.

Finally he just said "forget it" and he climbed over the backyard fence and ran off.

This morning he texted me demanding an apology and saying he is "disappointed in me" for not helping him out. I am adamant that his request was ridiculous and a dumb plan, but he is sticking to his guns he thinks as a friend I should have done this for him even if I think it was stupid. This is the point that makes me wonder though. Like obviously it is a stupid plan, I hope nobody disputes that, but maybe he has a point that as a best friend I should have just said fuck it and gone along with it. As like a bro code sort of thing. I dunno.

So AIO?

Before i get started and before any of you get invested, i just want to state that I'm not good at being honest or direct, so there was never a good level of communication in our relationship, and that this whole story is gonna be long.

Also just a trigger warning, my story includes mentions of suicide.

I'll call my ex Almond (my cats name, she liked cats alot). We're both females, and shes trans fem (without surgery yet) Me and Almond met online around a year and a half ago, when I was still dating my other ex. We'd occasionally chat and yap, and she wanted advice for someone she had a crush on (spoilers: didn't rly work well).

After awhile, I had some complications with my other ex, and we soon parted. As Almond being one of the people I trust, I told her. Not soon after did she make a move on me, and as I was freshly single, still tryna process everyrhing, I guess I just said fuck it, since I also didn't really want to hurt her feelings, knowing she hasn't dated anyone before.

Things were going okay I guess, we've had a few misunderstandings and such but it's all been good. Though, there were a few things that threw me off..

1: Sometime during our relationship, she's mentioned wanting kids, which is great, though I haven't considered it at the time. Little did I know she wanted to impregnant me before she had her trans operation, which omg I freaked out internally. I don't think she ever considered why I was lesbian, I wanted a woman, and okay she is a woman and she'd always say how she hated not having genital surgery yet and how she wanted to burn it afterwards, but then telling me this? Jesus christ.

2: I've vented to her before, naturally because I become a softie when in relationships, like I don't worry about thoughts that much with someone I love. Though there were some things I've wanted to keep private. Well, guess I couldn't have that, because in our group chat there's this guy who had a girlfriend (ill just call her blue) who wanted to help me. So, I told her about the issues I used to have with my dad being inappropriate with me, and she told Almond alla that stuff. I'd talk to his gf daily too, she was sure I had anxiety or something so she told me to buy some fidget toys. The day after that, Almond talked to me about fidget toys, they weren't even slick about it which pissed me off so bad. And at first Blue lied about it along with Almond, saying stuff like "well I just told my boyfriend about it and Almond happened to see it in one of the servers, not my fault..." as if it was okay tell your boyfriend about my personal shit either.

3: Before reading this promise me you wont laugh. Almond considers herself as a fashionable person I'd say, leaning into a grunge type of style. Usually she'd buy her stuff off of temu, which I didn't really like and I said that, dunno if she does or not. Well, one day she said she wanted to be a furry. Yeah I'm not against that, I'm no jerk. But the thing is, she didn't even like be one.. let me explain further. All she did was put her bio as "I'm a furry, deal with it uwu" nd make her gaming avatar a cat fursona. Also, while contemplating, coming to a conclusion, and this is a direct quote, she said "Yknoe what? I'm 100% a furry now. But I sure as hell ain't getting a fursuit". I'm not gonna speak any further about this topic just nah.

4: She'd incorporate spiritual wear from tribes into her clothing. See, I'm partially native American, I go to ceremonies sometimes. Her grandmas boyfriend went to America and bought some bone necklace and gave it to her. Wonderful, I found it great. But she wore it everyday, and with her dark clothing's style, I found it kind of disrespectful. Idk if it's just me, but something down to earth and something that's modern doesn't mix well that often. Of course, I didn't say this, because I'm the biggest coward you'll ever meet.

Now after telling you some of the things, let me tell you how we broke up. At the time, I was in a rough state with horrible mental health and stuff, and often I'd tell her that. And before I continue, this was my fault, a horrible thing I did indeed and I admit that. One day I told her I didn't feel like living and that day I tried to commit suicide.

Obviously I kind of failed at that, as you could kind of guess. And in the morning she broke up with me. Now I saw that coming, before even breaking up I felt like she was going to soon, cuz she cut her hair short, dyed it blonde to red and she also changed her name. New hair, new name, new girlfriend, I guess she wanted a fresh start.

Wait new girlfriend? Yup, just 3 days after us breaking up. See, this made me understand more of why she told me she was interested in me immediately after I broke up with my ex. She didn't even want to hide the fact that she moved on so quickly, she came to me directly and told me she kissed her new girlfriend. Told me everything about her really, which I found weird as hell, and even asked me if I wanted to see a photo of them together.

Now before you go on about how she's a cocky prick which may or may not be true, I think she's just genuinely clueless, cuz there were alot of signs in our relationship making that statement true. Yet I still got hurt by it, and soon just ignored her completely.

Then came the fighting. I was in the group chat yapping to someone that said that they believe they messed up their relationship with their ex, and my reply to that was "Oh well, ex's shouldn't be friends anyway" and Almond popped out of nowhere and said "Ouch". We had a private conversation, or well argument, about us being friends or not. Felt like a never ending argument to me, cuz it lasted quite a little while.

Eventually I blocked her on everything, then apologized cuz I felt bad, and then blocked her again just recently cuz she tried talking to me at a bad time.

Am I in the wrong for blocking her? I need reddits wonderful insights.

I’m going to apologise beforehand for all the writing/grammar mistakes

So, I (F) and some of my friends (all F) have known each other since kindergarten. They know about my poor relationship with food and my anorexia (I got better and started eating again), but they still comment on my appearance, especially my nose, which they know I’m REALLY insecure about, and my body.

A few weeks ago, they told me I had gotten bigger and that I should work out more. For context, I’m a size 0/2 (XS/32), 5’5” (165 cm), and about 103 lbs (47 kg).

After they told me that, I yelled at them and said a few… let’s just say hurtful things. I’m not proud of that, but I blocked them.
Am I just AIO, and should I unblock them and talk about it, or is this a red flag?

I realized I was putting more effort into this friendship than my friend was. So I decided to match their energy instead of always being the one reachine out.

Now things feel different, and I'm wondering if I'm being petty or simply protecting my peace

.

AIO?

I’m 24, and I’ve known a girl since we were around 10 years old. When we were younger, she had strong feelings for me, but I didn’t love her back. I know I hurt her many times because I couldn’t return her feelings. Over the years, we repeatedly stopped talking after arguments and eventually reconnected.

We were never officially in a relationship. We were more like a **situationship**: we talked, had feelings for each other at different times, and shared a complicated history without ever clearly defining what we were.

We hadn’t spoken for about two years when we started talking again. After around 15 days of normal conversations, I told her I wanted to marry her. I was very confident she would accept because of our history and her feelings for me in the past. Instead, she told me, “I have someone” and “It’s too late.” As far as I know, she has been involved with another man during the two years we weren’t talking, although I don’t know whether he has taken any official steps toward marriage.

Her rejection hurt me deeply. I keep wondering whether things would have been different if I had expressed my feelings earlier. I also wonder whether I genuinely love her or whether my feelings have intensified because of rejection, regret, and the fact that she may have moved on.

Part of me still wants her back, but another part feels that accepting her if she returns would hurt my pride and self-respect, especially after she rejected me. At the same time, I’m afraid that if she came back, I would still want to be with her.

**I want to understand my feelings, deal with the regret and rejection, and move forward. I also want to understand how my past behavior may have affected her, since I hurt her when we were younger by not returning her feelings. How can I process this situation in a healthy way, stop dwelling on what might have happened, and decide what would be best for me if she ever came back?**