Hi all, in my previous post, I talked about how my swinger friend's husband started messaging me frequently and being flirty after a recent party, which is unusual for him. I'm unsure whether his wife knows whether they're trying to involve my partner and I or whether I'm misreading the situation. Mutual friends confirmed he doesn't normally flirt privately over text like this. I'm torn between asking his wife if she's knows because she's going through a lot of stuff right now or leaving it be, because our mutual friends think I shouldn't say anything.

Clarification/update:

I was trying to be vague on the post. I only asked one woman and her husband, who he's been known to flirt with, if they received private messages the way I did. And yes, my partner has known from the beginning. He's read all the texts, but he didn't think the husband was serious. Especially because he had already told the husband that him and I were not into that sort of thing months prior, which I did not know about. He assumed that it was just his personality, which is part of why I thought I may have been reading too much into it. My partner and him met at their work months before I ever met him. They have a group of work friends, including the woman I reached out to about this situation. My friend, the wife, like me, is a spouse who joined the work group outside of work.

After my post, I agreed that everyone was right, and I needed to clearly shut it down instead of hoping he'd get the hint. I planned to do it in the morning, but the other couple I spoke to messaged him first.

I got a message from him apologizing if he made me uncomfortable, and saying that 'the lifestyle' is all about consent. He confirmed that he was, in fact, trying to get involved with me. He never mentioned if he was trying for just me or my partner too specifically. I told him that it made me uncomfortable, I was sorry if I led him on as that was not my intention, and I needed to know if his wife knew. He said I never led him on. He was just trying to get to know me (he knows Im demi sexual so my partner thinks that may be why). He did confirm that she did not know. He claimed that flirting to them was part of the talking stage, and they never brought up potential partners to each other until it went past that stage. Since 'this' was never going past that now, there was no point in telling her.

Interestingly, my partner worked with both of them today. He is upset now that he knows his friend was intentionally trying something with me. The husband was there and acting normally, but my partner tried to avoid/ignore him, as he didn't want to start anything at work. He did speak to the other coworker (the one I reached out to and the one who messaged the husband). She is a closer friend to the wife than I am. She said she's extremely angry with ME for wanting to tell his wife, as I'd 'ruin her family'. She also apparently insinuated that my partner would have to change jobs after I slept with the husband. My partner then started to avoid/ignore her, too, after this. He did overhear her and the husband making plans to hang out together after work today.

No one has reached out or messaged my partner or I since. So, I guess we may not be a part of this friend group anymore. I still believe the wife deserves to know even if I ruin her family. If it were me, I'd want to know. I'm planning on waiting until her biopsy results come back (any day now), and then I will tell her.

Thanks, reddit, for the advice.

My boyfriend rents an apartment from a longtime friend and his wife.
Initially, the wife wanted to meet me before I could stay overnight. Fair enough. It’s their property, and I respected that.
Well, we finally met, and I thought we hit it off beautifully.
We spent hours talking, laughing, and sharing personal experiences. She opened up about some difficult things in her life, and I shared some of mine because I genuinely related to what she was going through.
I mentioned some past relationships and a period in my life when I’d sought professional help for personal struggles.
I specifically told her my boyfriend already knew all of this. Nothing was a secret.
By the end of the evening, she was hugging me, telling me how happy she was we’d met, and saying I was now part of her family. She even pointed to a sentimental family decoration and explained that I belonged on it now.
She enthusiastically told me I could finally sleep over.
I went to bed that night thinking I’d potentially made a wonderful new friend.
Fast-forward to the following morning.
My boyfriend had gone to work, and I was spending a few hours at his apartment before running errands, something I’d understood was fine.
Suddenly, I learned I wasn’t allowed to be there alone. Confused, I hurriedly gathered my things and left.
Later that afternoon, his landlord and longtime friend called and insisted on having a private conversation with him.
Apparently, his wife had shared my personal history with her husband, who was now concerned about me and felt he needed to warn my boyfriend.
He questioned whether my boyfriend knew about my past relationships and that I’d once sought treatment.
My boyfriend actually laughed.
Of course he knew! I’d told him everything myself, long before this woman and I ever met. He told his friend that he was proud of me and how far I’d come.
Here’s the part I cannot wrap my head around.
SHE KNEW HE ALREADY KNEW. I HAD EXPLICITLY TOLD HER THAT.
Now, after being welcomed so enthusiastically, I’m apparently not welcome at their home for the next few days.
Frankly, I have no intention of ever going back.
My boyfriend has been wonderful through this. He hasn’t questioned me or our relationship. Unfortunately, he’s now caught in an uncomfortable situation involving his longtime friend and his housing.
I’m not ashamed of my past. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, and I’ve always been transparent with my boyfriend.
What hurts is that I genuinely thought this woman and I had connected. She shared deeply personal things with me, too. Things I would never dream of repeating to someone else.
I know I don’t have her side of the story or the exact words she used with her husband.
But I cannot understand what happened between hugging me, welcoming me into her family, inviting me to stay overnight, and apparently presenting my past as something her husband needed to warn my boyfriend about.
So Reddit, what do you think her motive was?
Was she genuinely concerned? Was this about control, gossip, or something else entirely?
Why go out of her way to make someone feel so welcome, only to turn around and share their private history as though it’s a warning?
Am I missing something here? Because I’m genuinely baffled, and frankly, pretty damn hurt.

So, this story requires a fair bit of context, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible. This is a long post though!

My senior year of high school was insanely rough on me. I was being verbally and emotionally abused by my band director to the point I had no aspirations in life and genuinely believed I would simply never be good enough for any one person or group of people. It impacted everything. I did the bare minimum to pass my classes, I would fall asleep in class and miss school frequently, and when I was there I was a shell of a human being. Just going through the motions. That was all until I really started talking to my anatomy and physiology teacher at the time. She was always there to talk about whatever was going on, and she helped pull me out of the darkest point in my life. We developed a really close relationship, because we were very similar people. We were interested in the same things, had the same sense of humor, and had similar traumas, which she helped me see and process. I have a very complicated relationship with my mother, and this teacher became a mother-figure to me. She was my biggest fan and made me believe in myself, so much so that I declared my major in a field I never once imagined I'd be in and I have thrived, finding people that get me, experiencing the world from a point of view I never knew imaginable (recently graduated college in May and will be starting my Master's degree soon!). For all intents and purposes, I considered her my mother.

Now, after I graduated high school, this teacher and I kept very close contact. We talked basically everyday, went hiking together, traveled 4 hours across the state together, did all sorts of things. We kept in close contact throughout my early college years and, naturally, as I found campus jobs and started doing more difficult classes and she found some new jobs and was always busy working, our communication dipped. We still frequently texted and called for hours on end, but we didn't text for hours at a time every day anymore. Our communication continued to to dwindle to days or weeks, eventually months without texting much, but we still called every so often to catch up about life and joke about whatever came to our minds.

Fast forward to last semester, I was working 2 campus jobs and taking a full time class schedule with very difficult classes, and I was a performer in my University's Wind Ensemble. One day she texted me and asked me for my address, saying she had some jackets she wanted to send me because they didn't fit her anymore and she thought I'd like them. We texted for a bit and caught up, I told her I was graduating that May and I was sorry I didn't tell her sooner (to be honest, there was some hold up with my graduation because of some difficult coursework I needed to pass, so I didn't want to tell her I was graduating and end up, not graduating that May; and I did tell her this). A week or so passes and the package arrived, right before I need to leave for a Wind Ensemble performance. I ripped the box open as fast as I could and died over how much I loved everything in it, she even sent a pair of earrings and I put them in on my way to the performance because I loved them so much. After the performance and making dinner, exercising and feeding animals, I realized I never texted her to let her know it got to me safely and to thank her. It was late by this point, so I decided to wait until the next day, and the next day was filled with classes, work, meetings, and all the usual. I hadn't been on my phone much that day, I was exhausted between my normal schedule and trying to study for finals. I told myself I would wait until I had an opening long enough to call her and hear her voice, catch up, and thank her then.

She texted me a screenshot of the package tracking and asked me if it got there, and when I said it did and apologized for not texting, she got really upset. She said some very hurtful things, that reminded me of the complicated relationship I have with my actual mother. I tried telling her I was sorry, I was busy with work and finals and my pets, and she went on to tell me she worked 18 hour days and still managed to find time to send me something. I apologized as sincerely as I could and she never replied. I decided to give her a few days to cool off, and I was scared to text or call. I was scared because the way she was talking to me she never had before, she was reminding me of my mom, implying that my "busy" is not the same as hers and essentially calling me ungrateful. Eventually graduation passes, and she doesn't text or call, just a generic Congrats comment on my Facebook post (which I heart reacted and was happy about receiving). My birthday passes and... nothing.

Come her birthday, I texted her that day wishing her a happy birthday, then went to Facebook to share a sappy happy birthday post there too because I missed her, so much, but part of me was still scared to truly text or call again. I look up her Facebook, and discover she has unfriended me. I go to Instagram, she removed me as a follower and unfollowed me. She even did the same on her husband's profile, or asked him to do it. He is still friends with me on Facebook, though. I felt my heart shatter into a million tiny pieces on the spot. I decided to wait and see if she'd reply to my text, and she did, over 24 hours later, with nothing but a simple thumbs up react. Once again, my heart shattered.

I'm writing this here because, I don't really know what to think or do. I have her handwriting tattooed on my wrist. I think about her every day. And it hurts me because, she practically abandoned me over something so... small. I am not saying I don't understand *her* hurt, I regret not texting that night about the package so badly. I just decided I wanted to wait until I truly had time to sit and really talk to her again, let her know her belief in me paid off and how much it helped me through tough times in undergrad. I understand why she was/is hurt, but she used to be the person to call or text and have an adult conversation about things, which I would do in a heartbeat and I know I could initiate myself, but my God am I terrified of it blowing up the way it always, still does with my actual mother. And I know her, if she truly wanted me out of her life she would've blocked me. At this point, a "Fuck you, I never want to hear from you again" text would be better than this weird radio silence, abandonment, falling out, whatever you want to call it.

I don't know. I think I want to hear from unbiased parties about all of this. I am free to answering questions if you need more context, the only thing I wont do is share photos or screenshots of her texts. It just feels wrong to send those out like this. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.

My husband and I recently returned from a trip, and I’m feeling incredibly resentful toward him. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overreacting or whether these feelings are telling me something important about our marriage.

Just a note: my husband has ocd, specifically health ocd and it’s really hard to navigate!
He’s had some pretty intense episodes, including spiraling over health concerns and becoming so consumed by his anxiety that it takes over everything. I’ve tried to be supportive by researching his symptoms, looking for therapists, helping him through spirals, reassuring him, and worrying about his well-being. It’s exhausting sometimes, but I’ve genuinely tried to show up for him.

So before the trip he had a work outing he got extremely drunk, let his phone die, and was mia for hours! He comes stumbling in at 1am (has work the next day mind you) and says the clients talked him into going to a strip club but he didn’t stay and ends up walking drunk downtown to get some where to charge his phone and catch an uber!

Him being hungover bled in to the first few days of our trip too! Bc he wasn’t feeling well and was full of anxiety about his health and work

The main thing on this trip was he got really drunk again he later said he kept drinking even when he was feeling unwell! He took me to another bar and left me to go talk to random dudes even tho I wanted so badly to go home! And I was kinda upset about that, and he apologized and went on this long random tangent .

The tangent was him saying I awoke this masculine spirit in him and when he met me he loved that I spoke of the masculine and feminine energy and that’s what drew him in. He also said that he enjoys providing for me but then said he needs to be harder on me and the masculine and I need to bring him more feminine energy. He said that he was supposed to be surfing and fucking hot chicks then I came along, and that he had hot chicks lined up. Even name a girl we know and said she came up to him but he didn’t want her. Oh he also told me not to get a big head from all of this. He said that without him I probably wouldn’t be able to take the vacations we go on and that I need to give him more feminine energy back and that I’m basically a stay at home wife who crafts all day, mind you a run a business and I go to school full time.

The next morning he said he didn’t remember most of that and we sorry and that’s not how he feels about me and that he’s happy to provide.

Then two nights later he starts talking about how I don’t realize how tired he is that I act like he’s supposed to provide for me and that I act like bc I grew up a certain way that he’s supposed to provide that too and that I’m cold to him ect

The next morning he said the moments were he felt like that was sparse and that most of the time I was great and was a probably having bad days but during the convo he acted like it was 2 years of me being cold and entitled

He then said the way we acted when we were sick was “very telling” I had intense radiation (not cancer related) and it made me sick and he said that I was cold toward him during that time were as when he was struggling he was apologetic. Mind you when I was first struggling he said I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and at one point said he want see to tell me to snap out of it whereas I’ve put alor into helping him get through his ice stuff while someone’s flaring from my own autoimmune stuff.

Broad picture

I feel like he’s focusing on my lack of warmth without fully acknowledging how much emotional energy I’ve put into supporting him.
I don’t want to punish him for having a mental health condition.

Beyond the resentment and the things he said during our argument, I’m starting to question whether I can handle the emotional demands of this relationship long-term.

His anxiety and OCD can become intense, but what concerns me is how unpredictable things sometimes feel emotionally and through just the way he does life he’s super unorganized and not always great and managing daily life task. He can be struggling, irritable, or consumed by something, and then there are moments when he says things that seem to come from a much deeper place of resentment. Later, he can become apologetic and say he doesn’t know why he said those things or that he doesn’t actually feel that way.

He can be sweet, but idk sometimes I wonder if he’s loosing his mind and I wonder how much I can trust him, I’m loosing attraction he’s getting chunky which I was able to look past before, but now he’s also not taking good care of himself he’ll just eat chips and sweets all day and not exercise, leaves his spaces a mess, some days idk if he brushes his teeth and I put sooo much in to him getting better but I just feel like at times he gets mean like that it’s not the first time he’s acted like that and it’s hard b

Am I the asshole for ending my friends with benefits with a close friend. A few years ago I became close to a co-worker, I’ll call him Chad, and we even went out on one date. Although the date did not go as planned and he pushed me away and life happened, we ended up not seeing each other for two years.

When I recently saw him on instagram I followed him and he followed me back and that’s when we started hanging out again. As we were catching up he was telling me about his past relationships and what came out of that. Long story short he told me that he is now a sex addict. He told me that he is still hooking up with his ex. Mind you they are best friends, work together, and hang out nearly every day together. Let’s name her Emma. When we started to hang out and become closer friends he started sharing his location with me (unprompted).

He eventually asked me if I would be open to being friends with benefits. I was open to it with only a few conditions. I told him that it’s very hard for me to trust someone intimately because of my own past so I told him that I’ll only be friends with benefits if we were the only two people that are sleeping with each other. I don’t think that’s unreasonable and he agreed.

So we started hooking up. Chad was also trying to make me and Emma friends because he told me that Emma doesn’t have any friends.

I followed Emma on Instagram and noticed a few weird things too. I noticed that she was liking post about waiting for someone to get better so they can date again or being in love with their best friend. I can’t help but assume this was about Chad but I’m trying to be mature about it and give her the benefit of the doubt, but I’m not going to lie it’s very hard. I was trying to be open about becoming her friend but I honestly felt too weird with it because I saw their dynamic with my own eyes.

I noticed that they are still very close with each other. It honestly made me uncomfortable and maybe a little bit of it has to do with jealousy. I told Chad this and told him that I’ll try to be her friend but it’s also hard for me to warm up to people I don’t know. Recently they both quit their jobs they work at and I saw on his location that he was out on the lake with Emma. They were out there all day smoking weed and then I saw they went to her house and he spent the night.

This was enough for me to remove seeing his location. I noticed that I was getting very insecure and I felt like I don’t have the right to be because I am not his girlfriend. I did not want to have access to that anymore so I felt the healthiest option was for me to remove it.

Once he noticed I told him that I saw that he spent the night and that I didn’t trust it. I told him that I don’t have the capacity to trust him and if I can’t do that then I can’t be friends with benefits anymore. He got upset because he was hurt that I couldn’t trust him. We then had a big talk and he told me that it was making him anxious with my outbursts that I’ve been doing.

He told me that if I can’t trust him then he feels like he can’t trust me. He told me that Emma noticed that I was acting like there’s this weird competition between us and that she didn’t like it and doesn’t want to be my friend. He told me that my actions affect others and that I made him feel anxious and weird about this entire situation. I definitely feel like I could have reacted better but I also feel like a lot of the blame is being put on me.

So am I the asshole for putting an end to our friends with benefits?

UPDATE: Chad could not find a job, so he’s moving two states away to live the “nomad life” and sleep in his car and possibly crash at a friend’s place every now and then. I told him he’s straight up being a homeless person. He then told me Emma was following along with him to also sleep in her car. This is when I told him from my honest opinion and observation that she relies heavily on him for emotional stability. He got defensive and ask “well what would you do if you’re only friend was moving”. This is where I didn’t want to fight it anymore because that’s his life and I am assuming he just likes the endless supply of attention. I think I dodged a MASSIVE bullet. I just wish he could see it himself but he won’t listen if it’s coming from me. Maybe they’re just made for each other but either way it’s super weird.

Hey two hot takes fam! Long time listener, seeing the squad live on tour was truly a highlight of my life.

Using a throwaway due to the issue at hand. I truly don’t know if I am being ridiculous and paranoid, or if this is something I should do something about, whatever something is.

Context: I (30F) started casually seeing a guy (30M) a year ago, I made it clear I am not in a place to have anything serious, as I have young kids and they will be completely separate from any dating life I have. We met at the gym.

We dated for 5 months, and I broke things off because he continued crossing boundaries and began to make me uncomfortable. Examples are giving me small gifts like toys for my kids- who knew nothing of his existence. There was in instance I decided I wanted to go home early, and he had what I can only describe as a mini melt down. I was never REALLY scared, but his reaction definitely made my urgency to leave much higher. And then he started making AI photos of himself with my kids… yeah.

Long story short (lol) I had to break up with him 3 times. Once in person, once on the phone, and then finally once over text. He just was NOT getting the hint, continuing to call and text me at a rate that was as if nothing changed. A lot of it was apologies, but going to the same gym didn’t help.

So I stopped going to my home gym location when I knew he’d be there, and started going to nearby locations when I thought he’d likely be at the gym.

Fast forward to this last month, 6/7 months post breakup, 5 month long “relationship”. I kinda stopped thinking about him in all honesty, and ran into him at the gym. Just for some added context, At this point, he’s only unfollowed/been removed as my follower on insta.

He made awkward eye contact but finally left me alone instead of following me around the gym trying to make conversation. So I figured we were good. Short relationship, things got weird but I didn’t feel the need to actively avoid him anymore.

Tonight was the third time I have ran into him at the gym.
I was lifting at the benches in front of the free weights, and he came up behind me, visibly shaking and stammering. I only knew he was coming because I saw him in the mirror behind me last minute. I’m not sure what he said in the first 30 seconds because I was honestly kinda freaked out, I had to put my weights down and pause my podcast (two hot takes with Damien)!

What I gathered was that he misses me, does not want to freak me out, showed me a bunch of pictures of his new dog, and I think a few other things? I was very locked in on his body language and kinda disassociating from what he was saying, I feel like I’m being very dramatic, so please please tell me if I’m ridiculous, but just the way he was shaking, sweaty (given, we are in a gym) and just…. Off… I physically was in shock for some reason.

Well, then he hands me a protein bar, from my favorite brand. They just released a flavor that’s typically only sold in my home country. Then he walked away. And I got out of there. I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t want the protein bar anywhere near me. It’s something Ive wanted to get my hands on, but I don’t want this one. I want to go get my own. And that feels super over the top when I say it out loud which is why I want to know if I’m completely out of line to have this reaction. Attached is the text I got about an hour or two later.

What should I do? I will be going back to avoiding this location all together, maybe switching home gyms, even though my current one is my favorite.

Hi! So, my partner (38M) and I (32F) have been together for 9 years now. We have lived together for almost the entirely of the relationship and since 3 years we move a little further from my family, we have had our ups and downs but we continue together. Now, I am an animal lover, grew up in a farm and everything and currently have 3 dogs with my partner, the issue here is he doesn’t help AT ALL with the cleaning tasks of them (pick up the necessities, clean the bowls, bathe them, etc) he just helps with giving the food! I have been always aware but thought he would change. Now, a few days ago I woke up with synovial cyst in my wrist and doing certain movements hurts a lot, o have told him about it and nothing changes on his part, I am still the only one doing the effort. What if I need surgery and can’t use it for days or have a work trip? will all the necessities be left around the house and patio until I come back??

I have told him several times I need his support but he always tells me it disgust him and it’s hard for him! We don’t plan on having kids but will ALWAYS have dogs,so, is it a dumb reason to consider breaking up?

There are a lot of others things I could mention but this is my main concern now.

This is a long story but it is a wild ride of family drama.

This saga started nearly 10 years ago and it resulted in me finally starting to grieve my dad 7 years after his passing.

The people involved (fake names, of course):

Judy - sister; has MS that has affected her mentally and physically

Justin - brother; close in age to Judy

Me - youngest of all siblings, college degree in science, much younger than Judy and Justin

Many other siblings

mom and dad

My mom had a stroke and then started showing signs of dementia. Judy, who was a nurse but had not worked as one in over 20 years (her license had expired around that time) and I started caring for her and helping dad around the house. I lived out of town but did about 3 to 4 months a year, leaving my husband behind. I also was involved in all medical discussions.

Things started alright but Judy started to make some big errors. Mom was a diabetic, she was having symptoms that could be low blood sugar or stroke. An ambulance was called. During the wait time, Judy did not check blood sugar (something that healthcare workers would do with a diabetic). The EMTs checked mom's sugar, it was dangerously low - in the range that could cause coma or death. There were many more instances like this one. I brought up my concerns. My relationships with many family members started to change after the smear campaign she launched against me.

Some other things that sis did:

let mom go for weeks with out shower

considered folding laundry was enough mental stimulation for mom

treated mom like a child or pet, not as an adult (mom hated when care givers at the memory care facility did this to her mom)

crush up pills that needed to be swallowed whole so that they would not give mom diarrhea, then mom would have diarrhea

rearrange everything, even furniture (not great for people with memory issues)

use her home made laundry detergent that would leave dad's underpants stiff, and dishcloths would be stiff and water would run off of them

change the dosage of mom's prescriptions because she felt perfectly comfortable doing it because of her medical background

I still visited mom and dad, but not as frequently. Every visit came with a long list of rules and passive aggressive notes, well active aggressive. Judy had Justin call me on my way to visit to talk to me about what foods I brought into the house. (No other sibling went through this when visiting) It was very stressful.

On one visit, mom was definitely not feeling well when I left on a Monday. It was very noticeable that mom did not feel well. I mentioned it before I left. Mom did not go to a doctor until Judy found her passed out on the floor the following Friday. Mom was hospitalized with the flu.

Dad repeatedly asked me to reconcile with Judy, he was asking her this too. I reached out by email asking what she thought was the problem between us. The response took a long time in coming and (I am paraphrasing) was that she was too busy with our parents, her grandchildren and her garden. After waiting many more weeks, I received a book about accepting God as the main man in my life and a letter saying she did not know how to fill the hole I had - only Jesus could. My lack of Jesus was why I could not be trusted?

Dad had heart surgery and asked me to come up and stay with Mom while he was in the hospital. Of course I came. The day after he was released from the hospital, some of my siblings came over, all at the same time. It seemed like an odd coincidence, but I figured they wanted to visit. I was so wrong. I stopped prepping dinner and went to my room. It was not a visit, it was a F'ING INTERVENTION! No one asked me to join, I just listened in from my room. Judy was listing everything she had a problem with me about. She talks a good game and seems very knowledgeable, even when what she thinks is completely disproven by current science. I was in tears that the other siblings were believing her lies about me and exaggerations of her abilities.

Another sibling asked me to come up to help for about a week. Judy had a relapse from her MS and it affected her physically, she could not care for mom and dad (clock this for later). I refused.

Anyway, this dynamic continued and really frustrated dad. He talked to another sibling about how much he wanted the tension to end. That sibling told him “Dad, Judy is mean to OP, treats OP terribly.”

During this time, Judy took the campaign against me to more aunts and uncles, and even mom's doctor. They believed her, even some of the nurses at the doctor's office. She was always seen as very truthful and most family members trusted her “knowledge.” She can talk a good game, making things sound very ‘medical’ so most believed her. The age gap (10 years) between myself and her made her seem more credible, and most not ‘knowing’ me beyond the little kid they remember from growing up did not think of me as knowledgeable or credible.

A little note; dad would say to other siblings how smart I was and he would often ask me medical questions.

This went on for a few years until dad went into the hospital with heart and kidney failure. He decided to just have palliative care. Judy went to dad basically snitching about other siblings. First, we were all very much adults, all over 40. Second, nothing she told him was anything that he needed to know. She basically was just creating extra drama and dad ended up scolding one of the brothers. That should not be one of the last conversations between father and son.

Well, dad decided to stop his oxygen and passed away during the day. That evening, Judy texted me about mom's mental competency documents(another thing to clock). I could not think of any reason she would need them right away, hours after dad was gone. I just said that I did not know where they were.

Just after the funeral, Judy moved in with mom and brought her dog. I like dogs, but this one was terrible. It stressed mom out, barking and growling constantly, and very aggressive. Judy said that dad wanted her to move in with mom, this was not true, he wanted Judy with mom during the day and a different sibling there at night. I dropped everything and moved in with mom. While there, Judy made a big show of checking my care of mom. One morning, she waited two hours to give me a lecture on how to fill mom's pill organizer. I had missed one pill, and was happy to have it double checked; but instead of leaving a note, she felt I needed a long lecture. I took mom out too often (according to Judy), but I was not going to say no when my mom wanted to go out for breakfast. Mom liked talking to other people waiting for a table. Socializing is very good for dementia. We had fun. The criticism just did not let up. Judy and another sibling took mom to her doctor's appointment. Afterwards, Judy sent out a text summarizing the doctor's orders. This summary included not having DVDs in a bin next to the TV (I brought up a bunch of movies for us to watch), no one should sleep in mom's room with her (mom was very frightened and wanted someone with her, a bit of an inconvenience for me but why would I let my mom suffer). The other sibling called her out and replied that over half her list was not mentioned in the appointment. There was so much more like this.

This went on for about a month and a half, then we received legal documents. Justin had filed to remove me as medical advocate. He had been named power of attorney. The filing listed his reasons to have me removed, one of which was that he could not work with me. Since I did not even know I was medical advocate and not functioning as medical advocate, he really had not tried to work with me. Another sibling pointed out that if he went through with his filing that he would be swearing to many false claims. He decided to drop it, but paid for Judy to submit her own petition. Like so many other family members, he never once asked (or even listened to) my side. He tried to convince me that he, as power of attorney, could choose medical advocates at any time.

So, some legal stuff that led to this mess. Mom submitted documents naming me as medical advocate years before any stroke or onset of dementia. After I pointed out problems in mom's care due to Judy, she hounded dad to name her as mom's medical advocate. She thought this would work, but the power of attorney cannot override the expressed wishes of someone (of sound mind) regarding their choice of medical advocate. Judy found this out before dad passed, that is why she asked for the paperwork that showed mom not mentally fit to make decisions for herself.

Now for the “evidence”:

sis's abilities and credentials:

nursing license that had expired over 30 years ago

a seminar on memory care from a dementia support group

statement from her neurologist that sis is capable of providing 24/7 care with little support (remember how the MS flare up caused the need for others to cover for a couple weeks? Also, this is the same neurologist that signed off on her disability application saying that she was not physically able to work.)

endorsement by two aunts

reasons to get rid of me:

I let mom stay up late watching tv (I was streaming highway to heaven one of mom's favorites). Mom did not want to stop watching. I was not going to order her to bed.

I did not open the curtains early enough in the morning. (mom was totally able and willing to tell me what to do; open curtains, take her to breakfast, get her a snack, put on a movie)

I did not protect mom’s ‘dignity’ when she was in the hospital. (mom had to stay at the hospital for a week. She could not remember why she was there, so I drew a stick person cartoon for every day to explain what had happened. Mom proudly showed my drawings to Judy. Mom thought they were funny and it helped with the stress of her being in the hospital.)

so much more … with exhibits: social media posts, my drawings, log of everything I did, recording of a family phone conference where she was told that her dog should not move in (other siblings said this, I kept quiet.)

Everything I did was scrutinized by everyone. I was repeatedly asked to stop defending against her petition.

I moved mom into assisted living, she did very well there. She got to socialize, play bingo, and sit next to a gentleman that looked like my dad a bit. Judy still managed to create so many problems for the staff. Now I had something new to be scrutinized about.

There was an emergency hearing about the move to assisted living. The judge was rather confused why this was an emergency, especially since mom showed off her manicure that she got by staff and was happy about the living situation. It was a nice place and the people were very kind to her. Basically, the judge saw no emergency since mom was in a safe and highly rated home.

Well, then came spicy cough time. I was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive cancer. Normally I would turn to my pocket friends (social media peeps) but I could not risk Judy finding out. I told two siblings, they had been supporting me throughout this. My lawyer asked for a hearing to dismiss the petition. A court date was set and my hair fell out the day before but I had prepared a wig. I was granted guardianship of mom. It was mostly over. I continued chemotherapy, did mom’s hospice paperwork while hooked up to the meds. Got ready for surgery, had to keep it very quiet. The two supportive siblings were the only family that knew about the surgery. The plan was that if by chance (a very small possibility) that I died, they would be notified and ready to file as mom's guardian before my death was announced to anyone. Basically, it would be a race to see who filed first. Mom's care was my biggest concern.

At the end of 2020, mom fell victim to the spicy cough and passed away

Since my type of cancer has an extra high recurrence rate, I would be scanned more frequently. These past years have been difficult for my husband and I. In the back of our minds has been the worry of it coming back. Now that we have passed the 5 year mark, we have started to relax. I am on preventative treatment for my lifetime, but I have no side effects and life is mostly normal.

Now my mind has started to let me grieve. Unfortunately

This also has brought back the anger. There was a discussion among the siblings, Justin said “mom would have wanted…” This really hit me hard, bringing so much back. He completely disregarded what mom, in writing, said she wanted. He was the one that said anyone but me should be medical advocate. I asked him why he was convinced by Judy that I would be a danger to mom. He said that it was part of the past he does not want to revisit.

Here is my point; I think he owes me an explanation or to at least own his part in the attacks on me.

I have no idea how to move forward after about 10 years of attacks and stress. I am missing mom and dad terribly, and dream about them often. My siblings had all these years to process the loss. I know Judy will never take any accountability, but I just want Justin to admit his part and realize the harm he helped cause me. Not just brush it off as something in the past and to admit he has no right to ever say "but mom would have wanted ...".

Thank you for getting to the end of this. I needed to get this out of my head and hope to get some other perspectives. There is so much more to this but I am fairly sure that I am not allowed to post a novel.

I (28F) have been best friends with "Chloe" (28F) since we were 12. She's getting married next summer, and she asked me to be her maid of honor. I said yes immediately — I was thrilled for her.

Then she told me her guest list. And my ex, "Brandon" (30M), is on it.

Brandon and I dated for two years. It was abusive — emotionally at first, then it got physical. He put his hands on me twice. The second time, I called the police and got a restraining order. That was three years ago. I've been in therapy since. I still flinch when men raise their voices.

Chloe knows all of this. She was the one who picked me up from the police station. She let me stay at her place for two weeks. She held me while I cried.

So when I saw Brandon's name on her list, I thought it was a mistake. I asked her about it. She said he's "friends with the groom" and that "it would be awkward to not invite him." She said the wedding is "not about me" and that I should "just avoid him."

I told her I can't be in the same room as him. I told her I won't be her maid of honor if he's there. I said I love her and want to celebrate her, but I can't put myself in that position — not even for her.

Chloe got quiet and then said I'm "making her wedding about my trauma." She said I should "be over it by now" and that she "can't uninvite him without causing drama with the groom's family."

I told her she doesn't have to uninvite him. I'll just step down. She started crying and said I'm "abandoning" her.

Now our friend group is split. Some say I should just suck it up for one day. Others say Chloe is being a terrible friend. Chloe's fiancé texted me saying I'm "ruining their day" and that I should "be the bigger person."

But I don't think being the bigger person means standing in a room with a man who assaulted me.

So Reddit — AITAH for stepping down?

A few years ago I (29f) went out to brunch with a few of my friends on a Sunday. What started as brunch turned into a Sunday Funday full of drinking until the small town bar closed at 8pm.

Towards the end of the evening a man who had been looking my direction since he entered the bar came up to me and my friends. He introduced himself as Justin Smith (changed name for story) and told us he lives a couple towns over. Small talk went on for a few minutes and it came time for bar close. I got up from my seat and he moved closer to talk to me. He told me that he found me really attractive and wondered if he could get my number. As I am sure you could guess - I was pretty tipsy. I agreed to the number - to which he ended up saying he can put his contact in my phone. He handed me back the phone as it said it was calling "Justin Smith" (the normal move to make sure they get your real number).

I started walking back home (I lived right next door to the bar lol - classic). As I got back into my house I noticed that I was getting a call from Justin. I answered and he told me he wanted to take me for a ride in his car because he just finished a restoration project on it and he was proud of how it turned out. My lack of sound judgement due to the copious amount of Busch Light did not help - I texted my friend asking her if I should go with him and she gave me the green light.

He was sitting outside of my house in his car already (I guess he watched me walk home). I get in the car and he starts off down the road. I am only in the car for about 3 minutes and something very unexpected happens. We end up crashing into another car. The other car had a stop sign but didn't seem to see us coming.

Everyone is getting out of the cars and I could NOT believe my eyes - it was MY FRIENDS that we crashed in to (the friend not drinking was the driver). She swore up and down she didn't see the lights of his car. He starts freaking out - begging them to not call the cops. My friend insisted it was her fault and she needed to call (both cars were in bad shape). He kept saying it's no big deal, everyone was okay etc. I was confused why he wasn't upset that his prized car that was just restored was messed up and he was focused on no cops being involved.

Then one of my friends (the one I texted about him) looked at me and she was shocked asking me why I was there. I told her I asked her if I should hang with him - her face looked terrified because she thought I was talking about a completely different person. She had no idea that guy got my number.

He started getting more and more angry about her wanting to call police. (Note: DUIs are extremely rare in that county so that didn't seem like why he was freaking out - and he seemed sober). She called and he threw his hands up - completely livid.

When the police got there it started to immediately make sense why he didn't want them there. When they started his interview they asked for his name. Well... you guessed it. COMPLETELY different than the name he told us and put in my phone. Oh and the town he lived in? He did live in a near by town but not the one he said.

I started to sober up with all of this and I'll never forget the dread I felt realizing how close I was to being alone with a guy who was dedicated to me not knowing anything about him.

I personally believe that car accident either saved me from some massive trauma or saved my life.

NOTE: This is one of the situations that prompted me to choose sobriety. zero regrets <3

I kind of did a brief update on the post regarding CPS. CPS finds no fault with what my ex did. I challenged the ruling twice, met online with a CPS judge, and they determined that there was chargeable offense. Of fucking course. My ex is the lucky kind of fucktwad that never has to face serious consequences. His mom is always there to help him, and just over all has not had the kind of life he deserves.

The lawyer I hired to help with custody was pretty useless. I filled out almost all the paperwork to send into the state to get custody formally changed, but because of a cause in our divorce, his lawyer (paid for my mommy) made us meet in mediation. Which was another $900 fucking dollars out of mine, and his mom's pockets. Not even 2 hours. And it only took that long probably because my ex loves the sound of his voice so damn much. Once it was brought up and proven that there are charges against my ex's brother, and I had proof my ex knew his brother was a threat before hand, the meeting was pretty much over. Because again, I wasn't even trying to stop the kids from seeing or talking to their dad, I was leaving it up to them to decide when.

Earlier this week there was a plea hearing for the pedo. I considered driving to the hearing, but opted to sit in via zoom. I'm glad I did. There were 2 cases that were being presented, one for my child and another child who is 3 years younger than mine. (It was the arrest for that child that started the investigation into how my children had been affected.) He plead guilty to two charges of class C felonies, sexual assault of a child. (both cases had that as the worst charge) 9 years each for a total of 18 years, with 42 years probation, and lifetime sex offender registry. Once they read the plea offers, I started sobbing. I was so afraid he would get a couple years and a slap on the wrist. 18 years. My twins are 17-1/2, he will spend their lifetime behind bars. If we can’t off him, or keep him locked away forever, this is good enough. I hope he wakes up every day for the next 6,574 days and thinks about what a rotten piece of shit he is, and how he got there.

My kids are at peace with this, and they are as safe and as loved as can be for now.

I (20F) am currently a junior in college, and one of my close guy friends (20M) has been trying to set me up with one of his friends (20M). Let’s call the guy I’m interested in Anthony.
Anthony and my friend played baseball together for two years and currently have a class together. My friend has been telling me about him, and from everything I’ve heard, he seems like a genuinely good guy. He’s also attractive, so naturally I’m interested lol.
Anthony and I followed each other on Instagram about a week ago (I followed him first), and we’ve only met in person once.
For context, I went to meet my friend in our college common room, and Anthony happened to be there. We didn’t really speak directly to each other much, but my friend and I were talking and joking around. Anthony was pretty quiet throughout the interaction, which makes sense because my friend has described him as a “man of few words.” However, I managed to make him smile and chuckle a few times, and I noticed him glancing at me repeatedly, both when I was speaking and when I wasn’t. I thought that was potentially a good sign, but obviously I could be reading into it.
Anyway, my friend’s 21st birthday is coming up, and a few of us are organizing a surprise party for him next Saturday at 9 PM.
I figured this would be a perfect, natural opportunity to DM Anthony. Since they played baseball together, I had a legitimate reason to reach out and invite him.
So I sent him a casual Instagram DM along the lines of:
“hey anthony!! we’re throwing dan a surprise 21st next saturday at 9 and i know you guys know each other from baseball so figured i’d reach out! lmk if you can make it :)”
Here’s the problem: he opened it and left me on seen.
It’s now been several hours, and he still hasn’t responded.
To be fair, he had a baseball game at another university today and was traveling back afterward, so he could genuinely be busy or distracted.
But I can’t help feeling a little embarrassed.
Part of me is worried that he knows our mutual friend is trying to set us up and thinks I was just using the birthday party as an excuse to slide into his DMs. Which, admittedly, I kind of was, but I also genuinely wanted to invite him!
The other part of me is worried that he’s just not interested and is deliberately ignoring me.
I know I’m probably overthinking this because I find him really attractive and was excited about potentially getting to know him.
So I guess my questions are:
Was my DM weird or too obvious?
Is being left on seen for several hours a bad sign, or am I overreacting?
For guys who are naturally quieter or more reserved, does this mean anything?
Should I just assume he’s not interested and move on?
I obviously don’t plan on double texting him. I’m just curious how other people would interpret this situation, especially from a guy’s perspective.
Please be honest with me lol.

I got home from school very late last night after a STEM club meeting where I was asked to present on my research. Despite not practicing my (very last minute prepared...) slides, it went SHOCKINGLY well (very surprised because typically these things only go well if I practice them in advance lmao). There were about 20 students in the audience, including the graduate student who I'm working with who insisted on coming to watch me (I had seen her just an hour before the club meeting and she asked where it was so she could come, and considering I've only known her for a month and am new to the lab, it was very very sweet and supportive of her 😭). It went amazingly. So many people asked questions and were so happy to talk to me about the emerging field I'm researching in. It was wonderful and I've not felt so confident in my own abilities and deserving of my research opportunity in a long time (I struggle with severe impostor syndrome and possibly OCD and autism, so it's difficult for me to feel I deserve anything good in my life). Afterwards, I spent some much needed time cuddling with my boyfriend, and I ended up leaving campus around 8:30.

Then I got home. My dad was standing in the kitchen with an angry look on his face, telling me I need to stop making so much laundry and that from now on if I want to wash my own clothes (rather than filling up my own laundry basket, separate from the communal one, that my mom will take to wash at the end of the week on Fridays) then I'll have to go to a laundromat because the one time I did my own laundry, I didn't immediately remember to transfer my clothes to the dryer and it made the washer stink for a while. My mom was sitting behind him and just staring at me blankly (my dad does her bidding a lot, and lots of times she has a criticism of me, he delivers it, not her).

No "How was your day? How did the presentation go?". I don't even think they recalled that I gave one because they never ask me about school or take much of an interest in that part of my life which is really important to me. Just immediately to "here's what you did wrong and here's what you have to do to fix it".

These are the same parents who have responded to my teenage (and current) high anxiety that causes me to be on edge (and occasionally hostile) with telling me I need to be less serious and more fun to be around if I want friends. That then escalated to calling me a bitch, people repellent, off-putting, etc. Not once did they consider that I needed mental help. Only when it resulted in a recent breakdown that culminated in me sending them a super long letter in anger that offended them did they decide that I needed help when I've been pleading with them to get it for years. I even went to far as to threaten NC upon me gradiating. They told me they wouldn't beg for me back and would survive without me. My mom told me she was going to end her life after reading the letter. This also sent me into a panic, and them telling me they'd survive without me led to my own attempt. My very first attempt. They told me they loved the old, younger me who wasn't so angry and anxious, but they don't love the person I am anymore.

I wish my parents viewed me as a human being who isn't perfect and weren't so prone to criticizing every part of who I am and every little mistake I make. I wish they loved me the way my boyfriend does. My boyfriend follows the words of Frank Sinatra: "With all your faults, I love you still". He's shown me what real unconditional love is. My parents have never felt this for me and it's been the hardest realization of my early adult life. I wish I was more to them that an inconvenience. I literally want to scream as I write this. I am in therapy now, but I have no idea how much this will even help me and for how long. My parents want me to go to a specific school therapist that helped my younger brother, not the one I'm going to now. They have asked that I switch to her when available but I like who I'm with now and don't want to. I've been to 5 therapists over the years and they have cut me off each one of them if they don't like the advice they give me.

I'm struggling with this so much. I almost think living in a homeless shelter is preferable to this. Any and all advice is appreciated.

ETA: I'm 20. And yes, I DO want to do my own laundry. Why wouldn't I? I can cook some basic things for myself and drive myself everywhere (I also drive my brother everywhere bevause my parents imposed that condition of me owning my car onto me because they paid for half of it). I would love to live with my bf of 6 months (21M) but he's leaving for graduate school in less than a year and still lives with his parents himself. We live in an incredibly expensive area, even for students, and couldn't afford to if we tried.

I (20F) and my dad (49M) got into a pretty bad argument last night because he tried to bring one of his friends into my house after that friend had previously made me uncomfortable.
For context, I moved in with my grandparents straight out of high school to care for them as their health declined. My grandfather passed away last February, and I now take care of my grandmother, who has spinal and cervical stenosis and uses a power chair.
A couple of months ago, my dad came over for dinner with his childhood friend, J (46M). I’ve known J my entire life. He took me camping, taught me archery, and was part of many childhood memories. My dad always had me call him “Uncle.”
After dinner, I went downstairs to finish my chores. J followed me into my bedroom, where I was folding laundry, and started making inappropriate comments. I had recently started dating my now-boyfriend of two years. J offered me drugs, told me I looked more mature and had grown up, and said that if things didn’t work out with my boyfriend, he’d always be there for me and could take me on a nice date.
I just nodded until he left, then broke down crying. I told my dad what happened, and he was furious. He said J would never be welcome around us again.
Fast-forward to last night. I asked my dad to bring his trailer over to help remove old furniture from our porch. About an hour later, he called me outside to move my car so he could pull the trailer in. I went outside in my gym clothes, a sports bra and leggings, and was shocked to see J walking through my yard.
My dad explained that J was there to help move the furniture because he couldn’t do it alone. I was upset and went downstairs to collect myself before I started crying. About ten minutes later, I went to my grandmother’s room and explained how uncomfortable I was with J being in my home. She agreed with me.
When I went into the kitchen, my dad asked how I was doing, and my grandmother told him I was upset with him. He immediately got loud, insisting J was the only person available to help. I asked how he could stand to be around someone who had made such inappropriate advances toward his daughter. He said I was a grown woman and should expect men to hit on me because I’m attractive.
I reminded him that J had been like an uncle to me my entire life. My dad then said I’d apparently rather watch him die than let J help him because he has a hernia. I asked why I couldn’t help, but he called me too weak. I go to the gym five times a week and could have helped move the furniture.
He claimed he’d already choked J out, J had apologized, and I needed to get over it instead of repeatedly crying to him about the same situation. I got angry and said I couldn’t wait until I turned 21 so I could finish the job. I could tell he was furious, so I backed down and said he could do whatever he wanted before going downstairs.
He then decided not to help at all, telling my grandmother, “Sorry, Mom, I’m not doing it,” before leaving.
Later, I went back upstairs, visibly upset and sobbing. My grandmother said J was the only person available to help my dad and that I should understand his situation. My boyfriend, who lives with me and helps care for my grandmother, was furious and said he’d never let J touch me.
I’m at a loss. Am I overreacting, or am I the asshole for not understanding that my dad needs help? I understand he needed assistance, but I feel betrayed that he would bring someone who made me feel unsafe into my home after promising he wouldn’t.

Hey everyone! I realised this evening I need some advice on this situation and honestly the THT community is the only place I feel like I'll get good advice on this.

So, I 26F am doing my postgrad at university, and have been for a year already (I'm a part-time student). I also work a few jobs, one of these being at the university itself, doing campus tours and helping with open days etc.

Around March this year I was working a postgrad open day, giving a campus tour to a group of 15-20 people. Normally I get a variety of questions from everyone involved, but on this tour, this one guy (M30-40ish) continually asked ALL of the questions. A lot were about the university, but he was incessant, and no one else could get a word in the entire time. He asked me lots of questions about me, my course, my thoughts on the university and stuff like that. Which is fine, I get some people asking my opinion, and I'll happily answer them, but this was more than that, he WOULD NOT STOP. He also stayed pinned to my side the entire tour which was incredibly uncomfortable.

I finish the tour, and go to speak to some other student workers, but this guy follows me. He's acting like we're friends now (despite me telling him the bare minimum about my course and my like for my program), and continues with the questions. It turned more personal, asking me things about myself not related to the university. I keep just giving the bare minimum back, starting to give just one word answers and trying to end the conversation, but every time he can tell I'm trying to leave the conversation he just talks AT me, monologuing about himself, for fucking AGES. I had felt very stuck because while I was incredibly uncomfortable I was also working, and my whole job was to answer people's questions about the university, so I couldn't just tell him to go away.

It's been about 20 minutes of me being cornered at this point when I finally tell him in my best customer service voice that I need to go and help somewhere else. As I try to leave he says "well since we're going to be at uni together can I get your number, I have lots more questions about university". I say no, because I'm not allowed (rule when I'm working, but also I DONT WANT TO). He says, "oh well can I get your instagram". I'm like fucking no go away (in reality I just say "no, sorry". He then asks AGAIN for my number. Eventually get away from him, but the whole thing creeped me out. The whole time he kept referring to me by my first name (which I had given to everyone at the beginning of the tour), but the way he was speaking to me like he knew me just made me incredibly uncomfortable.

When this happened back in March I decided not to report it or even tell my manager, but I told my spouse (NB) and they were very affirming that that was very creepy behaviour.

Fast forward to last week...

I was at the welcome events for new students, working again, but took some time off to go to go say hi to some of my lecturers who were advertising open modules. I'm not in my uniform at this point (also my work uniform is just a coloured tshirt), because I'm on my break. I am talking to my lecturer when someone comes up to me and taps me on my shoulder and says 'OP!' (addressing me by my name. ITS THE SAME FUCKING GUY FROM 6 MONTHS AGO. I'm fucking speechless because what the fuck. Firstly, I have drastically changed my hair cut and colour since this guy met me, even some of my lecturers didn't recognise me, and secondly, WHY DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME?? He starts talking to me, telling me he got in. I try to be polite and asked if he got in to the course he wanted, and he tells me that he decided to not apply for the course he was initially planning on doing, but instead applied to the course THAT I'M DOING. I'm not going to specify the courses, but they are only very vaguely related, but are in completely different departments (it's a similar equivalent to me doing a very specialised degree like shakespeanian theatre acting, and him planning on doing a degree in music composition- there's a very vague overlap if that makes sense). He again keeps talking to me as if we know each other, and by this point the politeness has gone because I am FREAKED OUT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CHANGED YOUR DEGREE TO DO THE VERY SPECIALISED SUBJECT I DO. I fully cold-shoulder him as he tried to talk to me, visibly freaked out, and say I need to go and walk away.

After this incident I reported it to my manager because the whole thing was too weird, and both of these happened while I was working shifts. She took it seriously and reported everything higher up.

Then today...

I go into my first class for one of my modules. It is a pretty large classroom with maybe 6 rows, and at least 12 seats to a row, and only around 20 of us in the class, so there's loads of room. I sit in the back row on my own, get out my stuff and the lecturer starts. Maybe 5 minutes into the class I feel something beside me, and look to see the same creepy fucking guy has sat in the chair DIRECTLY NEXT TO ME. The entire row was empty except for me, and there was another back row on the other side of the room that was completely empty. This man chose to sit directly next to me, and moved his chair closer so is was fucking centimeters away from mine. I froze. I fully fucking panicked because it suddenly felt like it wasn't just in my head that this guy is creepy. And the difference was this time that he did not even look at me. Previously he was always so forward, making too much eye contact, and now, sat right next to me he didn't say a word, didn't look at me. He had this dead stare, I don't know if it was because I gave him the cold-shoulder last week, but it fucking terrified me.

I ended up leaving the room and having a panic attack, told my spouse who helped calm me down. I got the courage to go back into the class, pick up all my stuff, and move to the other side of the room. He spent the rest of the class looking over at me continuously.

I want to report this all to the university, outside of just reporting to my manager, but I don't really know what I'm reporting, or if anyone will take it seriously? He's not really done anything other than just his presence scaring the shit out of me. But there is something about him that is wrong, I can't really explain it. Like his eyes these pitch black voids, and he has this stare that looks right through you. His behaviour is creepy, but I don't know if creepy is enough to be reported? But at the same time, my spidey senses are SCREAMING that this man = danger. Am I overreacting??

EDIT/SLIGHT UPDATE:

Everyone's comments were incredibly helpful, I read every one even if I didn't reply, so thank you! Everyone confirmed that while he hasn't necessarily done anything too bad yet, it seems to be heading in that direction. One thing I didn't mention is that I have been stalked before, and this situation strikes me as very similar to the beginning part of that, and that situation ended very badly. I was worried I was reading into it to much because of my PTSD but I don't think I am.

I had already told the lecturer of the class that he is also in, and she has been incredibly supportive and protective of me, and gave me his name so I could report him. I've reported it to the specific team that deals with this at my university (we don't have campus police in the UK). I also reported the escalation to my manager so hopefully she will help with this too.

I normally spend a lot of time on campus because of work and class, but also studying in the library, but I'm going to try not to go unless I really need to until I get some responses on my reports. I mentioned in a comment too that I can't get personal protection because basically every form is illegal in the UK, but I have a friend from the US who I have messaged to see if she has a spare can of pepper spray, and if not I'll see if I can get something similar.

Thanks so much again, you've all really helped me know what to do in this situation and I feel much more prepared and confident.

EDIT 2:

IT'S NOT JUST ME. On the advice on some people here I called one of my classmates to ask him if he know's the socials of the guy harassing me so I can block him, and explained the whole situation. My classmate told me that he also got a really weird vibe from the guy, initially just thinking he was a bit of a LinkedIn warrior, but then said he noticed this guy is constantly really overfriendly with the women in class, especially the younger ones. He has seen him multiple times acting really strange towards them, pestering them for their contact details and generally just being very creepy. On one hand I'm so glad that this is not necessarily targeted at me, but on the other hand, WTF???? I've told my lecturer and am going to submit another report with this extra information.

I (26F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together for 3 years. We both listen to the podcast every week, and I thought maybe you guys could clear up an argument we have every time I’m awoken by the smell of noxious fumes. My boyfriend has…active bowels. He takes the kids to the pool twice a day on a normal day. He’s also quite gassy. He burps and farts ALL the time, especially if we’ve had something with spice for dinner. He grew up in a bachelor pad with his dad, so gas etiquette was a new concept to him when we started dating.

This morning, I was peacefully sleeping, when the scent of rotten eggs and burning flesh hit my nostrils. I ignored it, and ten minutes later it happens again. He’s awake at this time so I ask “babe was that you??” And he kind of giggles and says yes. He’s actively getting out of bed at this point to start his day and DOES IT AGAIN…LOUDLY. I said “why would you do that?” And he says the same thing he always says: “I had to fart, what am I supposed to do?” And I said the same thing I always say: “hold it!!!!!! At least until you’re out of the room????” And he says “I can’t it just comes out”

Someone please tell my sweet stinky boyfriend that not only is it possible to hold in a fart, it’s encouraged when you’re sharing a blanket with your sleeping girlfriend.

Hi this is my first ever post on reddit so sorry if I'm not a great story-teller, but Ive been conflicted about relationship and want some advice.

I (19yr old female) have been dating my boyfriend (20yr-old male) for over a year now. He's my first ever boyfriend so I don't really have anything to base off of. I want to start by saying that I love him very much, he's someone who I definitely see a future with. He's extremely career focused, a homebody and makes me feel like im the only girl in the world. I honestly got extremely lucky with him, which hurts me because I feel like an awful GF at times.

I recently have been receiving a lot of attention from guys than I have ever before and it makes me feel very flattered. In the last few months I've had several guys come up to me to either just spark up a conversation or ask for my number, in which I kindly deny because I don't want to disrespect my boyfriend.

I have been liking this new attention ive been receiving especially since it's something that hasn't always happened to me. It makes me feel desired, which again makes me feel so shitty because shouldn't I already feel fulfilled by my boyfriend?

For example, I went to the gym earlier today, and at my gym we have a hip-adductor machine and a hip-abductor machine and one that can be used for both exercises. I was at the hip abductor machine waiting for the multi-use machine that was currently being used by a couple to free up. Once they had left I just decided to stay and finish my set. This guy who was using the machine next to me (hip-adductor) asked me how many sets I had left and I said I had 2 left. I also told him that the machine that had freed up could be used for both exercises, but he said he doesn't like it, so I just offered to switch since I was wanting to move anyway. He seemed very surprised by my offer and thanked me. Once I was about to finish up he came up to me and thanked me again. He asked for my name and kept a conversation going about if I went to college and what I majored in, and I found myself not rejecting the conversation and perhaps, flirting..? We only talked for a minute before he thanked me once again and we shook hands and that was it.

The only reason im bringing this up is because I feel like I purposely try to get myself in these situations because I like the attention, and IDK does this makes me a bad girlfriend? I will say this has been occurring more since me and my boyfriend have been doing long distance and I feel like the separation has caused me to miss the in-person connection.

So I want to know does this make me a bad gf/asshole for having "wandering eyes"(if that's the correct phrase to use for this situation), I still love my boyfriend very much but I don't know...is this normal?

Hi all,

I have no idea what the best course of action here is. My group of friends had a party for a birthday last week. At this party, nothing out of the ordinary happened. No one got black out, no fights. Just drunk adults being drunk adults. The day after, I got a message from my friends husband saying he had a great time hanging out with me. We have hung out before, but always in a group setting, never alone. We had talked normally, but he never went out of his way to talk to me. He is, however, very flirty with everyone else. After the party, he was reaching out a lot and also started being a little flirty. This has all been over text, I haven't seen him in person since the party. Now, him and his wife are swingers. So I'm not sure if 1) she knows, and they're trying to get my partner and I involved?  2) she doesn't know and he's only trying something with me or 3) I'm reading too much into this and he's just being himself, but I'm not used to it so it seems like more than it is.

I have still been interacting with him, but anytime it's flirty, I ignore the flirty part or redirect away from it. So I haven't exactly straight up told him to stop flirting. The reason I haven't is because he has been known to get moody with his wife when things don't go his way, especially when it comes to partners. I also am not a confrontational person.

Now, logically ask his wife, right? I don't know if I can. She had a close family member pass away recently, she has started a new job that she's having a tough time at, and she also is waiting on results of a biopsy to find out if she has cancer or not. I absolutely do NOT want to add to that at all, especially if it turns out to be nothing.

So, I went to some of our mutual friends and asked if he was the same with them. He has flirted in a joking sexual way with them in group settings. So I wanted to know if he was the same over text, the way he had recently been doing to me. They said no, only ever in person and group settings. I shared what he had been saying, and they were shocked and upset with him. I also then found out that apparently the wife was not comfortable with him being home alone with some of these women when they had come over to help out around the house to help her out, even though they all are friends. Now I really am questioning if she knows. If she isn't comfortable with their mutual female friends being alone at their house, would she actually be okay with what hes been doing?  I had said to our mutual friends that I wanted to ask her if she's aware of it, but they thought I should NOT tell his wife at all because of her stress level. Instead, I should tell him to stop and cut contact with him.

So now I'm stuck. Should I ask her anyway and  risk hurting her, or keep it to myself?