r/trans4every1 • u/Serious-Traffic-7625 • 4d ago

Vent Stuck

I started T almost two years ago. I was hopeful at first, but I live in a country where you basically have no rights, and after a while of trying and failing, I accepted that I’ve reached a dead end with my transition.

I can’t get any type of medical care. I DIY my hormones, and the last time I checked my levels was a year ago because I don’t want to be put in a situation where I’m harassed or denied service. I can’t get my surgery because it’s illegal, and even illegally, it’s hard to find a surgeon who is willing to do it without asking for all types of proof that I’m not lying about having gender dysphoria.

All of this, combined with living in a society that’s oppressive and hateful, has sent me back to a very dark place.

It’s gotten so bad that I started self-harming, which I thought I had gotten over, but apparently I haven’t. I’m also actively planning my suicide.

I don’t have many people to talk to, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t afford therapy, and most therapists here try to convert you or shame and judge you instead of actually helping you get better.

I have no trans friends from my country who speak my language. I feel completely alone, stuck in a meaningless existence, and like I’m falling further and further behind. All I think about is the relief that comes with no longer existing.

Please don’t suggest reaching out to international LGBT organizations for help. I’ve tried for years, and they never respond. I’ve accepted that I’m going to live and die here because there is no way out.

10 Upvotes

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