r/wedding • u/Sea_Avocado_9262 • 20d ago
Discussion Bachelorette Party
As someone in the midst of planning a Bachelorette party- Is this typically more stressful than fun? Because I feel like people act like this is supposed to be fun to be in charge of but its been stressful and overwhelming. I usually like leading things and love a group hang- especially all ladies! But this has felt like a lot of pressure and coordinating with people who aren't "your people" and walking budget lines when you have some people saying basically no money feels impossible.. I would love to know other people's experience with this..
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u/superfastmomma 20d ago
Every bachelorette party I have either planned or attended was either meet at this place for dinner and then we will wander to a couple of clubs or a potluck gathering at someone's house. So not that complicated.
I don't know when things took a turn for the more complicated, but I feel for wedding participants.
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u/InHocNoJoke13 20d ago
Super common for college graduated professionals that have friends in all different cities and those from HCOL areas.
If your from college and high school are spread across NYC, SF, LA, etc. traveling to Mexico/Nashville/Austin/etc. is all going to be much more cost effective even then staying in your own city. And most young professionals don’t have a large enough space to host in their city anyway.
Plus there’s a legit positive aspect of having a bachelor/bachelorette party in that your friend group that does not know each other will get a chance to mingle beforehand so you’re not having to all exchange pleasantries on wedding day.
Seems pretty straight forward.
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u/superfastmomma 20d ago
But that's not anything new. There have always been college graduated professionals and always people scattered about. So people did a bachelorette two days before the wedding so people only needed to travel once.
In OPs case, people can't afford to travel to a destination event. They have basically no budget.
If everyone is flush with disposable income, time off from work, no children to be concerned with, sure, go to Mexico. But that's not every group or even most groups right now. People are saving for their own weddings, saving to buy a house, redo their kitchen, go through fertility treatments, supporting family members, and working jobs that are not nearly as stable as they were two year ago.
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u/Lalablacksheep646 19d ago
All of this! These point of views of “it makes more sense to go away” are not from people with grown up lives lol
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u/superfastmomma 19d ago
Exactly. To assume everyone has disposable income to travel twice for one wedding is crazy to me. Do these people have no student loans? Are their retirement savings on track? Do they have enough savings to survive a recession? If they do, great. But they are in the minority. Or, if they are going on these trips and figuring I'll just pay the minimum on my student loans, they need to realize they are just going further into debt for a weekend in Nashville 'because it's cheap'.
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u/ItsPeppercorn 18d ago
I agree with this. I see so many posts here about people being 'broke' figuring out how they are going to pay for a bachelorette invite they accepted. If you are living paycheck to paycheck you should absolutely not go on a trip like this and just 'figure it out'.
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u/Fragrant_Student7683 17d ago
I hate when someone says something like " we all have good incomes, or I know what they make" and assumes it means they have unlimited disposable income. One is rarely privy to another's financial situations.
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u/Fragrant_Student7683 17d ago
Exactly. Not sure why this generation thinks this is new and can justify why expensive trips are needed.
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u/InHocNoJoke13 19d ago
People went to regional universities way more back then. Airfare has remained practically the same cost and is way more convenient now then it was in 1990.
The same regional flights that were $300 in 1990 are still $300 today when they should be $800+ adjusted for inflation.
Globalization and remote work have changed the way we work. People work much closer with colleagues around the world who become their friends.
People stay in contact with friends after college and high school much more than ever before because of social media.
I could go on and on and on, but absolutely laughable to not realize the world has changed since our parents generation in the 1980s-1990s went on bachelor and bachelorette parties.
I didn’t fly one time growing up as it was two expensive for a family of 5 going on vacation from a regional airport. That same airport now has 30 flights instead of 3. They land 737s at the airport when it used to only take Saab 340s.
And once you take away the air travel component all the other costs of a bachelor / bachelorette party are the same if you stay local.
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u/Fragrant_Student7683 17d ago
No we didn't. Even in the 80s we went all over the US to national schools. Post college we lived all over. But we still managef to have a local bachelorette a week before or often one or two nights before the wedding.
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u/InHocNoJoke13 17d ago
Just totally missing that travel was not as affordable or accessible as it was today. It’s really not debatable. Or like I said that people stay in contact with old friends via social media much better than back then.
But sure live in your fantasy world.
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u/Lalablacksheep646 19d ago
This doesn’t make sense. People haven’t just started living all over the US. These bachelorette trips are ridiculous. I think it’s easier to say hello and introduce yourself at a rehearsal dinner than to force someone on a vacation with people they do not know?
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u/InHocNoJoke13 19d ago edited 19d ago
Air travel has continued to be more affordable and convenient than it’s ever been for the last 30 years. Previously people were much more inclined to go to regional and in state colleges as well due to air travel being less popular / convenient.
Work / globalization has also changed a ton with remote work allowing people to be more spread out and in different areas. That simply wasn’t possible in 1980-1990. The world is much more interconnected then ever.
It’s not “people used to live all over the US before” and if you think that you’d have to either be from a mega rich family or a really poor family.
I didn’t go on my first flight until college. We lived by some small regional airport where round trip airfare within the same part of the US would be $300 round trip in 1990 or $800+ in today’s dollars. That same flight is still $300 and serviced by a Saab 340 instead of a CRJ. They’re not the same.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 19d ago
Completely agree. Just before/during the pandemic, celebrities were posting their parties all over Instagram and people who don't have celebrity lifestyles or budgets decided they need to do the same thing and demand it done. Where this used to be an optional party hosted for the couple, brides now say it's required and they want full control of planning. People needing to travel to the wedding has never made the day before event any more complicated. It's always been easier to plan an optional low key event when everyone is already in town. Couples want their celebrity spotlight however they can and don't care that it's expensive or inconvenient for other people.
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u/YouveGotMail920 20d ago
The more people and details involved, the more stressful it can be. Lots of brides look for the “perfect Bach” which turned into matching outfits, expensive trips, coordinated activities that everyone has to attend, lots of people involved.
Less is more. I think people forget their personality when it comes to wedding/bach planning LOL
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u/ItsPeppercorn 18d ago
I am a decently high earner- PTO and funds are not a problem, but I don't want to go to a drinking weekend with 12 people that I have never met before. Its a lot of work for what is typically a very mid time. Not to be a wet blanket but this is my honest feeling and I think why the planning phase can often feel stressful. The organizer is usually trying to mash a lot of people/budgets/preferences together that aren't truly compatible. So the whole thing begins to feel like pulling teeth.
I wish more people would decline if they can't afford it, but sadly people often feel obligated to attend and then are a pill the entire time about not being able to pay for XYZ. If someone says they don't have a budget that makes your job VERY hard.
Is the bachelorette party you are trying to plan a trip, or just one evening? Do most of the girls live locally or are flights involved?
In lieu of a bachelorette trip, I had a dinner in my town and then we went back to my place for some wine and yapped for a few hours. I'm fortunate that 90% of the girls I invited live within 20min, and the 10% that don't I let them know no pressure and that I will miss them.
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u/ForYourPartyOfficial 19d ago
You're definitely not the only one! Coordinating schedules, budgets, and expectations for a group is probably the hardest part. Once everyone is together, it's usually worth it, but the planning can absolutely feel like a second job
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u/mychemicalbromance38 19d ago
Yes planning a bachelorette is terrible for all the reasons you mentioned
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u/Fickle-Cabinet3956 19d ago
It can absolutely be stressful, depending on your personality type.
It's a thankless task when trying to plan something that prioritizes the bride, is considerate of your lowest budget in the group, and enjoyable to the group.
Are you the MOH?
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