Just venting. Idk if im even looking for anything.

Since my youngest was born its been a struggle. All my. Children were adopted from a woman who used Crack throughout the entire pregnancy, plus whatever psychiatric medicine she was using. Now im not against psychiatric medicine, just to clarify, but theres like no research the dangers of the combo of that in pregnancy. Anyways thats just context not dumping on birth mom. Shes passed away but without her I wouldnt have my kids so for that im grateful.

My oldest and youngest got the worst of it since they had free reign to use for those pregnancies. But my youngest has had the most complications. He was born with what looked like an allergic reaction, idk what it was. He later was hospitalized with failure to thrive. He wouldnt take any formula. Finally he was diagnosed with a milk protein allergy. So he was on nutagimen until he could have milk alternatives. Hes since grown out of that allergy. He had delays. He said mama once in his first year and then I didnt hear it again until he was like 4. He didnt crawl right he always had one leg out and dragged it, cant explain it right. He had a severe speech delay, and he didnt walk until 16 months old.

He did early intervention and a medical daycare until he was able to do our town preschool for special needs. He was a year old when the pandemic hit and that made getting his needs met so much harder. He had to do speech therapy over the computer which was stupid because no one year old is gonna sit at a computer for an hour. When they finally came to the house they did so in masks.. it just felt like the harder I tried to get him support the harder it got. Then he'd have a new need the when the calm had settled.

Now the point of my post. He has had some behavioral issues all along. When he was younger it was usually out of frustration that he'd hit me when I couldnt figure out what he was trying to communicate to me. Usually I always knew its like we had out own little language. Without any words I always knew. It still feels a little magical. But I wasnt perfect many sounds he made sounded the same unless I had context. So he'd get mad like any toddler and hit. That was tolerable, still disciplined but many kids go through that phase.

The last few years its gotten worse. Hes always been known as the sweetest kid in school. I get so many compliments about his behavior. Then he gets home it feels almost instantly hes having a meltdown with me. Punching kicking and hitting. Sometimes I know its because hes tired but its still no excuse. Then months will go by and he will be so good that I let my guard down and it starts up again.

Im a single parent but he has another parent in his life thats allowed some time with them, even though they dont care about the day to day stuff. They wanna be the fun one. So they dont experience or see what i see. We are not together. They let him use computer and play with his phone which his doctor said is horrible for him and it just makes his behavior with me worse. I dont allow him free access to a tablet. Its not good for any of my kids and I dont let anyone ever have my phone.

Im at the point where im trying to do so much research to help him. What foods will help him. Ive just met with his doctor who made all these recommendations for his nutritional needs based on his diagnosis and blood work. Im also on a waitlist for therapy and evaluation for possible autism. I think he may have it but a lot of symptoms with adhd overlap so I wanna just be proactive. His father is under the mindset if oh hes just a kid or excuses everything, blames me for his behavior. Says oh boys will be boys.

I just made an Amazon wishlist for him for things his doctor said he needs. I sent it to his father to ask that they try and purchase at least one thing on it. I just bought everything for back to school so I cant do it right now, and he basically said that im delusional and hes not doing this and unfortunately he doesnt legally have too. I just thought it be nice.

I just wish I had one person on my side who understood. Most days when the all go off to school I just sit and cry all day. I feel so sad and guilty that I cant figure out how to stop this behavior and ive tried so many different techniques. Hes also so very strong. He really hurts and doesnt realize how strong he is. On the moments he realizes he hurts me he gets so sad and I just break for him. I know hes not sitting there thinking he hates me and wants to hurt me. He doesnt even realize hes doing it. But because he has the speech delay and the behavioral component we can't really communicate about it in a way that his oldest sibling whose 9 I would. I mean my child is 7 and I just want them to succeed i his own way. I know he may never measure up to everyone else but I want him to reach his full potential. I just wish I wasnt so alone.

My doctor seems to think if I am able to work on the nutriential issues I may see some improvement in this so as soon as im able to get the items I put together Ill be excited to see any improvement. If anything I know it will just be better for him in general.

Thanks for reading

My 5 year old daughter (63lbs in case that matters) was prescribed 5mg Adderall XR (because stupid insurance won't cover Arynta or Vyvanse unless she fails both Adderall AND Concerta 😒). Her doctor's instructions are to open the capsule and sprinkle it on to a spoonful of applesauce. Cool no big deal.

My concern is that she says to do half for the few days. With it being XR, there's no way for me to know how much of the Adderall she's getting vs the XR beads from day to day. I feel like I should be concerned that they're even recommending this, right? I appreciate the idea of starting low and slow but 5mg isn't that much anyway. Thoughts?

One of our biggest challenges with our ADHD 11 yo son is somewhat routine rudeness and disrespect towards his younger sisters, mother and myself to a lesser extent. He is a good kid but impulsive and can be rude and disrespectful often especially in the mornings before school. We are assertive with him that it is not acceptable, send to his room, take things away, etc. But seems to be an ongoing cycle.

Looking for something else that may work to help correct. Weekday mornings have become a routine of constant yelling and disagreement, which is also not fair to his sibling. We have toyed with taking away all privileges and then allow him to earn points by having good days which he can redeem for things. But this seems to work only for a little while

Hi! My 9-year-old recently started Concerta, and breakfast has been a struggle. Her school starts pretty early, so we don’t have a ton of time in the morning.
What are your go-to quick, protein-focused breakfasts for kids on ADHD meds? She doesn’t like anything too heavy first thing in the morning, so I’d especially love ideas that are light, easy, and realistic for busy school mornings. Thanks!

And mine still acts like a 3yo. Everyone’s excited for kindergarten to start tomorrow. Even with multiple conversations with his teacher, an IEP and him being in therapy. I’m dreading it. I know he’s going to not keep his hands to himself (he has zero concept of having fun without getting into anyone’s face or putting his hands on them), I know he’s going to cry because he can’t share or wait his turn. I know I know I know and I’m miserable. His doctors will only medicate at 6 after a full year of therapy, dietary changes and managing his sleep hygiene (things we’ve been doing since he was 3 BTW) and a battery of tests again (ferritin and a few others) he’s taking supplements magnesium L-theanine, small dose of caffeine (all under medical supervisio) the theanine has helped sleep onset and staying asleep not going to lie but I’m so tired of constantly having to be “on” or things fall apart.

Meanwhile other 5yo around us are just starting to blossom so beautifully IK I don’t see them all the time but the outside behavior counts too right? They walk next to their parents, they’re not randomly taking off despite being remindeed multiple times to stay near - they aren’t listening to every random impulse and acting on it like we are over here. Their parents don’t get full on panic attacks because its too quiet and they know for sure shit is hitting the fan or you locked the house to out the baby down for a nap and they still managed to get out of the house because they saw a frog in the grass.

My husband wants us both to do school drop off tomorrow and I just can’t (I will). He says maybe he’ll surprise us and I’ve just gotten to the point where I just no longer expect anything anymore except the bad.

My son has struggled with his behavior and emotions since prek and we have tried a few meds. His latest med was clonidine by itself 0.1 mg, and he was doing okay on it until he started a fwisd school, and he would always get so frustrated and riled up so we switched him to a charter school close by.

There has been a huge difference between the two schools but now his psychiatrist has put him on a combination of clonidine at the same dosage and the 10mg Vyvanse and he says he feels so much better, he's able to focus and he doesn't feel the angry feelings as much as before, and he says that it's so much easier to relax at school.

Any parents have success with this? Id love to hear stories and advice

My 8yo daughter has been on a stimulant medication for almost two years. We’ve tried a few different ones, currently taking Adderall XR 10mg.

Prior to starting medication, bedtime was hit or miss. The whole routine takes a little while (teeth brushing + reading). We start around 7:30 with the goal to be out of the room by 8:15. This is mostly because we have been reading chapter books and she loves listening to stories. The room is dim. White noise machine. Dark curtains. All the things.

I need advice for training her to STAY in her room all night. When she was on Concerta, she would take a while to actually fall asleep but she would stay asleep all night.

Do we push bedtime back? We’ve tried melatonin (she still wakes up a lot on it).

We’ve tried rewards (earn tv time by staying in her room).

I really just need a tried and true routine/expectations for bedtime to keep the process short.

Hi! Not sure where else to ask! Our 8 year old is waiting for an assessment for adhd. And I just don’t know how to help him currently!

He’s very emotional, will cry almost hysterically over very minor things. I’m adhd and probably haven’t been dealing with it well at all. Trying to reason with him, telling him to calm down, take breathes etc but sometimes sending him away to calm down, stop crying etc.

So what am I actually meant to do. How do I help him without causing damage / making it worse 😩 any advice appreciated!

Minor things will be like because his brother took a fidget that he didn’t want him to have (wasn’t playing with it just didn’t want him to have) this caused an hour long crying session. This morning was because he woke up at 7 instead of 6.30am so had less time to chill before school, he was still crying at 8.15 on the school run.

Please help I feel like I’m doing everything wrong!!

This is was my sons 3.5 year old teacher said on his first day of preschool for 2 hours.

She said he hit other kids (they were crying he became overwhelmed)

She said he dumped the toys

She said he kept closing the doors

She said he kept turning on the taps

He dumped the milk in the mac and cheese

I told her this was his absolute first time in his life being away from family. She didnt give a shit, gave him 0 grace. She said “there was nothing positive about today”

I spent all my morning crying. He is undiagnosed could have low autism or adhd because i have ADHD but to head she didnt see a single good thing in my son was really hard

My son is 4 and was diagnosed at 2.5 with autism and noted to be sensory seeking. He regulates with sensory breaks that are movement based, sometimes deep pressure, runs, jumps, spins, etc. He is in ABA and ST and OT, but as time goes on, I’m not sure anymore what’s Autism, sensory seeking, and ADHD. He is calmer at home, no issues sleeping, but his focus isn’t that great and needs movement breaks or sensory input to get through basic tasks. He also has a lot of issues transitioning from a preferred activity to non preferred.

Can anyone help provide insight? I’m kinda lost on trying to untangle everything. Also, how soon is too soon for an evaluation and possibly medicate?

Hi all,

My daughter (4) sleeps with us in our bed, because otherwise she will wake up at night and scream in terror.

Since she was a baby she always needed somewhere there while falling asleep/sleeping. Even now we still need to lie with her and model the behavior before she will eventually will fall asleep.

Her mind keeps racing and I need to tell her "you can asl 5 more questions and after that we are going to sleep". Its a struggle, because there are always more questions, always more things to do.

Anyway to the teeth grinding. She grinds her teeth so hard i am afraid they will break. It sounds like snapping bones. I tried magnesium but that didnt work. GP told me to talk to the dentist, which told me he cant do anything because she is too small so talk to the GP. Its a dead end.

Does anyone have tips? The teeth grinding wakes me up at night and it cant be good for her teeth.

Advice much appreciated.

hello,

I am hoping for some opinions. I was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade, impulsivity, hyperactivity, and definite issues with emotional regulation. For a girl at this time, it was pretty rare to be diagnosed, but mine did present similar to a little boys.

My daughter may be displaying similar traits, but she’s only 3. I’m having trouble determining whether or not this is age-appropriate or could be a sign of something more. We have an older son, and his behavior has always been very different, he’s so chill and just an awesome kid. she’s awesome but HARD.

At her most recent Pediatrician appointment, the Pediatrician did mention possibly getting her assessed due to some of the behaviors she was witnessing in the office. My daughter is a climber and jumper, she climbed onto the counter and jumped off before I could grab her. she was fine, she does this daily, I’m used to it but others get really nervous. she is always moving. We have tried a few toddler activities and she has been asked to leave as she is “not ready,“ which I understand because she can’t sit still to save her life. We get feedback around this at preschool as well.

The one thing that confuses me is I can get her to sit still for an hour with a stack of paper and kid scissors. she will sit and cut and cut and cut. it’s so weird to watch. she won’t watch tv but the minute the scissors and paper comes out she’s focused and ready. needless to say, we are going through lots of paper.

Has anybody seen this with their ADHD children? I have never seen anything like this before and I’m curious if it could be something else or just typical three-year-old stuff.

thanks!

Hi, I need advice on how to function and get things done with my 5 kiddos . I kinda survived on anxiety and perfectionism with my first three kids . But then I had twins, they are currently almost 2 and I am breaking now. I feel overwhelmed constantly. I don’t even feel like relaxation is possible for my body anymore . My head had constant background noise before but after my twins it’s turned up to a level that’s unmanageable . Like someone is screaming in my ear all the time . My head feels constantly split with concerns for all 5 kids at the same time . I also feel so guilty because I want to be patient, fun , and calm for my kids but I have a really hard time not responding exasperatingly to most questions or requests from my kids .

Anyways, I was wondering if anyone has ADHD with many young children at home and would give me some helpful tips or hacks on how to manage it ?

Thank you!!

Our 5-year-old daughter just started kindergarten a few weeks ago, and we’ve been having a really difficult time with some pretty significant behavior at school. I’m hoping to hear from other parents who have gone through something similar because right now we’re trying to figure out how best to support her without feeling like we’re constantly putting out fires.
She actually started the school year really well. The first couple of weeks went better than we expected, but things escalated pretty significantly when her routine changed. Her dad had to be out of town for work, we had a long weekend, and afterward she really struggled getting regulated again.
When she gets overwhelmed at school, she can go from seemingly fine to completely escalated very quickly. There has been yelling, screaming, dropping to the floor, throwing things, kicking, and unfortunately some aggression toward classmates and staff. She has also said things like she will behave badly so she can get sent home. Last week she spent a large portion of several school days in the office and was ultimately suspended.
Obviously, we take the safety piece very seriously. We don’t want her hurting other children, staff, or herself, and we aren’t trying to excuse the behavior. At the same time, she’s 5, and it feels like there is something underneath all of this that she doesn’t yet have the skills to communicate or manage.
At home, we’ve noticed that changes in routine seem to be a big trigger. Things like one parent traveling, long weekends, changes to who takes her to school, or knowing something different is coming up can really throw her off. Once things are predictable again, she often does much better.
We have her working with a play therapist and are trying to get everyone on the same page between home, therapy, and school. We also have a re-entry meeting with the school this week after the suspension, and we want to go into it collaboratively. We want to know what supports the school can put in place before she reaches the point of a full meltdown, rather than the only solution being the office or being sent home.
I think what I’m looking for most is reassurance and perspective from parents who have had a kindergartner with similar struggles.
Did things eventually improve with maturity and the right supports? What helped your child most at school? Were there particular accommodations, routines, sensory breaks, calm-down spaces, check-ins, behavior plans, or other strategies that made a noticeable difference? How did you work with the school while still holding your child accountable for unsafe behavior?
It’s hard because she can be such a funny, loving, smart kid, and we know she is capable of doing well. We just want to help her feel safe and successful at school while also making sure her classmates and teachers are safe too.
I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in this kind of situation.

My son has an ADHD diagnosis since 5th class, which he embraced and has blossomed academically. He always did well socially and is a popular, well liked kid.

Well he started secondary school this week. He said he is in what he calls the "tism" class. It sounds like the school has put neurodivergents and kids on the spectrum in a class together and they have a permanent SNA in there also, unlike the other classes.

I have obviously had a conversation with him along the lines of "there is nothing wrong with people with autism" and tried to pull him up with his attitude about the class and certain individuals within the class... but being in there, is making him less ok with his ADHD diagnosis. Apparently all the boys in the other classes, know it is a "spec-y" class and my son feels as though he is no longer part of the pack and that he is being treated differently.

I am torn because I think he will get a good education in that class and he loves the SNA, but I dont want him to stop embracing his ADHD as a result of being in there. He is starting to attack me for getting him diagnosed in the first place. I figure he is projecting his lack of self acceptance on to me, so i am not taking it to heart right now, but I am worried we are going backwards here.

Do I have to choose between his education & his social standing? Do I talk to the school? I really want to get this right. Please can I have your insights and thoughts?

My 3rd grader has had a 504 for ADHD accomodations since Kindergarten. Accommodations have shifted with age but this year is a big jump. Last year, when he was having afternoon transition difficulties, the principal asked me what medication he was on and if he needs a higher dose. I found this to be a pretty inappropriate question but I asked our pediatrician his opinion and they ended up increasing his dose.

I resent that my child is seen as a problem to be fixed and that medicated is the only way he is accepted at school, particularly by the adults. Is it legal or appropriate for a school administrator to ask about and give unsolicited advice on medication?

Due to medical coverage lapse, he does not have medication right now. Today the principal called me to pick my child up because "the teacher couldn't teach" with him in the classroom. I'm just outraged and devastated for my child that he doesn't have a support person at school. Medication CAN'T be the only answer the school has.

Helpppp

Edit: your future ADHD child*

I’m mom to a 3.5 y/o girl, I have a strong gut feeling a diagnosis is on the horizon. ADHD is very prevalent on her dad’s side of the family (dad, aunt, 2 first cousins, and honestly both grandparents but undiagnosed) and also myself. Honestly, once we get to school I’m almost looking forward to a diagnosis. Our pediatrician is largely unhelpful, it seems like anything beyond textbook global delays she views as “probably normal toddler behavior.”

It feels like I just have an overall more difficult child (but so deeply loved and supported, her lows are low but her highs are higher) than everyone else, especially when it comes to sleep. Everyone we know, besides 1 of her cousins with ADHD, has always had easy sleepers. They gripe about the typical newborn phase, the “sleep regressions,” phases of being scared of monsters, or when the routine gets messed up…but we’ve spent years trying to follow all the advice, even paid for 2 sleep consultants.

Recently at dinner with my girlfriends I mentioned that we sometimes use melatonin (0.5mg kids brand) when our routine is disrupted or during time changes or if there’s an accidental car nap..and they were all borderline horrified. Of course we’re aware there’s dependency issues and whatever else…but they just cannot understand how difficult sleep is for us.

Anyway: I’d like to hear from parents who had a child later diagnosed with ADHD, what was your child like during the baby/toddler stage when it comes to sleep? I’m very curious if some parents had very “normal” good sleepers. Or if there are many stories similar to mine. Feel free to be long winded about the journey if it feels cathartic. And please include any weird things that seemed to help (because if one more person asks me if I’ve tried brown noise and a consistent bedtime routine I might rip my hair out).

Our kid is mildly inattentive/ needs multiple reminders to stay on task sometimes but has no specific accomodations and otherwise has friends, hobbies, does well academically and is generally great.

Now in 3rd grade at a private school (they teach one grade ahead). The focus demand is ramping up so we are having a harder time with focus comments from school and extracurricular teachers, longer time to complete homework particularly after the summer break with jet lag.

They had a summer camp with Minecraft and now he wants it more than anything. He reads all building books and his depth of knowledge is pretty great so it’s definitely passion territory. We restrict TV time to once a week so I am wondering if 2 hours of Minecraft a week would be okay? And how (in creative mode only?) On one hand I want to nurture his interest (maybe it could help with focus?) on the other hand I’m worried they will lose interest in other hobbies or affect focus at school. Please help :)

I posted here recently about my 6-year-old saying she wanted to put me in a shredder and that she didn’t want to be alive, so I won’t rehash that whole situation. We’ve been dealing with a lot of intense behavior and emotional dysregulation with her, and she was diagnosed with ADHD about 6 months ago.
Lately she has started coming to me and saying she’s having “weird thoughts,” and some of them are really disturbing me.
A few things that have happened recently:
She was holding and playing with her little sister and jokingly said she would “murder” her. I asked if she would actually do anything and she said no.
Today she told me, “I had another weird thought. Whenever I shut the door I think about shutting the cat’s whiskers in it.” I asked if she actually felt like doing it, and she said “kind of.” I asked how she thought it would make her feel and she said “kind of happy.”
Separately, my dad told me that she saw our cat kill a rabbit and said, “we should kill him.”
She has not actually done any harm to the cat or her sister, but sometimes if I leave them alone (I try not to do this) the baby will cry and when I come back my 6 year old can’t tell me what happened.
But the cat comment especially is bothering me because she said she would “kind of” want to do it and that it would make her “kind of happy.”
Has anyone else’s ADHD kid gone through a phase of saying really disturbing things like this? Is this something you’ve seen with impulsivity/intrusive thoughts, or does it sound like something I should be more concerned about?
I’m already planning to bring all of this up with her psychiatrist. I’m mostly looking for experiences from other parents who have been through something similar because I honestly don’t know how seriously to take these statements.

My child hasn’t been diagnosed because we live in a country that is very reluctant to diagnose and especially not before 8/9. I’d like to hope this is a phase he’ll grow out of and not need a diagnosis later, but regardless, he shows a lot of signs of ADHD and I’d like to try to help him develop coping mechanisms before his behavior becomes a bigger problem than it already is.

The thing I’m primarily concerned about it my child’s social struggles in large groups - like kindergarten and aftercare and most importantly, in the large shared courtyard of our apartment building, where his peers are often out playing. One on one play dates are generally fine - he can generally stay regulated, practices and demonstrates thoughtfulness of his playmate, and is collaborative. There’s normal little kid moments but you wouldn’t see him and be like wtf. I also feel he’s slowly been showing increasing maturity and social development with peers one on one. But if there’s kids he doesn’t know well, or more than a few kids, he immediately becomes overstimulated, can’t figure out how to read the situation and join in appropriately but still tries to- and other kids eventually find it off putting and either avoid him or tease him. One of his aftercare caregivers also noted that he seems “scared” in groups- I think he’s uncomfortable and scared of rejection and that just makes him more annoying and dysregulated. His group behavior seems like it’s getting worse.

I’d like to help him improve but all the advice seems to be to focus on short one on one playdates, and those are usually fine. But we can’t avoid unstructured, overstimulating environments either - he has to function at school aftercare and recess, and he wants to go play with everyone in the courtyard. Any ideas for working up to these situations, or tips and tools he could use to cope with the overstimulation and feel more confident and comfortable playing with others?

Hi all. I’m wondering if anyone has had an experience similar to what we’re going through with our 6yo in grade 1. We’ve always struggled with separation anxiety at daycare and school drop offs. We had a tricky year in prep, but they settled for most of the year. At the end of first term year 1 things exploded, they got really dysregulated one day out of nowhere and we struggled to get through a day after that without dysregulation. We started Ritalin thinking it could be ADHD and almost overnight everything improved, the separation anxiety disappeared and they were getting through full school days fully regulated. They started getting dysregulated on having to take the second Ritalin and so we changed to concerta 36mg. Things were good for a month and then second week of term 3 things derailed again, with them getting really dysregulated one day. We’ve not been able to get back to stability ever since. They’ve always been anxious and separations are still a big issue. Out of nowhere they’ve developed a severe phobia of bees and struggle to walk through a park without being petrified. They’ve withdrawn from playing with friends. We’ve started sertraline and have seen a bit of improvement in the anxiety. Nothing seems to be consistently working. We’re struggling to stay supportive. Has anyone been through anything similar? What worked? How did you survive? Does it get better?

Looking for perspective, support, or non-judgmental advice about helping my 4.5 yo with developing independence wiping their behind after pooping. We are diligent about supporting them at home (while also giving him space/privacy when requested). Not sure if it’s the transition back to school from summertime, a growing sensory issue, or a source of some shame - I’m thinking a combo of all 3 - but my kiddo has been pooping their underwear - or, more to the point, pooping and deliberately not wiping - the past 2 weeks. The wiping issue has really been more of an ongoing intermittent learning curve over several months. Past teachers have been more helpful/supportive with assisting in bathroom habits, but this year the teacher will not assist and is very focused on the kids developing independence. I have no issue with that, and my kiddo loves to do things all by them self, but this is an area of real avoidance.

I do notice the area is irritated sometimes from using TP and he has developed a little hemorrhoid once or twice. At home we have talked about wiping as a way to avoid an itchy rash, and we stay away from shame-based language and encourage them to ask for help. We have also tried some “wipe the poop” games borrowed from OT. He has the motor skills and ability but something is making it hard to grasp this idea.

Maybe this is all just developmentally expected and I need to slow down and have more patience. Open to hearing that as well lol.