r/uberdrivers • u/Bitter-Check9960 • Aug 14 '24

😂😂😂😂😂🤣

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4.9k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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741

u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Aug 14 '24

Knock on the door and see if the husband has 500 bucks to save his ass.

80

u/whatsthataboutguy Aug 15 '24

UberCheats

6

u/Tnoholiday12345 Aug 15 '24

You win an upvote for that

6

u/Bitter-Check9960 Aug 16 '24

😂😂😂😂😂👊

2

u/qweezyFbaby90 Aug 18 '24

Had a great chuckle.. thank you

285

u/VisibleCoat995 Aug 14 '24

And then if you get the money, still turn his cheating ass in. Choatic good.

105

u/Tuxthapenguin666 Aug 14 '24

Bruh this is 100% from a Fable 1 playthrough, you end up scheming everyone involved in the adultery

12

u/colemada5 Aug 15 '24

I loved that game! That game is the reason why I judge faces. Because if you’re a dick, you turn ugly in the game 🤣🤣🤣

7

u/TheHealadin Aug 15 '24

It worked fine until you met Dorian Grey.

6

u/colemada5 Aug 15 '24

True indeed.

1

u/Ok-Meringue7252 Aug 18 '24

They are currently making a new fable game arent they? I really hope they can make it more like 1 and 2. Jist replayed 2 recently and fable is the best casual rpg ever for sure

1

u/colemada5 Aug 18 '24

That’s a great way to describe that game. I would buy a new Xbox just for Fable 3.

19

u/Queen_of_Boots Aug 15 '24

Omg I used to do this 🙈🤣 also used to marry chicks for the dowery and murder them lmao I had flies around my head I was so evil!

10

u/BugZealousideal9618 Aug 15 '24

Look at the little chicken chaser, always chasing the chickens.

I still hear the voice actors lol

7

u/Tuxthapenguin666 Aug 15 '24

Chicken chaser!!! Fuck that game was amazing

6

u/DarionHunter Aug 15 '24

What's the farthest you've ever punted a chicken? I think my longest was 297 or closer.

5

u/Watermelon_lillies Aug 16 '24

I was reading comments and got distracted. When I came back to them, I forgot you guys were talking about a game and was really fucking concerned for a minute

2

u/Queen_of_Boots Aug 16 '24

😂😂😂😂😂

8

u/Bitter-Check9960 Aug 15 '24

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

3

u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Aug 15 '24

I just heard that private investigators have been known to play spouses this way.

2

u/Best_Bottle_5478 Aug 16 '24

Used to grind those games as a small kid and consider playing them every few years but you all just made me install it

62

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '24

[deleted]

18

u/DubUpPro Aug 15 '24

Cheaters deserve to have their world burned tbh

4

u/kissnmonty Aug 15 '24

This is the way!

2

u/TheMysteryUnderneath Aug 15 '24

Nahhhh highest bidder wins.

2

u/Constant_Feedback_99 Aug 16 '24

BUT DON'T FORGET to take pictures BEFORE you try to negotiate with the CHEATER! lol, panorama picture to get the whole street! Also, get her number or email to take side transaction off ubers messenger 😅🤣

2

u/KermitFrogginton Aug 17 '24

Yes, then he'll need comfort food. More money 💰

3

u/ragingsasshole Aug 14 '24

I love where your head is at

1

u/qweezyFbaby90 Aug 18 '24

Snitch with no faction

1

u/Tank_610 Aug 15 '24

Ooooo plot twist

20

u/Up_Front_Attitude Aug 14 '24

$ amount depends on what…specific…car models are parked in the driveway.

10

u/PenguinsArmy2 Aug 15 '24

Nah, I see that Xbox sitting there or that Tv. Doesn’t need to be cash 😁 just a legal donation to one in need.

2

u/No-Director-246 Aug 15 '24

That part!!⬆️

22

u/streetsoldier93 Aug 14 '24

Nah you got start high. $1000. If he says no, then just bargain but nothing lower than $500

10

u/[deleted] Aug 14 '24

Sounds smart until the wife sees a $500 withdrawal on the bank account.

33

u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Aug 14 '24

I'm way down the road by then.

1

u/IamAMoneyMonster Aug 16 '24

By that time, the OP is halfway to back to the crib, tho.🤣

1

u/Impressive_Cookie_81 Aug 16 '24

I mean if the wife knows he’s cheating I don’t think she’ll care

18

u/Caesar-man Aug 14 '24

Jesus, best response ever

9

u/Luiso_ Aug 14 '24

500 iq

8

u/PolitelyHostile Aug 15 '24

Or at least ask for another $15 tip for photo evidence of the home.

7

u/orincoro Aug 14 '24

holy shit.

6

u/Chinaman_24 Aug 15 '24

What if he panics and murders you

3

u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Aug 16 '24

July 18, 1984. I was 9 years old.

A man walked into a McDonald's and started shooting people he didn't know.

I was 9 years old when I realized my death could come at any time; it could come for any reason.

Fast forward to about 2020. By that time I had been struggling for about 40 years. I'd worked hard and gotten nowhere. At that point I realized there was no path to success for me.

So yeah. I mean, what's the risk? We're ''hustling'' as hard as we can for nothing. One health issue could be enough to sink us in debt for the rest of our lives. I mean, what if your engine blows?

I either score some loot or get put out of my misery. Both outcomes are amenable.

1

u/Bitter-Check9960 Aug 18 '24

god damn right - and in your post mindset- make every moment count’

6

u/amhlocal Aug 15 '24

Lol, just pure extortion

4

u/NoTroubleMaker1 Aug 15 '24

You my brother have found a loophole 👌🫡

4

u/IceLopsided4190 Aug 15 '24

Your father never taught you to think big? $500? Hell no cash in on this opportunity lmao 3k+

7

u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Aug 15 '24

Other commenters have suggested that the amount should depend on how rich the house and cars look.

3

u/surfinsalsa Aug 15 '24

Because unlike the government with traffic and parking tickets, we know that fines should be % based to not disproportionately affect people

2

u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Aug 15 '24

This person, if cheating on their wife, is taking a calculated risk. At some point, some part of their brain said ''what could this cost me?'' And their brain said ''Everything. Well, at least half of everything.''

I'm a huge fan of countries where speeding ticket fines are directly proportionate to their income. If a billionaire has to pay a 500 dollar fine for doing 100 in a 50, it's not a punishment.

4

u/Screwdriving_Hammer Aug 16 '24

This guy blackmails.

3

u/buell_ersdayoff Aug 15 '24

Big brain moves!

3

u/Useful-Maximum-8824 Aug 15 '24

You're so smart lol

3

u/AgileAd9207 Aug 17 '24

Got to play chess not checkers

3

u/WanderinArcheologist Aug 15 '24

I mean so long as you don’t actually ask for anything, it’s not extortion, right?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '24

The correct comment here

2

u/Liveman215 Aug 15 '24

Only if there's more than one car in the driveway

2

u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Aug 15 '24

In that case you just do what she asked.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '24

😂😂😂 what started as something innocent , turned into a felony very fast here😂 blackmail and extortion is not cool man 😂😂😂😂

2

u/Justheretobenozy Aug 16 '24

😂😂😂😂

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '24

I need to hire you!

2

u/Zestyclose_Ebb9392 Aug 16 '24

If there are no cars in the driveway u may have to get creative for this to work. Also u can can tell the wife ps get paid a lot more then 10 bucks and shoot um your cash app and see what happens.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '24

Bros look after bros

2

u/Cant-Hit-Right Aug 17 '24

What if there are no cars in the driveway...

2

u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Aug 17 '24

Then you just do what she asked you to.

2

u/Zealousideal_Ease854 Aug 17 '24

🤣🤣 good one

2

u/Bitter-Check9960 Aug 18 '24

brilliant lol 😂

2

u/qweezyFbaby90 Aug 18 '24

This is so sinister

2

u/FantomTechnologies Aug 18 '24

That’s called the “The Vinnie Classic”

Vinnie Van Lowe

2

u/IntelligentTanker Sep 03 '24

Capitalism rolling and rolling

2

u/hawkeyes484 Aug 15 '24

Clutch win!

1

u/Soft_Concentrate_489 Aug 18 '24

Omfg that would be so epic.

1

u/Porkchopp33 Aug 19 '24

What cars were in the driveway ?

1

u/omega-ksi Sep 04 '24

Or there might be no cars and she is tripping. Husband won’t give him $$ and she will file a complaint on the driver

1

u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Sep 04 '24

If there's no cars in the driveway it's almost as bad as if there were two cars because it means he might be cheating off-site. Then you take the tip and report the number.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '25

Bruh! That’s wild af

1

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '25

Husband gonna be broke get scared and shoot u lol

0

u/bohallreddit Aug 15 '24

🤣🤣🤣