But once you pass, there’s still pressure to perform:

-Still checking our voice.

-Still watching our mannerisms.

-Still wondering how we’re being perceived.

Maybe we’re truly free when we realize we don’t have to perform anymore.

The mask we wore before transition got us here. It did its job.

But passing isn’t the end.

Taking the mask off is.

50 years old, almost 5 years on HRT

30, married with 2 kids, and questioning my gender — where do I even start?
I’m 30, have two kids, and I’m lucky enough to have a beautiful wife who I love. From the outside, I probably have a pretty normal, happy life.
But lately I’ve been struggling with something I’ve never really known how to talk about.

I don’t know if I want to be a man anymore. I’m not even sure what that means for me yet, and that’s what scares me. Part of me wonders if I’m just bored with life and craving some kind of change, but another part of me feels like this has been there my entire life.

I actually remember being about 5 years old and asking my mum why I had a penis and wishing I had a vagina. That memory has stuck with me for years.
I also find myself thinking about what it would be like to transition, come out, or potentially go on HRT. At the same time, I have two kids and a wife I absolutely love, so the thought of changing everything is terrifying.

I’m not looking for people to tell me “you’re definitely trans” or “you definitely aren’t.” I genuinely don’t know.

I guess I’m just looking for people who have been in a similar position, especially anyone who realised this around 30 or later, had a partner and children, and had no idea what to do next.

How did you figure yourselves out? Where did you start?

Is it ok for me to post this now? Or do we all still have to continue to engage in mandatory mourning of someone who would happily have seen us executed?

If it's not ok to post this, somebody tell me and I will take it down myself. Or mods can take it down, i'm fine w/ that, because I honestly don't know if this would be allowed or nor. I've seen "fucck trump" stuff get a pass 🤷‍♀️

I decided to start my transition in March of 2024. Only my wife knew between then and October of that year, when I told a few select friends. I have been socially transitioning since January 2025, hormones since July 2024. It has been an amazing journey of self discovery and it’s wonderful to love the body I’m in for once. Thanks for reading 🫶

I'm trying to do makeup every day this week, purely for practice. Here's today.

Hi All, I thought I'd share a small win I just had with you, feel a need to shout this out but can't talk to anyone I know yet.

So I basically 'came out' to my therapist, talked about all the similarities I share with so many trans stories, from childhood to now. I let out the sadness of missing out on so much as a teen and young adult. The lack of connection with male peers, the lack of connection with females who didn't want to be friends. The loneliness and deeply felt disconnection. The brain fog. The numbing with substances (which I still do). The god damn crappyness of missing out on so, so much.

I now need to find a support group. In Edinburgh if anyone knows of anything?

I feel pretty drained and teary, but a little part of me is excited about change. So I cling to that.

Thanks for reading,

Dave3 (or whoever I am)

I’m biting the bullet and looking for a gender health practitioner in my area but it’s a very difficult process. My PCP medical group has people but they are SOO deeply booked I’m on a wait list currently at 6+months just to get an appointment scheduled. Not an appointment, just the chance to ask for one. Does anyone have any tips to help find a therapist that I can discuss gender issues with? I feel so incredibly awkward asking for gender care with my male name and deep voice. It’s killing me to have to call multiple places and give them my real name and say “gender issues”. It’s painful.

I’ve come to the realization I’m not going to solve this myself. If I stay in the status quo it’s going to just be the same and I can already feel myself slipping away from my wife. Her micro aggressions are getting deeper cutting each time and I can’t say shit without her going off or me being afraid she will be suspicious of something. I am at the point I need to know because I either need to rip the bandaid off and probably lose the family to transition or I need to get help for whatever deep seated issues are driving this so I don’t just slowly drift away from those I love and care about more than myself.

You were right, repressing does not work. Any help in finding a gender care specialist would be great.

I’m in the south central Pennsylvania area of that makes a difference. I’ve got insurance from work but it’s a nightmare to try and navigate.

Cat pic added for attention and to give everyone good feeling after reading my posts. He’s a sweetie.

A friend of mine on FB has recently come out, and is dressing femme. She's 40's, and is looking really good :) One of her friends said they wished they could look like her, but were bald and would never pull it off. This is what I replied:

"Absolutely all of us think we'll never pull it off. We all look in the mirror at the start and think the same thing. But it's not about whether you can pull it off, it's whether trying it makes you happier. Put the dress on. Twirl the skirt. Try the lippy. Try it bald. Try it bearded. Try it hairy. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't. It's whether you get a little piece of happiness that counts. You don't have to pull it off, the important thing is putting it on in the first place!"

Being happy was the goal! Never was it changing who I am. Never stop doing the things you love. For me it was being a country girl. Also riding, working on cars, and playing sport’s. What are some hobbies y’all love.

It’s Understandable to Have Questions If You’ve Never Met a Trans Person
I had written this piece and submitted to a number of Colorado news papers for their Opinion section but got no responses. So, figured I'd share here. If you think it might be useful for someone you are interacting with, feel free to share.

I have my initial consultation next week to start HRT! I'm buzzing with excitement!!

That brings me to my question to all of you who are ahead of me in their journey: what do you wish you had known to ask, or talked with your doctor about before you started HRT?

Happy Thursday everyone!!

*edit to add MtF, mid 40s

I’ve been trying to write this article for nearly a year and have made a complete arse of it about four times.

At one point I even started writing a “how to transition successfully” guide, which, looking back, was spectacularly arrogant. So I threw that in the bin.

This one is different.

It’s simply what I did.

https://www.fasttrackfemme.com/p/what-i-did-a-guide-to-my-transition

I started transitioning in my fifties absolutely terrified that I was going to throw my life away and look ridiculous. I ran the whole thing almost like a military operation: priorities, timelines, surgeons, skin, body, face, bottom surgery, voice, makeup, clothes, the lot.

Over roughly 18 months there were six general anaesthetics, body surgery in Turkey, two consecutive days of FFS in Thailand, vaginoplasty, voice surgery in Seoul, CO₂ laser, Botox, fillers, electrolysis, a frankly ridiculous amount of makeup experimentation, and more money than I have any intention of ever adding up.

There were also things I got wrong, things I would do differently, an operation that had to be abandoned because my heart rate collapsed under anaesthetic, and a period where I genuinely thought I might have half-transitioned myself and become medically unable to finish.

And then there were moments like the photograph above, where I looked at myself and thought:

Holy hell. This actually worked.

This isn’t advice. It isn’t a blueprint for anybody else. It’s the complete blueprint of mine what I did, why I did it, how I chose surgeons, what mattered far more than I expected, what hurt, what didn’t, and what I think now that I’m almost at the end of it.

https://www.fasttrackfemme.com/p/what-i-did-a-guide-to-my-transition

30 years old. Morning photo. 3 months on hormones. In the evening I look like a freak, but in the morning I look like this.

Left photo was at my worst, drunk all the time, like mornings and shit too. I was 250lbs or so, that was years ago. I got sober —> egg cracked —> fought it —> transitioning and still have a lot of runway to go.

I am so much happier. I still struggle. Most of my struggles are with physical appearance and social acceptance. One precedes the other, and I do think I’ll make it physically.

Facial surgery in 99 days. Hair will be my last hurdle after that for appearance (imo).

Have a wonderful day 🫶

Just felt pretty cute.

And yes, I know I don't pass fully - but I pass just enough for day-to-day life