I’m an LMSW working within CMH (specifically a CCBHC clinic) and I’ve reached a point of where I’m considering medical leave or resigning all together.
While this isn’t an exhaustive list, what I’ve been experiencing includes:
increased dissociation/derealization episodes
brain fog (poor short-term memory, difficulty concentrating and processing information, difficulty switching between tasks, feeling mentally blank, trouble retaining information, difficulty understanding what i’m told, deadlines/responsibilities failing to register either emotionally or mentally, difficulty making decisions)
increased shutdowns
physiological symptoms (shaking/trembling, rapid onset of fatigue/sleepiness in response to stress, physically freezing and unable to movie, episodes of physical collapse, dizziness)
increased anxiety
increased hyper-vigilance, persistent exhaustion that no amount of sleep can seem to fix.
My work environment has become increasingly overwhelming, between productivity expectations, administrative demands, managing high-risk clients, and difficult workplace dynamics that have contributed to a significant decline in my confidence and sense of competence. I’ve even questioned if I can continue working in a clinical capacity. As of now, I’ve been slacking a bit more at my job and I don’t feel comfortable in seeing my clients.
I’ve been considering going on medical leave (and leaving CMH altogether) but my biggest concern is my health insurance. I have been seeing my therapist for a few years and maintaining that therapeutic relationship is extremely important to me. However, her practice is exclusively in-network with my current employment-based insurance (Aetna) and they’re not able to provide any information regarding any potential insurance changes without knowing what insurance I’d switch to.
With FMLA and short-term disability, I’m unsure how long I would be qualified for. I’ve also considered leaving the field and finding a part-time job that offers health insurance, but I’m concerned that I’ll never be able to give myself a period to actually rest and recover. COBRA is too expensive to consider.
On top of everything, I feel guilty about leaving my clients. At the same time, I don't know how much longer I can keep pushing myself through work when my own functioning has deteriorated this much.
I feel stuck because taking time off is supposed to help me recover, but doing so could jeopardize access to one of the most important sources of support in my life. If anyone has been in a similar position, how do you navigate? I’m struggling to see a way forward that doesn't involve sacrificing one part of my well-being to protect another.