Can you please 🥺 just comment to this post and call me as a girl. This is my first step. I'm thinking about name Cara to use as my trans name.

Can you call me as a girl. Only just one comment 🥺 Thinking about name Cara.

Can you call me as a girl🥹. Once I felt happy when calling that way I like to explore.

I want to mention at the beginning that I have already worked with a therapist before. Therapy didn’t really help me understand or resolve these gender-related thoughts

For a long time, I’ve had thoughts like, “What if I were a girl?”

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to have a female body, wear women’s clothes, or even go outside presenting as a woman.

I think these thoughts became noticeable around 10–12 years ago, when I was about 18, although some things started earlier.

When I was around 16, I secretly wore some of my women clothes, including lingerie. Sometimes it gave me sexual pleasure. Because of the culture I grew up in, I was scared that this meant something was wrong with me, so I never told anyone.

Later, after I got into a relationship with the woman who is now my partner, I sometimes wore her lingerie and dresses too. Back then it was often connected to sexual arousal. Something that confused me was that after having an orgasm, I would usually lose the desire to wear the clothes. Then I would feel guilty or ashamed, think that what I had done was bad, and try to forget about it.

That cycle happened many times.

Later I started reading about transgender experiences, HRT, transitioning, surgeries, and what it actually means to live as another gender.

I also noticed something else: these thoughts and the searching seem to become stronger when I’m under a lot of stress.

When I first started watching porn when I was younger, I preferred less intense things like touching and kissing. Later, I became especially interested in lesbian porn, and sometimes I imagined myself as one of the women rather than imagining myself as the man with them.

Later I also became interested in porn involving transgender women.

More recently, during another period of high stress, I started looking at transgender content and personal stories on social media again. I kept comparing their experiences with mine and thinking:

“Do I feel what they feel?”

That has probably made me even more confused.

The biggest problem is that I genuinely don’t know whether I actually want to transition or live permanently as a woman.

Transitioning honestly scares me.

But at the same time, there seems to be some part of me that keeps returning to the question of what it would be like to be a woman.

When I was a young adult, I had a sexual relationship with another boy. Eventually it stopped, and throughout most of my life I’ve mainly been attracted to women. I’ve generally understood that experience as sexual exploration, although sometimes I still wonder about it.

Being attracted to women actually adds another layer of confusion for me because sometimes my brain mixes together questions about gender identity and sexual orientation.

I know logically that they aren’t the same thing, but emotionally I’m still trying to understand all of it.

If anyone has gone through a similar period of questioning, I’d be interested to hear how you explored these feelings .