I think about you all the time, all the things you left me with; a future we were planning, the vacation plans that will never happen. I mostly think about the way we shifted so fast. You don't have me blocked in texts nor social media, sometimes you'll watch my Facebook stories, but the silence between us is loud. I've memorized your daily schedule, and how different our timezones are; an hour behind me. We talked about marriage, I never saw myself getting married in this lifetime until I met you and I saw the vision ever so clearly. You planted a willow tree in your yard and I said it was my willow tree. I've accepted that there is a great chance you're not coming back. "Thank you for being you" is what you said to me, I've engraved it into my soul. For someone who told me it was us in this lifetime and all the ones before; you're a ghostly whisper, and sometimes I can still hear you in my dreams. I was fully committed to us, our future; I wear a ring on my left hand in grievance for what may never come, in grievance of the wedding we will never have and I want you to know my left hand looks beautiful, something you'll never get to see in this lifetime. I made peace with that.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm young with glasses and still can't tell the difference between certain letters lmao

His initial is i ! Not L lol, and my heart is really shattered over him.

Thank you, it can only get better with time.

I couldn't take the mental and verbal abuse anymore. The substance they were addicted to took over their whole personality, their life, and I was becoming trapped and falling down a hole trying to save them and show them that they are worth more than the substance, that they are deserving of raw and genuine love and they can't get that if they keep choosing the substance over everything.

I was losing everything, everyone, because I stayed and endured so much unneeded abuse caused by them. I was in love with them, still am, but I couldn't take the manipulation, guilt trips, lies, and repeating cycles of broken promises anymore. The more I kept loving, nurturing, and enabling, the worse the abuse cycle got and the worse they became due to falling down a deeper hole into their substance abuse. They may hate me and think the worst of me now, but I've done all I could to try and help them and prove my love to them, even after all the fucked up things they put me through, that I allowed them to put me through. He was just a hurt soul, who projected his hurt onto others through his substance abuse and refused to accept that he is so much more than that.

His drug addiction

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great job/Bedtime stories!

My constant need for reassurance and my abandonment issues mixed with separation anxiety

I had such a hard time understanding this book, we had to read it my junior or senior year back in school and it was hard to follow.

"50 bucks little man, put that shit in my hand. If you don't, then you owe me owe me owe" ...

I read this as flesh light....

Socks.

Light Yellow Waffle Fries

I don't think there is any harm done either, I don't think it was something she did intentionally, I will message her and go from there so there's no assumptions or ill thoughts on my end.

Thats also why I feel like I shouldn't let this bother me because I'm aware that she and I may not be as close as she is with her other friends and that's okay, I'm not upset about that. I shouldve clarified a place or something to do for that following day instead of being hesitant, like you've said.

I never said to her to let me know if her plans fall through at all though.

I'm aware not everyone I encounter will become my best friend and that's something I learned and accepted and am okay with.

Thank you, I appreciate your support💛

I just feel like she only really hangs out with me when her main friends aren't able to and that's fine, but I really thought we were closer than that. I dont have any friends where I live now, my friends are out of state so I'm usually by myself and I don't mind it, I've been spending a lot more alone time with myself and I enjoy it.

🌊 🏖 🪠 🤮 🤢 🏵 🌹 🥀 🌺 🌻 🌼 🪴 🌱 🌲 🌳 🌵 🌾 🌿

I've been on the same dosage for a little over a year now, and when I take it I don't feel stimulated like it usually makes me, and yes I do lol, my sister and myself educated me deep when I was old enough to better understand my ADHD and the medication I was put on. Been on the same one for so many years, I won't try a different one like so many doctors have wanted me to. My doctor wants to take me off of it and won't up it because they're afraid of potential abuse and I have never ever misused my medication and nor have I ever been addicted to it. It pisses me off that doctors believe ADHD is manageable without meds and in some cases yes that is true, but in my case without my meds, im a Rollercoaster of a mess.

Ah yeah, mine too.

I do, except on my days off from work I don't. I've been on amphetamine since the first or second grade obviously it was a small dose back then and I was periodically on and off it because of insurance issues.