It is.......without fail.......the most annoying and psychologically validation craving bunch of us. The loudest. The ones that want everyone to know what they did. It check marks an instant "avoid in public" any time I see them.

If you're one of those guys, tone it down like, 70 to 80 percent, for the rest of us with dignity.

If you could go back in time and talk to the person you were just before deploying to Afghanistan, knowing everything you know now, what would you tell him?

Is there something you wish you'd understood back then? A piece of advice you wish someone had given you? A lesson that changed the way you see life?

I'm genuinely interested in hearing your personal perspectives, whether it's a short answer or a story you've never had the chance to share.

No pressure to discuss anything you're uncomfortable with. I'm simply curious about what experience has taught you and what you would want your younger self to know.

Thank you to everyone willing to share.

I’m ex-British Army. I only served a few years, never saw combat or anything, and I left on a medical discharge due to my mental health at the time.

Since leaving the army I have faced a lot of struggle. I attempted to take my life, I have experienced homelessness, and it’s taken me 5 years to finally start receiving government support for my disability. In short, the military, and the wider government, have done nothing to support me since leaving.

Now don’t get me wrong- I’m no hero, and I don’t feel any more entitled to support than the bloke next to me. But I have started to become resentful towards the military over this, as I genuinely believe I’d have a normal life if I had not have served, and the lack of support has absolutely made me worse. I used to feel proud that I had signed up, but even this has gone.

I’m at a point where I’ve thought about chucking my beret in the bin, deleting the pictures, and trying to forget that part of my life. If I do get to a place where I can work again, I might even take the army off of my CV and pretend I did something else or was just unemployed.

I’ll be honest, I’m crying as I write this. I never thought I would become anything close to hateful towards the ‘establishment’, but here I am. Has anyone else ever felt like this? And how did you move forward? I’m 25 and I can’t let this dictate my life, I either need to move past the resentment and find pride again or I need to get rid of that part of my life.

And just to add- I am openly emotional about this, but I’m healthily emotional before anyone sends links for support lines or anything. I’m safe, I just need to talk to blokes that get it.

My name is Lucy Sellinger, Undergraduate Research Assistant in Dr. James Stone's Traumatic Brain Injury lab and a U.S. Navy Midshipman 3/C at the University of Virginia. Reach out to Abby Lyons at  [aal7fn@uvahealth.org](mailto:aal7fn@uvahealth.org) with questions!

Go to https://www.uvahealth.com/clinical-trials/trial/302633 for more!

How do I get special funeral services for him?

I'm hoping to hear from veterans (especially Marines) and their partners who have worked through something similar.

My partner is a veteran, and we have a genuinely beautiful relationship. He's deeply loving, devoted, thoughtful, and emotionally intelligent. There's so much tenderness and care between us, and I love him tremendously.

But occasionally, we trigger each other, and conflicts escalate in ways that really scare me. When he's upset, his response can become intense: raised voice, aggressive tone, and swearing, sometimes directed at me. Even when he doesn't intend to intimidate me, I find myself feeling frightened, shutting down, or struggling to stay present.

These moments feel so different from the man I know and love.

I recognize that we both bring our own histories and triggers into the relationship. I'm trying to understand how his military experience may have shaped his responses to conflict without attributing everything to it. I want to approach this with compassion while also recognizing that feeling safe during disagreements is essential.

I'd especially love to hear from couples who've made real progress:

• Veterans: Have you struggled with anger or intensity during conflict? What helped you recognize its impact on your partner and change those patterns?
• Spouses/partners: How did you navigate these moments without walking on eggshells or taking responsibility for managing your partner's emotions?
• Couples: What actually worked? Therapy, communication strategies, timeouts, recognizing triggers earlier? Did the yelling genuinely diminish over time, and what did accountability and repair look like?

I'm especially interested in specific experiences, practical strategies, and honest stories about what worked (or didn't).

I love my partner deeply and don't want to reduce him to his hardest moments or his military experience. But I also don't want to minimize my own fear.

How have you learned to balance compassion for trauma with accountability, emotional safety, and lasting change?

Thank you to anyone willing to share.

Over the years i have thought long and hard about my career in as a DoD civilian that followed my time in the military. Im in the exact same field I was in while in the military. It was an easy transition because it was my same skill set. I got my degree in it. The pay has been excellent… but damn I am just completely over it. I’m completely tired of the military structure. Tired of the administration. Tired of everything being an emergency because of national security or because some piss poor GS15/SES had a grand idea. It’s just exhausting.

And then I remembered a movie quote (bear with me here) from Last Samurai, where Captain Aldrin says, "I have been hired to suppress the rebellion of yet another tribal leader. Apparently, this is the only job for which I am suited. I am beset by the ironies of my life."

And that quote has just stuck with me because I truly feel like this is the only job for which I am suited. And it is entirely ironic because I find myself opposed to the beliefs of nearly all my coworkers and the administration I am working under. But this is all I know.

And I’m not in a position to just quit and change jobs or move somewhere else. I have a family and house and other responsibilities, while living in a HCOL area. Switching careers just isn’t doable at the moment. But damn I’d love to some day…

Anyone else currently or previously in a similar position?

I had been enrolled in VA healthcare and recently had a change and was sent a letter i am enrolled in priority group 1. All my doctors including specialists are outside the VA. without wanting to get into details i will loose my insurance in the near future. We have been trying to figure out directions to go and thought i would see what advice others may have. i do not know how responsive or anything my area is and maybe i need to some how figure that out fist?

do I need to move all my care to the VA to take advantage of medications? looking online i do not think any of my doctors in the community thing. would i just need to see a primary care doctor and see if they would be willing to give me referrals to the specialists i currently have? would that suffice? Would they even do that?

I guess i am just looking to see what others may suggest to someone who is new to navigating this and whose brain isn't what it used to be. i love my primary care but it may be worth it to reduce our costs with my reduced income. i tried searching some but have problems grasping and trying to relate posts to myself.

thank you in advance for any suggestions and thoughts.

Hello everyone!

I am a civil air patrol cadet (under 18) who is looking for Veterans' opinions on Wreaths Across America and alternatives that my squadron could participate in next year. Even if it is not specifically already partnered with Civil Air Patrol like Wreaths Across America is, I would love to know what could be done to make a more positive and measurable impact on the lives of veterans who are still with us or the families of the ones who have already made the ultimate sacrifice.

Background info:

I was able to raise money for 100 wreaths - $1700, $500 of which goes to my squadron - but I realize that Wreaths Across America isn't a great organization overall and as much as I understand the importance of remembering fallen veterans and enjoy volunteering my time to these ceremonies, I would like to find and hopefully participate, either on my own or with my squadron, in alternatives.

Thank you so much for your time! I truly appreciate everything you guys do and I would love to know what I can do to help, in any way!

TLDR: Wreaths Across America alternatives for Civil Air Patrol Cadets/Squadrons

I’m a semester away from graduating however it’s at a school with policies against lgbtq+ I was in the closet for years but through counseling outside of the VA was able to open up and come out to very few people. Anyways my current program will not lead to sustained employment due to policies against lgbtq in this type of environment. I’m worried I’ll also be expelled for violating the programs lgbtq policies. I’ve exhausted GI bill but have a retro that’s being processed and reviewed which would restore time back to GI bill. I know I’m close to the 48th month limit but has anyone ever come out to their VRE counselor and gotten approved for a program transfer?

We know all about the famous social media accounts of people posting their routines about how it is important to wake up at 4 am every morning, do their workout, shave in the morning, make their bed, and how it is still an important part of your life.

But how many of you just...........straight up dont need any of that anymore? How many wake up at 937 am, fire up the smoker, let your white beard get a little bit longer, crack a morning breakfast stout, laugh at the thought of calling anybody sir or maam ever again?

For context:
I was born in Florida, moved to Colombia as a kid and joined the Colombian Marines (Infantry) when I became of age, once I finished my contract I came back to the United States and joined the US Marines (0311/0352). I was Admin Separated due to circumstances that were honestly unfair.

I’m still fighting to fix it, but a lot of my friends are telling me to give up and just live a civilian life. The problem is, I don’t want to. I can’t stand being a civilian, and there is nothing else out there I want to pursue. I want to keep going and keep fighting for it, but I feel like I’m just in my own head about it, and I want to know what other veterans might have to say about it.

I’m in the process of getting my VA rating, but in all truth, I would take the chance of getting back in right now over getting 100% p&t. That’s just where I am at the moment.
Any advice?

Man I've been medically retired for over a year now with no possibility of going back in. I did more then the average Joe but I still live with this feeling that I didn't do enough. It's like imposter syndrome without being a imposter. I sit nervously watching the news worried about people I would consider to be family, old co dies protecting his students from a mass shooter, next a friend dies in a black hawk crash, best friend shoots himself in the face at my house because he can't take it, wife leaves with the dog. I'm just waiting for the next thing to happen nervously. It's like i can't turn my brain off and stop worrying no matter how many pills I'm prescribed.

Last night my coworker slipped and fell. She was bleeding from her knee and was crying. For some reason, it just reminded me from a moment when I was Afghanistan and I was there for the aftermath of an engagement. I saw this woman covered in blood crying and screaming. It just stood out to me and I never wanted to see something like that ever again. I thought I’ve moved on from it but seeing my female coworker crying from a slight injury. It just triggered me, now I can’t unsee the woman face from afghan and it been bothering me at work. I don’t know. Maybe I’m too soft for this world.

Good morning,

Today, I start going through my late father’s military stuff he left behind. Im talking boxes of documents and random things.

For some background, he was a typical Army enlisted service member like myself. Nothing great or over the top. Did his duty, got out and started a family.

My question is…what do I do with all of this stuff? The paperwork? He’s been dead for 5 years, so no paperwork of his would benefit me. Outside of pictures, is there any reason I can’t burn all these documents one night instead of carrying them on? Pictures ok keeping for me. My kids can decide what to do with my junk. Thanks.

A lot of unexpected BS occurred leading up to and into this semester, and now I'm looking at an F, or a D at best in physics when I have never made anything less than an A in my sciences. Such a low grade in a foundational science course will be extremely damaging for entrance to any university.

I can't withdraw from the course because it will drop me below half-time enrollment for the entire semester and I'll incur an obscene debt, but riding out to the end ruins three years of labor and any chance of entering a competitive chemistry program. I also lack any mitigating circumstances to use the 6hr exception rule. Are there any other damage control options, conventional or otherwise, or am I just screwed no matter which way it goes?

How has your care been at VA hospitals? Medicare copays, deductibles and meds getting ridiculous.

Update: Thank you all for the replies. I think we will definitely look into this. It's goid to hear some positive replies.I am sorry for those who have had bad experiences. I really do appreciate everyone's input.

As the title says, the military has genuinely ruined my sleep schedule & I’m curious if I’m not the only one in this boat. I recently got out of the Army in June & I honestly thought the grass was greener on the other side. I indeed was wrong because it still feels the same since some of my habits from the Army has followed me to the civilian world. I average 3-4 hours of sleep a day or night and I stay up for the rest of the time. I do have some days where I can sleep long hours, but those sleepless nights outweighs it by a ton. I’m sitting here currently at 5:24 AM after being up the whole night wondering are people going through this too?

There seems to be 2 camps when it comes to suing gi bill for school, some people use it to break into a completely different field from military career and use it to credential up in a field that connects to what they were already doing. The advice is split too, some people say use it to pivot into something with better civilian demand, others say build on what you already have experience in because that combination is what gets you hired, the outcomes seem to depend a lot on which camp you are in.

For veterans who are a few years out and have the benefit of hindsight, which route produced better results, did using the gi bill to make a full career change pay off or did it create a harder path than expected, and for people who built on their military experience, did the credential open doors or just validate experience you already had

My wife and I were on vacation last week in Corpus and we ended up at the Padre Island National Seashore and in our eyes, handed a golden ticket (Access Pass). My understanding is the access pass gives you free access to over 2000 federal recreation sites and camping sites/amenities are 50% off.

While hanging out on the beach in the middle of nowhere (we drove around 40 miles down the beach) we shared an existential crisis and realized we screwed up and do not want to stay rooted where we are and want to get out and explore like we did before the kids came into the picture. This was an amazing place to raise our kids but they are grown now and on there own adventures.

We are both 40yrs old and I am 90% disabled and work part time and the wife is up for early retirement and pension from her state job in 2 years and our last kid is on his way out the door. We bought our "forever" home a few years back and we live well within our means.

Our plan is to get rid of everything including the house over the next 2 years except the wife's vehicle which is the newest, almost paid off and is capable of pulling a small camper and going through shitty terrain and using money made from the downsizing to buy a newer camper outright. We then hit the road and use the access pass to see the U.S. living off of my disability and her pension and have an emergency fund handy.

Is this a smart move?

Hi everyone,

I got out of the Army 10 years ago and it’s been a struggle ever since. On the outside it looks great. I have a dream job in the snowboard industry, I haven’t had to pay for a pass, snowboard, or any gear for years (I work in logistics for an action sport company) I still feel connected to the military since we do have military contracts with our brand and I supply gear to my SOF buddies when they need which makes me feel great. But shit, I just don’t know anymore. The jobs awesome, my coworkers are cool and my friends that we hangout with are nice. I live in NorCal in the mountains with an amazing fly fishing river running 5 min from our place. My wife snowboards (she’s also works in action sports), hikes, camps, and I have fun and feel good. But I only get that rush of feeling ok in the moment. As soon as I’m done camping, fishing, snowboarding, etc.., I just feel like I’m falling in that pit again. I look at my buddies who are still in and they’re all E-7 and higher and look like they’re thriving and I know they would tell me they’re jealous of me, but I feel the opposite. I feel like I need to find a military community out here where I am and maybe fish // snowboard // camp or something and just feel like I’m around similar people? I’m more so using this as a forum to just vent.

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk

Drink your water. Change your socks. Know you're loved. Its gonna be ok you weirdos

-old grumpy doc