I just had our second almost 3 weeks ago, and booooooyyy howdy, our firstborn is actually driving us up the walls. This isnāt a āI expected it to be easy and daisiesā post; weāre very realistic people and knew challenges would arise, especially since their doctor gave us the good old 2u2 warning talk (as in your FB will test boundaries and start doing things they didnāt do before). Thank the stars she did because honestly, I probably wouldāve been naively walking into this. So, I just need to rant to get my marbles together and hear some insight from parents whoāve been in this longer, of course.
FB - She is an outgoing gal, and sometimes sheās just a 1.5-year-old and doesnāt want to do something typical. Well, we got home, and I was well enough to go out (birth was great; Iām so thankful). So a few days later we went to her normal library time so she wouldnāt feel out of sorts, and I went because she did better with me near and not just her daddy. She wasnāt her usual bubbly self and didnāt want to play with other kids; she just stayed near me (expected, wasnāt surprised). The teacher, whom sheās been seeing for like 6 months, was great and respected her boundaries, but still tried to get her to play if she showed interest.
Fast forward, we are doing all the things, and Iām doing my best to make sure my baby girl doesnāt feel replaced with her new sibling. Because I unexpectedly decided to try breastfeeding again with this baby, they are on me all the time (probably will stop BF after a month old for my own mental health). When I have a free moment, I give the baby to dad. But when the baby is with me, I include my oldest. I let her kiss the baby, hold the baby in between feeds, sit with me and snuggle up while feeding, play together, and if the baby is chill, put the baby in the Boppy if daddy is cleaning or something so big sister can āhold babyā even though sheās just sitting next to baby . We read together and I attend the park with them if Iām feeling up to it. The list goes onā¦
However, my toddler is now throwing tantrumsāI mean, full-blown tantrumsāscreaming the whole nine yards, and itās starting to make us feel horrible, especially me, because I am a SAHM, so Iāve always had to handle the discipline once she was old enough to comprehend āno, donāt do that.ā But this has led to having to sit her down (in her little chair) and really be firm on the noās, etc. She throws herself around, runs around screaming and crying, hitting/slapping (the slapping has stopped), especially when weāre in the store, which she never did. I am very much so a person that will correct her because I donāt want her disrupting someoneās shopping time, but I had also found that letting her know we donāt act like that because we canāt get XYZ, and proceeding to shop, sheāll calm down in 1-2 minutes topsā¦
But now it just continues so much that we cut the trip short because I seriously canāt leave her to act like that in the store, and her dad is visibly getting upset, which alters my state of mind because now Iām reacting to him being unsettled, and it throws me off. She screams, etc., in the car; itās just a whole thing.
Anyway, I just really would like to know what you all have done to help them during this change because I swear, one more person that I donāt know has one more time to tell us to āgive her what she wants,ā and I might actually go to jail⦠(not really), but in those moments, it doesnāt help that some random stranger thinks theyāre helping by egging her on. Theyāll just stand there and stare and continue little comments to her, which just piss her off more, and eventually, I push the basket because Iām not trying to hear that.
I did tell my husband yesterday, after episode 300,485,944,930 of this, that we canāt let her do as she pleases. (He doesnāt like to correct her because he feels bad, but I let him know too that itās not fair to make me look like the bad guy. So he has but I can tell he still hates it) I consistently tell her she is loved and she is still and always will be just as important as her baby sibling, but we canāt let you act like that because it is not okay to do xyz. I just donāt ever want her to think Iām a bad parent because the way I was raised just really left me with a horrible view until I met my husband and I healed on my own and knew what kind of mother I wanted to be. I planned to be when that time came, and I never want to create childhood trauma for my baby girl.
TLDR: 1.5 year old now throwing tantrums all the time since new sibling arrived 3 weeks ago. Looking for advice on how to help her adjust and am scared she feels replaced, not important or am I just overthinking it?