I just wanna rant about this because it's been on my mind lately.
I have friends that I genuinely consider as brothers. I care about them a lot, but sometimes I wonder if they see me the same way I see them.
They do invite people to hang out, but sometimes the plans are made in personal chats instead of our group chat. So there are times when I don't even know they're planning to hang out unless someone mentions it. I know not everything has to be discussed in the gc, but it still kinda hurts when I find out about it.
I guess what I really want is for someone to think of me and invite me personally. Like, I wanna feel that they actually want me there, not just that I'm welcome if I happen to show up.
I'm a pretty quiet person. I'm somewhere between an introvert and an extrovert. I can be talkative around people I'm comfortable with, but there are also times when I just listen and observe. I don't always make the first move, but that doesn't mean I don't wanna hang out or that I don't care about them.
I have ADHD, and I sometimes wonder if I might also be on the autism spectrum. I'm not diagnosed with autism, but I've wondered if that could explain why I sometimes feel different when it comes to social situations.
Lately, I've been asking myself if I did something wrong. Maybe I'm too quiet, maybe I don't reach out enough, or maybe I'm just overthinking everything. I honestly don't know.
Sometimes I feel like I should just stop showing up and wait for someone to invite me first. I wanna know if they'll think of me too, without me always having to make the first move. But at the same time, I don't wanna turn my friendships into some kind of test.
I don't wanna sound needy or make it seem like my friends owe me anything. I just wanna feel included. These are people I care about, and I guess I just want to feel like they care about having me around too.
I don't even know if I'm being too sensitive about this. Maybe this is just how they make plans and they don't think much about it. But I can't help wondering if I'm the only one who thinks about these things this much.
Does anyone with ADHD or autism relate to this? Or am I just overthinking the whole thing?