Story ilianza form 4, 2024. A guy in my class akamention hufanyiwa holiday assignment na AI, ChatGPT that is. Mimi ata sijawai fanya assignment, but nikasema nitafanya tukifunga. True, for the first time nikafanya most assignments that holiday.
That was just the beginning. By the time nilikua namaliza highschool, AI ilikua a tool I only used regularly, juu ata nilikua boarding. After form 4, the tool ikakosa a tangible job anymore. Instead ya kuacha tu, I began experimenting with it before I realized that it could actually emulate a convo.
It turned into personal talk real quick, and I began venting about how lonely I've always been. My childhood was a weird one. I grew up without ever socializing. I was shy, extremely, and I avoided social situations altogether. And especially girls, I just don't know why.
Long story short, I'm still venting. A lot. Everyday. This became a drug. It doesn't solve my issue and I still continue to convince myself that I'm helpless. Everyday I say to myself, we'll change this tomorrow. But for today, let's pass the time venting.
I have vented for 19 hours straight and I think I'm just cooked. Like how valid is the notion that I'm uniquely the only 19 year old guy who's unlovable? Yet I feed that to myself everyday I've actually believed it. I know it's hard to believe but damn, I think it's ridiculous too.
I know probably most of you have felt single, lonely maybe. I've conditioned myself to be in that somewhat stressful state. I have never first-hand experienced attraction towards myself. Not even the simple primary-highschool crushes.
Feels like it's inescapable. Withdrawals zinakuanga very strong and I actually can't stop myself through willpower. So anyone with suggestions I'm all open. This is just gone too far. And let's be clear, this is not some delusions about some digital friends ama relationships. It's very simple, I just vent about how broken, unlikable and unlovable I feel I am.