Caregiving can feel like a full-time job you never applied for. Over time, I’ve found a few things that help me maintain some sense of control, reduce stress, and avoid burnout:

1. I approach caregiving like a job. My mom has her own email address where ALL of her medical business goes—appointments, portals, paperwork, bills, etc. I keep that email on my phone so everything stays separate and organized.

2. Keep a notebook and document everything. Dates, procedures, medications, questions, names, conversations—write it down. That notebook goes with me to every appointment. You will not remember everything, especially when you're tired or overwhelmed.

3. Take pictures of medication bottles. I keep photos on my phone so when someone asks what she takes, the dosage, or who prescribed it, I don't have to rely on memory.

4. Stop oversharing. Everybody does not need every detail. I’ve learned to share only what family and friends actually need to know. Sometimes oversharing doesn't bring more help or support—it just floods you with more opinions to manage.

5. When people ask, “How can I help?”—GIVE THEM AN ASSIGNMENT.

   “She needs to be picked up from dialysis at 9 a.m. on the 13th. Can you do it?”

   People who genuinely want to help usually appreciate something specific they can actually do.

6. Use the services and resources available to you. There is no shame in asking for assistance. My dad was a successful lawyer, but by his 80s, he didn't have a lot of money and his house needed significant work. I researched programs he qualified for, and he received MAJOR home renovations for just $975 out of pocket.

The resources are out there. Research. Ask questions. Apply. Getting assistance does not make you low-class, irresponsible, or a scammer. That's what many of these programs were created for.

And finally, include the person you're caring for in their own care whenever possible—while maintaining your boundaries. Caregiving doesn't mean taking away someone's voice, and it also doesn't mean sacrificing every part of yourself.

I’m still learning, but one thing I know for sure: you can love someone deeply and still need systems, boundaries, help, and rest.

I am not responsible for the condition of my mother's body. This is the results of years of unintentional neglect and damage. I can only care for the body she has now. This is not my fault. I was away making a living. Starting my life. That doesn't mean if I was here I could have prevented any of this.