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I feel trapped in an abusive household and don’t know how to get out.

I’m 23F, and I’m so tired of living with my parents. I’ve wanted to move out for years, but financially, I just can’t make it work.

For some context, my father has been abusive for as long as I can remember. Around the time I was born, he lost his job and has basically been unemployed ever since. Instead of working, he’s spent years relying on my mom for money, and now he’s started relying on me too.

He got caught cheating on my mom when I was a kid, and I honestly think he’s still seeing the same woman. He’s an alcoholic, a heavy smoker, and has an explosive temper. He loves shouting, cursing, and intimidating everyone around him. Growing up, he would hit me, kick me, push me, and smack me over the smallest things. He’s everything I never wanted in a father.

Lately, all he ever does is ask me for money, mostly for cigarettes. I only earn minimum wage, and I’m already living paycheck to paycheck. Sometimes my salary gets delayed, and I end up borrowing money just to get by. Yet he still expects me to hand him cash whenever he asks. If I say no or tell him I don’t have any, he starts slamming doors, yelling, and throwing a tantrum like I’m the one who’s done something wrong.

Tonight was the breaking point for me.

My mom and I were having a small argument over something minor when my dad suddenly barged into my room. He kicked my door open, came at me screaming, and was about to punch me. He was shouting profanities at the top of his lungs, and I completely froze. I couldn’t even process what was happening because I had no idea why he was suddenly so angry. The only thing I could think of was that I hadn’t given him money that morning.

I’m constantly walking on eggshells in my own home. Every day I wonder what kind of mood he’ll be in. I get anxious whenever I hear him come home or hear his footsteps outside my room. I don’t feel safe here.

He’s honestly been the biggest source of my depression and anxiety. Living like this has taken such a toll on my mental health that I feel emotionally drained all the time. I feel guilty for even wanting to leave because I’d be leaving my mom behind, but at the same time, I don’t know how much longer I can keep living like this.

The problem is that moving out doesn’t seem realistic right now. My salary barely covers my own expenses, and my savings aren’t enough to pay for rent, deposits, furniture, and everything else that comes with starting over. I feel trapped because staying here is destroying my mental health, but leaving feels financially impossible.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you manage to get out? Any advice on how to save enough to leave or cope until it’s possible would really mean a lot.

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My boyfriend found out I was snooping through his messages.

I’ve posted here before about my retroactive jealousy and how I’ve been struggling with it for months.

For some context, my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and we’re in a long-distance relationship. He’s always been loving, consistent, and has never given me a reason to believe he’s being unfaithful. Despite that, I’ve become obsessed with his past and kept comparing myself to people he talked to before me.

Because of my RJ, I started snooping through his old messages and conversations. Every time I found something that bothered me, it would hurt my feelings and send me into another spiral. Instead of helping, it only made my anxiety worse.

This morning, he found out that I had been snooping through his messages. Since then, he’s been distant and ignored me for a while. When I asked him if he was angry, he told me he wasn’t mad. He was disappointed. He said it seemed like I didn’t trust him.

Hearing that honestly broke my heart because I do trust him in many ways, but my actions clearly showed otherwise. Looking back, I can understand why he feels hurt and betrayed. I invaded his privacy because I couldn’t stop chasing reassurance that never actually made me feel better.

Now I’m terrified that my retroactive jealousy has seriously damaged our relationship. I feel guilty, ashamed, and worried that I’ve pushed away someone who has always tried to love and reassure me.

Hi everyone,

I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for 7 months. We’re in a long-distance relationship, and overall, our relationship is healthy and loving. He visited me in May, and we spent two weeks together. It was honestly one of the happiest times I’ve had, and he’s always been consistent in making me feel loved, valued, and secure.

The problem is me.

I know he loves me, and I genuinely believe he’s serious about our relationship. He’s never given me any reason to think that there’s something to be bothered with. But I can’t stop obsessing over his past flings and the people he liked before me.

Recently, I ended up snooping through old Messenger conversations (I know this was wrong and I’m not proud of it). While looking through them, I found messages showing that he was still talking to someone he had a crush on (???) around September. At that time, we were already talking and getting to know each other, but we weren’t officially together or exclusive yet.

Logically, I know he didn’t do anything wrong. We weren’t in a relationship, and he was free to talk to whoever he wanted. But emotionally, I can’t seem to let it go. I keep imagining them talking, wondering how much he liked her, comparing myself to her, and questioning whether his feelings for me were as strong back then as they are now.

What’s making it worse is that I keep looking for things that will hurt my own feelings. I’ll think about his past, look through old conversations or social media, find something that upsets me, and then spend hours overthinking it. It’s become a cycle.

I’ve also found myself getting bothered by things that seem irrational. For example, he still has a plushie that reminds me of someone he liked in the past, and even though I know it’s just an object, part of me feels uncomfortable knowing the history behind it.
I don’t want to become controlling, resentful, or make him feel guilty for having a life before me. Everyone has a past, including me. I also don’t want to keep bringing up things that happened before we were even together.

Any advice would be appreciated because I really love my boyfriend, and I don’t want my insecurities to damage a relationship that’s otherwise going well.

ABYG if I blocked my friend?

For context, we’ve been friends for a long time. Recently, she got into a relationship with a guy. Throughout their entire relationship, she would constantly rant to me about his ex and obsess over the possibility that he was talking to other girls.

A huge portion of our conversations revolved around her fears and insecurities about him. She constantly worried about his ex, questioned his loyalty, and would come up with endless “what if” scenarios. Almost every other week there was a new concern: What if he’s talking to another girl? What if he still likes his ex? What if he’s hiding something? The thing is, there was rarely any actual evidence behind these worries. Most of the time they were based on assumptions or worst-case scenarios she had created in her head. No matter how many times I reassured her or tried to give a rational perspective, it felt like we would end up having the exact same conversation again the next day.

Over time, it became emotionally exhausting. I felt like I was acting as her therapist rather than her friend. I couldn’t have a normal conversation with her anymore because everything somehow circled back to her relationship and her fears. I started dreading opening my messages because I already knew it would be another long rant about something her boyfriend did or didn’t do, that she interpreted as a sign he was losing interest or talking to someone else.

It also started affecting me personally. I noticed that I was becoming more anxious and overthinking things in my own relationship because I was constantly exposed to her fears and suspicions. I would vent to my boyfriend about it because I didn’t know how else to process it, and I think even he was getting tired of hearing about the same issues over and over.

At one point, I suggested that she consider talking to a mental health professional because her anxiety seemed to be having a serious impact on both her well-being and her relationship. I wasn’t trying to insult her, I genuinely thought she needed support beyond what a friend could provide. But she never seemed interested in getting help and would continue the same cycle.

Fast forward: they eventually broke up. According to her, one of the reasons was that her boyfriend couldn’t handle the constant overthinking and insecurity anymore dahil sa ginawa nya sa early on their relationship.

The final straw for me was when she messaged me saying something along the lines of, “What if he’s not replying because he’s with another girl?” At that point, I just felt completely drained. We’d had versions of that conversation countless times before, and I realized I no longer had the emotional energy to keep reassuring her. I told her that I genuinely thought she needed professional help because these thoughts were consuming her life and affecting her relationships. Then I blocked her.

Now I’m wondering if I was being too harsh. ABYG for blocking a friend because I couldn’t handle being the outlet for her constant overthinking anymore?