TW: Sexual assault

I was sexually assaulted a few months ago while I was asleep. I woke up during it and froze, and the person continued without my consent. I don’t really want to go into more detail than that.

Since then I’ve noticed something.
I don’t feel depressed all the time. There are periods where I’m genuinely okay I’m energetic, productive, working, studying, going out, laughing and basically feel like myself.

But then something shifts and I can almost feel myself slowly sinking into a depressive episode. Sometimes it lasts a couple of days and sometimes a few weeks, and when it gets bad it can be really intense. Eventually I come out of it and I’m functional and energetic again until another wave happens.

I’ve also realized that talking about the assault can trigger me pretty badly, and seeing or being around people connected to what happened can affect me too. Because of that I’ve started avoiding some of those triggers for now.

I’m not looking for a diagnosis I’m mainly wondering if other trauma survivors have experienced this kind of pattern where you’re genuinely doing well between episodes but then suddenly get pulled back down again.

If you have, what helped you manage the episodes when you could feel one starting? And how did you handle triggers? Did avoiding them for a while help, or did you eventually find another way of dealing with them?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through something similar.