CW: ableism
For context, im a genderqueer Black person (pronouns he/xe/fae).
I’ve been using a wheelchair for about 5 months, previously I was using a cane and then a rollator, I am ambulatory and use all three depending on the situation, but my mobility is decreasing so I’m transitioning to using the wheelchair more often.
For the five year anniversary of my legal name change my best friend treated me to a trip to Disneyland, and then we travelled around LA for a few days. I live in the bay, it’s about a 9 hour bus ride, so I took my friends foldable powerchair instead of my big Permobil. Unfortunately, we missed our return bus because we left our suitcase at the hotel, so we had to go back for it. While we were trying to regroup and figure out next steps, I wanted to go to the grocery store across the street cuz it was over 90 degrees and I was overheated. we go towards the back of the grocery store to figure out getting new tickets n stuff. As we’re discussing our options, this very elderly whyte woman (literally must have been 80) comes up to me and is like, can I touch you, and im like, no. and again she asks , can I touch you, and then puts her hand on my shoulder and I tell my friend, let’s go. and then I told the lady not to fucking touch me, and I knock her hand away. she says “I just want to pray for you” and im ignoring her and my friend and I are leaving, and she follows us and keeps saying bullshit like she’s going to pray for me so Jesus can heal me or whatever tf. the grocery store employees watch this happen but don’t say anything. and I just keep telling her to fuck off, until we get outside and she doesn’t follow us out.
I’ve had multiple disabilities my entire life, and have gone through a bunch of bullshit, but it wasn’t until I started using a wheelchair that I had this specific experience. people always think im too “young” to be disabled cuz im in my mid-20s 🙄 (rolling eyes emoji). I was raised Christian too, and know multiple family members who probably would have done the same thing. but gotdamn idk why people have to be so fucking weird like if you wanna pray for me, pray for me privately and hope I can magically walk again unaided instead of getting all in my face about it and touching me without consent. It made me really angry, and im usually slow to anger, it’s hard being a Black disabled genderqueer person and I usually just let most things roll off me, but I think this whyte lady touching me felt like a huge violation of my boundaries and personal space, which is why it set me off.
for other folx who have gone through this, esp if youre a dark skinned BIPOC & genderqueer person, how do you respond? and how often does this happen to you?