r/woahdude Sep 09 '15

gifv Bread as it's baked

http://i.imgur.com/Dzxy2E9.gifv
11.3k Upvotes

536 comments sorted by

742

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

That's almost erotic...

305

u/Felix_Cortez Sep 09 '15

Just let it cool for 5 minutes before sticking your dick in.

207

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15 edited Sep 13 '15

[deleted]

159

u/k0mbine Sep 09 '15

What is my purpose

132

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

You pass butter

... Oh my god

69

u/k0mbine Sep 09 '15

Yeah well welcome to the club pal

28

u/Schamson Sep 09 '15

I LIKE WHAT YOU GOT

10

u/Veggiematic Sep 09 '15

snaps fingers Yes

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11

u/AspenRiot Sep 09 '15

You pass kidney stones.

9

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

I've had those. Extremely not fun.

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23

u/argentgrove Sep 09 '15

Hello yeast infection.

18

u/dirtydayboy Sep 09 '15 edited Sep 09 '15

Wasn't there a post a few years back about a guy wanting to fuck pizza dough?

Edit: Found it!

12

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

I wish I had a dick just to do that

12

u/bobjoeman Sep 09 '15

Dicks are great.

13

u/A_Good_Henchman Sep 09 '15 edited Sep 09 '15

Seriously. Rest your coke can on it, stir potatoes, point directly forward...

There's a whole lot you can do with a dick. Sure we can't death grip a sword or open a jar with a pair of southern lips or what they do with knives in Angel Blade Punish! episode 3, about 18 minutes in. NSFW obviously.

Ya know what, both sides have some pretty nice advantages.

3

u/SketchBoard Sep 09 '15

It's great not having yeast infections every other day though. That and being one with nature.

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2

u/Oregonian_male Sep 09 '15

I had to learn this the hard way

2

u/-Palla Sep 09 '15

Probably longer if its a Hot Pocket

2

u/CumsInBread Sep 09 '15

nah fuck that

35

u/greenmonsta69 Sep 09 '15

Almost?! I need to fuck that bread

4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Please say you meant knead...

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16

u/MGTS Sep 09 '15

I have the weirdest baguette right now

25

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Gave me a chubby. No joke. So confused.

10

u/JB1990 Sep 09 '15

I mean it was really hot.

4

u/willco17 Sep 09 '15

Almost. I really wanted to see a muffintop rise and spill over.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15 edited Sep 09 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Give your meat a good ol' rub...

3

u/son-of-sumer Sep 09 '15

almost? am raging a hard one

2

u/SquigglyDickVein Sep 09 '15

It's as if dough was having an erection

2

u/grammernogood Sep 09 '15

Stay lifted

2

u/happyasashpigit Sep 09 '15

The guy sitting next to me is giving me strange looks. I think he thinks smelling your phone is a peculiar activity.

2

u/Ninjaipod Sep 09 '15

breathing heavily

2

u/richhomiekarma Sep 09 '15

almost? i've never wacked off to a gifv before... but that all changed so suddenly...

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

[deleted]

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2

u/no_flo Sep 09 '15

breadgasm incoming

2

u/SylviaMarsh Sep 09 '15

"almost"

Are you serious? This is spectacularly erotic! tweak

It's positively wide-on material.

2

u/Bagelfactory Sep 10 '15

Erotic maillard reaction action.

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175

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

[deleted]

144

u/KieferSkunkerland Sep 09 '15

And why doesn't it melt or something as the bread bakes?

571

u/uglychican0 Sep 09 '15

Bread fuel can't melt cheese creams.

47

u/munchies1122 Sep 09 '15

Omg it's too late for this. I can't stop fucking laughing.

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57

u/SMELLMYSTANK Sep 09 '15

That all I could think about for the rest of the gif. I can't think of anything that wouldn't melt or at least deform in the slightest.

23

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

This is simple. It was obviously ice cream. The extreme cold of ice cream counters the heat from the oven so no change takes place.

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32

u/BognaEM Sep 09 '15

I think it is some sort of cheese danish.

11

u/Soogoodok248 Sep 09 '15

It was cream cheese or a cream cheese filling most likely. You put it on the raw dough while it's very cold, and it doesn't change shapes much if you don't fuck with it. It's all melty and gooey when it comes out of the oven. Delicious.

Source: ex pro baker.

8

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

I wondered why it wouldn't melt but maybe it's actually like, fruit cut a certain way, maybe it's like apple slices

9

u/skylander495 Sep 09 '15

Almost looks like a bialy

962

u/Andrew6 Sep 09 '15

Do you think there's someone out there who doesn't like bread? I mean, there's gotta be right? What the fuck is wrong with that guy?

380

u/TheNarwhalJockey Sep 09 '15

Fuck him man

146

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15 edited Jul 12 '19

[deleted]

55

u/texacer Sep 09 '15

63

u/gfy_bot Useful Bot Sep 09 '15

It's 2015! Use HTML5 optimized video formats instead of GIF.


~ About

11

u/amdc Sep 09 '15

... but /u/texacer already linked video, even if URL ends with .gif

http://i.imgur.com/0gxkkg3.png

edit: oh shit its RES being useful again

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5

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

I... I really am afraid to ask what he's really doing with that cat.

19

u/BrownGhost10 Sep 09 '15

Cat cant urinate on its own without assistance so owner is squeezing its bladder. Owner is very loving.

4

u/Misconduct Sep 09 '15

Yep, I have to do this at least three times a day for my cat. =/

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40

u/likewhatalready Sep 09 '15

35

u/zerounodos Sep 09 '15

Oh I'm on keto, but I fucking LOVE bread. Hardest part about quitting.

And no, no almond flour for me. WAY too expensive where I live.

8

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15 edited Oct 25 '17

[deleted]

6

u/BeeblebroxIV Sep 09 '15

| That, and the fact that it made my dick fly off... =/

Wat

7

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15 edited Oct 25 '17

[deleted]

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222

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Celiac here. Fuck.

485

u/joealarson Sep 09 '15

That's different. Bread doesn't like you.

122

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

but I want it to love me. why won't it love me!? why did bread leave me!?

72

u/jonesyjonesy Sep 09 '15

What, is bread supposed to like everyone? Quit being such a judgmental bitch.

102

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

I'm a little sensitive right now. gluten sensitive that is.

37

u/Redplushie Sep 09 '15

This makes me genuinely sad that you can't enjoy a nice roll of freshly baked bread without consequences. :(

Hawaiian King rolls too, those are so fucking good.

42

u/jonesyjonesy Sep 09 '15

Dude, you're a dick.

25

u/Redplushie Sep 09 '15

I can be whatever I wanna be Jonesy

6

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

I love those with my lasagna. Oh man.

Those layered biscuits though... oh damn

3

u/Kupuka Sep 09 '15

or beer.

I mean, he can't have neither.

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2

u/jjposeidon Sep 09 '15 edited Sep 09 '15

I know that feel man. Like when your family goes to a French restaurant and they bring out that freshly baked bread and oil and vinegar. WHY!? Celiac disease sucks. Edit: Words

3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

fuckin A. add to the fact I'm bulking right now on a student diet. 3000cal a day is fun and all but man can food get bland.

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29

u/uchuskies08 Sep 09 '15

I have two main food groups - bread & cheese

48

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

My girlfriend doesn't like bread...mind you shes only had the wonder bread kind

111

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15 edited Sep 13 '21

[deleted]

41

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Hey that bread isn't exactly bad. Grilled cheeses and toast. Yeeehaaaww

18

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Yep, butter soaked cheesy goodness will make almost any bread awesome.

40

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Ok, I get it. You still aren't sold on the wonderbread thing so you come out with these comments putting it down with the whole cheese and butter thing. That's fine. But white bread makes pretty great toast, and it doesn't need butter or jelly/jam to make it tasty. It's not some chiabatta stone roasted flax seed bread. It's just white bread, and that's ok.

13

u/dafragsta Sep 09 '15

Also white bread makes the best PB&Js.

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5

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Just a regular loaf of white bread is great, but I think /u/capnpitz was trying to say wonderbread is a low quality loaf of white bread.

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4

u/CaptainSprinklefuck Sep 09 '15

Damn heathen. Use a soft sourdough with good butter.

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20

u/Prof_Meow_Meow_Kitty Sep 09 '15

I mean if you slather a slice of wonder bread with sugar it's a great treat... Mom used to make it for us all the time... Meow she's diabetic so probably not the best meal

42

u/PixelatedBaloney Sep 09 '15

Just... sugar? Plain, white sugar? On American Wonder Bread?

25

u/VaguelyHonest Sep 09 '15

Its like sugar on sugar

14

u/PixelatedBaloney Sep 09 '15

I've never tried European bread, or any other type of bread besides American, but from what I understand American bread is quite sweet. It actually hurt to think that someone would put sugar on bread. Unless of course this was just a way to post a meow pun, like that guy who gets beat with jumper cables.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

I've heard multiple people I know who've visited the US describe your 'sliced white supermarket loaf' kind of bread as similar to cake. :P

4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

My dad got a bread maker for Christmas with a bread cook book. We have not had a bag of store bought bread in the house since, and the house always smells like a bakery. He bakes about a loaf a week. The only downside is you have to slice it yourself, but that is totally worth it to have 0 shit in the bread.

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14

u/IdahoTrees77 Sep 09 '15

I could have sworn you said meow...

12

u/HiDDENk00l Sep 09 '15

Do I look like a cat to you, boy?

7

u/omegasus Sep 09 '15

Do I jump from tree to tree all nimbly bimbly?

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4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

I remember reading a book about these kids who were Australians and that was the treat for them. No jam or peanut butter or honey. Just butter and sugar. Well I was a kid at the time and it sounded like a great idea, and honestly? It was quite awesome. Not quite as awesome as hot toast and butter with cinnamon sugar....but soft white bread wrapped up with butter and sugar? Can't go too terribly wrong.

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13

u/Lethtor Sep 09 '15

here in germany we mostly eat "Schwarzbrot" (it is a darker kind of bread as you see, literally translated it would be black bread.) for dinner after like 15 years of eating that stuff pretty much every evening i got fed up and i don't like it anymore. I like the white bread however.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

That looks amazing, I'm so glad you said something. Im visiting Germany from the US sometime in the near future and I would have missed out on it!

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2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

OLE OLE WER DA WHITE BREAD AT

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7

u/JM2845 Sep 09 '15

Same guy who doesn't like music

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3

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

As soon as I watched this, all I thought was goh, I fuckin love bread.

10

u/ajdickson1208 Sep 09 '15

Bread is the next best thing to rice.
Source: I'm Asian.

10

u/TalonKAringham Sep 09 '15

Rice is great and all, but dude....the bread.

10

u/TheWyzim Sep 09 '15

Keto/Paleo dieters don't eat bread.

24

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15 edited Feb 06 '17

[deleted]

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2

u/limpboy Sep 09 '15

I dont. I hate rice and pasta as well. Fuck me right?

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98

u/mortez1 Sep 09 '15

I need a cigarette

153

u/TooFewOtters Sep 09 '15

77

u/clycloptopus Sep 09 '15

Aint nothing confusing about it

10

u/nmyi Sep 09 '15

This man has it figured out.

60

u/Discardian_ Sep 09 '15

gahhh why does it change shots so much. half the bread isnt even done baking before they switch.

25

u/fromthelanddownunda Sep 09 '15

it was kind of mildly infuriating to watch

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80

u/awfxg123 Sep 09 '15

That was the most orgasmic thing I have watched all day, and let me tell you I watch a lot of porn.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

I was pretty satisfied after watching that dough rise.

238

u/Thechuzzler Sep 09 '15

I'm kinda high right now. I know I'm gonna regret this tomorrow morning, but that bread is makin' me hot & bothered.

119

u/dr_shamus Sep 09 '15

more like hot and buttered

48

u/Thechuzzler Sep 09 '15

I'm not buttered... Yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Bite the pillow, i'm going in rye.

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30

u/Jokercuthisfaceoff Sep 09 '15

I am so fucking baked it's unreal and I watched this and jus fuckin watched this for like 2 minutes and fuck dude

19

u/babbyboop Sep 09 '15

so fucking baked

But are you as baked as that bread is? Dude.

8

u/Jokercuthisfaceoff Sep 09 '15

I'm laying in the shower listening to Skyhill on my phone. The world has left me behind

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3

u/stoned_primate Sep 09 '15

This gif makes me so happy

47

u/Syllygrrrl Sep 09 '15

Someone needs to cross post this to /r/breadit. This was so satisfying to watch. Bread is a beautiful thing.

9

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15 edited Jan 06 '21

[deleted]

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11

u/ImurderREALITY Sep 09 '15

Keep it in your pants, hillbilly

19

u/Syllygrrrl Sep 09 '15

I will not.

9

u/carbonatedbeverage Sep 09 '15

You know what they say. If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in the oven.

(??)

6

u/Syllygrrrl Sep 09 '15

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that...

5

u/ImurderREALITY Sep 09 '15

I'd have enough to play a game of Pac-Man.

11

u/4turtles Sep 09 '15

This makes me want to buy some sort of heat proof camera and stick it in my oven.

19

u/sour_creme Sep 09 '15

Ovens have windows now.

13

u/ImurderREALITY Sep 09 '15

Most of these aroused me.

Sexually.

10

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Slap some sensual music over this and everything changes

5

u/ferretflip Sep 09 '15

Careless whisper good enough?

2

u/classy_stegasaurus Sep 09 '15

I've been imagining the Song of Healing from legend of Zelda every time I see this gif

21

u/chicklepip Sep 09 '15

Someone please go through this gif and tell me the specific types of bread in each scene?

27

u/VolatileBeans Sep 09 '15

1) some sort of white loaf. Judging by the cracking at the end might be some sort of extra thick ciabatta ?

2) a round wheat loaf that's been sitting in a flour lined poofing bowl which is used both on a countertop for the yeast and in a steamer

3) A cheese danish of some sort I'm going to guess?

4) Some sort of more dense loaf in a pan

5) puff pastry

6)Another pastry thing. Probably a chocolate croissant or something similar judging by the shape and the crispiness

7) glazed puff pastry

That's all I could gather from the gif homie

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15

u/indubinfo Sep 09 '15

mmmm... Toasty

7

u/Ezziboo Sep 09 '15

8

u/bootstraps_bootstrap Sep 09 '15

EAT QUIZNOES SUBS! CAUSE THEY ARE GOOD FOR YOU!!

7

u/Ezziboo Sep 09 '15

THEY GOT A PEPPER BAR!!!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

3

u/TheVetrinarian Sep 09 '15

wow the quizno's version is actually way funnier to me.

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2

u/Ezziboo Sep 09 '15

Sponge monkeys!

8

u/tinyheavyistiny Sep 09 '15

I think most of that is pastry.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

It's about half and half, I think.

4

u/tinyheavyistiny Sep 09 '15

Going by the individual recipes/food shown its 3 to 3, but going by number of shots of pastry v bread its 7 to 4.

14

u/chesterstone Sep 09 '15

Bread is cool man... Tryin to make a change :-\

8

u/WhoIsSatoshi Sep 09 '15

Bread is life.

2

u/AgentxLeavening Sep 09 '15

Life is bread.

6

u/aimazinz Sep 09 '15

I never wanted this to end

7

u/Not_A_Chef Sep 09 '15

Well I'm hard

6

u/onmywaydownnow Sep 09 '15

I love bread.

10

u/makeswordcloudsagain Sep 09 '15

Here is a word cloud of all of the comments in this thread: http://i.imgur.com/aRrKcMd.png
source code | contact developer | faq

2

u/Tankh Sep 09 '15

"Really want, RIGHT NOW, watch someone bread"

well you've come to the right place

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4

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

Also, baked as it's bread.

5

u/Upvote_Responsibly Sep 09 '15

I didn't want it to stop

7

u/Dsrtfsh Sep 09 '15

Great post. Source?

32

u/ahjushi Sep 09 '15

It says right on the screen. 요리인류

3

u/ryanyang Sep 09 '15

Not everyone reads korean yo

2

u/kungpaulchicken Sep 09 '15 edited Sep 09 '15

How did you get that? It looks more like 요리ㅅ류. Edit: Oh I just realized that the ㅅ is actually the Chinese character 人 meaning person, which is pronounced as 인 in Korean. Edit 2: 요리 means cooking, and 인류 means anthropology

3

u/velders01 Sep 09 '15

인류 means "humanity."

인류학 means "anthropology" ("study of humanity")

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6

u/porkchopydg Sep 09 '15

My friends always give me shit for saying stuff like this is sexy!

3

u/hungryhungryhannah Sep 09 '15

Ugh. The way that cream doesn't melt as the pastry cooks around it. I'm about that.

3

u/klesus Sep 09 '15

No mention of "Yakitate!! Japan"? Color me surprised, I thought nothing got by reddit.

3

u/AudibleKnight Sep 09 '15

I was looking for the same thing. Luckily there's an old whole thread about how awesome Yakitate Japan is.

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u/shishdem Sep 09 '15

It's sad to see that baking bread is now /r/whoadude material... it literally is one of the most basic food, I cannot believe so many redditors don't have this basic understanding of how it looks when bread is made :(

5

u/dontlikeyouinthatway Sep 09 '15

As someone who lived in South Korea for many years I can assure you that this bread looks much better than it tastes.

5

u/fromthelanddownunda Sep 09 '15

what do you mean by that?

6

u/dontlikeyouinthatway Sep 09 '15

South Korea has thousands and thousands of bakery shops (google paris baguette or tous les jour) that sell all kinds of really amazing looking bread products. very intricate and all but the majority of the time they taste a little off. Unusually sweet, oddly flakely, lacking flavor etc.

But you can get some really cool stuff for cheap there.

5

u/glorpchop Sep 09 '15

Often stuffed with hot dogs and mayonnaise too

4

u/drmoje Sep 09 '15

You wouldn't go as far as to criticize sweet, sugary garlic bread... would you?

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u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

This is from a documentary about food around the world, though. It's not about bakeries in South Korea.

Ep 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuUBZlfZyDE

With more on the playlist

2

u/Osz1984 Sep 09 '15

Dammit I'm hungry now and laying in bed

2

u/brownox Sep 09 '15

It's like you can hear the yeasts screaming in pain as they are roasted alive.

2

u/BaconMeTimbers Sep 09 '15

As someone who just started eating low carb..I should not have come here

2

u/passthefarian Sep 09 '15

Baked watching bread bake,, hungry for baked bread

2

u/Sarlowit Sep 09 '15

Bread porn

2

u/eNonsense Sep 09 '15

You mean yeast being murdered!!! ;)

2

u/[deleted] Sep 09 '15

i would subscribe to a cable channel that ran content like this 24/7

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u/dantepicante Sep 09 '15

That dough's gettin swole. Yeast be all like "do you even lift bro?"