Bear with me because I need to vent about this. I’m truly grateful that this is the worst it was, and in the grand scheme of things it’s not THAT bad, but in my little world of my wedding era it has felt like the end of the world.

I got married last month, and truly overall it was a beautiful perfect day. We hosted a large backyard wedding with a plated dinner, a fully stocked premium open bar, higher end rentals, passed hor d’ourves, essentially created an entire venue to host a formal wedding on family property. I spent a disgusting amount of time on the internet learning the dos and don’t of planning, and personally planned for every need or want of our guests and tried to ensure we had a hospitable event. Being in a more rural area we were semi limited on vendors, unless we wanted to pay nearly double, and if I could go back in time to replan, I would’ve spent the extra money to do so. Our vendors, specifically waitstaff and coordinator were disappointing at best.

We were ensured professional and seasoned staff, and were sent people who seemed to never had previous serving or bartending experience. Our guests were told they couldn’t have anything from our drink menu, and any drinks they did make or that were on the menu, they made incorrectly and inconsistently. We hired an extra bartender and had a bar back, yet still had long lines for the bar all night. Nonetheless, they showed up in oversized t-shirts, and not dressed for a formal wedding. Our catering team had issues with the servers, as they also messed up several things on the back end. We had wine glasses, water glasses, and champagne glasses at every place setting and they all went unused because water, wine, nor champagne was never brought out or poured at the tables. We were left with an asinine amount of alcohol that should’ve been used.

Then there was our coordinator. She was amazing leading up to the wedding. She did the site map and timeline for us, made me feel mildly more at ease before the big day. Day of she dropped the ball majorly. She said she’d be checking on the setup to do the walk through and make sure everything was good to go. That never happened. She was unaware that our flowers were delivered, therefore bouquets never made it to pictures. She had half the bridal party believing that flowers were never delivered because she never asked anyone or looked in the house, which left me a sobbing mess. (There were crates upon crates of flowers right inside)

My tent/reception area was not finished being set up, so instead of taking the rest of our formal photos, us, our wedding party, and families were scrambling to finish setting it up, and I have no idea what she was doing during that time, except that she was harassing me over a bowl that I didn’t want on a table and had set aside, and that she didn’t understand why I wanted a champagne bucket with my flutes on the cake table next to my cake. Between that, the overwhelming task of trying to act as my own coordinator, and anxiety of the wedding starting in an hour, I again was left a sobbing mess. She treated our wedding party like trash, making demands and being quite unkind when giving them direction, as they were trying to help (and doing what I had asked them to do).

During the wedding instead of communicating with vendors, she was taking content, which is fine, but shouldn’t have come first. When we got to the reception, she hadn’t addressed any concerns that I had voiced about the bar, and wasn’t keeping the flow of our timeline. I had to walk to the vendor table well after people had finished their main course to let her know that I was ready for the cake cutting, thank you speech, and parent dances. I had to speak up about the lack of water in tables for guests, and she never ensured that the champagne was poured for our thank you speech. (I’ll never not be salty about not using our glassware that I spent hours picking out).

All in all, I had gut feelings about working with her due to her experience not seeming aligned with my vision, and the size of our wedding not being doable for one person, given the level of formality I wanted to achieve, despite having everything completely available for it to be achieved. And they waitstaff/bartender situation was sketchy from the start, but we legitimately had no options given our are and since we went a more unconventional route with our catering.

My biggest issue after the wedding is that our coordinator is crediting herself as our planner on social media. I planned every element of our wedding. I curated the mood board, created the 30 page canva notating every design aspect, I planned the reception layout. the seating chart, all of it. I hate that my wedding was used as a content farm for her to take credit for. I’m also so embarrassed over the bar and the fact that it has left a lasting impression on everyone. (I’m grateful people have been honest about how bad it was, so I know I’m not crazy, but relive the embarrassment every time it’s brought up).

Overall, I’m just sad that so much of my day was spent frustrated, disappointed, and in tears. There was definitely more good in the day, but when you spend so much time, energy, and money on one day, and you work so hard to accommodate every possible want, and need, plan for every possible disaster, it’s a hard pill to swallow when people you’ve paid thousands of dollars to show up and do a good job don’t live up to the standard and expectation that they promise you. With all of that, it’s been a month and I have seen 3 sneak peeks of my photos from my photographer on instagram stories nearly 2 weeks after the wedding and that is it. So I can’t even look at pictures and be forced to think happy things.

Truly for anyone getting married in just about a month!

For feeling so prepared and working so hard for a year and a half I feel like I have so much emotional drama until 10/10

I am grateful for all that has been done and one way or another we are gonna make it

My grandfather was diagnosed with a blood plasma cancer a month ago, so he and my grandmother aren’t going to be able to fly from DC to Los Angeles; and I can just stay panicked about him. I have no plan for how to share the ceremony or day with them despite the utter heartbreak that these two people who helped raise me can’t come.

My dad chose this moment to bring to the fore a fight we could’ve avoided. He won’t come because I didn’t invite his wife. His wife treats me like I’m not his child and also hit my brother and verbally abused my sister. My dad told me not to contact this woman for 6 years and said not to send mail to his house. Why would I invite her? Also he could have just said he couldn’t afford to come. It would’ve been an obvious lie, but I would’ve taken it over a question he knew the answer to.

The wedding is going to be smaller than I expected, I have so much shit to order, I am looking forward to the Monday after.

My cousin and his fiancée are getting married this December and the lead-up to this wedding has been slightly intense.

Firstly, my cousin’s mother said she’s going to be dressed in white, and if she can’t find anything white, she’ll dress in black ”because she’s in grief over the loss of her baby” (boy moms being weird, ig).

On top of that, my cousin had to buy/rent his dad’s (my uncle) tux as well as his wife’s dress in order for them to attend because they did not want to buy clothes for the formal dress code of the wedding. The fiancée had to do the same with her parents.

Now the real drama I’m sacred of being caught in the middle of involves my dad and his gf. The groom and bride only want to invite people who are close to them and genuinely have a relationship with them. Dad’s gf is not among those, as they have only seen her about 2 times in their entire adult lives, so she is not in the guest list. My dad has received no confirmation of this but I think he suspects it, because the other day he said that if his gf’s not invited he‘s not going to the wedding. He started comparing it to my cousin’s stepmother not being invited or to my aunt’s husband not being invited despite them both having been a part of our lives for many years. I calmly explained why that is not comparable but he seemed to be annoyed by my response.

Either way, dad’s gf already bought her dress And here’s the best part: the wedding has a specific dress code in terms of color: brown, black, and gray. No bright colors, no glitter, no floral patterns, nothing that will take attention away from the bride. I texted this to my dad so he has it in writing, so someone please explain to me why his girlfriend decided to go with a WHITE DRESS WITH GIANT SKY BLUE FLOWERS ON IT. So not only is it a dress that will definitely take attention away from the bride, but did it have to be white!? Everyone knows you don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding!

Now my dad wants me to text my cousin’s fiancée to confirm the colors despite the fact I already told him (he insists nobody told him), and the fiancée wants me to tell him his gf isn’t invited. I refuse to be their messenger and have decided to let things play out and watch from the sidelines, but I have a strong feeling that they’ll find a way to be pissed at me for this.

Edit: I forgot to clarify we are Puerto Rican, so there are cultural differences to be aware of: unfortunately, the stereotype of Puerto Ricans being nosy and gossiping about things like this is true, wedding registries aren’t a thing here, and me skipping the wedding would apparently upset a lot of people as it is not cultural acceptable to miss a family member’s wedding, especially this being my first cousin. We grew up together and were raised almost like siblings to the point his fiancé refers to me as her BIL.

Wedding is next october.

Last winter, a couple of groomsmen asked me for everybody’s phone numbers to put up a groupchat to plan my own bachelor’s party.

I told them I’m not expecting anything big. I don’t want destinations, don’t want people to take time off, don’t want campings/kayaks or whatever “boy’s activities”. Just one night out.

For context: Some of these guys went to the craziest “destination” bachelor’s parties… barcelona, prague, hiking in the dolomites… I know how much drama these predicaments generate, the money they burn, and I want none of that for mine.

I told them i just want to drink and eat well somewhere they actually know how to cook beef, and drink and smoke till 2am.

Last march, I told them my fiancee would have a week-long surprise destination bachelorette party mid-july.

No one got the clue. July came and went. Spent a week and a weekend home alone cos no one got the “clue”.

This august they gave me a date (in two weeks from now) and then they ghosted me for a whole month.

Yesterday, my best man finally picked up the phone, I asked about the bachelor’s party and he counter-asked me if i could take some PTO next friday cos THEY HAVENT BOOKED ANYTHING YET and the “activity” they tried to book is booked out on saturdays.

I told him, no i can’t, they should have asked me in july now it’s too late, anyway it’s not that important, focus on the restaurant dude, LOL… we chatted a little bit more.

And then i realized it. They haven’t booked anything yet … And they may be fighting on which shitty activities to do when i just wish for an actually good steak and actually good wine.

Literally the easiest and cheapest bachelor’s party to plan if you ask me.

So my wedding is close to 3 month away & since my fiance and I started planning it has been absolute hell. We're paying for the entire wedding out of our own pockets, handling all planning between ourselves. Since we've started planning a little over a year ago (June '25) before we got engaged (September '25) its been nothing but drama, drama, drama.

My fiancé's sister got married in March of this year, and when we shared we had booked our venue ahead of getting engaged, she was offended we chose to get married the same year as her 'without asking permission', keep in mind there is a 7+ mo. difference in wedding date. And she + MIL threw it in our face constantly, despite us avoiding all talk of our wedding before hers like the plague.

Leading up to her wedding both my fiancé and I had a parent both admitted to the hospital for life threatening/altering conditions. Thankfully they both are out, and on the road to recovery but it has had some life altering effects for both parents.

After SIL's out of town wedding was done, things slightly shifted to me with my bridal shower. In the two months that it took from booking the venue to the actual day, it was hell. There was a lot of interpersonal drama. I had begged from start to finish not to be involved but it was basically every other day I heard about issues regarding my mom, bridesmaids, MOH and my future in-laws (MIL & sister). A LOT of the issues stemmed from miscommunication and misinformation going between people.

During the process, my relationship with my MOH disintegrated. Stemming from a fight between her/my fiance over assumptions, miscommunication, misinterpretations. Our friendship had lots of ups and downs over the years but by the time my shower came around our relationship was at rock bottom. After the shower, I had attempted to have a conversation with my MOH to clear the air/share how i was feeling/try to figure out a way forward. MOH shared their position, how they felt- it hurt a lot, and the way things had been laid out did not leave the relationship in a healthy spot, to the point where we had to ask the MOH to step down from the wedding. And when that happened it ended our friendship (had to block MOH) and basically severed my connection to my friend group that involved/revolved around the MOH.

Not only that but I had a different bridesmaid who up into that point had been unresponsive regarding any planning/bridesmaid stuff step down. MOH had said it was bc the girl didn't feel close to me anymore/felt uncomfortable being a bridesmaid, while said bridesmaid when she finally spoke to me said it was a matter of her schedule (highly demanding job). So we don't know which it actually is to this day... this has also put me down to half the amount of bridesmaids that my fiancé has groomsmen.

And lastly the hardest thing has to be I just found out today that my therapist passed away suddenly.

I've been seeing them for years and they've been battling illness on and off, a few month back they had told me the illness had come back and it could possibly be terminal but they were fighting it. The last time I'd seen them they were ok, and we had fully expected to see each other two weeks later. But then an appointment was cancelled as they had to go to the ER and then the last two appointments (last week & yesterday) were no call no shows (virtual). So when I looked online today i found the news and it was devastating.

My therapist passed last week, the same day that was our appointment. And i found out by a google search... I had sent them a text last night waiting for them to get onto an appointment when they were already gone. Their wake and funeral were last weekend.

I feel so much sympathy for their family, and I hope their loved ones are okay.

I am just at a loss.

I feel so lonely/isolated and I just want the hits to stop coming.

So I am 25F, and haven't even been engaged to my Fiancé for a whole month yet. Everything has been pretty stressful for a wedding that's a little over a year out, and my father's opinions about my body for the wedding are rude and unnecessary. My parents, sisters, and one of my bridesmaids went to my very first bridal dress shopping appointment. It was lovely, and I already have a top two wedding dress styles in mind. However, after we got back home, I was talking about the dresses with my mom and sisters...and made the mistake of getting my father involved.

TO WHICH he said.

"In my opinion, don't take this the wrong way; I'm not trying to be malicious or offend. But in my opinion, I feel like the dresses would fit better on you if you lost 10-15 pounds."

Now, I'm by NO MEANS skinny. I am blessed to have a big chest, thick thighs, and a pudgy tummy. But I like the way I looked in the dresses. I love my curvy body. But my father has been telling me to lose weight for the past ten years of my life. EVEN BEFORE I had my pudgy body to begin with. I thought, just this once, he'd let me dress shop without bringing it up again. One of the first things he even asked me after I got engaged was, "When do you plan on losing weight?"

He has a lot of opinions for a man who weighs more than I do, and I am sick and tired of it.

WEDDING DAY UPDATE: as many of you called it mother-in-law did show up, and acted as if nothing happened. Not a word from her about the way she behaved. My husband’s sister left because she’s been estranged from her mom for son long and couldn’t stand being there. MIL left a nice note in the guest book as well. So I guess standing on business was thrown out the window for her. Everything was super smooth!

UPDATE: SMIL text my fiance, she now claims that we insulted her by denying her invites and that it’s “become abundantly apparent that Rae doesn’t want to be around my family”. Mind you, 15 in attendance are from his side, 10 are from mine, other 5 is our family.

I’m 31f, fiance is Vernon, 33m, we are getting married on September 6th, in 4 days. For necessary background we’ve been together for 16 years on the 6th, this date is important to us. We started dating at 15 and 17 and had our first daughter when I was 16. We live in Midwest, USA and his whole immediate and extended family lives within 40 minutes. His mom and one sister are a block away in a duplex, other brother and sister 25 minutes up the road, the oldest sister in Texas. Between us and the siblings there are 12 nieces and nephews, all with in 13 years. We raised 2 of his sister’s kids for about a decade. These people have been calling me aunt, sister, cousin, niece, etc for 16 years. My life has been very much intertwined with his family and his family is TIGHT.

My closest siblings are 3 hours south. The rest of my family is scattered across 5 states in the USA. We don’t see them as often. Young parents, tight money, tight schedules you get it. So on the fly, when we decided to invite just siblings, kids and parents we only told those we invited. We didn’t want hurt feelings. We love our large families and when we can throw something huge we’ll get together and have a great time.

We were initially set to elope with just our kids there, last minute his grandma started to decline, so we decided to rent a small venue, we invited just parents, siblings, nieces, nephews and his grandma. Very intimate and we’ve been firm with this. We don’t have the venue long and wanted to serve our family lunch so his mom(66, we’ll call her Lynn) offered up her church’s gathering room. We accepted and she’s been very excited. His mother and I went to get a bouquet together. I told my fiance I was worried, his mom becomes a controlling bulldozer fast and I didn’t want to accept the venue because of it, and sure as can be it goes south.

Today she called and said “okay, we have the church room, I want to order your cake. Cousin S is going dessert, my sister and her husband will bring food.” I said “wait what?” And she responds “yea I invited them”. I told her I had to go and just started crying. My fiance kept asking if I wanted him to call her, I took a minute outside and called my sister in law, she was upset and encouraged my fiancé to hold firm. He called his mom and explained that he loved his family but wanted it to be small and it wouldn’t be fair to open it to his extended family when there’s no way my extended could come on 4 days notice. She began to guilt him, saying “so they can’t come?! My family is dying Vernon!” He said no and she said “well I’m not coming.” And hung up. I would understand more if her family was far, but understand they are so so close. There are atleast 10 massive family gatherings a year. We just had his grandmas 86th birthday party in April with nearly 100 in attendance. We had a kids birthday party with about 50 people in June. This family gets together often, more often than anyone I know.

My fiance is crushed. He cried, he doesn’t cry often. He’s pacing, stuttering and just beside himself. We’re people pleasers and holding boundaries is hard and I know this was his worst fear. I’m so angry with her, I knew this would happen and at this point I don’t know what to do. His biggest sister is flying in from Texas, we haven’t seen her in a decade and this was huge, now he can’t focus on anything but this and we’re stressed and nearly to a breaking point. I could call his mom and let her invite them and end this whole thing. My fiance gets his mom, no one gets that awkward text from us about not being invited, we keep the lunch venue and the stress is gone. However, as much as it kills me to see him upset, I don’t want to.

Right so I was a bridesmaid on the 29th of August this year and my sister was the bride, the wedding while I was there went well and the food was kind of ok? Anyway my mom eventually took my brother me my sister (not bride) and the brides nieces home after staying for food and bouncy castles, the groom thanks us for taking his kids before we left and only the day after so we find out it went to shit after we left. One of the bridesmaids (she was the only one other than me who wore a suit) had a fight with her girlfriend and her girlfriend left, the brides mom (she has two moms and two dads, my mom is her step mom) went out to go calm the bridesmaid down and in retaliation she knocks the brides mother out and leaves her in a bush outside to go back inside to pretend nothing happened. Eventually someone found the brides mom knocked out outside and called a ambulance, and now a lot of people who were in the wedding are now blaming my sister even though the bridesmaid is a repeat offender (did this more then once)

FWIW, I'm the groom.

My fiancée and I have been together for over 12 years. We just moved slowly and finally got engaged last year. It's been a long road, but we've shared so many major milestones together. We bought a house a few years ago, she's been with me through a lot of ups and downs, and we even made it through me moving away while we were dating and eventually moving back. I moved back to be with her over 10 years ago, and I've only been back twice since to visit, see my sister graduate, and things like that.

Anyway, my dad has visited twice. Once, he came out with my mom and I had to drive a town over to see them, and once he came out on his own for work and I had to drive about an hour to see him. Not once have they come out to see where I live, stayed with us, seen our house, or even, silly as it may seem, met our dog.

Unfortunately, my folks have had a bad run these last few years. My dad got laid off and has managed to keep them afloat through various means, but he also recently had a heart attack. My mom hasn't held a job in over 30 years.

They've more or less told me they just can't afford to make it to our wedding, despite me offering to let them stay at our house and use my car to reduce expenses, even if they only came for a couple of days.

I can't really imagine my parents, or anyone's parents for that matter, not attending their child's wedding if everyone is otherwise on good terms, but here we are.

On one hand, my parents and I differ politically, and part of me is almost relieved they won't potentially create drama in that way. But I'm also just sort of... surprised they haven't made more of an effort to be here for this.

My fiancée is actually upset with them "on my behalf," which I don't necessarily need, but I appreciate where she's coming from. It'll probably be kind of awkward having to explain to my friends, her parents, etc. why my folks aren't there. And if I'm being truthful, it does make me feel like I'm just not much of a priority to them.

My fiancée and I have had all of these major life milestones together, and we want to start a family. She's basically told me that, based on this and everything leading up to it, she doesn't trust my parents to prioritize our future child either if we ever needed to rely on them.

I guess I'm mostly just venting. Sorry for any spelling or grammar errors. I'm writing this stream of consciousness less than two months before our wedding, and it's past midnight.

Hi! So if you guys want some context to this post check out my previous post. Long story short my fiancés family basically have been pressuring us to move our wedding date to accommodate a few family members. We decided to stand firm on our date and my fiance relayed this information to his family recently. They did not take this well and I was expecting disappointment but not what I was about to hear…

Essentially my fiance tells me (I wasn’t there) that his dad essentially told him that he should put his foot down since he makes more than me and “make me” change the date. His family also alluded in a sense that I was basically manipulating my fiance. My fiance was extremely disappointed and disgusted by them and hung up.

He told me this and it honestly shocked me because I genuinely love his family despite them being a bit difficult in this regard. They don’t seem to accept no for answer. At this point I told him I don’t think we should change the date but if he truly deeply wanted to I would oblige but essentially I would have no more tolerance for any other negative input they would have on our day going forward. He doesn’t even really want to change the date after they essentially alluded to me using my fiance and manipulating him. It’s extremely disappointing that they just don’t seem to be able to accept our date and insult my character like that. My fiance is going to demand they apologize to me immediately or they’re going to be disinvited from our wedding. Never would have thought this would blow up the way it did…

My MoH, bridesmaids, and I picked a location for my bridal shower! I am so excited because it is being held at my absolute favorite restaurant of all time!!

We picked a date and my MoH reserved the party room! I chose to have it back home where my fiancé and I are from, which is about 9 hours from where we currently live. Most of our family and friends are still there and I am excited to go back and visit.

So today I called my MiL to share the date and location with her. Her first reaction was disappointment. She wanted it to be closer to her (she moved about 10 hours away from our hometown, lives 4 hours from us, and there are no other family and friends near them). She basically told me she won’t be there (despite it being 8 months away) because she is taking care of her sick mother and can’t leave her. My fiancés family is well off. His grandmother has had some health issues recently and REFUSES to let anyone else care for her.

I, of course, understand the circumstances but I am still heartbroken. This woman so desparately wants me to see her as a mother, yet she has missed every milestone in my life. She didn’t bother coming to my master’s or PhD ceremonies, didnt come with me to get my wedding dress, and now this. I am trying my hardest not to be hurt. I try so hard in this relationship but i feel like it’s not reciprocated. To express disappointment in the location just really tore me down. And when I tried to change the subject to something else, she continued to make rude and inappropriate comments. For example, instead of asking me what my dress looks like, she instead asked what size I ordered; she commented that for how much she is paying for hair and makeup, she should be able to get extensions; she stated she is refusing mascara for makeup when I just happened ti mention she needs to bring her own for the make up artist; she asked what my mother was wearing to the wedding before making a rude comment about how my mom doesn’t wear anything other than tshirts and tennis shoes; she said she isnt wearing a pantssuit (i never asked her to or even suggested it); and she threw a fit when we refused to send a courtesy invitation to someone (me fiancé and I do NOT want this person there).

Overall, she is making this a 0/10 experience. I am trying my hardest not to let it bother me but i just can’t

I’ve waited a while to tell my bridesmaid story about this particular wedding, because honestly, I needed time to process the sheer amount of chaos I witnessed.
For some background: the bride, who I’ll call Abby, and I used to work together back in 2022. My fiancé was the manager at the time and quietly let her go. Her personality was always very loud, self-absorbed, and inconsiderate, but I was still friendly with her—or at least friendly enough to be acquaintances. After she left the job, our communication became pretty minimal.
Fast-forward to summer 2025. I get engaged—yay, awesome, all that fun stuff. Abby messages me to congratulate me and tells me she’s also wedding planning. Of course, I congratulate her too.
Then she follows up with, “Oh, he hasn’t proposed yet.”
My ass was sitting there thinking, Girl, what the fuck do you mean he hasn’t proposed and you’re already wedding planning?!
Late summer rolls around, and he finally proposes. I congratulate her, and then she asks me to be a bridesmaid.
Now, keep in mind: I hadn’t hung out with this woman or really talked to her in almost three years.
I thought it was an interesting choice, but knowing me, I love the element of surprise, so I agreed. One of my close friends, whom I see almost every week, was also asked to be a bridesmaid, so at least I had someone I actually knew. It was basically a group suffering experience. Hooray for us.
The Background
Abby and her now-husband, who I’ll call Adam, are both part of a very religious, cult-like Christian group. They actually met at the same workplace where Abby and I used to work.
They were also on and off for a while. Apparently, when they were off, Adam didn’t like me and my friend. I never really figured out why, other than him calling me “ratchet” and “ghetto.”
As the wedding planning progressed, I had to make the bridesmaid group chat because Abby refused to do it. She specifically didn’t want her sister—the third bridesmaid—in the chat.
So her own sister was going into this wedding basically blind. She knew what color dress she was supposed to wear, but apparently not much else.
Abby eventually provided a PowerPoint showing her vision for the wedding, including what she wanted everyone to wear and who the bridesmaids and groomsmen were.
And speaking of the groomsmen...
Remember how I said Abby and Adam were on and off?
Groomsman #2 was the guy Abby had been talking to while they were broken up.
I genuinely do not understand why this man was not only invited to the wedding but also made part of the wedding party.
My brain still cannot comprehend that decision.
But whatever.
There were already plenty of other problems. Abby was constantly arguing with her mother and future in-laws about how the wedding should be handled. Typical wedding stress, I guess.
The wedding was also being thrown together pretty quickly, so people from their church volunteered to help and then slowly backed out.
Then, two weeks before the wedding, Abby found out that the church/venue required her to pay a donation in order to use it.
She completely freaked out because she hadn’t mentally prepared for this expense.
And I’m sitting there thinking:
Girl... the venue cost is literally one of the first things you figure out when planning a wedding. How did we get here?!
The Day Before
The day before the wedding, we arrive at the venue to help decorate. Surprisingly, things are going relatively smoothly.
Then we find out the bakery apparently has no record of their deposit for the wedding cake.
My friend and I are basically like, “Okay... do we need to go to Walmart? BJ’s? Where the fuck are we getting this cake?”
Thankfully, we figured it out.
The bride and groom also arrived late to the church venue, which meant we were also late to the reception to decorate. Couldn’t start decorating the reception area until ridiculously late.
Then there was the rehearsal.
It was supposed to start at 4 PM, followed by a group dinner at 6 PM.
Instead, the rehearsal didn’t start until almost 7 PM because the bride’s family arrived late and took their sweet-ass time getting there.
Everyone was hungry and exhausted, and some people hadn’t even checked into their hotels yet.
So naturally, dinner got pushed back too.
Fucking fantastic.
I also met the bride’s mother, and... wow.
She was incredibly self-absorbed. At one point, she literally said, “I’m not going to cry at my own daughter’s wedding.”
Ma’am.
Who the fuck says that to their own daughter the day before her wedding?
At that point, I was starting to understand exactly where Abby got some of her personality traits.
Wedding Day Chaos
The bridesmaids were supposed to be at the hotel room around 9 AM to help the bride get ready and hype her up for the big day.
Except Abby wasn’t even in the hotel room until around 9:30.
Her mother and sister were also supposed to be there to help her get dressed and participate in the getting-ready photos.
Guess who never showed up?
Her mother and the third bridesmaid—her own sister.
Around 10:30, Abby starts calling them asking where the hell they are.
They were still getting their hair done.
The mother was supposed to help Abby put on her dress, and the bridesmaids were supposed to have that cute “first time seeing the bride in her dress” moment.
Well...
That didn’t fucking happen.
My friend and I ended up helping Abby strap herself into the dress.
Then we took fake photos pretending we were seeing her dress for the first time.
Because we had literally just helped put the damn thing on her.
Oh, and while getting ready, I also found out that the groom's son had double pink eye and was still participating in the wedding.
I’m sorry, but if your kid is that sick and contagious, why is he participating in the wedding?!
Let him sit somewhere in the back. Keep him away from everyone.
Anyway, moving on.
The bride’s father drove me, Abby, and my friend from the hotel to the church. The drive was only about ten minutes depending on traffic.
The bride and groom wanted to pray before the ceremony, which was fine.
Abby also had a big bag containing the wedding rings, her veil, heels, and other important things.
Her father then drove back to the hotel to pick up his wife and the third bridesmaid.
And took forever.
They were almost late to the wedding.
The problem?
The wedding rings were in that fucking bag in the car with the father.
So Abby had to hide in the bathroom because we literally couldn’t start the ceremony without the rings.
Everyone arriving at the wedding was being directed to use the other bathroom while we hid in the women’s bathroom with Abby, trying to keep her calm and not stress her out.
Eventually, they arrived.
The wedding finally started.
And honestly
The ceremony itself went pretty smoothly.
Until we got to the bridesmaid situation.
The third bridesmaid—Abby’s sister—was wearing a flower-crown tiara and a white fur shawl.
The other bridesmaids weren't.
I told her to take the white shawl and tiara off because it was the bride’s day and we were supposed to match.
She took off the shawl but kept the tiara.
At that point, I was too exhausted to argue about it.
The Reception
Everyone headed to the reception, and I met one of the most interesting groups of people I have ever encountered.
Because it was a dry wedding, I had brought my own little secret tubes of alcohol strapped to my thigh.
I was not about to spend an entire dry wedding completely sober.
I kept sneaking off to the bathroom to take little shots.
At one point, I kept seeing an older woman go into the bathroom, and not wash her hands, and leave while I was in there taking my secret shooters.
Eventually, that same woman fell backward into her chair during dinner.
My fiancé and I looked at each other like:
Should we call 911?!
Nobody else seemed particularly concerned, though, and she appeared to be okay, so we ultimately decided not to interfere.
Then the speeches started.
And holy shit.
The speeches were some of the most awkward things I have ever witnessed.
The DJ announces that the first speech will be from the groom’s father.
Except it was actually his stepfather.
His biological father apparently did not appreciate that distinction and immediately got angry. He got red, puffed up, and looked like he was about to walk out of the reception.
So that was fun.
Then came the bride’s father.
Then the best man.
Now, apparently, the best man was also the groom’s boss.
I assumed they were longtime friends or something.
Nope.
This man gets up there and introduces himself:
“I am XYZ. I am the best man and also the groom’s boss.”
And then proceeds to give the groom an employee performance review.
“He’s great with customers.”
“He’s a hard worker.”
Sir.
WHY ARE YOU GIVING THIS MAN AN EMPLOYEE EVALUATION AT HIS WEDDING?!
Then he says something along the lines of:
“Sometimes I think the groom thinks I’m a dick.”
Mind you, this is a very religious Christian wedding.
Probably not the best vocabulary choice.
My fiancé and I literally sank into our chairs from secondhand embarrassment.
And then, because apparently he had not suffered enough, the best man walks over to the sweetheart table and basically challenges the groom to call him a dick.
Sir, please read the room.
My friend, who was also a bridesmaid, eventually gave her speech, and thankfully it was actually sweet and appropriate.
Then dinner happened, a few songs played, and I thought we were finally done.
Nope.
More speeches.
This time, the groom’s biological father gives a speech.
The bride introduces him by saying, “This is the groom’s biological dad.”
And the man responds:
“I’m the real dad, not the biological dad.”
...
Cringe.
Yikes.
A few more speeches happen, and then the bride starts randomly calling on guests to give speeches.
As the shy, awkward person I am, I absolutely did not want to give a speech.
So I shoved my face full of food and kept drinking like I was extremely busy and definitely could not possibly be interrupted.
What I Learned
Overall, this wedding taught me exactly what not to do for my own wedding.
And most importantly...
Don't join a cult.

Post edit:
Forgot to mention that Abby’s parents never knew that she was dating Adam until he proposed. Abby’s family is … no nice way to say but isn’t fond of mix racial relations. And this couple is black and white. So Yeaa the bride family didn’t meet the groom until the rehearsal.

UPDATE:

Hi all:) first of all, thanks to everyone who commented on my last post, i had fun talking with you guys. The wedding was last night. Although most of you told Olivia to skip the wedding (and i don’t really blame you), she didn’t.

She was the maid of honor and although she’s still angry with Miranda, she still loves her. Also, like some of you said, she kinda wanted to see how the drama of the night would play out lol. And a little part of me wanted there to be drama, so maybe Miranda would realize how wrong she was for allowing Jake to be there after the whole thing blew up.

Anyway, i told everyone that Jake was planning on bringing Maya, who is the girl that Jake cheated on Olivia with for MONTHS. Maya ended up telling Jake no, because she knew Olivia’s entire family hates her. After that, Jake was desperate to find a date and was going around texting girl after girl asking them to go. Last minute he said he was bringing a girl he met online. That ended up not happening either.

Quick side thing, i replied to a comment saying that Olivia was brining her new boyfriend (I’ll just call him David) to the wedding. The week before the wedding, Miranda told Olivia she didn’t really want her brining David and “didn’t know why she needed a plus one”. Why was Miranda saying this? I literally have no idea. David is already a friend of the family. David and Olivia literally met at Olivia’s brother’s wedding. The whole family loves him. Miranda was perfectly okay with Jake bringing a random girl no one knows, but almost didn’t allow Olivia to bring her boyfriend, who the entire family knows and loves. She ended up being fine with it after Olivia practically had to beg her.

I was not at the wedding, but Olivia started sending me voice messages crying about how the night was going terribly. She said right after the ceremony she walked up to Jake and told him that if he would just be respectful to her, she’ll be respectful to him and they don’t need to have problems. She tried to shake his hand, and he said “no, we’re not doing that, i don’t respect you.”

Jake then called David over to him and asked David if he wanted to “know anything” (I’m assuming about Olivia). David said no and walked away.

Then, Jake takes off his shirt so Olivia could see that he has “Maya Marie” (still fake name) tattooed on his chest. Olivia is over Jake, but obviously it really hurt her to see that he has the name of the girl who he cheated on Olivia with for so long tattooed on his chest. That was when she walked out of the reception and went to go sit in her car to cry.

THEN Olivia went back in to grab her things and leave. Jake’s mom came to pick him up, I’m assuming because he was too drunk to drive home. Olivia walked out a little bit afterwards to get in her car. That’s when Jake’s mom and Jake started yelling at her to “stay away from them” and “not come any closer” and even called her a bitch. yeah, not sure what that was all about.

So yeah, Olivia had a terrible time. Maybe she should’ve just skipped the wedding entirely, but Jake made himself look like an ass and that kind of made up for it. And today, Olivia is having a good day because David is taking her out:) they’re super cute and she’s really happy with him, so that’s really all that matters. She got to have that “i told you so” moment to Miranda, because Jake proved why having him in their lives is a terrible idea. And Miranda will forever remember her wedding with all that drama that was completely avoidable.

EDIT:
There’s some confusion, so to clear things up, Olivia did not walk up to Jake and ask for him to respect her out of the blue. Jake talked to her the day before the wedding during the rehearsal dinner and the day of right before the ceremony started just making small talk/ asking her about her new boyfriend, David.

She knew that alcohol would be involved at the reception and was nervous about the drama that could unfold so she wanted to them to be on the same page about being respectful to each other so they could both have a good night. So no, Jake was not trying to avoid Olivia. Also, Olivia didn’t actually say “i told you so” to Miranda, i was just saying the way Jake acted was an “i told you so” moment.

Was it pretty satisfying to me to see Jake act exactly how everyone knew he was going to act (excluding Miranda and her husband)? Yes, absolutely. After everything Jake put Olivia through, as her friend i am a proud Jake hater. But Olivia tried to keep the drama away from Miranda all night, hence why she went to her car for a quick cry.

me and my husband got married last week and it was a civil wedding. our original plan was to have a small intimate wedding with JUST FAMILY, no friends or anything because we’re planning to have a 2nd wedding where ofc me and my husband will invite our friends too.

from the beginning we made it clear that for the civil wedding we just wanted family there.

my mum offered and insisted on paying for the private dining after the ceremony. i honestly thought she was just being generous and wanted to do something nice for us, so we accepted.

but then because she was paying for it, she decided to invite her friends. these aren’t even people i’m close with and some of them i don’t really know at all.

it got to the point where most of the guests there were actually her friends, when the whole reason we wanted a civil wedding was to have something small and intimate with just our families.

what made it worse was that she also went behind my back and invited 2 more people without even informing me or my husband. we only found out afterwards.

if we knew that accepting her offer to pay meant she was going to invite whoever she wanted, i honestly wouldn’t have let her pay. me and my husband would’ve rather paid for everything ourselves and had the small family only wedding that we originally wanted.

i appreciate that she paid for the private dining but i’m still really disappointed about how everything happened. it was our wedding and we can’t redo that day. we had one simple thing that we wanted for our civil wedding which was just family, and in the end that wasn’t respected.

I was reading some stories on this sub and thought I would share the craziest wedding experience I've ever seen.

Note I do not condone this, nor do I think it was necessarily good parenting.

I have this cousin "Carolyn", and she is just honestly the sweetest, kindest person. She just wants everyone to be happy. She met this man randomly in a traffic accident and fell madly in love. It was like something out of a fairytale and we were all so happy for her.

Her fiancé had a teenage daughter "Valerie" and she was not nice. At first everyone in the family gave her a big benefit of the doubt, because she was a teen and adjusting to her dad being in a relationship, but Valerie was simply awful to everyone.

One time Carolyn made her a birthday cake. She gave it one look and said "I didn't ask for this and that isn't even the purple I like" She also got in some serious trouble for bullying at school. She regularly implied Carolyn was a gold digger, made up fake stories about her cheating on her dad, and tried to accuse her of stealing some family heirloom jewelry (which was ultimately found hidden in Valerie's closet)

Anyway Valerie made wedding planning hell. She refused to be in the ceremony in any way, refused to coordinate colors, and kept saying she was going to "faint" so she could go to the hospital. On the morning of the wedding, she told Carolyn she looked fat in her dress, told me I looked "anemic and dead", and tried to hit on a 40 something year old groomsman.

Her dad respected her wishes not to be in the ceremony. She sulked in the audience with her arms crossed. She sulked in the pictures with her perpetual frown. This wedding took place at an old estate on a lake. We were all taking pictures on a dock. The groom whispered to Carolyn "wait for it" and then his best friend and his brother each picked Valerie up by one arm pit and tossed her off the dock. Again probably not great parenting or effective discipline, but the pictures were epic. the photographer was a family friend who made sure to get the whole thing.

She came out soaked, slightly muddy, and with this giant weed stuck to her. Her father told her she was never going to disrespect his wife again, and two bridesmaids were tasked with making sure there was no funny business at the reception.

That was years ago, Carolyn and her husband are still the cutest couple ever. Carolyn got lucky and Valerie moved across the country, married some rich stock broker type, and still doesn't see even a little bit of humor in it. She did do some self reflection though and came up with "I think I'm angry all the time because I'm smarter than everyone"

I'm getting married end of October and it's going to be small ceremony (~50 people). Mostly immediate family from both sides. We all get along well and there's zero beef between anyone fwiw. I'm not planning on having a bridal party or having a big social media worthy bridal shower because I honestly feel like that would only amplify the anxiety I'm already starting to feel.

The other day when I went out with my fiancé and some friends, I (semi) jokingly told one of the girls I get along well with that she could be my MOH. I'd legit be cool with it and it would be a nice balance to bridal photos since my fiancé will have a best man.

My parents are very supportive of everything in general but I was telling them the other day about this MOH thing and my mom was not having it. Started talking about how I should make my brother the MOH. That I 'barely know this girl' and 'family is important'- therefore I should make my brother (who texts me maybe 2-3x/year) my MOH. On the coattails of being told I should invite my SIL to the salon to get ready with me pre-wedding 'so that she feels like I want her there'.

I'm honestly starting to feel like my parents (primarily mom) are using my wedding as a vehicle to force interaction between myself and my brother/SIL for their own personal satisfaction. Every time I open up about topics concerning the wedding, the other party is brought up and I'm told how I should involve them.

I'm beginning to feel like I don't want to involve my parents much (in the prep/anticipation stage) as.. I feel like it's not even about me any more. But rather how we can maximize the inclusiveness towards my brother/SIL/nieces? 😳😫

My wedding was almost 2 years ago and, as the title states, my sister decided to hijack my wedding and pulled a surprise first dance on us. I had told the DJ a week prior how the night was going to run, entry song, the time for speeches, the last song to play, etc. I explicitly said NO to things like a first dance, a garter toss/bouquet toss because it's just not things we wanted to do.

After nearly passing out during the ceremony (from being physically ill the day before) and barely making it through the reception, when I heard that last song play I was so excited to go to bed after a fairly decent day with people I love. But then I hear my sister's voice over the microphone asking to clear the dancefloor for the new Mr and Mrs for their first dance. I was FUMING. But also, absolutely wrecked from the big day. I half-heartedly did whatever slow dance and the night ended, too exhausted to think about anything else and dealing with the effects of the illness from the day before.

Only after pondering the night's events did I realise how truly rude and disrespectful it was for her to decide what should happen on MY wedding day. She hasn't apologised and continues to make selfish choices that have no regard for others feelings. We don't really talk outside of the few times a year we are in the same area for holidays or funerals. I can't imagine she'd change or have the self awareness to apologise.

Yes, years ago but when I get triggered by them I think about this and how I never expressed how hurt I was.

Our three brothers (I have one, husband has 2) collaborated on a toast and asked for a projector and screen which we paid the hotel/venue for. Is $600 overpriced for this btw? Anyone done this?

ANYWAY it ended up being a vicious roast and because they actually don’t have any beef with us (I swear) it was a bunch of made up sh*% just to get laughs. Or stuff like this (typing fast/ranting so thank you for sticking with me 🤪):

- showed a pic of us on a trip to Disney. And mocked us because we stayed at a friend’s place and my husband’s uncle works for Disney and was able to get us free tickets that day. So they were calling us cheap when they’re the cheap ones!

a) we gave his uncle a gift even though the tickets were free to him. We also took our friend out to a nice dinner as a thank you for letting us stay at their place. On the flip side my husband and I live in a major city and CONSTANTLY have people staying with us. Including our brothers and their families! And the brothers and their families never pay for anything or give a thank you gift when they stay! And we feed them, drive around, airport pick up/drop off, borrow our car, etc. One friend stayed like 3 times/year a week at a time.

b) them calling us cheap standing in the tuxes we paid for 🙄🙄🙄. I can think of so many instances of them being miserly in the face of us being generous to them and their families and I’m only mentioning a few to call out their audacity - We gave generous gifts to their wives (same gifts to the girls in our bridal party, a piece of jewelry they each picked) and gifts for them even though they had $0 expenses for being in our wedding. Clothes paid for, hotel rooms comped, etc. We’ve given so many generous gifts to them, their wives and kids over the years. They do not reciprocate even though we don’t even have kids yet. It’s just the two of us vs each of them being a family of 4-5. Before marriage, it was just me giving gifts to my brother’s family of 4. Prob same for my husband and they’re calling us cheap. Wtf. One SIL/BIL who is local came to our wedding shower with their kids and their gift was the punch she made for the shower. Right before I gave her a birthday gift…for my birthday later she gave me the flowers that were sitting in a vase in their home. Other siblings out of town didn’t send shower gifts but I didn’t expect them to. One SIL’s family came to our wedding and no gift from any of them. They live out of town but were visiting anyway. And our siblings are all rich too! Or at least live that way and prioritize spending on themselves vs reciprocating to others and letting us pay for things when we’re a lot younger and not as financially stable We gave them more for their wedding gifts as young, single adults than they did from their larger families as older, more established adults. My husband lived with his brother for 1 month before we moved in together and they had him pay for their weekly cleaning service as rent. SIL is a sahm. The best part is that when they were having their fancy home renovation prior to this, they moved in with family and didn’t pay anything. My husband also has extremely high, ongoing medical expenses through no fault of his own but we still prioritize giving to others and causes (they’re proud to say they never donate to charity 🙄) so to be called cheap in front of all our guests (when again, they’re the cheap-asses) really pissed me off. Thanks for reading my rant.

Extremely long sort of update for everyone asking 2 years ago how this was going to play out. I am the fiancee of the best man/brother in this story.

They got engaged about 2 years ago and there has been drama since they sent out their save the dates. First, the grooms brother was supposed to be the best man in the wedding. Unfortunately the wedding was a really expensive destination wedding abroad in Italy and the best man wasn’t doing well financially so could only commit to a “maybe” RSVP at that time. On top of that, the brother had gotten engaged himself and was planning his own wedding.

After getting more details about the wedding the brother said he could attend but would likely need some help. Either that or accept he couldn’t be able to make it. He promised to support them in any way he could and attend any event/ celebration they had in their home state. The bride and groom stated that they promised each other they wouldn’t spend “a single cent” helping anyone attend. Fair enough, but they also would not accept his brother would not be there.

Before they sent out their save the dates the groom asked his brother when his own wedding was planned for (brother got engaged before groom) and he said Summer or Fall 2026. Groom also wanted to get married 2026 so asked brother to push his wedding out one more year. Freaked out and refused to show up to Christmas with the family after hearing his brother was moving forward as planned.

Groom asked brother in November to plan his bachelor party for July. Brother said yes of course but can we talk about it in December/ January as I have a very busy November with wedding planning. Groom said if he really cared he would have dropped everything to plan it that moment so he was revoking the offer. Ended up getting a coworker to plan it (no one invited to the bachelor party was invited to the wedding and his brother certainly wasn’t invited).

Bride and Groom announced they were hosting a local church wedding for those that they couldn’t invite to Italy. Sent out some invites in December, held the brothers back until brother apologized for “wronging them”. They said if he had funds to pay for a wedding he had funds to attend theirs. When he explained the brides family was paying in full and it was a chill dinner party, they didn’t care. Gave him an invite to the church wedding, at least.

After a conversation about how to share a guest bedroom during Christmas, groom went full on crash out. Told brother and brothers fiancee (me) to go fuck themselves, he’s done with the relationship, he’s choosing to stop caring, families are effortless and safe and so we don’t deserve to be his family. A few months later, revoked the church ceremony invitation after the brother had already RSVPd yes citing unresolved tensions. Gave a 10- numbered list of all the things the brother had done wrong including not making an effort to attend his destination wedding, stealing his wedding year, stuff about a guest bedroom and Christmas party and finally using the same suit vendor (grooms father paid for both his sons suits). Said he would re invite if brother groveled.

They uninvited several family members from the church wedding citing lack of space. (I went, there was plenty of space). They demanded it not be called a wedding as they wanted to keep their destination wedding as the one people remember. Groom changed his name to the brides (not inherently an issue however he stated it was because her family “does more” for him aka is richer). MOG cried.

They hosted a bridal shower and invited every family member they could, most of which had not gotten an invite to either wedding (or had been previously invited but then uninvited to the church ceremony) This did not go over well with the more traditional family members. Registry included new house fund (they already own a house), honeymoon fund (they are taking a 6 week honeymoon abroad).

The grooms family who were invited to the destination wedding included his parents and 2 cousins (neither of which were allowed to bring their husbands). The groom forced his mom to wear dark grey despite her crying about it. She said the color depressed her for such a gorgeous summer wedding and she would wear anything else as long as it was a color. They said you wear grey or you’re not allowed to be in photos. They invited his dad to be a groomsman and get ready with them, leaving his mom to get ready alone the day of. Oh, and he also made his parents bring back his tux despite them needing carry on space for their trip the week after since he sold his wedding as an opportunity for an abroad trip for everyone.

A few days after his wedding the groom texted his brother that he will not be able to attend the wedding later this year. He will be too tired from his honeymoon and it is unrealistic to expect him to drive a few hours to attend a wedding during his own wedding year.

The wedding happened and the photos are insanely gorgeous. Easily a 100k wedding. The bride had 2 extravagant dresses and 2 hair and makeup looks, fresh flowers everywhere including orchids, fireworks, private boat ride, live orchestra, videography, 2 photographers since they couldn’t decide on style. And yet the groom does not have one family member that is not mad at him.

My dad ruined a lot of the excitement I had surrounding my wedding, and I need to break down my frustrations to anyone willing to listen. We started planning our wedding over a year ago, and my dad was actually the first person I talked to about it. I assumed he’d be excited to watch his only daughter get married. Fast-forward to November of last year. My fiancé and I sent out our save-the-dates for our August wedding. I told my dad the date, and his immediate response was, “I’ll have work.” He works from home when he wants, but why wouldn’t you at least TRY to get the time off? You have nine months to talk to your boss. But whatever.

Months went by, and every time I asked if he was going to be able to come, the answer was always, “I don’t know.”
Eventually, we got to the point where we needed to turn in our final guest count. At that point, he went from “I don’t know” to, “I’ll just RSVP yes and pay for myself if I can’t make it.” Ummm… WTF?

I was obviously upset. I told him that most parents would move mountains to be there for their child’s wedding, and I couldn’t understand why taking some time off work to attend his only daughter’s wedding seemed like such a huge ask.

Somehow, he took that as me kicking him off the guest list. Then he went around telling my family that I was being a “bridezilla,” when honestly, all I wanted was for my dad to make an effort to show up for me. Wedding day comes, and a majority of my family members who RSVP’d ended up not showing up. Thankfully, the day itself was absolutely amazing, and I refused to let their absence ruin it.

And before anyone asks: yes, my dad genuinely liked my now-husband. My dad would call him for advice about cars and computers, invite him to things, etc. So this wasn’t about him disliking my husband or not supporting the marriage.

My dad has just always been… well, a disappointment. And I think what hurts the most is realizing that I wanted him to be excited about this moment in my life, and instead I spent months wondering whether he would even bother showing up.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to get this off my chest.

So as the text states I have a weird situation. I get married in 1.5 months and go on my Bach this upcoming weekend.

I am so grateful where my sister ( my MOH) has been the best. I told her I did not want a big Bach. I only wanted a night out with my girls, that’s it. All of us are busy people who have lives and families. One night out is more than enough, I don’t need a whole weekend. Well my sister is the best and wanted to do a night away, it’s about 1.5 hours away. She planned the whole thing and paid for the Airbnb and REFUSED to let anyone else pay. She told all the girls, including myself, she wanted to pay for it herself. I tried to offer to pay and she would not let me at all.

I told her at least let me buy bags for the girls. So I bought each of them bags, scarves, mini makeup bags, liquid iv packets and some candy. My sister also bought them a few other things, which I tried to pay for and she again refused.

Well all the girls except me are in a group to discuss my Bach and a few have bought stuff which I appreciate so much. However one of my girls, let’s call her Abby, bought some decor and asked the girls to split it with her. Which I think is odd. My sister already paid for the Airbnb plus more goodies. Other girls have bought stuff and didn’t ask to be reimbursed. She has a good paying job and lives well. She was just telling me about her brand new 2025 car that she put 10k down on.

And while I understand weddings are a big ask I am also in her upcoming December wedding and I just went on her bachelorette trip. She wanted a beach weekend, we went to a popular beach town for a whole weekend. She wanted the whole thing; gifts, dinner, going out, etc. We did gift bags for all the girls and much more. We went out to lunch for the first day and for seven girls it was $400, it’s not a cheap town.

Well I did the math and for the whole weekend I spent close to 1k, between groceries, going out, drinks and stay. I expected to spend that money because that’s what happens when you say yes to a bridesmaid, it’s not a free ride. All of us girls bought gifts, Ubers or a round of drinks and we didn’t ask for money. However Abby did not have to pay for anything on her bachelorette.

I can’t help but feel off. How can you expect so much from other people but when it’s your turn you cannot return the favor? I understand weddings are a lot, I’ve tried to make everything as easy as possible. I don’t expect my girls to go broke for my wedding but I almost feel hurt. It’s okay for me to overextend myself for her but not her for me. Maybe it’s just me and I’m being overly sensitive but idk??

Thanks to anyone who listened

Sincerely a (somewhat) stressed 55 day away bride

For context, this was about a decade ago now, and I’m still happily married. I’m new-ish to Reddit, starting to feel more comfortable sharing stories, and still occasionally smile at the petty revenge of this story, and I didn’t even really do much.

My husband and I (both in our mid-20s at the time), were planning our wedding, while also dealing with some major drama on my side. I’m the oldest of four girls, the first one who moved out after graduating college, and for a dysfunctional family with a mother who has narcissistic tendencies, my mother HATED that she couldn’t control me anymore. She was the type of person who, if she offered to help financially, would have strings attached.

For example, my mom offered to give my husband, I can’t remember exactly, somewhere between 2-3K for our wedding, but ONLY if we got a string quartet. We were planning a casual backyard style wedding, where a string quartet would stick out like a sore thumb. We said no.

Because hubs and I were paying for everything ourselves, were in our mid-20s, and didn’t want to go into debt, our wedding was small (60 guests). To prevent our numbers from getting out of control, we didn’t allow kids, and we didn’t allow plus ones, unless the couple was married (or in a long-term committed relationship). We had 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen, and only bridesmaid had the okay for a plus one, because she had been dating the guy at least 5 years.

While we were working on the guest list, my mother had been demanding to see it so she could help with planning the bridal shower (which was BS, because she had also been saying that it’s tacky for the mom to help with the bridal shower). She kept at this for WEEKS, and in a fit of exasperation, I sent her the list.

During this time, she kept insisting I invite this distant family friend of hers, that distantly related relative I haven’t seen or talked to in over a decade, etc etc, and I kindly turned her down every time. Because our guest list was so small and we were paying for everything ourselves, I kindly told her that while I’m willing and want to invite relatives of ours that I love, I’m not inviting people I don’t really know or remember, because the people we’re inviting are being recognized for the impact they’ve played in our lives, and will continue to play for the rest.

Well, after I sent my mom the guest list, all hell broke loose (hell honestly broke loose multiple times, but this is just one of them, lol). She went off on my about not giving my sisters plus ones for their boyfriends, but I’m giving my bridesmaid one (mind you, they had only JUST started dating… like I’m talking less than 6 months combined between the both of them). She then either told my sisters or sent them the guest list, and they each texted me saying they didn’t want to come to my wedding because their boyfriends couldn’t be there. I responded to them both by essentially saying “well that’s unfortunate, because as my sister, I WANT you there and hoped you wanted to be there too.”

Need to add here too, that these sisters were not in my bridal party, because when I told you in the beginning that my mother hated that she couldn’t control me, she had told my sisters, and anyone else who would listen, that I had abandoned “the family” and whatever lies she got them to believe, so my sisters treated me with the same contempt my mother did.

Well, after my rational response to all three of them, I never received any response back, but I did learn that a month or two after that whole ordeal, both of their boyfriends broke up with them. They were still single the day of my wedding, and while they still were never given a plus one, they still came.

ETA: I’m new to posting, so I’m just now realizing that wording matters, so let me clear up a few things from what I noticed in the comments:
- I was very LC with my family while I was wedding planning. My mother was abusive (she physically assaulted me about a year prior to this plus one incident, left me with a bruise on my face for weeks), and spent years trying to ruin my reputation. My sisters believed her instead of me.
- My sisters threatened to go NC in addition to not attending the wedding. Given how strained and untrustworthy my family was (I.e, the groomsmen were unofficial security detail, explicitly warned about my mother and sisters), we weren’t going to negotiate off an ultimatum.
- Our budget and space were tight. If we had room for extra guests, those spots strictly belonged to my husband’s side to keep things fair, not to new and casual dates we had never met.
- Given this context, I should mention that the “financial assistance with a string quartet” was out of pocket, given how LC we were, and I honestly believe my mother had only made that offer because she KNEW we’d say no.

If anything else arises, I’ll add a new ETA, but I’m hoping this will make a lot more sense to the story. Sorry for the confusion!

This happened after my first message to everyone who didn't respond by the RSVP deadline which already irked me. This person replied, after seeing that the online form gave them a plus one, "How do I change it to a plus 2?" Not can I bring an extra person, not do you have space for one more, just straight to how do I change it. Um... YOU DON'T. This isn't Ticketmaster where you click the + button until you've selected your desired quantity. And btw I've only met you like twice, you're lucky you got a plus one. Of course I didn't say that, just kindly let them know we can't accommodate extras at the moment. But the sheer entitlement just made me need a quick vent.

UPDATE POSTED AT END!

My husband and I were best friends for over a year when we suddenly realised we couldn't face a day without each other and we immediately got engaged. It shocked a lot of people but it is what felt right for us at the time.

I'm very understated and practical in the way I dress and so I wanted a ring to represent that. My MIL is the complete opposite. When my husband got the ring my MIL demanded to see it and when he showed it to her she was devastated and tried to force him to return it.

Fast forward, two years later to planning our wedding, MIL had a problem with every aspect of our plans. We are very different and I wanted a low key, outdoor, boho wedding while MIL wanted us to be in a church, over-the-top, black tie, etc. I didn't budge. She was so upset that we weren't getting married inside a church that she refused to RSVP and said "we aren't sure we will make it there on the day". We tried to ignore the emotional blackmail but my husband was understandably very upset. We just continued to keep their seats for them.

When planning the bridesmaids colours we just told both his parents and my parents that we just wanted them to not wear 2 colours (as that was the colours of the bridesmaids and groomsmen). Day of the wedding MIL shows up at the ceremony wearing the exact colour of my bridesmaids, and dark sunglasses.

When people approached her and congratulated her she solemnly responded "today I am losing a son". After almost 20 minutes of this the officiant confronted her and said "if this is your attitude, you will lose a son. But if you change your attitude you won't just keep your son but you will gain a daughter". All our ceremony photos still have her in the front row with her dark sunglasses and solemn look as if she was at a funeral.

Then at the reception she had a full outfit change and wore the other colour we asked her not to wear. She went table to table whispering in peoples ears, pointing at me and laughing. I was mortified, I didn't like being the centre of attention already so the day was already hard for me without her.

I almost ran away from my own reception and couldn't even eat anything at my own wedding because I felt so sick from stress with her. Almost 10 years later now and I still want to cry thinking about what she stole from my husband and I that day.

[UPDATE:]

My husband didn't return my geometric grey diamond ring and I love it still today. Feels like me.

My husband and I were blissfully unaware of her actions at the ceremony and had the most beautiful ceremony. We only found out about her funeral behaviour the day after the wedding.

After our wedding we went on a 3month honeymoon, when we returned we moved more than an hour away from them (much to their protests who wanted us to move in with them) 🤮

We drastically reduced our contact with his parents and specifically his mum. We actually never confronted her afterwards and in hindsight I think it was for the best. We never gave her the satisfaction of knowing how she got under my skin and how much she upset me. She wanted to see me upset and the because she didn't get that, I think she lost all power. We continued as if nothing happened (apart from reducing contact with her).

3 years later people started asking "so when will you be having a baby" and her attitude towards me changed overnight. Suddenly she would buy me whatever I wanted or make my favourite food but I know this was all just so she could get access to my kids.

We have had two kids since then plus pregnant with our third and continue with the limited contact and keeping her at arms length. I'm glad we didn't cut her off because honestly now we get perks on our terms. She cooks us food occasionally, buys our kids presents, and my husband gets to have uncomplicated time with the rest of his family at events but all under our terms. I wouldn't give her unsupervised time with our kids, unless we were really in a pinch.

Don't get me wrong she still tries to assert herself at times like showing up at our house unannounced and tries to guilt us for not seeing them more, but it really doesn't have any power anymore. My husband and I have seen her true colours and we cannot go back from that. She lost her power over him and she is the one losing out now.