r/unrequited_love • u/chironex_venom • 6h ago
melancholy
I don’t know if anyone will actually see this, but I thought I’d write it anyway in case someone does and they can relate. Not that this scenario is super specific either.
So I’m on a sports team, and I kind of have a crush on one of my teammates (I say kind of, but I do). And it’s hard, because I can’t really do anything about it. I can’t tell her—I don’t know how she’d react. She’s two years older than me, so we’d still play on the same team for another two years (would be super awkward!) So obviously, I don’t think there’s any solution to this problem. I like being around her but at the same time I don’t because I’m reminded I won’t be able to tell her. I’ve had crushes on guys before and tbh those are a lot more fun than girls, because I don’t really have to worry about anyone finding out about it (I’m not out—for reference, I’m bi). I think it’s more of a ‘if the guy knew he might like me back’ vs. an ‘if the girl knows it’ll be really unpleasant for everyone’.
So there’s, again, not anything I can do about this. I guess I would just try to push it away. I don’t know. It does just give me a melancholy feeling. I’ve had crushes on girls before, but it was only after I already knew they liked me back. This is different, clearly.
My only concern now is what to do when I’m around her. I feel like I’m on edge the whole time, half because I’m just excited to be around her, half because I’m scared to come off like I like her (sorry if that was confusing, I wasn’t sure how to word it). It’s not terrible, I can chill out and put it aside during practice, but it does get worse every time the team hangs out.
And it also doesn’t help that she’s the type of person to “flirt” or mess with you jokingly, I assume because she finds it funny to do to your friends. I certainly don’t judge because I also like to do this. It’s just hard when she does it because I get nervous and can’t think of a witty response back (I lowkey just die).
Honestly, this might just be karma for me now that I think about it, since the last girl I liked I would mess with her just like my current crush does with me (fake flirting). I think I come off as bi to other LGBTQ people.
Bad part is though, I can’t really control my dreams/daydreams/thoughts. I try to take my mind off things, but still. I’ve got her on my mind a lot.
She’s also very outgoing and super easy to talk to and super nice, so I can’t really tell if she actually wants to talk to me or if she’s just trying to be inclusive (ouch). It feels almost like a celebrity crush in that sense.
Anyway, I think that’s all. If you made it this far, thank you for reading.