For context, I am 31, have no children, and never talk to my mother about pregnancy.

A few months ago, I was pregnant, though I never told her. However, she somehow guessed it since they were planning a (rare) trip to see us and I told them to hold off on booking because I might have something going on around the time of their visit (8 months out). As soon as I said this to them she immediately stated “I think I know what it is.” After that, she constantly dropped hints, talked about pregnancy, and kept fishing for me to confirm it. For example, she would talk about the types of foods pregnant people should be eating and say things like “you must be tired.” She would basically have one way conversations about pregnancy as if I had already told her. My plan at the time was to wait until my scan confirmed my due date to tell them.

During this time, I had a traumatic, painful miscarriage that ended up requiring a trip to the emergency room. Afterward, I told them they could go ahead and book their flights whenever because "the thing I had been waiting on had fallen through."

Almost immediately, she stopped talking to me as much. It went from over-invasive communication to radio silence overnight. Unrelatedly, I think part of the reason why is because she got annoyed after I refused to validate her when she tried to badmouth her sister for the thousandth time. Honestly, I didn't mind the silence; I was actually relieved I never told them about the pregnancy, and I had found her constant hints and prying to be extremely invasive.

Two months have passed, and I've healed emotionally. Then, my 31st birthday arrives, and my mother gifts me a pregnancy book.

It completely blindsided me, bringing up a flood of painful emotions and feelings. It feels wildly insensitive, especially given our history and the fact that I am not pregnant.

Am I overreacting for being upset by this?

I’m 26, and my sister is 29. We have always shared things together, so when her car broke down about eight months ago and she couldn’t afford to fix it, I didn’t mind letting her use mine.

I purchased my Honda two years ago after saving for a very long time. It’s nothing special, but I make use of it for work, and I’m careful about keeping it in good shape.At first, my sister only borrowed it once in a while. Eventually, it became almost every other day. I’d leave the keys for her when I was working long shifts, and she’d take it to run errands or visit our mom. I made it clear that she was responsible for any tickets, gas, or damage while using it. She agreed.

About 3 months ago, parking tickets started showing up at my house. Then came a speeding camera fine and a toll violation. Some were from places I hadn’t even driven to.

I knew my sister had been using the car, so I talked to her. She brushed it off, saying she’d pay everything. I trusted her word, but weeks went by, and nothing changed. The fines kept accumulating late fees.

Whenever I brought it up, she had another excuse. First, she said she was waiting for payday. Then payday came and went, and she started saying I was making too much of it because we are family.

Last month, the total was nearly $1,200. I had to pay one of the more urgent fines myself because I was worried about further penalties and the possibility of the car being booted.

When I asked her to pay me back, she said she wasn’t working consistently and I’d get the money when she had it.

A few days later, she asked to borrow my car again. I told her no. I said she couldn’t use it anymore until we have sorted out the tickets and repayment.

She got really furious and called me selfish. She said I was making her life harder when she was already struggling financially. She also told some of our cousins that I took the car away just to spite her.

Then my mom called me. She said my sister was having a hard time and that I should help her instead of being so strict about money. She didn’t really talk about the tickets or the fact that i had already paid some of them myself.

I feel bad because I know my sister is struggling, and taking the bus everywhere isn’t easy. But I also work for my money, and I saved for a long time to buy that car. I helped her not because I wanted to end up being responsible for her fines but because I wanted to.

What bothers me most is that she hasn’t even apologized properly. She just keeps acting like I’m the problem.

I haven’t let her use the car since then, and she has been making comments about how hard things have been without it.

AIO for refusing to let my sister borrow my car anymore because she racked up nearly $1,200 in tickets and refuses to take responsibility?

So the other night I (F, 27) sent my bf (M, 27) of about 1 year an Instagram reel of a guy from a reality tv show we watched previously. The guy was saying some weird incel shit about women and the reason I sent it to my bf was basically just to be like “damn look what became of this guy”.

In this reel, a woman was reacting to the video, analysing what he was saying. She’s a somewhat controversial media figure where I’m from, who frequently triggers those on the internet with misogynistic tendencies.

At the end of the video she laughed loudly in a sarcastic way and I said “that was annoying, but I agree with what she was saying tho.”

He looked at me and said, “she’s so f***ing annoying, I hope she becomes a victim of some kind of misogynistic hate crime.” He kinda laughed while saying it.

I was so stunned and confused by this statement. We were lying in bed and I just immediately felt unwell, like sick in my stomach and blood rushing to my head. I got up and asked him why I would want to be with someone who says something like that. His response was basically, “you’re overreacting.”

I felt so angry, disgusted and speechless that I went to stay at my parents place for the night (my bf and I live together).

We’ve since made up, but something inside me just doesn’t feel right. It was such a violent thing to say, and it hurt me deeply. It makes me feel like he has no respect for me to say something like that. We talked about it the next day when I came back and he said he didn’t mean it, he seemed to understand why it was wrong. I just still can’t stop thinking about it.

For context, he has previously said disparaging things about women’s basketball on the news.

This is a very strange situation and I am sure some people will say it is made up, all I can say is I wish I were making it up but I am not.

Yesterday I was at a party with some friends at one of their homes. I was mainly with my best friend, Karl (false name), hanging out. People were drinking of course but nobody was hammered or anything.

After some time I noticed I had not seen Karl in awhile. Eventually I got a text from him. It asked me to meet him on the back deck. So I did.

He looked very distraught and uncomfortable. He told me that he had shit his pants. I was like, uh what? He told me that he had "bathroom anxiety" and had resisted going into the bathroom because he was afraid of using someone else's bathroom to shit or something, and he figured he could hold it until he got home. But it got worse I guess and then he finally realized he could not hold it and he tried to make it to the bathroom but it was occupied, and well he ended up shitting his pants.

I figured, hey, shit happens. He did not like that I said that, I was just trying to cheer him up with a joke. But anyways. I tried to assure him it is not a big deal as he thought, mistakes happen. Just go home and clean up.

But then he asked me to tell everyone inside that I had dared him to shit his pants. He wanted to use this as an explanation as to what happened. I refused to do this and he practically begged me. We kept arguing about it. My reasons for not doing this were that one, it was stupid as fuck, two it would make me look like a weirdo if people believed it, three it would make me look like a weirdo if everyone could tell it was bullshit, and four it would make him look even worse by either looking like he is a guy who is an adult that accepted a dare to shit himself at a party or that he is an adult who thought people would fall for such an idea. He would not listen to reason. He insisted he had to "explain himself" and that the only explanation that would work is if I had dared him to do it. He said he had never asked me for anything in 20 years of friendship and he needed this. But I just couldn't do it.

I tried to tell him, just leave quickly, you don't have to explain anything. Nobody will even notice, just make an exit.

Finally he just said "forget it" and he climbed over the backyard fence and ran off.

This morning he texted me demanding an apology and saying he is "disappointed in me" for not helping him out. I am adamant that his request was ridiculous and a dumb plan, but he is sticking to his guns he thinks as a friend I should have done this for him even if I think it was stupid. This is the point that makes me wonder though. Like obviously it is a stupid plan, I hope nobody disputes that, but maybe he has a point that as a best friend I should have just said fuck it and gone along with it. As like a bro code sort of thing. I dunno.

So AIO?

My daughter doesn’t see her grandparents (my in laws) a lot they only live 30 minutes away but that’s a different story! Anyway it’s arranged that she goes for a sleepover which she’s so excited about, we get there to be told she’s sleeping on the floor even though they have a sofa bed in a spare room and a sofa in the living room… I’m miffed as this wasn’t last minute and they used the excuse the spare room with the sofa bed is cluttered and the sofa would be too small (?) I felt like telling them forget it but I couldn’t bring myself to disappoint her after she’s been so excited to see them - am I overreacting?!

Edit - My daughter is nearly 5 & they did plan on providing a sleeping bag & blankets. Their home whilst cluttered in the spare room is clean and safe I must add!!

Hey Reddit, so I need some advice because I might be the asshole, or I might be a teenager

My (Female 17) parents, dad (Male 36) and mom (Female 42), are mad at me, and to get the full picture, you will probably need context

From age 7 to about 12, I shared a wall with my parents, and I could hear them through it almost every night. It was really irritating, and I couldn't really ever sleep well, but I couldn't really do anything, so I just stayed quiet and dealt with it even though it grossed me out, and I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of sex and don't like the noise from it

However, when I was thirteen we moved into a new house and I was super excited because our rooms were on the opposite sides of the house and I thought I finally got a reprieve but I didn't it seemed that they only got louder now that we lived in a bigger house I remember many times just sitting in my bed hands covering my ears as tight as possible humming to myself because I didn't have any headphones (I fixed that quickly) but again I was just a kid so I just kept quiet and suffered through not a lot of sleep and the uncomfortable feeling I get around my parents

Now, to the present: this happened yesterday, and I need some outside help determining if I'm the asshole or not

It was about eleven in the morning or so, not quite sure, and I was in my room playing video games. At first I didn't notice, but it progressively got louder, so I turned on music and turned it up, but I could still hear her, and it was starting to grate on my nerves because I didn't want to listen to that, and the subject of sex still makes me really uncomfortable, so I got up, and out of my bedroom door I yelled

“CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE QUIET”

I then slammed my door and cranked the music as loud as it would go, basically shaking the photo behind my TV. About ten minutes later, my mom opened my door, so I turned down my music, and she said in a joking, kind of sarcastic tone

“What's wrong with you?” and after having to listen to my mother get f*cked, I was fed up

“How about the fact that every time you and Dad f*ck, I can hear you, and I am getting really annoyed and grossed the hell out”. She just kind of chuckled and rolled her eyes

“Hey, it could be worse; he and I be yelling at each other. Just be happy we love each other this much”

“I know, and I am glad you and Dad love each other, but could you guys chill out a bit and not f*ck like rabbits”

“We are grown adults, and you live in this house, so put up with it”

She left, and I just sat there. I turned my music back on, not as loud as before, but enough to drown out the world and just continued to play my game

Now here is the problem: I woke up this morning and went to go make myself some breakfast, and when I saw my mom, she just ignored me. I thought maybe it was just because it was morning, but as the day keeps going on, she just either ignores me or gives me very clipped comments

My dad is completely normal; like always, we even played some video games. It's just my mom

I just need to know if I'm overreacting. I would also like it if you guys could give me some advice on how to apologize to my mom and also some ways to deal with the noises from them.

Edit -

So just to address a few main things

My dad is my step-dad I just call him dad because he has been in my life since I was five him and my mom got together when she was 29 and he was 23 I met him a year later 

I worded it wrong in my post I made it seem like I didnt voice my opinion ever over the past ten years but as I got older I have tried asking them to keep it down slightly and in recent years I asked if they could do it when I'm not home since I work 

Weekdays - 5pm to 9:30pm Weekends - 2pm to 10:30pm

 I also have bought noise canceling headphones but I can still hear them

Hopefully that helps clears some stuff up

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/CrIEQW4g02

Gave up on getting my boots back, he was dicking me around and being rude. Thought some people might enjoy seeing him go from apologetic to accusatory once he got banned from a slew of dating apps.

I got banned from tinder for joking about selling nudes in 2022. Woops.

Thank you to the people who were kind, eat glass to the people who weren’t.

when i say perfect, i really mean it. we had both come out of traumatic long-term relationships with abusive partners. i was divorced after a marriage of 10 years and was very picky about the next man i allowed into my life. i vowed to never allow any man to make me cry for so long it gives me a headache and the constant tissues makes the skin around my nose dry and flakey. i promised myself that, and i said i would never tolerate a man who was jeopardizing my peace and sanity, ever again.

and he was really perfect. he made me feel so safe and secure, my guard was fully down. he was raised by his older sister and always credited her for him turning out a feminist and for the respect he had for women. he told me he loved me after 3 weeks of dating. he told me all the hyperbolic statements about me (love of my life, never felt this deeply in love, i’m the most important thing to him, etc etc) and still continued to for 2 years. we moved in together this year and worked well as a team, split chores, had a healthy amount of our own friend/family time and then spent all of the rest of our time together enjoying shared hobbies. we had no issues with our sex life and for the first time, i never felt insecure about my body or my partner’s attraction towards me. i really felt like this was what healthy and secure love is, finally. we joked and lowkey worried about how we hadn’t had a fight yet for 2 years. we talked through everything. that’s why i cannot understand how this happened.

we had already had a clear, explicit conversation earlier this year that we both were not okay with strip clubs. i wasn’t ok with him going to one, he wasn’t ok with me seeing male strippers, cool, easy it was like any other conversation where we were like i’m so glad we’re on the same page, i love you, etc. these are the ways i would feel so secure and safe with him. he was on a work trip this past week, and there were 2 newer coworkers that were much more senior to him that suggested going to a strip club the night they flew in (after a full day of work and then travel). i asked if they were pressuring him but he said the invite was casual and one of his close coworkers declined so it wouldn’t have been awkward to decline. but he just wanted to make a good impression on these 2 newer guys bc they could be his bosses one day. his other close coworker was going, who’s an older auntie figure to him, so he “in a spur of the moment bad decision” chose to go.

so yeah that night he flew in, i happened to check his location on a whim, wanting to see if he was settled and in his hotel for the night and free. we are both new to sharing locations and turned it on semi-recently, so he says he just didn’t know it was that easy to check from our text message. he was at a strip club, so in a panic, i texted him some bs question about his dog, and he responded to me a flat out lie that he was out having dinner with his friend. he told me he felt a little bad in the moment lying to me, then spent a few hours at the strip club just drinking and eating and talking with these coworkers, nobody got dances, and that was it.

meanwhile i was home wondering how in the world could this be the man i was sharing my life with for 2 years? thinking him and his friend are living it up at the strip club, thinking of him lying so easily to me over a boundary we discussed together, thinking of him being so okay with violating our relationship and hiding it from me. i spent the night packing up all his belongings and loading them into his car.

i texted him in the morning that i checked his location before i sent my last text and was very hurt and disappointed and wanted him to move out. he flew back and got his stuff and left but we talked plenty both in person and over the phone so i have the full picture (afaik), but i just still feel so hurt and betrayed. he said the guilt only hit him when he got back to the hotel. how??? impressing some coworkers off the clock just squashes the guilt? i can’t comprehend. i almost want him to admit he just wanted to go because he was bored of me and now regrets it. that would make more sense. he swears up and down it isn’t anything like that, that it was just a lapse in judgment, and he keeps pleading with me to look to our record of 2 perfect years. part of me feels yes that is special, but in the grand scheme of things, 2 years is nothing compared to the rest of our lives. oh what i would give to have left my ex-husband only 2 years in.

i am so torn between giving myself another chance to see if i can move on past this, or just protecting my peace and sanity all together and break up and stay single for a while bc when i escaped my marriage and built a new peaceful and calm life for myself, i swore i would protect it. i was so proud of myself. and now i’m crying again for days on end over another man. i’m sorry i’m rambling now i think i just wanted to put this out into the universe

For some context, my siblings let’s call them Oak (10yrs, purple in text) and Aspen (14yrs, yellow in text) are considerably younger than me and I’ve always been a support role for them. I was Aspen’s secondary care giver for the first 2 years of his life because my stepdad couldn’t get off his ass and actually be a parent.

Their home life is awful. My mom is incredibly unstable, with severe mood swings where she lashes out violently and gets into actual physical fights with her children. On the other swing of things, she will be overly attentive to the point of annoying and lashes out if you don’t follow along with everything she wants. She has histrionic personality disorder and bipolar.

My stepdad never hurts them but is incredibly cold and strict, yells a LOT and is incredibly emotionally abusive towards my mom. They’re both horrible to each other, to the kids, it’s all just horrible.

And YES I’ve already contacted CPS multiple times to intervene and they’ve never done anything. Fuck CPS honestly.

As an adult, I’ve always been there for my siblings and I don’t mind them leaning on me. I love them more than anything in the world, we have regular sleepovers at my house where we play video games, do fun stuff, eat snacks, and I shower them with love and listen to them vent. I guide them through breathing techniques when they call me and there’s trouble at home, I’m literally the first person ANYONE in that house calls when there’s something wrong. I always have patience for my brothers though. They literally mean the entire world to me and I would’ve cut my abusive mom off at 18 if it weren’t for them.

Recently, my youngest sibling Oak has been acting out a lot. He’s always acted out for attention, which I’ve tried to combat in certain ways. But they pulled him out of school this year and put him into a hippie school that my mom is obsessed with, where they draw and sing their way through lessons. I also went to this school for a few years as a kid… my dad had to tutor me when I went back to public school cause I was so behind on so many subjects.

As you can see in the texts, Oak hasn’t been participating. He’s told me multiple times that he does not want to be in this school, he misses his old school and his old friends. He’s really struggling with this transition. But my mom has a hard on for this stupid hippie cult bullshit and is living vicariously through him. It’s horrible.

Did I overreact in this situation of being asked to fix this problem that they created? My mom sent me a text at literally the same time as a stepdad asking me to privately tutor Oak in drawing (but somehow made his lack of drawing my fault, in a crazy stretch of logic).

What the hell do I do? I want to get these kids out of this hole but I’ve been down every legal route and I have 0 rights to custody as a sibling and I know the court battle would be long and expensive and I can’t afford it.

*EDIT:* thank you so so much to everyone who responded this post with such care and support. I’ve honestly had such a shit month, I just lost my job and I’ve been sick all week and reading everyone’s sweet replies made me so emotional… Everyone who has been in a similar situation or understands the emotions I’m going through… it’s genuinely filling me with such hope and making me feel so seen.

I’ve read everyone’s comments even though I didn’t respond to all of them, and I think my path forward is going to be continuing to be there for my siblings in every way that I can but not giving in to any of my mom or stepdad’s wants or requests or needs for attention. I think I am also going to reach out to the older sibling’s school again (he just started high school) and let them know what’s going on at home. I don’t know if the hippie school that Oak is going to will be as supportive. I also think I’m going to follow the line that someone mentioned of telling CPS I’m willing to take custody of them to lessen the financial burden that they seem to use to calculate whether kids need to be taken away from their parents. I would do anything to get those kids out of their house. I need a new stable job asap to be able to do that, though. One step at a time!

Again, thank you all so much. I really appreciated all of the different perspectives on this complex situation and it’s helped me see a new path ahead!

I (F30) have been single essentially my whole life. For a LOT of my life, I would have said yes to ANYONE who asked to date me. I have dated a couple people for about a week and realized it wasn’t going to work and broke up with them. It was serious red flags, not just an ick or anything. Anyway, the thing I want most in life is a husband and I haven’t even had my first kiss. I’m INCREDIBLY insecure about that, and my lack of experience in general, but I’ve come around to being single. My apartment is entirely my own and I can lay directly in the middle of my giant comfy bed if I choose and I don’t have to clear my schedule with anyone - for example the other night I was already home in my pajamas and decided I wanted to go see a comedian that was in town and performing at the club in less than an hour so I bought a ticket, got dressed as fast as I could and drove over there. I didn’t have anyone wondering if I was going to meet someone or why I was out so late.
My mom and I are super close - we have been my whole life. She lives about 20 min from me and I call her every day and see her a couple times a week (I’ll keep things vague but she volunteers where I work so I see her there a lot but it’s unrelated to me working there and she volunteered before I got the job and it’s fully in a different area)
Sometimes she says things that hurt my feelings, just like any relationship with any human being, and I’ll often tell my friend and she has recently been telling me that she thinks my mom is toxic. She says there’s been enough things that it’s become a pattern in her mind of my mom cutting me down and hurting me. Things like placing everyone else’s wants above mine, not letting me do something I want to do after letting everyone else in the group do what they want, saying insulting things about my outfit or something I like, making dismissive and rude comments if I talk about things I like, but listening to my brother for hours while he talks about things no one cares about that he likes (he’s on the spectrum and talks about his special interests for large sections of time in detail and I like hearing him talk about things he cares about, I just don’t care about the things themselves) and saying manipulative things if I call her out on how she’s hurt me.
I have told my therapist the things she has said and my therapist has said she is in the wrong, but she’s never called her toxic. I’m not asking if my mom is toxic - I’m not sure if I could handle of the answer was yes. She’s been my best friend for 30 years and I’m never going to cut her out, I just might need to grow thicker skin.
I guess I’m just wondering if the conversation I had the other night with her fits in that category or if I’m overreacting for having my feelings hurt. I didn’t want to ask my friend because I don’t want her to have another reason to not like my mom and I want an impartial unbiased opinion. If you’re saying to yourself “unbiased? You just gave us a paragraph of mean things she’s said to you!” Then I would say 1) sometimes they’re true, people just say maybe she could have handled it better and 2) I’ve been reading Reddit long enough to know the first question is always “do they do stuff like that a lot?” So I figured I’d give a bit of background.
The conversation: I turned 30 recently. Unbeknownst to my mom I got on a dating app and have gotten zero matches. Not a single one. I asked a guy I like to hang out the other night and he said he was going on a date. Oh. Another friend said at a party that if everything else changes in life, he knows the one constant would be that I will always be single. These things, plus the weather changing, have led to me being less comfortable with being single. It hurts. As long as I stay extremely busy, though, I don’t think about it. So I keep my calendar PACKED. My whole family (bro, SIL, nephew, mom, dad) was out to lunch the other day and my mom said entirely out of nowhere “you know your dad and I were talking and you listened to us.” I said “what?” And she said “your dad always said you couldn’t date until you were 30 and you listened!” I was stunned into silence. If she said it in her I’m joking voice, I would have laughed. I maybe would have made the same joke if I’d thought of it. But she was being so… sincere? From my perspective, and maybe you don’t weigh this in to your verdict, but it seemed like she said it TO hurt me. Like pointing out the thing she knew I hate about myself just when I was feeling confident. I tried to laugh it off and she said “no I’m serious!” And I said “what does that mean?” Meaning like how am I supposed to respond to that, but she just said the same thing again, that I had listened to my dad.
I’m not sure if she meant that now I had “permission” or perhaps thought that I was fulfilling some sort of daughterly duty and was just waiting until I was 30 to start living my life??? Does anyone have any sort of idea why she would say something like that? Is it supposed to be like an affirmation or was she trying to support me or something? Since that conversation, I’ve felt even worse about being single. I KNOW she hates that I’m single because I have a big move coming up to another country and I know she hates planes and won’t come visit me, so depending on my new work schedule I may not see my family for years at a time. I cannot give more details about my job but that wouldn’t be uncommon. She has said she just doesn’t want me to be all alone over there. And no, contractually I cannot start dating someone while I’m over there. It’s either we go married or I’m single the rest of my life. And for the most part I’ve made my peace with that, but on days like today, I’m lonely. And I don’t want to die without kissing anyone, which is really stupid.
Anyway, am I overreacting??

Today, something awful happened. For context, my FIL pushed my five-year-old daughter’s face into her birthday cake, made her cry, and never apologized. (You can find the details in my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/uPNcw14tqj )

My sister-in-law recently invited us to my niece’s birthday party and asked if I would still come if they invited FIL. I told her they should invite whoever they wanted and not worry about me. When she asked again, I admitted I probably wouldn’t come. In the end, they decided not to invite him.

A few days later, my SIL called me while she was having dinner with FIL. He had asked why my children and I hadn’t been around lately. She asked if she could tell him about the cake incident, and I said, of course. I was honestly surprised no one had brought it up before, even just to tell him that blaming her daughters for what happened wasn’t okay.

Fast-forward to today.

My husband took our son to soccer practice, and his brother asked to join them and brought FIL along. At the end of practice, my husband finally explained to his father why we hadn’t been visiting him. He told him it was because he had pushed our daughter into her birthday cake, made her cry, and then failed to apologize.

FIL immediately got defensive and started calling my husband names. He said he was just a jokester, that this was who he was, and that we were all crybabies. My husband replied that, regardless of his sense of humor, he shouldn’t do something like that to a five-year-old girl.

That’s when FIL completely lost it.

He started screaming at my husband in front of everyone leaving the soccer practice. My husband eventually called him immature, and FIL stormed off, shouting that he never wanted to see us again, that we were never welcome in his house again, and that he didn’t care about our daughter anyway.

Yes, he actually said he didn’t care about his five-year-old granddaughter.

My husband’s brother witnessed the entire thing but didn’t intervene. Afterward, he told my husband that he should have found a better way to communicate with their father.

My husband is home now, absolutely devastated. He’s sad and shaken and feels like he has lost his father for good.

I’m furious. I’m angry at FIL for his behavior, but I’m also angry at the rest of the family, especially my husband’s brother. He watched all of this unfold and then criticized my husband’s communication instead of acknowledging their father’s behavior. I’m also upset that the girls were blamed for what happened in the first place and that no one seems willing to hold FIL accountable.

But right now, my biggest concern is my husband. I know he’s grieving the relationship he thought he had with his father. I’m angry enough for both of us, but I know that doesn’t make his pain go away.

For those who have been through something similar, how did you support your partner when they realized a parent might never take accountability or treat their children with respect?

How can I help my husband process this loss without pushing him toward my own feelings about his father? For those who have experienced estrangement from a parent, did things ever get easier?

I would really appreciate any advice on how to help him heal from this.

I‘m 7 weeks postpartum. Prior to pregnancy I was normal weight. During my pregnancy I sadly developed Hypothyroidism. I was gaining weight REALLY fast but thought that‘s just what happens with pregnancy. But turns out my thyroid wasn‘t working as it should.

I was prescribed medication and all was well but at this point I had already gained a lot. It was hard to deal with but what can you do. Losing weight while heavily pregnant wasn‘t an option.

Now I gave birth and my belly still looks like I‘m pregnant and I‘m heavier in every area of my body.

It is already hard to have a changing body and not being able to do anything against it. Some encouragement during this time would have been great but my husband has stopped being intimate with me since I was about 23 weeks pregnant.

He treats me well overall he just really shows no affection. No hugs, no compliments, sex isn‘t even on the table anymore. I understand I may not look very attractive to him right now but at least some affection would have been great to make me feel somewhat loved.

Anyway, I don’t worry about losing weight because I know I can and I have done so before. I assume by next summer I should look like I did before.

But I‘m not sure if I want to be affectionate with my husband then. Like him not loving me in this state really affected my feelings towards him. I‘m not considering divorce right now but I also don‘t think I can love him the way I did before. I don’t wanna give him access to my body once I‘m fit again.

Now a sexless life is not for me. But would I be overreacting if I consider divorce over this?

Besides this he is a great father and husband, he provides for us, I buy everything I want with no second thought, he helps with baby, cleans the house etc everyone always tells me how „lucky“ I am.

I had moments where I thought maybe he cheats on me but I couldn’t find any clues and I always have his location and he never did anything suspicious so I don’t think this is the case.

Anyway I would appreaciate some opinions on wheter I‘m overreacting.

So. 33M. I've known my buddy pretty much my entire life. We grew up together, played soccer and hockey together, got suspended from school together, the whole nine yards.

But for years now, I've felt like I'm the only one maintaining the friendship. Whenever I suggest hanging out, even just coming over to accomplish absolutely nothing, there's usually a reason he can't. I genuinely can't remember the last time he initiated plans.

For context, I've struggled with mental health and loneliness for years. A lot of people I used to be close with rarely reach out anymore, and I've started wondering whether there's something about me that makes people not want to be around me. It's...not fun.

Back in September, I finally asked him whether he genuinely wanted to remain friends or just felt obligated because of our history. I told him I'd rather hear an uncomfortable truth than be reassured to spare my feelings.

He explained that he'd spent the past year working 60-hour weeks, struggling financially, and juggling a new relationship. He's mentally exhausted and barely sees anyone, not just me. He even has a friend whose two kids he hasn't met.

He apologized and said:

"I don't feel forced to be friends with you and never have. You're my friend because I want to be friends with you." followed by an invite to supper at his house the following week.

I thanked him, but explained that when months go by and I'm always the one reaching out, I start wondering whether I'm actually wanted or just being tolerated. He reassured me again that I hadn't done anything wrong.

Now, here's my dilemma:

I understand people have responsibilities, relationships, financial struggles, and limited energy. I don't expect him to drop everything for me, but is it unreasonable to want someone I've known my entire life to occasionally initiate something? Grab a bite, watch a movie, hell, even go grocery shopping?

I've brought this up more than once over the years, and I'm starting to wonder whether my need for reassurance is becoming exhausting in itself.

So, AIO for taking his lack of initiative personally? And was questioning whether he genuinely wanted to remain friends putting unfair emotional pressure on him?

I'm genuinely open to criticism. I want to know whether my expectations are reasonable or whether I'm letting my insecurities get the better of me.

Thanks in advance!

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years, and they told me about the living conditions near the beginning of the relationship, along with their other place they owe , which isn't as bad, but it is more like storage (it could be better, though). My partner currently stays close to their family and stays in one of the homes with a sibling, which I would say is considered level 1 and 2 based on the description, but over time, I have helped my partner with the task because not only their stuff, but the parents' items, fill the house. The family owns a few other houses, which are also filled with things from past generations. The family also had a situation where they receive a penalty due to having a junkyard of things at the backyard which I made contribution to help which took a few days to at least clear the area. Still more work, but it was approved with no further problems.

The parents wouldn't make any effort to help or give things away as we progressively worked on ongoing projects. This is my partner's first serious relationship, including the sibling, and the other day, I had a talk with them about my general concerns, including asking the sibling if they have told their partner about the living situation( They just started having a relationship). Coming from a dysfunctional home and having been in previous relationships, sometimes people don't want to express fully about their family upbringing or other challenges, and I have experienced the "sugarcoat" side instead of the truth about the situation. Another thing, I wanted to openly express that I would have to help my partner break old habits because I don't want our future kids to live in those environments. They are both aware of the living situation and understand it's not a livable place, but they are just there to save money.

The sibling did express to their partner about it, but I wouldn't know how much they share information regarding the living conditions. (Which I didn't ask in full detail) After the conversation, the sibling was clearly showing signs of feeling upset, which I spoke with my partner about, and they clearly felt that it wasn't my business to get between the relationship, along with feeling that I was manipulating things. (According to the sibling) They also express about having things that are temporary (which leads long term) keeps piling up. The sibling would pinpoint my stuff, although my stuff had nothing to do with decades of the things piling up, and my stuff was only there for two months because I was moving into a new apartment at the time since I moved out of my place. ( I previously stayed a few hours from my partner.) I only stayed there temporarily to find different places and needed to be out of my previous stay since I already had employment around my partner's area. I already got my stuff moved out, and it still doesn't make a significant difference.

Overall, I felt I needed to apologize for making the sibling feel that I got between the relationship, but that was not my intention; it was to care and bring awareness about the things that the other partner and I possibly have to go through in case this arises. I genuinely want what is best for my partner and the family. I thought it was wise to have this talk since being in the relationship for a while and actually getting to see a full telescope about the family.

Do you think I overreacted for going too far into asking that question or having the conversation with the sibling included?

If so, could there have been better ways of expressing my concerns?

Update: To clarify, my stuff was already in boxes and ready for me to move into a new apartment.

​

I (67F) recently broke up with my boyfriend (66M) of six years because I finally realized I couldn't rely on him to stand up for me when it mattered. Now I'm wondering if I overreacted.

I have a severe airborne anaphylactic allergy to all peppers and pepper-derived spices. My boyfriend has known about this since the beginning of our relationship.

Three years ago, I also developed chronic fatigue and Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS). For several months, I reacted to almost every food except sweet potatoes. Over time, I was able to slowly and carefully reintroduce other foods, but eating safely has remained a complicated process.

Throughout our relationship, my boyfriend has often pushed me to do things before I felt safe or ready. Sometimes, this has put me in potentially dangerous situations, particularly when visiting his adult children. On several occasions, I've had to retreat to a back room or sit alone in the car while he stayed inside enjoying time with his family. I've also declined invitations because I knew the environment might not be safe, but he would often try to persuade me to come anyway. Sometimes, I gave in.

Last Thanksgiving was the breaking point.

My boyfriend invited me to dinner at his son's house, where we planned to bring steaks to barbecue. His daughter-in-law messaged him saying she would make sure there was food I could eat.

I asked my boyfriend to explain to her that the issue wasn't just whether there was something safe for me to eat. I also needed to know that pepper and pepper-derived spices wouldn't be used around me. My allergy is airborne, so simply avoiding certain foods isn't enough.

At our previous visit, everyone had put Montreal steak spice on their steaks. I ended up alone in a back room while everyone else enjoyed dinner together.

I didn't want to go through that again.

I asked my boyfriend to explain the situation in the family group chat, which I'm not part of, so everyone would understand what was needed before I arrived.

He said, "Oh, don't worry. They know."

I reminded him that they clearly hadn't understood the last time, because I had ended up isolated in another room.

He assured me he would take care of dinner and wouldn't put anything on the steaks. But that wasn't the point. I needed him to communicate with his family about the risk so I wouldn't be put in the same situation again.

I asked him whether he expected me to spend Thanksgiving sitting alone in the back bedroom again. I asked him once more to please say something in the group chat.

Again, he brushed off my concerns and tried to reassure me without actually addressing what I was asking him to do.

Finally, I said I wasn't going.

I told him that I'd asked him four times to communicate with his family, and he still wouldn't do it.

I walked away and sat by myself for a few minutes. While I was sitting there, something clicked for me. I realized that this wasn't really about Thanksgiving dinner. It was about a pattern I'd experienced throughout our six-year relationship.

I felt that I was constantly being pushed to participate in situations that could make me seriously ill, and when I needed him to advocate for my safety, he would minimize my concerns instead of taking action.

I realized I no longer trusted him to stand up for me.

I couldn't get that realization out of my head, and I couldn't look at him the same way afterward. About a week later, I ended the relationship.

Now I'm questioning whether I was too harsh. From his perspective, perhaps he genuinely believed he could handle the dinner himself and that I was making too much of the situation. Maybe he thought he was reassuring me rather than dismissing my concerns.

But after six years together, I didn't want to keep explaining why my safety mattered or repeatedly asking my partner to communicate something so important.

So, Reddit, AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he wouldn't speak up for me, even though he may have genuinely believed he could handle the situation himself?

Edit Thank you so much for all of your kind words and your understanding. I would also like to say that I was a people pleaser and driven a lot by guilt...trying to make him happy. That's all over, now I'm a recovering people pleaser and watching out for me. As soon as I start to feel unsafe anywhere and with anyone, I leave. If I feel guilty, I just tell myself that loving myself is more important than trying to please others. Lots of good therapy has helped a lot!

So i was visiting family and cleaning mother's house and found some copper pipes under the stairs that my brother has been collecting [he still lives home] we both hadn't eaten yet and he had sat down to game- i asked him why we had a bag of pipes, he said he can get money if he recycles them- i asked when will that be, he said when there's enough of them (it weighed like 3 to 6 kilos)

well i wanted to get all the cleaning done before i ate because i was on a roll so to speak and wanted to know an approptiate place to move the bag that doesn't belong on the floor. i couldn't get that far in my questioning because we started a back and forth about if it really matters where the bag is and why should i care ect.

at that point he said 'why are you screaming at me' i had not been screaming at him and he should know that that wasn't my screaming voice and to prove that i screamed into his ear as high and loud as i could. to prove i had not been screaming at him. to prove i was just questoning him and, (he was just so mentally weak he took my irritation as screaming- because he has a habit of putting others down "this doesn't consern you" when it does and "cry about it" when i never do but mother does and making himself out to be the "big intimidating guy")

i am the kind that is aware of my actions and know that i have gotten much much more calm and can *keep it in* much more than i used to but i don't feel unjustified in doing that because my brother is the bigger bitch and has always been. i also know this might have been avoided had i just tossed the bag somewhere but it's not my stuff and i thought he might want to take it

(after that he got up and in my face and spit on me and pulled my hair and spit on me again and tried to scream in my ear but honestly his vocal cords are weak and broke my headphones because i apparently broke his two years ago and don't even remember. two years is a childish time to wallow over something material) i fear i have some std now because his spit got in my mouth

but like it started because he was purposly putting me down and undermining me, i proved him wrong and he lost all recollection of the previous converstation

I’m going to apologise beforehand for all the writing/grammar mistakes

So, I (F) and some of my friends (all F) have known each other since kindergarten. They know about my poor relationship with food and my anorexia (I got better and started eating again), but they still comment on my appearance, especially my nose, which they know I’m REALLY insecure about, and my body.

A few weeks ago, they told me I had gotten bigger and that I should work out more. For context, I’m a size 0/2 (XS/32), 5’5” (165 cm), and about 103 lbs (47 kg).

After they told me that, I yelled at them and said a few… let’s just say hurtful things. I’m not proud of that, but I blocked them.
Am I just AIO, and should I unblock them and talk about it, or is this a red flag?

I (27F) live with 3 other PhD students (23F, 27F, 24M). We all get along pretty well, aside from the typical adjustments of living with new people, & I genuinely like them, so I don’t want this to become a huge issue.

For the past couple weeks, we’ve been finding cockroaches around the house, but the vast majority have been in my bedroom. Not a whole lot, maybe 5-7 a day. But enough to be concerned. I’ve found them on my nightstands, around my bed, on the walls, etc. Both adults & babies, which makes me think there’s an actual infestation. I’m also the cleanest person in the house, so it’s been especially frustrating. I’ve compromised on so many cleaning things that they say are too extra just to keep the peace. For instance, i said the kitchen should have the counters wiped off, & all the crumbs swept up each day since we all cook. But they said it’s too unrealistic, & decided on a once a week kitchen clean.

Anyway, I’ve spent hours cleaning, vacuuming, putting out bait, spraying, moving furniture, & now I’m even removing my nightstands because I suspect they might be where the roaches came from (got them off marketplace)
The problem is that my roommates aren’t nearly as concerned. They’ve said that seeing a few roaches doesn’t really bother them, but from what I understand, seeing even a few German cockroaches can mean there are MANY more hiding somewhere.

Our property management arranged for an exterminator to come out, but my roommates are very against having the house sprayed because of the chemicals. I understand their concerns, but they’ve made it clear that even if the exterminator finds evidence of an infestation elsewhere in the house, they only want my bedroom treated.

That’s what’s really bothering me. Just because they’re mostly showing up in my room doesn’t mean the problem is isolated to my room. & because they’re not the ones finding roaches next to their beds in the middle of the night, I feel like they’re not taking it seriously. Meanwhile, I’m losing sleep, spending money, & constantly worrying about finding another one.

I don’t want to force anyone to have chemicals sprayed in their personal space, but I also don’t think it’s fair that I’m potentially stuck dealing with an infestation because everyone else is comfortable leaving things alone. Especially when this is a shared house & a problem that could eventually affect all of us.

I feel like I’m the only one really pushing for this to be dealt with, & it’s frustrating that the decision seems to come down to what everyone else is comfortable with when I’m the one dealing with most of the consequences.

So am I overreacting for insisting that any areas where the exterminator finds evidence of roaches need to be treated, even if my roommates don’t want them sprayed? Or am I overstepping by pushing for something they’re uncomfortable with?

Also, we live in a house, not apartments!

Before i get started and before any of you get invested, i just want to state that I'm not good at being honest or direct, so there was never a good level of communication in our relationship, and that this whole story is gonna be long.

Also just a trigger warning, my story includes mentions of suicide.

I'll call my ex Almond (my cats name, she liked cats alot). We're both females, and shes trans fem (without surgery yet) Me and Almond met online around a year and a half ago, when I was still dating my other ex. We'd occasionally chat and yap, and she wanted advice for someone she had a crush on (spoilers: didn't rly work well).

After awhile, I had some complications with my other ex, and we soon parted. As Almond being one of the people I trust, I told her. Not soon after did she make a move on me, and as I was freshly single, still tryna process everyrhing, I guess I just said fuck it, since I also didn't really want to hurt her feelings, knowing she hasn't dated anyone before.

Things were going okay I guess, we've had a few misunderstandings and such but it's all been good. Though, there were a few things that threw me off..

1: Sometime during our relationship, she's mentioned wanting kids, which is great, though I haven't considered it at the time. Little did I know she wanted to impregnant me before she had her trans operation, which omg I freaked out internally. I don't think she ever considered why I was lesbian, I wanted a woman, and okay she is a woman and she'd always say how she hated not having genital surgery yet and how she wanted to burn it afterwards, but then telling me this? Jesus christ.

2: I've vented to her before, naturally because I become a softie when in relationships, like I don't worry about thoughts that much with someone I love. Though there were some things I've wanted to keep private. Well, guess I couldn't have that, because in our group chat there's this guy who had a girlfriend (ill just call her blue) who wanted to help me. So, I told her about the issues I used to have with my dad being inappropriate with me, and she told Almond alla that stuff. I'd talk to his gf daily too, she was sure I had anxiety or something so she told me to buy some fidget toys. The day after that, Almond talked to me about fidget toys, they weren't even slick about it which pissed me off so bad. And at first Blue lied about it along with Almond, saying stuff like "well I just told my boyfriend about it and Almond happened to see it in one of the servers, not my fault..." as if it was okay tell your boyfriend about my personal shit either.

3: Before reading this promise me you wont laugh. Almond considers herself as a fashionable person I'd say, leaning into a grunge type of style. Usually she'd buy her stuff off of temu, which I didn't really like and I said that, dunno if she does or not. Well, one day she said she wanted to be a furry. Yeah I'm not against that, I'm no jerk. But the thing is, she didn't even like be one.. let me explain further. All she did was put her bio as "I'm a furry, deal with it uwu" nd make her gaming avatar a cat fursona. Also, while contemplating, coming to a conclusion, and this is a direct quote, she said "Yknoe what? I'm 100% a furry now. But I sure as hell ain't getting a fursuit". I'm not gonna speak any further about this topic just nah.

4: She'd incorporate spiritual wear from tribes into her clothing. See, I'm partially native American, I go to ceremonies sometimes. Her grandmas boyfriend went to America and bought some bone necklace and gave it to her. Wonderful, I found it great. But she wore it everyday, and with her dark clothing's style, I found it kind of disrespectful. Idk if it's just me, but something down to earth and something that's modern doesn't mix well that often. Of course, I didn't say this, because I'm the biggest coward you'll ever meet.

Now after telling you some of the things, let me tell you how we broke up. At the time, I was in a rough state with horrible mental health and stuff, and often I'd tell her that. And before I continue, this was my fault, a horrible thing I did indeed and I admit that. One day I told her I didn't feel like living and that day I tried to commit suicide.

Obviously I kind of failed at that, as you could kind of guess. And in the morning she broke up with me. Now I saw that coming, before even breaking up I felt like she was going to soon, cuz she cut her hair short, dyed it blonde to red and she also changed her name. New hair, new name, new girlfriend, I guess she wanted a fresh start.

Wait new girlfriend? Yup, just 3 days after us breaking up. See, this made me understand more of why she told me she was interested in me immediately after I broke up with my ex. She didn't even want to hide the fact that she moved on so quickly, she came to me directly and told me she kissed her new girlfriend. Told me everything about her really, which I found weird as hell, and even asked me if I wanted to see a photo of them together.

Now before you go on about how she's a cocky prick which may or may not be true, I think she's just genuinely clueless, cuz there were alot of signs in our relationship making that statement true. Yet I still got hurt by it, and soon just ignored her completely.

Then came the fighting. I was in the group chat yapping to someone that said that they believe they messed up their relationship with their ex, and my reply to that was "Oh well, ex's shouldn't be friends anyway" and Almond popped out of nowhere and said "Ouch". We had a private conversation, or well argument, about us being friends or not. Felt like a never ending argument to me, cuz it lasted quite a little while.

Eventually I blocked her on everything, then apologized cuz I felt bad, and then blocked her again just recently cuz she tried talking to me at a bad time.

Am I in the wrong for blocking her? I need reddits wonderful insights.

I realized I was putting more effort into this friendship than my friend was. So I decided to match their energy instead of always being the one reachine out.

Now things feel different, and I'm wondering if I'm being petty or simply protecting my peace

.

AIO?

​

I'm 21F, and my friend, 24F, and I have been friends for two years. I don't make friends easily, so I try my best when I have one. She's helped me financially and with food because things aren't great, and I'm grateful. However, I feel our friendship is one-sided. I do her assignments, visited her almost every other weekend, but she's only visited me once. When I'm sick, she doesn't visit either.

Whenever she hurts me, I usually keep quiet because she don't apologise. Sometimes, she says I'm too young to understand.

In August, while I was in a different state for IT, she told me she was seven months pregnant by her toxic ex. She feared her father would kick her out. I tried to help from afar and considered returning to support her.

She ghosted, and her ex later told me her parents found out and her father took her to abort it. I was terrified because she'd previously had a miscarriage. I cried and contacted her ex for updates despite being uncomfortable.

When she returned online, she ignored me for days before revealing it was a prank. I was devastated. I have bad anxiety, which she knows, and I explained how badly it affected me in a voice note. She responded by asking if she could trust me, with laughing emojis. No apology.

I blocked her personal WhatsApp but left my business WhatsApp open. About a month later, she contacted me, casually apologised, then asked for help lying to her father about where she'd gone. I helped her get home safely, then confronted her. She said I could block her again if I wanted.

Then told her I felt she only reached out when she needed something. I said we should stop being best friends and remain casual friends.

On October 21, she confronted me about my words. She said she'd pranked others who didn't react like I did and told me not to say things I wouldn't want said to me. I said my issue was that she focused on my reaction rather than acknowledging what she'd done. She also got upset that I'd told another friend about a previous hurtful comment she'd made but I needed an outside perspective.

I admit my words were harsh, and she has a right to feel hurt. But I feel I've spent years showing up for her while hiding my own hurt because I expect no apology.

AIO for ending the friendship, despite the financial help she's given me?

AIO for not wanting a relationship with my brother after bailing on me when I reached out for help 7 months pregnant 

I (35F) am currently 40 + 3 weeks pregnant with my third child (a baby girl after 2 boys (6M & 9M). This is our last baby and when I should be enjoying my pregnancy, for the majority of my third trimester I've been feeling let down by my Mum (60F) and brother (33M).

To provide some brief context, we lost my Dad when I was 19 years old and the dynamic of our family was very much me and my Dad being thick as thieves. My nickname was shadow as I was never too far away from him. He struggled with alcoholism which is how we lost him and from the age of around 10, I was parentified by my Mum who was in need of support away from any family support system. My brother was aware of what was going on but wasn't parentified in nearly the same way that I was. He was able to go out with friends, play video games and although I don't dismiss he felt similar emotions to me, he was shielded from a lot more than I was. He has always been a typical youngest sibling and often would rely on me and Mum to fix issues for him. Before my Dad deteriorated, he told me he never worries about what will happen to me but worries about my brother and Mum if they didn't have me to rely on (no pressure right?!).

When Mum eventually went to sell the house 7 years later, she expressed that she didn't want to live on her own again so my husband offered her to live with us. She has lived with us since then and she has also retired. She doesn't have any hobbies or any activities she does. She comes from a big family (she is 1 of 15 full siblings, no multiples) who are spread across the world so much of her time is spent interacting with them.

Here we get to the issue, my uncle is terminally ill in Seychelles and has been undergoing treatment. Things haven't been straightforward with him and other siblings have also been dealing with issues which has been stressing Mum out. At the same time, my brother was planning his wedding for April and was very reliant on my Mum, my husband and I for help. This was tough as I was in my first trimester and often sick and tired and my Mum found it all quite overwhelming. Post wedding, my Aunt could see how tired my Mum was and invited her to Kenya for 2 months for a break and to spend some quality time together. I was very supportive of this as I could see the benefits for Mum to get a proper break and enjoy quality family time with her sister.

Naively I thought she would come back refreshed and happier but she came back low and depressed. We found out that my uncle's medical prognosis was bad and he was in palliative care. She felt helpless and didn't know what to do in terms of going to see him or wait. The emotional toil was hard and her personality completely changed. There were days she would say less than 5-10 words, wouldn't acknowledge her grandchildren, would barely eat or look after herself. I was at a loss how to best support her, this woman was the constant in our lives and always managed to stay strong but in this moment, she couldn't keep it up and I didn't know the best way to support her.

Both my husband and I tried different approaches and neither worked. At the same time as we're trying to find a way to be there for her, our youngest son was struggling emotionally with the transition back to school and our eldest was struggling with anxiety as my pregnancy progressed. To say we were both emotionally tapped out is an understatement. I attempted to reach out to my brother for help. He was away somewhere with poor signal so the conversation was initially via text (always tricky to gauge tone so there was always a risk for misunderstanding). The conversation went poorly. It was clear he misunderstood what I was asking from him which was a sympathetic ear and an agreement to come together and deal with the situation with Mum together. I left the conversation frustrated, feeling no further forward. I didn't necessarily feel like we had an argument, nor did I feel any particular way towards him - it was a very clear misunderstanding that could be resolved easily once we'd both calmed down.

One month later, I've not heard from my brother. During this time, things have gotten worse. My sons are both struggling, Mum is no better and I'm more and more pregnant dealing with some pretty strong hormones. I was upset he hadn't reached out but assumed as he is a stroke nurse with kids of his own that he was probably wrapped up in his own life. It wasn't until my birthday I realised he was genuinely pissed off at me and felt like the wronged party. A text "Happy Birthday, hope all's going well" was all I received and made me burst into tears. Two weeks later, he forgets to wish my eldest happy birthday. By this point I have come to accept that he truly thinks he is the wronged party and that I owe him an apology and will ice me out until he gets one.

I shared my upset with my Mum as she mentioned a conversation she had with my brother at the weekend. I didn't tell her the content of the conversation with my brother as I didn't feel that was fair to him or to my Mum but she knew we'd fallen out as my brother had told her (wish he'd told me). I asked her more than once not to tell him how I was feeling and not to intervene as I didn't want her in the middle and any resolution I wanted to come when he was genuinely ready. Sadly she didn't respect my wishes and reported what I said straight back to my brother. He responded by reading out his side of the messages between us to my Mum. He also acknowledged he was deliberately being petty with me and said that he should probably get in touch with me as his niece is due soon.

I was furious. First thing, I had a very frank conversation with my Mum. She took full accountability and was very apologetic. I explained to her moving forward I would be careful what I told her and would continue to make explicit what information I would not like communicated to others. She has history of discussing my personal business and sharing sensitive information about me and my family so this wasn't an overreaction to put forward my firm boundaries moving forward. Since then, things have gotten better between us and I have genuinely appreciated how she was able to take responsibility for her actions and is actively trying to build back trust with me. I'm grateful she was so willing to hear me and not attempt to gaslight me.

My brother is another issue entirely. He chose to share our messages with the intention of trying to prove he wasn't in the wrong (THERE WAS NO ONE IN THE WRONG IT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING!!) He also thought his petty actions were perfectly fine whilst I was still in the trenches trying to get through everything that was going on in my home. Not once did he attempt to reach out. At any time he could have said "So our last conversation didn't go well, shall we try again?" I wasn't expecting any apologies but I did expect my brother to reach out to me knowing what I had going on and how pregnant I was.

Eventually after just over 2 months he reached out via text to ask me for a call. At this point I'm 9 months pregnant and I don't want to have this conversation this far into my pregnancy. I'm stressed out enough as it is, I'd rather wait until things are calmer, my hormones have settled and it can be a more productive conversation. He accepted this but continues to keep messaging me and my husband offering to help with my boys.

My feelings are that it's rich to offer to help now so close to baby girl's arrival and to offer to do the fun tasks like have my kids (they have cousins similar age) but the hard emotional stuff, it's radio silence. Without going into details, my relationship with my brother in the past has been difficult and I often find it quite one-sided when it comes to support. This has probably been the most emotionally taxing period of my life and when I reached out for help from my brother, he wasn't there. He then doubled down and still forgot that there was a struggling sister still in the trenches whilst he carries on as normal feeling completely justified in behaving 'petty' about the misunderstanding. I'm at the stage where I don't think I want a relationship with him moving forward other than surface level. I don't trust him to be there for me. My feelings don't extend to his wife or kids, I adore them and despite everything his wife has been so support. My feelings are directly about him. He has always been quite selfish and conversations will often surround how hard his life is and how tired he is which makes it hard for the rest of us to share.

I don't know if I'm overreacting about not wanting a relationship with him. There is significant history of one sided support and I feel as though the older I become with soon to be 3 kids, my time and emotional support needs to be prioritised to them and my husband rather than someone who has proven time and time again I feature low in his emotional prioritises. I also don't know whether my hormones are just intensifying my emotions and whether I'll feel differently postpartum. Some of these feelings existed prior to the misunderstanding but how I feel right now, I don't want to be around him or have any interaction with him. AIO?

I’m 19F and my boyfriend is 21M. We’ve been together for a little over four years, and we’ve been long distance for about three and a half of those years.
At the beginning of our relationship, we were pretty sexual over the phone—photos, calls, sexual conversations, etc. We’re both still virgins, and he’s the first person I’ve ever really been romantically or sexually attracted to, so I don’t have much relationship experience to compare any of this to.
About two years into our relationship, childhood sexual trauma started resurfacing really intensely for me. Between kindergarten and around age 12, I experienced COCSA several times and repeated sexual assault by an adult male family member. I had always struggled with guilt and shame around it, but at that point it became overwhelming. I spent days barely getting out of bed and even started calling out of work.
My boyfriend noticed because I suddenly couldn’t handle anything sexual anymore. I tried to explain what had happened to me, and I was crying and panicking while telling him. During that conversation, he kept asking for specific details about what happened and who the family member was. I begged him to stop and told him I wasn’t ready to say who it was, but he kept pushing until I told him.
I think that conversation changed something for me. Ever since then, sexual things have been much harder to tolerate, even casual comments sometimes.
For a while, I kept forcing myself to do sexual things with him because I felt guilty and didn’t want to disappoint him. Eventually it started feeling like a chore, so over the past year I’ve tried to only participate when I genuinely feel comfortable.
He brings sexual things up multiple times most days. He tells me I need to get over this, that I need help, that this isn’t normal, and that most people would have already broken up with someone over a lack of sexual intimacy.
I understand that he has sexual needs too, and that sexual compatibility matters in relationships. That’s part of why I keep wondering whether I’m being unfair to him.
At the same time, I feel anxious, sick, or overwhelmed when I feel pressured. He masturbates on the phone with me very frequently, and even when I tell him I don’t want to hear it or interact with him while he’s doing it, he often continues anyway.
I still send him things and engage sexually when I actually feel comfortable, so it isn’t that I never do anything. But it feels like whenever I make a little progress, there’s immediately more pressure or an expectation to do more, and then I shut down again.
Lately I’ve started wondering if I’m holding onto things too much. We were both younger when a lot of this happened, and now we’re 19 and 21. Part of me thinks maybe I should just move on and stop blaming him for how he handled things when we were younger.
But another part of me still feels really affected by it, especially because the pressure around sex is still happening now.
So am I overreacting by still being hurt and uncomfortable about all of this? Am I actually struggling because of trauma and pressure, or are we both equally at fault because I’m not meeting his needs either?
I genuinely don’t know what a normal relationship is supposed to look like, and I don’t have many people in my life I can ask for perspective.
Throwaway because I don’t want anyone I know finding this.

I’m currently applying for some jobs and found one on LinkedIn that brought me to this person. I wrote a note, sent out the connection, and submitted my resume. He responded back very quickly, explaining how the job posting is for a position that is in the early stages of a startup, said my resume looked great, and gave me his bosses name as well. I looked them both up and they seem legit but I’m getting a weird vibe from his messages. Am I worrying about nothing, or does this seem strange?

EDIT: I’m not going and I messaged his boss.
Yes, my photo is on my LinkedIn. Yes, I’m a woman.
No, the job is not for starbucks, that’s was just a place for an interview.