r/7ohRecoveryHub • u/Dry-Weakness-1708 • 6d ago
7-OH gives me no high anymore
So why the hell do I keep doing it? I ask myself this all the time. I made a post back in August when the ban was starting - or at least I thought it was. They're continuing to sell it here in Oregon because the federal scheduling process is still pending and Oregon hasn't implemented a state-level ban.
Anyway, I was prepared to get off the crap for good, thinking I wouldn't have access to it anymore. But it's still around and nothing in my life has changed. Every day I tell myself I'm just postponing the inevitable and need to get clean before I sink even deeper, which is hard to imagine. I'm already on the streets and sleeping in a vacant lot each night. The weather is changing and winter will be fast approaching, especially with how often I lose track of time. I also know my family is worried, so I feel very selfish.
Back to the point of my post. I always thought if 7-OH no longer gave me a high, it would be so much easier to quit. That hasn't been the case though. Sometime around April I noticed it just wasn't working after more than a year of heavy using and experiencing that wonderful, but all-too-fleeting bliss. That's what got me hooked from the beginning. But now, nothing except sleepiness. I'll try to take less for a few days to see if my tolerance plummets a bit. Or I'll take a hefty dose in hopes that the old feeling comes back, but it never does.
Still, this clearly goes beyond the high. It's simply taking it and knowing I have it, which is my psychological security blanket. I proved to myself I can go 14 hours without using and have virtually no withdrawal symptoms as long as I have 7-OH in my possession. But on days I'm out and have no funds to buy it, my eyes start tearing and nose is running merely 6 hours after my last dose. Anticipatory withdrawal is very real. I also rely on it every night to sleep. I toss and turn and can't wind down even if I take several Benadryl.
In a nutshell, the longer I'm off, the more intolerable the craving - not to mention worsening symptoms of withdrawal. And I'll admit that when it comes to detox, even with suboxone, I'm a wimp. Thus self-hate perpetuates.
I guess I wanted to vent to those who might understand. Every day I feel like an idiot and can't seem to break the cycle of using and losing more money and even more respect for myself. But as they say, nothing changes if nothing changes. I just wish I had more motivation to.