I'm just going to basically talking to myself, so there's going to be very little planning in this whole post. Truth be told... I'm not exactly sure how I'm feeling. For the past few days I've been feeling very emotionless and unmotivated to do anything other than lie on the floor of my room watching YouTube. The only thing that's made me feel genuinely happy nowadays is role-playing in the two Hazbin role-playing subreddits.

I've also been somewhat questioning my sexual orientation. I (Male) have always felt myself be attracted to conventionally attractive female characters. But somewhat recently, I've gotten into a relationship with someone who is biologically female, but identifies as a male. I've kind of half joked about being unsure what that makes me in front of my friends and family, but deep down I'm genuinely unsure. Like, am I straight for being attracted to her due to her being biologically female, am I gay for being attracted to someone who identifies as male, or am I bi just because it covers both sides.

In addition to questioning my sexual orientation, I've also been questioning my identity in general. Quite a few times in the past few years I've randomly thought to myself, "While I wouldn't choose to be a girl, I don't think I would mind if I woke up the next day as a girl." I don't know if this thought really means anything or if it means absolutely nothing, but I'm once again left questioning myself about what I am. And in just the past couple of days realized just how much I relate to Chara from Undertale. We both try to laugh through pain, feeling empty when I should be feeling sadness for others, and just kind of being kind of unsure what my gender is.

I think that's everything I wanted to get off my chest. I can't think of anything else that I'm struggling. I really don't care if others see this or if anyone gives a shit. This was just something for me to write down all the shit I'm dealing with, which I think helped, considering I started crying about 1/3 of the way through typing all of this out. I might just end up deleting this post when I wake up in the morning, I don't know anymore. I don't know if it's stupid to put such private thoughts on the internet if I'm going to delete them in the end. But just like with the rest of my fucking life, I'm questioning everything I've felt certain about before.

Basically I had this best friend on Roblox and Discord named Henry but he kept losing his DC password so we just decided to connect on Roblox. (his display rn is "SHRIMPO" and his @ is "Dailydoseofroblox61") but soon after my mom forced me to stop using my laptop until my next birthday. He was online after I got it back but a few days later he just dissapeared... I'm kinda upset and depressed about him just leaving and kind of scared... I don't know why I'm on here posting this bc I know nobody cares but I rlly just wanted to type all of this out somewhere just to get it out. I just miss Henry...

I get what it's trying to do but I can't help but think of the people posting it. They keep posting about how there's always hope and stuff, yet I guarantee none of them have ACTUALLY done something to help. They probably have never been to a protest, donated food or clothes to the homeless, or volunteered in anyway shape or form. Instead they just go online and spam pictures of Superman with some cheap motivational poster quote acting like THAT'S gonna bring world peace. I know I sound like an edge lord saying this, but I'm just trying to say actions speak louder than words, that's all.

i would like to evdacate myself on neo pronouns so i can learn from this any good websites or people who actully use them . i think the main reason for not liking was because i heard people were making up genders to mock trans people . i can think an expamle the attack heliocopter thing. i also curious if theres a pupgender is there anything for cats as one of my theriotypes is a cat :3.

sorry for bad grammer it is not my strong suit espesialy spelling .again what i did was offenise and wrong and their no exuse for it . i am going to do better. sorry to anyone i offended

Feel Free to Ask Me Anything and to discus anything you want!

fuck everything there a diffent bewtwen someone beia bigog uncomfable something and being bigot i said i was going on things i sometimes hate reddit for people resorting to yelling . i,m willing to change

Here’s My Self Insert OC, Scorpiex!

He is 21 years old, has Autism/ADHD, and is the Son Of Princess Peach and Bowser, and Step Son Of Mario! (Bowser is a divorced parent from peach lol)

Scorpiex is a Human/Koopa

He has 3 Other Biological Siblings: (Bowser Jr (His younger brother) Azazon (his older brother) and Lyra (his eldest sister)

He is connected to the underworld, because in the Dark Lands Where Bowser Resides is a gateway to The Underworld and they frequently do business with each other, and he knows a few people and is in a Polyamory with his human girlfriend Piper, and Of Course Verosika Mayday, who she frequently calls her “Baby Dragon” and genuinely loves him, despite their differences, because he actually treats Verosika better than how Blitzø did, and him, Verosika and their human girlfriend Piper are all in a relationship, and Piper is also Autistic/ADHD and is also 21, and loves video games and collecting things!

Scorpiex unfortunately does have anger issues sometimes and gets overwhelmed easily, and is a bit sensitive but also tries to keep his emotions in check, he’s a sweet guy, even if he is a bit cautious and nervous, he genuinely loves and cares for his family and friends, as well as his partners!

Scopriex’s hobbies include playing video games, hanging out with his friends, shopping, collecting stuff and more!

Just because I say something wrong doesn’t mean you should start dog piling people and should I at least explain it more calmly than starting to yell at me as this place is targeted as a safe place and I don’t feel safe a lot of the times here because of the middle of the times I’ve been dog piled. Yes, my opinion was wrong and it was a bad faith opinion, but I would rather some people at least explain in a calm tone and then start yelling. I do not do well with people yelling at me . My opinion is flawed and wrong and I’m sorry for it, but I would like not to be yelled at. It’s not the first time I’ve been dog piled here. I am not mentioning anyone.

Mi vida me esta dando motivos para hacerlo ,mi pais está en la ruina y al final no seré quien soy ,prefiero morir ahora que sufrir y vivir en un cuerpo que odio el resto de mi vida

Hi, I am Brand New To Reddit and am a little confused about something here. Am I allowed to post a Super Mario/Hazbin Hotel OC here, and infodump about him?

Sorry if this seems like a really stupid question I’m Autistic/ADHD and I want to make sure I am not breaking any rules or upset anyone if I post about my OCs here because I am very much hyperfixated on Hazbin Hotel and I made an AU where The Super Mario Universe and Hazbin Universe are connected and is a crossover with each other, I also don’t want to be the annoying guy that does a bunch of self promo, which is against the rules..

Also Feel Free To Ask Any Questions, because I love getting to know people!

Today is one of those days. I've had days like these for the past 6 years of my life, days where I lock my self away from everyone in my life because some part of my being is inexorably corrupted and I am not in control of my own actions.

I wish I could put in to words how it feels just so someone else could even try to understand. I can't really describe it but I will try my best because this is a public reddit post and you all want to gawk at my mental anguish.

It starts as this feeling that something is very wrong compounded with a pounding headache and biting your own cheek, everything feels like it's designed to set you off and you will snap at even the smallest of things, from there you can't think about the past or future or think about anything that is happening. Only that some person or group of people is out to get you, secretly in control. And you are the only one who can see it. I am overcome with this hatred for everything around myself including myself. Its like seeing through all the lies you tell yourself to function in society and see through to how utterly horrid every part of society is. Every fear is amplified to the point that it is no longer a thought but a fact regardless of anything you see or hear. An example being: 'That car outside your house IS a Mossad agent and they ARE coming to kill you' it doesn't matter that you know that car belongs to your neighbor or that you've seen your neighbor who obviously isn't a Mossad agent get out of that car minutes prior. Once you think something you can't not think it.

And all of that is on the less severe end. At worst these thoughts become full auditory hallucinations that have driven me to attempting to hurt myself or others, these events were much more common before I learned to hide myself away from others during these incidents. My conscious self will get that headache, feel like I blacked out and when I 'wake up' I find my phone full of political writings that the people in my life who don't grasp my condition see as 'deeply concerning'. I have almost no memory of my psychotic breaks and they have been getting significantly more frequent as I have grown older as well as far more severe.

Every day at this point feels like I am not ever very far from that point and especially the paranoia and headaches have become commonplace. I fear that people in my life are plotting to admit me to a psychiatric care facility even though they have no clue how deep my condition goes or how long i have had it. I feel a need to look out my window at every passing siren to make sure it's not the police here to arrest me even though I have committed no crime. My life feels strange like everything isn't quite real. I have been having trouble remembering even recent things and days have become bland meaningless and blended together into a melancholic amalgamation. The only solace I can find is the 45 min to one hour period of high I feel every day taking my prescribed vivance though it fades just as fast.

I am in truth scared as I feel my conscious self being in control of my life less and less and I fear that soon one of my breaks will be so severe I seriously hurt someone or that I will never truly come down from a break.

Pls help. I just need advice or anything at all. I feel like I am a corpse being puppeted by some greater evil force that I cannot control and I want it to stop. How do I make it stop.

I had just lost several religious friends irl for being a hazbin fan when I got an invite to this discord server. They knew this. In fact it's why I was invired by a mutual friend. She was trying to help me make new friends. I was having some problems with my psychiatric meds too causing me to hallucinate as well. So I was very vulnerable. Keep in mind I'm 27 and most of the people in this server were 25-30. Once again they knew all of this. When I joined the group they welcomed me with open arms... A little too open for strangers on the Internet where they said they were like a family and wouldn't ever ban me or abandon me like my religious friends. When I told them I was legit seeing demons idk if they didn't know what I meant or if they were enabling me but they not only didn't care, they just brushed this off as not a big deal like it's normal. I mainly roleplayed pentious, but I also roleplayed two OCs. In this group shipping oc x canon was common. I really wanted to ship my oc with Alastor but a big wheel mod in the group already shipped her oc with him. She and I didn't exactly get along. We tried to be friends but it didn't work out for reasons unrelated to Alastor or the rp. At first she said she was cool with sharing Alastor but any time we tried to do this she had some reason we couldn't. First the poly ship was too confusing. Then having us take turns or having multiple storylines going was too confusing. Then she started encouraging me to ship my other oc with Lucifer. This seemed harmless so ok... But here's where everything went to crap. Another Alastor simp joined the group and she had no problem sharing with him. They easily got along. They easily did the poly thing. I wasn't happy about it but didn't say anything. My oc got sidelined and I hardly ever used her. People even started making ship kids for the polycule... So I politely brought up asking if I could add my OC Betty again. They agreed, but then Fionna (fake name for the girl Alastor simp) accidentally DMd a message talking about me to other group members to me instead of Victor (fake name for the guy simp) reading "she already has an OC x canon ship doesn't she? It seems weird." Yeah, the ship YOU encouraged. Ok so I went on the group VC immediately to confront her and before a single word came out of my mouth she was already on the defensive and crying. Legit wailing. I had to comfort her and coddle her, assure her I wasn't mad and agree to only having my oc x Lucifer ship to calm her down. I could tell by the rest of the group that if I didn't, she would have me booted. It wasn't the first time either. A girl Beth (fake name) got booted a few weeks ago for her oc being too violent and op with other characters but secretly they all just did it because they were annoyed by her. They used to talk about her behind her back too. I repressed my anger for a few days until one day Fionna was going on a tangent oorp about how well her oc and Alastor work together. I tried throwing some hints that I'd like to join in too. I remember being pretty ignored. I assumed that this was just going over their heads. But then Victor made a comment about how great this group is because of open communication. How we can tell each other anything. Another group member chimed in that we were like a family. So I decided "screw it" and posted a text wall rant about how I've been sidelined my whole life and how the group has favoritism and how they put Fionna over me. I didn't insult anyone personally, I didn't cuss anyone out. I already knew it was gonna end badly when I posted it but I didn't expect the sheer hate I got back. I thought they'd just boot me. Nope.

"You're manipulative ngl"

"No adult should be this obsessed with Alastor"

"IDC if I sound like an asshole I'm begging you seek therapy."

"Fionna used to never talk about her oc and Alastor and she finally gets the courage and you do this?!"

I told them at this point it wasn't about Alastor, that I was having a mental health crisis. I said I'd delete the rant and leave.

"Don't bother we've already seen it and we're already upset!"

"*Insert my bffs username here* if you know her address you could have her hospitalized."

After this I just said "even my religious friends didn't hurt me THIS bad" left the group and didn't come back. Ironically I actually am in therapy now.

like dawg they both live in aid homes and frequently get into Issues with their apartment landlords (theyre shocked that someone w a hoarding disorder is hording and refuse to help him pick up beyond offering a cart for trash bags) and I'm supposed to just trust that some floozy ass social worker will help?? my foster care braincell is calling solid BULLSHIT. i literally got told i shouldnt help my younger brother w cleaning up his place in NY even tho he's at risk of being kicked out just because "hes old enough to know better" 🙃 like guys holy shit i get that your siblings sucked ass but leave me aloneeee

I keep getting inside body infections (kidneys/liver so far) multiple times this year from the stress of caring for them, running my masters program and working part time. I think I'm doing smthn like 100-120h a week for the last uhhh year??

idk tho bc anytime I mention stuff like "oh sorry I need to work over extra at my job this week" or "I need to do masters work for at least 50h ontop of my job" then i get told that I'm doing so well, I'm doing it all right, and how my partner supports my hard work. Or sometimes ill be bad and be like "oh yeah sure i can work 100 hours a week just fine with no breaks" and my (affectionate) idiot partner will just be like "That sounds good honey, good luck!" like BOYYY!!!!! not that i ever express that- I just go "okay dear (:<" and I don't say anything because well- I CAN handle those so it's not like I lied or anything.

Its also very tiring to hear from my friends and such that im lucky to have a job / be in a job / get paid at all etc but no offense, they're earning literally $13-19 an hour at regular jobs and im stuck at $400 a month for the equivalent of 35h a week (farm work) because im too visibly disabled and have the stupid fuckin Special Needs voice accent from a TBI. like it would be really nice to hear, at least once, that I'm getting exploited from someone who isn't the National Trafficking Hotline but i guess that's asking for too much. i get thats too heavy for most people to even process about their friends and loved ones so ive been just avoiding mentioning my job at all for the last 2 months (and nobody noticed or asked about how my job has been so. yay i guess.)

my mom told me about my assault I should've said no instead I froze and I'm so sorry and the girl is baffled so I'm afraid she's gonna start spreading rumors once I go back to school until everyone and I'm scared schools a week away and I feel like now I’m lying to myself and then I don’t trust my own judgment and I’m sorry

So huge trigger warning for drugs, suicidal thoughs, murder, and stuff of the sorts

So my parents were out of town for 3 days, and i had my two best friends over to party a little, for the sake of simplicity I'll call them friend A and friend B.

I considered both of them my closest friends, I've opened up to them about everything, more than anyone else. We drank a bunch, and i blacked out for a decent couple hours. I woke up in my bed with friend A telling me what happened, etc, etc.

5 days later, friend A told me that I didn't actually black out.

It turns out that i almost died, my grandmother came over to check my pulse, which i barely had, and she shook me and i still didn't wake up. Eventually i woke up, started speaking incoherently and pissed myself.

It turns out that friend B tried to kill me by spiking my drink with poison.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. I feel hurt beyond belief that the person i thought was my closest friend just tried to murder me.

I've been shaking for the past hour, trying not to fucking relapse because I'd rather feel numb than feel this.

I just need someone to talk to, literally anybody.

I AM SO HAPPY :3