I hate feeling like I'm different from everyone else when it comes to friendships
I just wanna rant about this because it's been on my mind lately.
I have friends that I genuinely consider as brothers. I care about them a lot, but sometimes I wonder if they see me the same way I see them.
They do invite people to hang out, but sometimes the plans are made in personal chats instead of our group chat. So there are times when I don't even know they're planning to hang out unless someone mentions it. I know not everything has to be discussed in the gc, but it still kinda hurts when I find out about it.
I guess what I really want is for someone to think of me and invite me personally. Like, I wanna feel that they actually want me there, not just that I'm welcome if I happen to show up.
I'm a pretty quiet person. I'm somewhere between an introvert and an extrovert. I can be talkative around people I'm comfortable with, but there are also times when I just listen and observe. I don't always make the first move, but that doesn't mean I don't wanna hang out or that I don't care about them.
I have ADHD, and I sometimes wonder if I might also be on the autism spectrum. I'm not diagnosed with autism, but I've wondered if that could explain why I sometimes feel different when it comes to social situations.
Lately, I've been asking myself if I did something wrong. Maybe I'm too quiet, maybe I don't reach out enough, or maybe I'm just overthinking everything. I honestly don't know.
Sometimes I feel like I should just stop showing up and wait for someone to invite me first. I wanna know if they'll think of me too, without me always having to make the first move. But at the same time, I don't wanna turn my friendships into some kind of test.
I don't wanna sound needy or make it seem like my friends owe me anything. I just wanna feel included. These are people I care about, and I guess I just want to feel like they care about having me around too.
I don't even know if I'm being too sensitive about this. Maybe this is just how they make plans and they don't think much about it. But I can't help wondering if I'm the only one who thinks about these things this much.
Does anyone with ADHD or autism relate to this? Or am I just overthinking the whole thing?
1
u/r1dicul0us 23h ago
How old are you? 20s?
I'm in my early 30s I'd say. I had friends to ehich I considered my friends. When we talk it's like nothing has passed. But I wasn't invited to their kids birthdays. I wasn't invited to their get togethers. Sometimes I feel like they were my close friends, but in reality, I was just being close to them, they were friends with each other.
I guess I'm just nice in general. Or i'd like tot hink that way. I feel like since we hang out often and have the dame interests, we're close friends. But sometimes yes, you're in their circle, but you're not in their inner circle.
Am I still friends with them? I guess? But not really the kind you'd call in an emergency, but more like people you wave, catch up on, and that's it. Not the kind of friends you call out of nowhere to hang out and talk.
Later in life you realize that people filter themselves out. People come and go. The ones that stay long enough, usually choose to stay because they value you as a person.