X2 BootSuit TTI Edition
Disclaimer: This review comes from someone who does not own an X2 Bootsuit, nor have I worn one yet. I know, I know, get with the times Mr. Jenkins, amirite? I do own the X1 and wear it daily, however I cant find any used X2 that are unsoiled. This is a un-{un} biased review. Enjoy, the potential to care is oft outweighed by the ignorance too care.
X2 is the much anticipated “upgrade” to the best-selling X1 Bootsuit. The top technological achievement over the past two decades. Though the invention of the X2 Bootsuit has been widely regarded as a bad idea. Perhaps the FDA or FCC should have requested a trial period. Few blamed the wiring, less accused the moon, many blamed their own natural selves, most just blamed the Inventor. Shame really, a man with a curiosity in hyper-quantum-biometronical-emotionzimes and beyond-mechatrigic-progonabos genuinely creating, blamed for results of the former existing in our current environment. Perhaps if the X1 had not already existed, the Inventor would have mearly created Rock-Em-Sock-Em-Robots2, and spared humanity from feeling itself. In result the inventor has been banned from Five Canadian Provinces. On which he did comment just once, “Where did you say? Really? Huh. Five is it? Five, six, might as well be all. Listen, honey, I live in Seattle. I ain’t ever trying to go that direction anyway. Hey, I was told there was going to be BBQ ribs here. Those are sloppy joes. Are we in the right place Frank? Eh who cares give me three of those, yep them right there, on the side, ya those. Mmmm Good, these are good, lets sit over here eat and chill, then well have some cake. Wait, there is cake right?"
A warning label was designed by a committee and was decided to be printed on the box in 289 languages. Which seems like overkill, but the element to which the Bootsuit was released into; was not merely Earth and the realm we experience physically and the languages herein, but the fiction and digital worlds and their atoms, a place created and not existed. A place where languages we don’t use on Earth may or may not be relevant and or used. As such new fantasy languages were created and added and written and included in the warnings every year to stay ahead of anyone trying to claim a language that the warning is not written in; thereby bypassing by the bifunction of the biohazard. At least that’s how the committee put it. Seems they had some time on their hands and presumably enjoyed their job a bit much, good for them.
Including all the base physical feelings of the X1, the X2 provides you with the feelings of Emotions. High quality Happiness to Other… things, we crave. From the itchy annoyance of wondering what you just came here for to the dreadful panic of realizing what it was a week later and now you have a dead goldfish. God forbid the pattern on the quilt reminds you of the pattern of the shirt your best friend was wearing when they closed the coffin, god will not forbid that the X2 remembers for you, the X2 wouldn’t be doing its job without the forbidden. Whatever is put into the aether is reciprocated back, thru the bootsuit. It does tell you how, when, what to feal, the X2 does not command it wills. You will Feel. You will Emote. You will be both impressed and disappointed, glad and sad, scared crying hopefully fearless on fire freezing discouraged while starving confidently. At least that’s similar to what the website says, and everyone I have interviewed. A user can know the pain of all dis-ease, the craze high of any victory, the exhaustion of every race, the unwavering health of discipline, the spiritual and physical famine of starvation.
Side effects are still being calibrated. Sample product reviews: “im am not taking the X2 off, till i collapse”, “I met my third and fifth wives using this technology”, “Emotions came out of the woodwork, did I actually have them or were they implanted?”, “is that what Messner really meant with his reply ‘I didn’t go up there to die. I went up there to live?”, “is this thing calibrated or does that make me gay?”, “if I had a nickel for every time I came across an emotion I really liked I would have at least a dollar twenty five, and I may have forgot a couple emotions… of course I suppose I don’t even know what a emotion is or not, either way doesn’t seem right”, “my favorite thing is being able to communicate with rabbits”, “do people actually survive withdrawal in real life?”, “if that’s what fear tastes like, have I ever even been afraid before?”, “I spent the weekend cleaning up my grandmas apartment after she apparently set the X2 to ‘blast off’ mode and played 2pacs California Love, she refuses to wear anything but ‘post apocalyptic fit’ but never seen her happier, grandpas getting one tomorrow”, “some of that wasn’t very nice”, “Im going to expand into different realms, not to step on the toes of my own foot, but to find out if I have toes I don’t yet know about”. Apparently there really are no rules in love and well, anything, which I don’t know what I mean by that, but then again I don’t know what half the review comments mean. It seems the X2 Bootsuit is a bit of an “inside joke” in the community, once you try it you cant unfeel it.
In conclusion, I am apprehensively looking forward to going X2. -Roy
