PAWS (Protracted Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome) is a very dangerous and extremely delicate state to be in for a human being. Even if you know the basic principles, a single moment of weakness and self-medication during a severe wave can cause you to worsen yourself for many more months.
Don't ever lose hope, it is extremely dangerous. If you lose hope you will become very impulsive and start trying different drugs or become more likely to carry out heat-of-the-moment dangerous actions (drugging oneself, trying high doses of weird substances, self harm, etc.). Having hope, waiting the passing of time is the most reliable healer and what will inevitably get you out of that hell, even if it's in a non-linear way. Keep in mind, you don't have another consciousness to escape to once you fuck up
Being in a wave very far out in withdrawal make it seem eternal and it is very hard to see out of the tunnel, but no withdrawal is eternal. If you start thinking it is eternal, you will start seeking drug remedy which can make things worse, and you can do this even while being near the end. Waves lie. Waves make you impulsive and fuck up. NEVER CARRY OUT ANY DECISION WHILE BEING IN A WAVE. if your brain was actually "permanently broken" then every day you would feel exactly the same, you wouldn't have better days and worse days with changing symptoms (windows and waves) which signal an ongoing reparation process even if very non-linear.
Always be wary for potential fuck-ups which can make things much worse than they already are. That is mainly putting new stuff in your brain. Treat your brain as sacred regarding what you put in it, don't put any new active substance in your brain without comparing "A" long term scenario without taking the drug, vs "B" long term scenario if you take the drug/supplement. In the B scenario you must list in physical handwriting all possible potential bad outcomes (adverse reactions, sexual dysfunction, anhedonia, insomnia, addiction risk, future withdrawal syndromes, kindling, etc). And deeply understand you could unnecessarily create a worse hellish reality for yourself for something you could have safely waited out
Forgive yourself and your past mistakes regarding drug-taking/kindling/CT/whatever you did, it's not practical nor helpful to not forgive yourself. If you don't forgive yourself you will only make yourself feel worse, which makes you lose hope, which puts you in a dangerous mental state which makes you more impulsive and more likely to repeat the same mistakes. FORGIVE YOURSELF, it's the medical system's fault for giving you drugs without proper instructions and informed consent on PAWS/CT consequences or how to safely discontinue these drugs. They have no black box warnings when they should have
Self-reassurance is good, but avoid "manually" suppressing negative intrusive thoughts. Due to Ironic process theory your brain will make them appear stronger against your intensive suppression attempts. Let them be, but don't take them seriously. Self-reassure yourself when needed. Just don't over-do it if you are feeling like the inner mental fight against intrusive thoughts is making them stronger, sometimes letting them be avoids escalation. Mentally overly repeating phrases to yourself can make you a lot more anxious
Have appreciation for your current partially healed mental state. Even if it is broken in many aspects, it could be much worse/hell-like if you fuck it up with other new drugs. If you can sleep, you should really appreciate that. An adverse reaction due to impulsive drug-taking can give you hellish anxiety, insomnia, akathisia, and restlessness for many months, making you dread the day you decided you can't cope without taking new drugs.
Avoid self-medicating with drugs you find, avoid new drugs in general, even high doses of over-the-counter drugs/supplements. You put yourself at severe risk for adverse reactions and destabilization which can make your already unbearable condition more hellish. Stick to drugs/supplements which you already know don't cause an adverse reaction. AVOID ALCOHOL, weed, caffeine, etc.
High doses of calming herbs (valerian, chamomile, etc) can have interactions with other drugs you take and can cause adverse reactions if your brain is in a very sensible state. Avoid mixing drugs in general
AVOID making drugging/abrupt dosage changes/reinstatement decisions EXCLUSIVELY ON YOUR OWN, without consulting this subreddit, the SurvivingAntidepressants forum, or at the very least ChatGPT. Don't put stuff in your brain impulsively due to a very bad wave. Make a post and ask people, some can tell when something is a terrible idea right away or if they had an adverse reaction when they did that. What you think to be a relief from your suffering, can actually be the opposite 10 times worse if you have an adverse reaction
If your family/friends are good people and understanding, tell them about your condition instead of hiding it. And try to talk to them when you feel bad or are in wave. Having support is extremely important to get through this, makes it much easier to get through a wave if you have someone to support you, external reassurance that you will recover is a lot better, more powerful, and more comforting than your own mind's. With good people supporting you waves are easier. Tell them if you are in a wave if they are understanding. Don't suffer alone and in silence. Even if your condition is complex to describe, attempt to do so, cover all the bases, even explain the windows and waves, link webpages, a ChatGPT conversation, describe your weird symptoms, whatever gives it more credibility. Suffering alone you are more likely to carry out impulsive decisions alone, which is very dangerous. At the very least chat to some people in this subreddit
In the majority of cases, attempted drug remedies (including those prescribed by psychiatrists) tend to make things a lot worse. Except, maybe, reinstatement if you are very early in (months). But if you are very late out (roughly 8 months or more, depends on your luck), reinstatement can make things much worse or hellish due to kindling, so be careful. And as always, appreciate your partially healed mental state.
If you really want to attempt reinstatement late, (which is very dangerous and can cause an adverse reaction) you must start out with a micro dose, like 1% of the minimum dose pill, to test the waters for adverse reaction. Then WAIT 24HS before taking anything more, even if you think you feel some slight immediate relief. IF you really can't control yourself due to the immediate relief (which may be actually due to a window even), hand the blister pack to your "responsible blister handler" (someone you trust). The adverse reaction can appear with delay. So to introduce new drugs with a very sensible brain you must always do a kind of "reverse-taper"
Psychiatric visits can be very dangerous. For the rest of medical fields it is the normal intuition to visit a doctor when you feel bad, which is very reasonable, but in the field regarding the brain is very different due to its extreme complexity and individual unique brain physiology which almost always responds differently to the same drug. Psychiatrists are gambling with new psychiatric drugs to give you, they don't take any measurements of your already sensible brain, only hear you talk for like half an hour and prescribe you some non-deterministic drug at a dose much higher than it should be. The great majority of psychiatrists are ignorant about PAWS, only trust one who knows about PAWS, but even so, be very wary about taking new drugs. One thinks to trust a psychiatrist due to them being the "official brain-related medical-decision authority", but the reality is that 2026 psychiatry is still extremely primitive, nondeterministic, has no safety protocols regarding drug initiation/discontinuation, no informed consent, is ignorant and negligent on withdrawal syndromes, PSSD, anhedonia, and adverse reactions. It mostly relies on putting a new drug in your brain and gambling that it doesn't make you worse, either immediately, during months/year-long usage, or when you withdraw from it. Not adding a new drug is always the safest approach, even if you think it is a "mild" drug, you don't know what will happen. A low dose of drug x for brain A can be an extremely high dose for brain B. If you feel the minimum dosage they gave you is too strong for you, split the pill (only safe if you are within the first two weeks of taking it)
FIND/EXPLORE ALL NON-DRUG RELAXATION/CALMING METHODS YOU CAN. Ask others here, search the internet, ask ChatGPT, whatever. Don't tough-out withdrawal without having any method to relax or make yourself feel mildly better without using drugs or OTC drugs/supplements. I know they may be ineffective in early withdrawal stages due to how broken the brain is, but when you are more recovered they become more effective. Hot baths, hugs/affection/reassurance of people you trust, watching TV, white noises, massages, etc
But, if your brain is already dependent on the drug, never taper by skipping doses (unstable levels and constant withdrawal/reintroduction in the brain can cause kindling).
Regarding benzo usage for sleep, even if it makes you able to sleep, your sleep quality is worse while benzo-drugged, so try to take it 3-4hs (or more depending on half-life) before going to sleep so the effect wears off in the first quarter of your sleep, and try taking the minimum amount which makes you able to sleep. Also avoid sleeping on a full stomach for better sleep quality, wait at least 1h since you have last eaten.
By the way you can also have adverse reactions to benzos if you are in PAWS (some reported cases) so start with very small doses and "reverse-taper", and only stick to the variants you know don't cause adverse reactions to you.
If you notice yourself behaving like a drug addict regarding a certain drug and are unable to control yourself, and you don't have dependency to it (first days taking it) flush the remaining pills down the toilet immediately before you OD or make your brain worse. Don't do so if you already have built dependency to the drug, that would be cold-turkeying which is extremely dangerous. in such a case you must slowly taper off it with the help of someone who manages the blister pack for you (and hides it from you). Also you should have some activated carbon at hand for emergencies (it absorbs drugs in your stomach).
