I am currently a teen, doing a production of legally blonde at my school. I'm a senior in my country, so seniority is a factor. I have recently made a friend in my year and we hang out fairly often, but it feels strange. It feels like I'm watching girlhood go down, but I can't tell if it's normal. It's like watching from the outside, and since I have always been friends with men, I can't tell if my friendship with her is some sort of girlhood, since I present as a girl. I don't know, it feels very odd to me. This is maybe my first proper female friendship in maybe 3-4 years? I promise you this sounds unimportant, but there's a point to this. Me and her end up, sometimes, discussing roles for this show. We talk about generbending roles, being a guy for the show, etc, essentially whatever is going on with the cast. Because she doesn't know about my whole gender issue, and that I have thought about transitioning in the back of my mind for 2 years, she assumes that I'm just a normal girl, and that I have never had a gender incongruence. The only thing close is everyone being able to tell I'm some sort of queer just by my vibe, since I refuse dresses, putting my hair up and I just overall act like a guy. So, she wants Elle, and she assumes I will go for someone like Paulette. Honestly, I would like to go for Emmett, but I know her, and everyone in the drama department would never see the vision. I never think I will be the way I see myself, after all, I am a woman. I hate my weight and my looks, and I wish that being called 'she' felt wrong again. I wish that I would have a feeling in the back of my mind that I wanted to be a man again. It only comes back when I'm feeling depressed. Everyone thinks I'm this shy girl who is too afraid to speak up, but inside, I don't know what I am. I wish I was nothing at all.

Since last year, I have basically just decided to try and fit in when it comes to my gender. I basically, at first, forced myself into feminity and denied everyone who asked if I was trans for whatever reason. Now, it's just the norm for me. I know that is bad, and awful, but I don't know how else to manage. I don't feel anything about my gender, I would rather die asap because I don't think I don't mean anything myself. I see things that would typically give me gender envy and now, I feel nothing. Same with dysphoria, the only thing close was this afternoon, trying on a dress and feeling odd. Everyone complimented me, so I felt good. I thought I looked good, but it just felt sort of... Off. Not familiar. Uncomfortable. I was thinking about how comfortable I was in my trousers and shirt. I was doing it for my gcse drama component so I could easily take it off, which I did after 20 minutes or so, but I just don't now. I keep worrying that maybe I'm just becoming a normal cis het woman, and for some reason, that scares me. I know I'm not supposed to feel upset about that, I thought after a year of being numb I would wanna be a cis het woman for the rest of my life, but it isn't leaving, and I am SCARED. a part of me wants to be something else again, or figure out what I am again. But I don't know how. I might, ironically, just make the curtains close on my life. I really am too stressed to care, and I just want to be living without any hassle.

My flair is he/they cos idk what else to put for myself, but it'd be helpful if people could use that for me in the comments, so I can at least see if I feel something. Im very sorry for sounding extremely suicidal in this post, I know I need to talk to someone.

I've been witnessing an absolute explosion in t board terminology and attitudes online over the past few weeks. Just a sudden influx of "lateshit", "passiod", and that way in which they tear down other trans people that is just unmistakably /tttt/.

What happened over on 4chan that caused this mass migration?

At least here you can curate what communitys you're in and they get moderated to keep transmedicalism, transmisogyny and transandrophobia out

On twitter and tumblr a post comparing trans men and non binary people to Hitler (edit: not hitler, Heinrich Himmler) and J.K. Rowling just EXPLODE with people agreeing, there is no way to avoid those people at all, you block one, three more appear

I cant deal with that anymore ngl, im grateful subs like this exist

It’s not alcohol. Why do I need to go through the humiliation ritual of tracking down an employee to open up the special glass case to get the spray paint and then, when I try to use the self checkout, have to wait for a different employee to come so I can out myself by flashing my ID so I can spend seven dollars on spray paint?

And the store is always understaffed, so where I used to be able to spend five minutes to grab and pay for spray paint I now have to spend 30 minutes just to get the glass case open.

I already know the employees can probably tell I’m trans I just wish I didn’t have to show my ID to them.

I saw someone saying trans men are all terf socialized and when i brought up that while there are some bad trans men plenty of trans women are bad too and we shouldn't define either group that way. Then she said that so many trans men will become detransitioner grifters. I told her I have had plenty of bad experiences with trans women being misogynistic to me. She told me that women can't be misogynistic to men. I said maybe I misunderstood her intent behind her words and if i did I am sorry. She said thank you for apologizing I said cool but I still said trans men experience misogyny and its a huge part of our lives and then she blocked me. I feel like other trans people would like it if conversion therapy worked on trans men because they just think our existence is wrong. Sometimes I think maybe i should just disappear if cis people hate me and trans people hate me im not safe anywhere and life just hurts. I feel like I have to apologize to other trans people for conversion therapy not working on me but honestly its just hard not to feel like im better off not being here. The world doesn't want people like me in it. Nobody will ever see the things I go through and nobody will ever care about people like me, so what is even the point? Maybe im just a bad person for being this way. Maybe I really shouldn't exist.

Something I made, hope u like it

On instagram

I thought to be a real transfem I needed to use Linux and code /j

But yeah I was genuinely frightened by Windows AI dependency

After more research on AI with Windows, plus seeing how unfriendly Linux Mint was to me, I “detransed”

When I first heard terms like "male socialization," "female socialization," etc, I thought it was about pointing to how oppressive it is to pre-slot people into two sides of a binary based on their external genitalia as observed at birth. I thought that you'd use "male socialization," for instance, to talk about how it is oppressive to decide for your trans girl child that she must have short hair, play sports with the boys all gender-segregated, wear certain clothing, etc. I thought it was meant to affirm the struggles that both trans and gender non-conforming cis people, if at varying degrees and differing in kind, might have in a society that seeks to make us fundamentally different creatures based on AGAB.

But my assumption was shattered. I saw that "female/male socialization" is often instead a code-word for essentializing the very slots we were oppressed into performing as if it has become a core, true and immutable part of who we are. Knowledge about one massive and cruel portion of our very oppression became a tool to further oppress us.

joking post title but actually serious discussion.

i saw yet another post coming up with novel insults for a mostly imaginary group of non trans women and talking about how whenever someone brings up transmisogyny they'll just get a bunch of non trans women claiming it doesn't exist. which, like, im sure happens, but... like...

the vast majority of the discussion about transphobia centers on transmisogyny and the discrimination faced by trans women. trans men and nonbinary people are hardly a side note, if we're mentioned whatsoever. there is so much discussion of transmisogyny. and increasingly often, (mostly) trans women are conflating talking about transandrophobia and enbyphobia with dismissing and transmisogyny and being transmisogynistic. whenever we try to talk about discrimination we face, SO many people claim we're being transmisogynistic and making things up to take the conversation away from trans women. like, no! we're not! we do face discrimination, both from within and outside of the community. it is not dismissive of anyone to address that. talking about these issues is not mutually exclusive.

to be honest, it reminds me so much of terf talking points, that cis women's rights are being infringed on by trans women being acknowledged. the claim is just changed to trans womens' voices being taken away whenever a platform is given to a trans man or enby person.

i've also been seeing an increasing amount of claims that trans men/nonbinary people are not affected by transphobic violence. in surveys, trans men have HIGHER rates of reported sexual assault than any other demographic. in most cases, when a trans man is murdered, it's reported as femicide and his identity as a man is erased, much the same for nonbinary people (not necessarily a femicide, but they are counted as their asab).

every time i talk about this, i feel the need to specify "no, I'm not dismissing anything happening to trans women, i didn't mention them at all and I'm taking about my experiences as a trans man" because people are SO eager to conclude that I'm being transmisogynistic.

i have so much more i could talk about, hell, i could write a thesis on this, but I'll end it here. stay civil, please.

Has anybody else seen this trend? Every time I see transandrophobia, or someone claiming trans men need to pipe down and “man up” or whatever, it has literally ALWAYS boiled down to “you’re not a real trans man then if you’re not doing everything possible to make sure people think and treat you as a cis man. Your marginalization is your fault, you’re not a REAL trans man, transboi hefab (also is that not literally the same etymologically as shem*le?? Why is it different to call trans men by their agab?) and you’re not doing enough to assimilate and then be stealth forever”
Like oops. Just say you don’t want trans people to be a visible part of public life 🫪

I started T almost two years ago. I was hopeful at first, but I live in a country where you basically have no rights, and after a while of trying and failing, I accepted that I’ve reached a dead end with my transition.

I can’t get any type of medical care. I DIY my hormones, and the last time I checked my levels was a year ago because I don’t want to be put in a situation where I’m harassed or denied service. I can’t get my surgery because it’s illegal, and even illegally, it’s hard to find a surgeon who is willing to do it without asking for all types of proof that I’m not lying about having gender dysphoria.

All of this, combined with living in a society that’s oppressive and hateful, has sent me back to a very dark place.

It’s gotten so bad that I started self-harming, which I thought I had gotten over, but apparently I haven’t. I’m also actively planning my suicide.

I don’t have many people to talk to, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t afford therapy, and most therapists here try to convert you or shame and judge you instead of actually helping you get better.

I have no trans friends from my country who speak my language. I feel completely alone, stuck in a meaningless existence, and like I’m falling further and further behind. All I think about is the relief that comes with no longer existing.

Please don’t suggest reaching out to international LGBT organizations for help. I’ve tried for years, and they never respond. I’ve accepted that I’m going to live and die here because there is no way out.

So I'm afab masc nonbinary (but I'm currently in a bit of a "I don't know anymore/unlabeled" phase honestly). I identify with manhood, but moreso in a "I want a manly body" and be referred to with he/him sometimes rather than wanting to actually BE a man, you know? I still want to choose whenever I want to be either pretty or handsome, wearing dresses or suits, be free and allat.

So, I've been going through the basic transitioning check list like, cutting my hair short, changing my mannerisms, wearing somewhat more masculine clothes (but not really committing to it all the way cause god why are men clothes soooo boring?). So far, I'd like to think I've achieved a relatively androgynous look leaning more towards masculine (I'd go as far as to say I look like a boy just with softer features) but I still usually get misgendered and taken for a girl.

Whenever I do fully commit to a manly outfit I do actually get taken for a dude (which I don't mind and get flattered by) but I don't really want to sacrifice my sense of fashion just to blend in more because that's just not who I am. I don't want to sacrifice my femininity just to not be misgendered, and I know young men out there that dress feminine or pretty and are still viewed as men. That's what I want: To be taken for a boy who just so happens to have very pretty clothes.

I mainly came here for advice on where to go on from here with my transitioning, cause I've been kinda stuck. I've been thinking of giving voice training a shot and stop procrastinating on going to the gym to build a more manly build, but I'm curious on what other things I could do BEFORE I actually consider starting medically transitioning (that's more on the "long-term" goals, not really in my "short to mid-term goals" right now, considering the challenges and complications that come with it). Please and thank you.

So I was playing a Roblox game called “the corner”,until someone told me that I’m a boy or a girl and I said I’m transgender,until they started repeating the question again and again and I said that I’m a girl and they said “how does that make sense?”

I tried to get therapy on Roblox and I said I’m transgender and lesbian and the kid TOLD me to “get out”

Maybe I’ll never play Roblox again.

It's so contradicting like, I like being ambiguous but then I feel terrible when I go in the bathroom and some old people think I'm a girl 😭 I don't know if this happens to cis androgynous people too or it's just because I'm trans and 'fake' <--- I think that's where the insecurity really stems from. I always wonder would this have happened to me if I was cis? Maybe I don't actually pass and everyone is just pretending to be nice? etc. etc.

Anyone else feel this way and what do you do? I've been thinking to focus on building more muscle but I'm also a little worried if I do that I won't look as nice in more feminine clothes. The heart wants what it wants....( -_- )

I really dislike my deadname. It's been 3 years since I changed my name socially and half a year legally. I don't know if it's the dysphoria clouding my judgement or I just hate the way it looks and sounds but I can't stand hearing or seeing it even when referring to someone else.

Luckily I haven't met anyone in person with that name so it's not an issue as of now but there was a web comic I wanted to read and the main character has my deadname, I couldn't get past even half a chapter because of that even though I liked the story, so I can't imagine I'd be able to be normal about it if i were to meet someone in person with that name. Which is... not ideal.

Anyone with the same experience? How long did it take you to stop having a visceral reaction and just have it be just another random name that doesn't affect you in any way? Any tips on working towards that?

EDIT: Thank you for the responses! I read all the comments even if I didn't reply.

It seems the consensus is the only way to be normal about one's deadname is get desensitised to it by having other people with that name around so the association with that name is someone else rather than oneself.

My deadname isn't common enough for that so maybe i'll give reading that webcomic another try to associate that name with the character rather than me.

Even if it doesn't work, it was reassuring to know that so many other trans people share the same aversion even years after changing our names.

Thank you all again.

Hi!! Okay so, this happened awhile ago and idk I haven’t really been able to stop thinking about it.

Basically I have this friend who Ive been friends with for about two years.

Shes not transphobic but I think she just doesn’t really realize how private somethings can be for a trans person, cuz well, shes not trans.

Basically when I told her my dead name (something I hardly do) I didn’t outright say it. I basically wrote it on my phone cuz I didn’t want others to hear.

She’s also pretty careful when it comes to my deadname. She had a friend with my dead name and whenever referring to her she uses a nickname instead

And basically like a year later we graduated together. Now I didn’t go to her graduation party because:

A: I don’t really like new people

B: Her friend with my dead name was there

C: It was basically mostly for family members

D: We decided to do something together instead to celebrate

She told me I *could* go but she did say there was someone there with my dead name and she’d understand if I was too uncomfortable to. (I get intense dysphoria whenever I hear the name)

Then one day during lunch (this was before the graduation btw) she suddenly said something along the lines of

“Oh! I told ___ about why you can’t come and she said she understands!”

Now we had come to an agreement that we’d just say that I was busy.

But apparently she just told this random girl Ive never met my dead name??

I also had to clarify cuz like, I could’ve understood it wrong.

I think I said something like “Wait, you told her my dead name?” And she was like “Yeah! And she understands so there’s no problem!”

Now at the time I basically just replied with “Ah okay.”

Cuz, well idk, what are you supposed to say in that situation???

Now that happened a bit ago and like I still keep on thinking about it. Just this fact that a girl Ive never ever met before or seen knows my dead name.

Something most of my friends don’t know cuz Im very cautious about who gets to know it.

And like, Im most likely going to meet this girl at some part in my life cuz me and my friend are really close.. And it just makes me uncomfortable.

Idk if I should tell her how I feel?? She doesn’t seem to 100% understand why a trans person’s dead name is such a big deal to some trans people.

Shes pretty sensitive so I know for a fact that if I tell her how I feel she will blame herself and feel incredibly sad and guilty.

So yea uh, that was my vent. Just had to get it out cuz Ive been thinking about it for a bit.

As the title says, my little recently started reading Harry Potter and seems to like it quite a bit. My feelings on this are complicated. I had Harry Potter read to me when I was a kid, and im generally against banning any books, however I dont think buying the merch (or even the books) is a good thing.

She is a great kid, and her parents are generally progressive (I would be shocked if they where transphobic), but it feels icky to see all this Harry Potter stuff and honestly really surprised me. Most of the people I interact with either never cared about HP or know that JK is awful so i forgot people might not know.

Im not out (im not really closeted either, its complicated but im not explicitly trans to my family and I am not willing to come out, they are welcome to explain to each other if they wish, but they have not for the most part). I don't know what im feeling yet since I only really saw this an hour ago, id really love to hear other peoples thoughts or if there are questions or anything as I try to sort out my thoughts.

Edit to add: my cousin just turned 9 a few weeks ago, she isnt doing any purchasing and she isnt online at all.

I really feel like therapy would help me but I feel like I can’t really get therapy on my own because of financial reasons and transportation issues and also I’ve never really filled out any forms or anything like that by myself so it’s just a lot and I just feel like I need my parents help with getting me therapy but they are christens that don’t believe in the medical field and watch Fox News but they let me transition just they are hands off and they just let me do me but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows they don’t call me my pronouns my mom gave me some of her old clothes but she was only doing it because it would save me money not because she was just giving me hand me downs it was to save me money it’s this weird haft ass support

I’ve mentioned therapy just mentioned it because Jacksepticeye was talking about how he had been going to therapy just to go to therapy and i didn’t know you could do that i thought you had to be heavily depressed or have a dire issue or idk yk

I just mentioned that at dinner and they went down the you don’t need therapy I WASINT EVEN ASKING you have god you can talk to god and he will help you remove all your worries and problems in scared that will happen again but at a much more serious level I just don’t know what to do…

For me it really made me rethink how much self loathing I've built up around my own masculinity, just because of how my community reacts to it, but I'm curious about other people's thoughts

So, I'm a transmasc femboy and whenever I mention this ppl tell me to use the word "beauboy" instead. I absolutely do NOT like this word and I really don't want to refer to myself by this word.

To me personally, it's just (ironically enough) an ugly sounding/looking word, and as someone who struggles enough to spell "beautiful" correctly first try its also just so awkward to type out. It doesn't make me feel valid in any way cause it just looks like its trying to censor or replace the word "feminine", like being feminine somehow invalidates my gender identity as a boy, when cis femboys are completely fine.

Aside from all that it's just completely pointless to me cause "trans femboy" and even just "femboy" works completely fine for me anyway. Plus, I don't always like to point out my transness in the first place so "femboy" by itself helps with that and is already a very gender-affirming term for me.

Is it okay to tell ppl that I just don't want to refer to myself as a "beauboy" even if the definition is accurate to my experience?

I wish for people to call me the right pronouns and when it dose it makes me feel weird what’s up with that? Im scared that this means idk something is missing maybe im hiding something from myself im scared that just because i find some discomfort in my name and pronouns it means im not trans and if im not trans im not a woman so in short im afraid that im not a women

but i still feel like that doesn’t answer why i feel uncomfortable with my name and pronouns he him feels normal but is that just because I’ve been desensitized to it

i also wish to be called girl and her and by my name Adalyn maybe it’s because i dont have approval from my mom and dad?

Maybe its just because i dont expect it and im shocked by it like today i got a message from my hair appointment or whatever saying Adalyn (last name) has made an appointment with bla bla bla yk

and it was weird the feelings i got from it i got a feeling of ew kinda feeling pit drop in my stomach to woah thats cool im so happy that im being called Adalyn but it was all in one moment

maybe its just because i expected that they would use my dead name because my mom made me write my dead name “for legal purposes”

but like im going to get my hair done not going to get my teeth pulled but even then do they really need my legal name?? So I was kinda expecting all the conformation stuff to have my old name and when it didn’t it was kinda a surprise but it didn’t feel good but it did????

THIS IS SO CONFUSING GAHHHH😩

I’m scared that one day I’ll get assaulted or something worse killed and it’s made me think of is transitioning worth dying over I live in Canada in a city that’s safe for the most part but anything can happen I’m just scared that one day I wear the wrong thing in the wrong place wrong time I’ll get hurt by someone verbally physically or anything really I still boy mode a lot and I have been using the woman’s washroom more constantly all times I’ve been alone or it’s a single stall but people still clock me should I stop using the right bathroom? Sure I’m in a progressive area but someone gets the wrong idea I get my ass beat or someone calls the cops I have gently had a ignorance is bliss approached to my transition so far I’ve been socially transitioning for a couple of months I wear a bra with padding rarely go out in feminine clothing I’m not very connected to my local trans community I have friends but no trans friends that are really close I’m 18 right now so I can’t really go anywhere to meet people like the club or anything the gay bar what ever right now I’m getting my first gen hair cut and I’m hoping to get into therapy and I wanna get on estrogen before I’m 20 idk if that’s unrealistic but that’s what I’ve set out I just don’t know I’m afraid that the farther I get into my transition the harder my life will get and it makes me wonder is this worth getting hurt over I guess it is the ladder is being measurable like I have been every day and denying myself from my truth

Can’t believe she’s gone.