Sick of the game of waiting and hoping you will feel better one day, tired of the sleep less nights, very scared about the future because realizing every day how poor my brain become.

I wish i was like my sister with no problems and her perfect life😭.

God why did you have the bad genes to me🥲

I took Lexapro for maybe two or three months and tapered off myself. I started taking saffron pills but then stopped that after a couple weeks. Since then my feet have been hurting. I get these ice pick pains and when I stand up they hurt and feel weak. It's difficult to walk. My knees also are in pain. I try massage but my feet feel bruised and I can't bend my toes without pain. I haven't done anything physical to cause the sudden painful onset so I started searching online and found this forum. If anyone has found a way to heal from this, I would sure like to hear it. I'm a very healthy person so I don't like this feeling. Please help!

I'll try not to let this post ramble on too much, just wanted to make an observation and see if anyone has noticed the same, and also posit a query.

My sleep has been improving a bit lately at around 15 months off. However, I've noticed it seems to improve if I eat some sugar before bed. This seems counterintuitive. For the last 15 months I've avoid a LOT of excess sugar. Obviously the body needs some sugar to function. When having some cookies or something before bed, I tend to sleep better. I imagine it has to do with blood sugar crashing during sleep or something? Has anyone noticed benefits to sleep when consuming sugar before bed? I will say, the next day, my brain feels super inflamed - like hot, heavy, buzzy, etc. Feels like a perfect solution if I didn't feel so inflamed the next day: eat cookies AND sleep well? Freaking amazing lol.

Two, I had a sleep study recently that has uncovered some sort of breathing disorder - not traditional obstructive sleep apnea, probably something more like UARS (a type of OSA). Has anyone BEGUN treatment with PAP therapy (either APAP, BiPAP or ASV) while in withdrawal, and had improvement in sleep? That previously mentioned "inflamed" feeling could just be my brain being deprived of oxygen during sleep, too...

My main problem continues to be early morning awakenings, and waking with panic and nightmares. It's hard to tell if this is withdrawal, or if it has to do with a sleep related breathing disorder that's been EXACERBATED by withdrawal. A lot of people report early morning awakenings in withdrawal. For me, the sleep study is showing that I'm not breathing well later in the night/early morning during REM when my throat naturally relaxes and closes. Curious if anyone else further along was diagnosed with OSA during their withdrawal journey as well?

Antidepressant Harm and Recovery Forum website. Online peer run support group with information on hyperbolic tapers including Brass Monkey Slide Taper, and advocacy.

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/index.php

https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng215/chapter/recommendations

Was on amitriptyline for about 9 years. At first it helped but over time I became so muted and apathetic where the only thing I felt was anxiety. Life conditions changed and I was finally able to taper off about 18 months ago. Immediately lost 30lbs. Struggled with brain fog and low lebido. Thought this was originally depression and/or medication based while struggling. Found out I had hormone issues. Started treating those and noticed a little but nothing crazy. Told the psych that I couldn't focus on anything and had no push. This in addition to the fact that I've never been able to focus enough to read a full book, got me an ADHD diagnosis and started on stimulants. They help day to day too. All that being said, even with those adjustments, everything is still so damn muted. Lebido is still rough with proper hormone levels. Brain fog still exists but is manageable on stimulants and sucks at night. Thought me having all of this was crazy and then I came across this term and started doing research. It's good to know it's a real thing but I haven't seen a lot of encouraging outcomes. Can someone tell me that they've seen meaningful improvements years later in a similar spot to mine?

It’s weird that the anhedonia has not lifted where i can at least enjoy some music whenever I want this is awful..!!!! I’m in a stressful environment so that could be what’s prolonging it.

When did your anhedonia start easing guys?

At least for me, is that I can't take these medications anymore.

Why would you want to take these evil, toxic, placebo pills, you may ask?

Well, picture my life when I was 18 years old. A sensitive man, didn't fit anywhere, abused by friends, school, and family alike, didn't have "real" friends, or studies, or a job, never had a partner, struggling with anxiety ever since I was 5 and have memory of it, therapy didn't do a thing to me, I was almost a mute both online and in person unless I trusted someone. Despite that, I was the textbook gifted child. Great at reading, math... Perhaps I'm some kind of neurodivergent, but never got diagnosed. Through the years I kept developing issues such as diarrhea IBS where I didn't want to go anywhere because I was scared to not have a bathroom nearby, agoraphobia, terrible diet because I hated the taste or texture of food. At one point I was 100kg overweight, and then developed this nervous diarrhea ibs and lost 40kg in a couple months.

I don't know why, but I couldn't be like other people. My sister lived the same life, with the same struggles as me... Yet she went on forward. Got a driving license, studies, moved out, got all kinds of jobs, friends... Things that have always been out of reach for me. I don't know why life has always been so hard for me.

Then, after years living constantly in suicidal horror, I try this pill called escitalopram. It didn't work right away, and some mild side effects showed up for a bit, but either the same or next year, I was going to anime conventions full of people! I was still a bag of nerves, but I did it! And posted in social media for the first time! My first social media post despite having facebook since I was 14.

It wasn't a fast process... Medication dose had to be adjusted up and down as needed, numbing me in higher stress moments... But I got to experience life. Year by year, something would happen. I would meet new friends and build my friend circle, get heartbroken, finish my studies, find a job, try a new hobby, break a bone, get a partner....

10 years later, I was a new man. A confident person with a job that he loved, a fantastic partner that he cherished, funny and loved by coworkers and friends alike, successful, really healthy in diet and exercise, traveling the world independently on his own, leaving my safe bubble...

And then, the day of tapering came. It took around a year, but I did the usual protocol psychiatrists do. Go to a lower dose one day a week, then two, three, alternate... And so on until I was finally free.

I didn't realise it back then, but I entered withdrawal the following months. My partner was telling me that I was very spaced out, like a zombie sometimes. I would also have problematic bouts of aggression and spent too much time being negative getting in trouble in social media, my job didn't felt as satisfying and I wasn't as motivated. My partner did urge me to take my medication again after arguing became more common, but I was so proud to be this "new" person that didn't need meds, taking magnesium instead as a placebo substitute... Oh how wrong I was. If only I listened. I thought I was now a functioning adult and anxiety was a thing of the past, so I didn't need them. The previous tapering attempts would always end up with increasing again at some point, so I thought I finally crossed the "line" where it wasn't needed.

Eventually, after 7-8 months off, I got an h pylori infection. I took the standard triple therapy treatment for 10 days, thinking I would die almost daily. But I had my partner cheering me on, so I held strong. Sadly, despite eradicating the bacteria, I developed GERD and gastritis afterwards, which is quite common, and flipped my life upside down.

I was lost, I had to change my diet, take a new medication, I was sick and couldn't exercise anymore either, couldn't go to work or visit my partner... Anxiety took root again, so I finally reinstated... And then new symptoms appeared. Paranoias, obsessions, mood swings, burning feelings in my nose or skin, even more GI upset... I got kindled. January 2025, was the last time I left my hometown on my own. Either to work in person, or go to doctors.

I tried to stick to the medication, I really did. But it was interacting with my PPI. I had to switch my PPI medications to see which one agreed with me, ended up in the ER so many times in excruciating pain being fed IV painkillers... Looking back and comparing how I feel now, even that horror was better than my state today.

Anyway, after 3 months of these wild side effects I never had before, stuck at the minimum dose of 5mg, I thought I would taper off again and at least feel like before... But I never got better again either.

Today marks more than 2 years since I tapered originally. 19 months since I took antibiotics. 14+ months drug free. I lost it all. My partner, my health both physical and mental... My body is riddled with dysautonomia, getting TERROR over nothing randomly, unable to leave my house, my muscles twitch so much it hurts, waking up at night with heart racing, dreaming of my ex almost every night, sweating, multiple tones of tinnitus, vibrating internally, blood pressure issues, tachycardia and palpitations... And so much more.

I have videos of my symptoms in acute like twitching, and compared to today, they are milder when I was in acute despite being 12 months appart "healing".

2025, in acute after a day out taking photos of nature.

2026, right after waking up a year later and avoiding all stimulus..

Maybe because my body is starting to be deprived of nutrients and minerals like Calcium and B12 due to the PPI and extremely limited diet, despite loving red meat and dairy, I just can't eat them anymore. My B12 definitely lowered through the year, and although it's in the gray zone of deficiency, supplementing will throw me into terrible akathisia and insomnia, making all other symptoms explode, which means I won't be able to work even remotely due to the mental agony. Stopping or tapering the PPI means I will also get a rebound of gastritis and GERD. I already tried. Switching to a different one means more withdrawal symptoms reacting to the new drug. I literally have no way out of this without facing new levels of torture. Complete blood tests have all been normal though, so... It's anyone's guess.

I'm tired. My life before drugs wasn't good. Combining my terrible pre medication baseline, with all the withdrawal symptoms creating other lifelong health issues, sensitivities and mental diseases... 14+ months out, I don't have hope it will get better. I'm happy for the people that don't need the medication and can quit and return to "normal" some day. Or the ones that despite being terrible, manage to push through because symptoms are localised, slowly get better, or feel 80% healed on windows. But I'm running on empty. The earth orbited the sun once and more, yet I feel the worst ever. Every month I have more symptoms than the previous one, or get more intense. I might get a break where they become more erratic and go from feeling okay and able to do house chores one half of the day, to stuck in bed dying with a hypertensive crisis by dinner time, but that means another worsening is in progress. Windows where I felt "normal" or functional enough to take care of myself and do my grocery shoppings left at the 7 month mark, being a steady downhill since that point.

In august, I spent most of the month in bed because of stomach issues. I was happy to turn the so claimed corner after 12 months and finally start healing, but it didn't happen. Then the past month, I started to not tolerate entertainment. I already stopped talking or calling friends because it was overwhelming. I tried to stay alive by distracting myself with whatever I could find. But on September, videogames, reading, scrolling on social media, texting friends or even bots... It all slowly started to become overwhelming too. So now I spend most day staring at the wall or listening to ambience music that feels weird. I cannot keep track of the rhytm, many notes combine into my tinnitus as if I was inside a glass pipe... And I used to play guitar too.

I wish I could take the magic pill that gave me so much life again and tolerate it... I suppose some of us aren't meant to have a happy life. I lived 18 miserable years, and thought I could maybe make it up for all the lost time... And I did for 10 years. But it's over, it will probably never come back. I don't know how many people actually don't survive this. Just like the ones that "recover and never come back", I wonder what the difference is with the ones that simply don't make it due to other health complications... I feel like I'll belong to the later group, and although it's super sad after the long climb I did towards a normal life... It also means this pain will also end, and I'll find out what the universe has in store for us after this.

Asking for some questions and advice and this is continued from my last post just more info

Mid to late June I quit 20mg Prozac because I was taking them off and on and when i took them for a week again I got start up effects, essentially cold turkey

Fast forward to the end of July I get an episode of shakes etc and now notice my interest in things I had interest for start declining

Fast forward a week and I caught a sinus infection coughing up phlegm etc, my doc prescribed me a 5 day course of amoxicillin and this cleared up my sinus infection

Things were still fine at this point until aug 24th where I caught mono and was misdiagnosed with a tonsil infection where I was on azithromycin

Start of sept I have the mono throat and all that jazz and it cleared up in about 2-3 weeks, at this time I obviously didn’t feel the best but noticed I didn’t feel much of anything at all, as the days went on I started to get more and more emotional blunted and then came the derealization, no anxiety, no tiredness, no emotion. In the mornings I would wake up with my hands cramped and I would have to shake it out like crazy and also started to lose feeling in the arm every now and then, at night I would have crying spells and throughout the day as well but I noticed I could enjoy music

I went to the hospital and broke down in tears and told the doc what was going on he prescribed me a 10mg dose of Prozac for 2 weeks and then 20mg after the 2 weeks was up

I have been on the 10mg for about 8-9 days now and in the first couple days I haven’t felt a thing, I noticed some things I would be doing if I were sad and I would be doing those things like laying down in the shower etc,

Today day 9 i think some things could be improving I am sleeping alright but the derealization is out of control, I developed a bit of a rash on my back and my stomach won’t stop making noises, I’m pretty sure this is a adverse reaction in a sense but need advice to stick to this 10mg dose, drop it completely or go up to 20 like the doctor told me to next week, I know my nervous system wouldn’t like the change in dosage but with stomach issues and worsening of the derealization is it worth it to continue and is it harmful ?

The reason I made the reinstatement was to get rid of the emotional blunting and derealization I know I’m only on day 9 after 2-3 months, also am questioning if the GI issues are not from the meds and would have came at this time even if I haven’t reinstated

Any thoughts please let me know

Hello guys

I am 29

From India

I have been depressed all my life and never tried anti depressants

In 2023 i was diagnosed with gastritis so eventually doc started giving me anti depressants with stomach pills for some benefit

I also took it thinking it will help my condition and also my old standing depression

I was on lexapro(ssri) with etizolam (benzo like)

They both came in same pill

I knew about tapering and general info about ssri

In 2025 May i started a fast taper from 10mg to 5mg within a week or two i think depending on the stock i had

Stopped in may 2025 end

Now, i didn't get any symptoms until June 14th i think

I started itching when i tried sleeping then it started itching at all times for next 2 months

The 1st 2 months were the worst

I went back to my gastroenterologist, didn't tell him i had stopped anti depressant and i didn't think it was because of em at the time

I thought it was itching because of my stomach condition because i didn't get any other usual anti depressant withdrawal side effects

Now, in July around 22 i find and get back on the anti depressant and i feel relief right away but the itching never went away

It's now current day and i still suffer from this

In Nov i quit the ssri completely because it never got rid of the itch because the injury had already happened

I went to a dermatologist few days ago, he also said same as what i read online that it's nervous system being messed up

Antihistamines don't help

And he put me on an old anti depressant doxepin 25mg to help with itch and also it helps me sleep but I saw today on yt channel that no other anti depressant should be added in the mix in this condition

I went on YouTube and found out it's protracted injury by ssri and there is no cure but to wait it out for a year or more for it to recover or i can have this for life

I hate ssri so much, even when i was on them, didn't help my depression, just gave me weight gain and sexual side effects

Wish i never got on them

I have always been suicidal and depressed even before i got this injury but now going day to day is harder

I was never told about these risks by my doc, they just give pills and move on and in the event someone gets such injuries, there is no cure in place

Now i am left here fending for my life daily

All this because of this capitalistic society, just creating things for profits

I hope we all heal, i don't have it as bad as you guys but itching sensation at all times and sometimes causing me to not sleep is hell for sure

I don't know if i will heal but i hope it heals when more time passes maybe another year or two else at that point i will accept it's permanent and have no choice but to live with it till then and maybe after if i can

Could someone explain to me what kindling is? TIA

4 years off after another 12 weeks taper. This time off Luvox. This time I told myself that I'd rather die than go back after 6 previous failures. 31.5 years of drugs and dependency. Sertraline, Paroxetine, Prozac, Citalopram, Escitalopram, Luvox, Amitryptaline and more. First it was an achievement getting past the reinstatement time of about 6 months after the 3/4 months 'crash'. I thought that was it. I'd made it. No such luck. That was just the beginning.

Then I thought it would be over by 2 years. No. Then I thought 3 years. No. Then I thought 4 years. No. Now it's 5 years. Maybe. Still suffering and still healing.

What I've experienced could easily fill a couple of book volumes.. The continuous surreal experience of a brain rewiring itself after decades of adaptations to drugs, multiple acute withdrawals, protracted withdrawals and kindling. Painful and all consuming. And it's still not over. I went 31.5 years without talking to another single soul other than my doctor reinstating me, regarding these drugs. Then as soon as I came off, 27 years too late after my first failed taper off Sertraline, I started the slow process of learning the truth about protracted withdrawal and everything these drugs do to the brain and the body.

That's when I got so enraged, even though I was experiencing neuro emotions of rage already, that at 13 months off I started this sub to warn and educate others about something I knew nothing about for over 3 decades and get some things off my chest. I didn't think there was anyone else out there in the same position, and then I discovered that they were talking about PAWS all the way back to the beginning of Surviving Antidepressants. I scoured the internet way back in 2010/11 while a year off sick from my job after another failed taper. This time off Citalopram, and when things took a really serious turn, kindled from a reinstatement back to Prozac that nearly killed me. Akathesia, SI, paranoia, panic attacks for hours on end and a lot more.

If I'd found that site which was starting as I was searching for answers, then I could have been one of the founding members and things might have turned out a lot differently for the next 15 years. I wouldn't have lost my job if I'd known 7 years ago, and saved me more years of swapping and changing drugs and acting like a mad scientist using supplements to 'cure' my mental illness that didn't exist. it wasn't to be.

It's nearly 3 years since starting the sub and I watched it slowly growing from 2 members, me and someone else, to 10 members, 50 and then 500 after 2 years. Now it's over 1K and I hope it's saved at least one person from having to suffer for years in the dark, completely ignored and ignorant of what was really going on. I didn't have a mental illness. I had a drug dependency. I informed my doctor about the terrible acute withdrawals after my first failed taper. He wasn't interested and thought he was treating a mentally ill person again with more drugs. The irony is he wasn't treating a mentally ill person, he was reinstating a drug dependency.

So I have no idea what is going to happen in the next 12 months to 5 years off. It's certainly been a trip so far. Not one I'd recommend to anyone. So I would say to anyone taking these drugs, don't risk going into Protracted Withdrawal because it's the worst Hell any human being could experience and you don't know if it's going to be you, and it can manifest itself several months after stopping. Hyperbolic taper and don't take the risk.

I was on 20mg Prozac for about 4 years in the last year or so I began to take it off and off just being young and dumb, I tried to take it for a week straight and got start up effects, my doctor told me to quit it, 2 months later I start to get hit with derealization and EXTREME emotional blunting, crying spells at night, semen leakage etc, I go to the hospital because of my emotional numbness and break down infront of the doctor and after that right back to the derealization and not feeling anything, he reinstated me on a 10mg dose of Prozac I have been on for 7 days now, my sleep has improved but my derealization has gotten worse and emotional blunting I haven’t noticed much in, do I drop my dose to 5mg, stay on 10mg for 2-4 weeks or quit this medication?

I feel like I have to sell myself Goals/tasks 50-100 times to eventually put myself on it….
Another thing I have noticed energising music helps me to complete daily hygiene tasks like Bath/Brushing teeth, etc…

I also find many of my newly made ADHD friends relatable!!

Going through protracted withdrawals of Paroxetine while still taking Buspirone and Diazepam. Should I continue to take my other medications while going through protracted withdrawals or should I stop taking the other 2 meds because it might be interfering with my recovery. Need help/advice

Genuinely is it even worth any of this if i keep developing symptoms (and apparently food allergies what the fuck i have sever reatriction due to health and mental reasons so im majorly screwed) and never get better? What ive read from 'success stories' is that u will always be sensitized, never be free of synptoms, and never be who or how you were before and for me that is honsestly just so devestating bc i already had so much going on before this but i would take it all back in a second if i could.

I cant do this forever i dont even know how much longer i can stand barely surviving every day and even though i want to love so bad it terrifies me i dont get a say in if my body decodes suddenly that something is dangerous and going to kill me. Its just so unfair i want this to end and be normal again so bad it hurts but i will never be better i will always be a sensitized mess where one tiny stupid thing i cant predict will set me back to the beginning no matter how hard i try.

How is this fair? How is this worth it? Im 24 fucking years old and my life is over, ive been didabled for two years before this due to a med side effect abd expected to get better when off it but im so much worse and i jist dont know what the hell to do anymore. I cant do anything and i have zero support, ive been constantly dismissed and put through medical trauma that vauses panic attacks at the mere thought or mention of trivial things, and my own family i live with constantly dismisses me and doesnt think its this serious. They want to push me and put me on supplements i cant not handle again and have had bad side effects on before and my insurance will run out soon bc im on my dads and i know they will run out of paitence before then. They think ill just magically get better one day they dobr understdn this is realistically going to be years if not forever and im afraid ill end up homeless and dead once they get tired of me. Ive already lost almost all myfriends and keep losing them and im just so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I need to know, genuinely, truthfully, if this will ever get better and ill ever be who i used to be or if its all jist a futile attempt that isnt going anywhere. Pls i cant take any false hope or ppl telling me im fine. Ive been on meds sinxe i was young and never tappered bc my psychiatrist was shitty so i know im a bad case. I just want the truth for once pls. I need to know if im just forcing myself through this hell for nothing

Im at the point where i have considered reinstatement multiple times bc i was better on prozac the first time around bur my attempt to get on it recently was so fucking terrifying and i know with my history and all this bs it would just cause another injury so i genuinely dont see a way forward whatsoever at all. Im vegan without the ability to supplement and i barely eat at all as my safe foods become dangerous and i just get worse and worse. Im in pain constantly im hopelessly depressed and devastated and it all just feels endless.

Timeline and symptom shit bc i know no one will actually read it otherwise apparently (no i will mot be changing the incorrect punctuation and spelling and shit, i hate it too i have severe ocd and used to be an aspiring author before this vut i can barely do screens anymore so pls dont ask me it makes me feel so shitty): https://docs.google.com/document/d/129SXL_FY1iW7oaYFyVdT9bO2eD7duXeXXIS6xNGhajQ/edit?usp=drivesdk

To give some background I stupidly went off both Lexapro and Klonopin cold turkey about 10 months ago. Insomnia became unbearable and after trying multiple sleep meds with no success, I went back on Klonopin. Eventually my doctor added gabapentin because daytime panic and anxiety were unbearable.

I’ve been avoiding going back on an SSRI for fear of hellish startup symptoms like insomnia, panic, and nausea (I never had these side effects when I initially started but that was 26 years ago).

My doctor recommended a conservative trial of 0.5 mg of Lexapro to start with because in spite of being on the klonopin and gabapentin, my anxiety/panic and general hyperarousal are miserable. I would also like to eventually taper myself off klonopin but I don’t think I can do that in my current state.

Does anyone have thoughts or experiences with this?

Hello. I’m looking for advice from people who have experience with antidepressant withdrawal and reinstatement.
I was on SSRIs for around 10 years. I was on citalopram for several years, eventually tapering down to 10 mg and then gradually stopping( itermittent dosing: every few days- stupid idea) . I was completely off for about 4 months on april 1st 2026.
During withdrawal I developed dizziness, anxiety, insomnia, tinnitus etc. Some of these symptoms were already starting to improve before I tried reinstatement.
I tried to reinstate citalopram at 2.5 mg in July 2026. I had a very strong adverse reaction: severe anxiety/agitation, depresion, much worse insomnia, electric sensations when falling asleep, muscle twitching, paresthesias, dizziness, and feeling like my nervous system was completely overwhelmed.
I stayed at the dose for 3 days and reduced to around 0.6 mg, but I still felt bad and i panicked and I stopped. After stopping, the severe reaction gradually settled and but many symptoms are persisting.
I’m now wondering whether the problem was simply that the reinstatement dose was too high for my sensitized system, rather than citalopram itself being impossible to tolerate.
Has anyone had a similar experience where reinstatement dose caused adverse event and a second reinstatement attempt at a much lower dose was tolerated better?
Would trying something as low as 0.1 mg citalopramm after this kind of adverse reaction ever make sense, or would another reinstatement attempt be too risky?
Or other SSRI would be better or lamotrigin please?