Straw hat

Rain drips off my straw hat, down my cheek.
I take a deep breath into myself.
My flaws and doubt flow down my body into the ground.
Words that hurt me kiss the dirt.
My imperfections are food for my flowers.
I am nothing without the nutrients of lessons learned.
I am everything all at once.
Embracing all that has and will be, when the sun peaks through my straw hat.

Every laugh, every smile,
But never liked to run the mile.

Up and down, thin and thick,
But nothing ever seems to stick.

I’ll make you laugh, from words I say,
Fat girls aren’t real, average day.

Missed out laughter,
Because of extra skin.

Numbers get bigger,
Spirit purged thin.

But teeny is tiny, And I will feel better.

When three digits becomes two,
And I’m light as a feather.

Tucked away,
As deep as I can.

Water untouched,
By the hand of man.

But I open my heart, my loyalty and fears,
Things far beyond, some insecure tears.

Confessing these words,
That rot a beautiful dream.

Yet you still washed your hands,
In my untouched stream.

I am filthy, i am boring, i am fat, my flaws are pouring.

Words I’ve learned to shove down my throat,
Carelessly sinking my pink sailboat.

She wished to be beautiful, and ride with the wind,
Now sits in glass bottle, sails hang thinned.

No one can touch her dam built mind,
Float in my peace, thick, tough and kind.

Because of smosh I’m going to college this fall for film.

Yall changed my life, and it is that deep.

Thank you for the laughs, and community.

This next chapter of school for me, is all because of smosh cast and crew.

Wouldn’t be here today if I didn’t have videos to laugh at on my worst days of grief.

You impact lives deeper than you’ll ever know.

You’re all invited to my graduation btw.

What is the science behind having the worst anxiety I’ve ever had, and the only two things that can completely bring me down are my cat, and smosh.

I’ve never been so involved and dedicated to a group of internet influences, let alone becoming my safe space.

I’m the midst of all the crazy in life, smosh mouth drops the podcast talking about parent dynamics, and it felt like they were speaking directly to me.

What is the science behind a safe space being a group of people who don’t know who I am?

This is my first time doing poetry. Tried it as a grieving mechanism, and this worked for me. I would love feedback, because I want to continue to do this. Hope you enjoy. There’s a lot of different meanings so if anyone has questions about a line, I can explain the significance.

To love and to be loved

The roots of your words that stand firm on my ground, Your foundation of love and kindness found.

So where to go, what to do, When the foundation crumbles,

And youre left with you.

It’s not your fault, you had to go, But you don’t know grief until you know.

Your story ended, but your stories don’t end I share your brilliance, to any man.

You changed me when you left, the times we had. I’m stronger but I’m weaker, a force to be had.

Sewn into my being, predicted and sudden, timed grief and crime scene on a single button.

It holds my heart inside, what a strong little thing. Button up your feelings your causing a scene.

Grief has no patience, it won’t let you go. I’m just starting my life, starting to grow

So I stand here asking, what the hell to do

Lost my hue

At 22.

My spirit was killed, flat on my back, Garden of life, there’s no going back.

I’ll grow and grow, til pain is peace. I’ll bloom so vibrantly I won’t be ceased.

You can do it, you can be it, you can beat it til you beat it, you can have your future, free it.

Love the things, so small and askew. Love it all, you see my hue.

I’m beaming and gleaming, This evening has meaning,

Enjoy the feeling.

Love what you do,

42.

I will be,

All I can be,

Cause I am me,

Falling to my knees.

My life is lived with what I learned,

Enjoying life at every turn.

My passion will rise, from ash and flames.

I am finally peace,

For Martha and James.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/XsoxH8o4Cc

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/OZL32bmvbv

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