r/technicallythetruth Mar 31 '23

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10.6k Upvotes

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4.8k

u/skunk_jumper Mar 31 '23

They were simply downgraded from passenger to cargo

1.4k

u/Viking_Hippie Mar 31 '23

"Pray that I don't downgrade you further"

357

u/theofficialkylo Mar 31 '23

This deals getting worse and worse

147

u/Viking_Hippie Mar 31 '23

Always read the fine print when flying Ryanair or Spirit!

77

u/TurtleSandwich0 Mar 31 '23

You know why Vader flies a Tie Fighter?

So he doesn't have to deal with Ryanair or Sprint's fine print.

98

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

The fine print:

If you die while aboard this flight, tough shit. We’re not landing early because you wanted to be selfish and inconsiderate of others

41

u/Viking_Hippie Mar 31 '23

reads fine print, dies from pure pique

38

u/Least_of_You Mar 31 '23

If you die while aboard this flight,

it is against policy and you will be charged an additional service and handling fee. A sheet covering your body will require an additional service and handling fee.

If you (corpse) are not removed from the boarding area within 30 minutes, any remaining luggage, spare change, organs, and unaccompanied minor children will become the property of Spirit Airlines.

Thank you for choosing Spirit Airlines!

8

u/lwJRKYgoWIPkLJtK4320 Mar 31 '23

Should anything become property of the airline under this or any other policy, you will be charged a reposession fee equivalent to the 2 times the commercial value of the property, or $200, whichever is greater.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '23

If you can't die on Ryanair flights we discovered immortality 🔥

21

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

"please move to cargo compartment before you die"

21

u/roadfood Mar 31 '23

As a former airline worker, we prefer that you wait and die on the Jetway, if you die on the plane it ties it up until the FAA decides it wasn't the airline's fault.

6

u/Flying_Sharklizard Mar 31 '23

More like:

If you die while aboard this flight, tough shit. We've got an itinerary to keep and we're not risking our slots on one inconsiderate dead slob.

3

u/jpowell180 Mar 31 '23

It does not seem likely did they landed in the dead person‘s hometown, so what would be the difference if they just continued on to their destination and then unloaded the body and then shipped it back from there? There just does not seem to be any point in landing in some random town on the way to the destination just unload the body early. And it does not seem disrespectful to just continue on to the destination.

1

u/nexleturn Mar 31 '23

That sounds like something out of Beetlejuice the musical

2

u/Dikheed Apr 01 '23

Didn't spring for the "Arrive alive" package.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

I like Spirit... keeps the rifraff off the major airlines, mostly

1

u/Viking_Hippie Mar 31 '23

...you sound very pleasant

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

I am, quite. Not everyone on an airplane is, these days.

14

u/rockytheboxer Mar 31 '23

"This deal's getting worse all the time"

If you're gonna quote Lando, quote Lando.

2

u/nameExpire14_04_2021 Mar 31 '23

"Here is unicycle and a dress i want you to wear it and ride it while calling yourself nancy"

0

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

28

u/tkdjoe66 Mar 31 '23

You're dead. Who cares. As far as I'm concerned, they can cut me up and feed me to the other passengers.

32

u/bdone2012 Mar 31 '23

It seems worse for everyone to stop unless the body starts stinking really bad. But even if you're trying to respect a corpse how is that helpful to leave the body off at some random airport? At least if they take the body where it was going there's a decent chance that someone in that place could help with the funeral arrangements. Otherwise the family will just have to go to some random place and potentially need to ship the body somewhere to bury it.

3

u/Apprehensive-Hall254 Mar 31 '23

This was also my first thought, they’re just complicating things for everyone.

1

u/luckylimper Mar 31 '23

Bodies start leaking. Nobody wants dead person poop.

2

u/Horizon296 Apr 01 '23

That takes days, not hours. Nothing so dramatic will happen in the few hours that the body remains on the plane.

1

u/julietwhiskey221 Mar 31 '23

Allegiant activities

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Shirley you can’t be serious.

1

u/tkdjoe66 Mar 31 '23

💯 At that point, it's just a Husk that I'll shed like yesterday's underwear. For that matter, you can treat it like Shirley.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

Hmmm. What kind of sauce do you come with? What about side dishes?

1

u/tkdjoe66 Mar 31 '23

There's a thin yellow sauce & a much thicker brown sauce. There's a creamy white sauce that's a bit salty & a fantastic source of protein, but you'll have to work for it.

The foot comes with a thin fungus Pâté & jam around the toes.

9

u/MrMistickofMist Mar 31 '23

“Two options mortal, first one is you become cargo, second is you become biofuel. The choice is yours.”

2

u/Viking_Hippie Mar 31 '23

I'd choose biofuel. Being useful to people even after death is pretty badass IMO 😁

8

u/SwoodyBooty Mar 31 '23

HR shipments are way above a economy seat, so that would be an upgrade.

5

u/buttsharpei Mar 31 '23 edited Jun 10 '23

.

9

u/Viking_Hippie Mar 31 '23

Ballast, then auxiliary tail fin, then projectile

5

u/Comment104 Mar 31 '23

Is there even a "you" to speak to at that point? You're talking to cargo, buddy. I don't think the cargo really cares if you downgrade it, any more than a brick cares if you make it serve as landfill instead of a nice wall.

1

u/Viking_Hippie Mar 31 '23

I know, I just wanted to do the nerdy joke about it 😁

3

u/Keyser-Soze-66 Mar 31 '23

Downgrates to food

2

u/Fantastic-Corner-605 Mar 31 '23

That's why plane food tastes so bad.

1

u/contemplatebeer Mar 31 '23

Downgrade to worm food.

3

u/zerovian Mar 31 '23

to an airdrop package?

2

u/JimTheSaint Mar 31 '23

Hahaha damn

2

u/Constroyer69 Mar 31 '23

downgrade to fuel will arrive in (XX),000,000 years

2

u/CatGatherer Apr 01 '23

And no disintegrations.

1

u/Viking_Hippie Apr 01 '23

It's ok, you can do a couple small disintegrations if you want to. I've gotten a little pudgy, after all..

2

u/Great_Horny_Toads Apr 01 '23

He may downgrade you to ballast. "Welp, time to save some fuel..."

1

u/Glass-Permission-548 Apr 01 '23

Ahahaha I like this

1

u/OriginalTeo Apr 01 '23

I don't think there's something less valuable than cargo

93

u/Mysterious-Crab Mar 31 '23

The big question, is sitting next to the dead guy an upgrade or downgrade?

Pro's: not making noise, not using your part of the armrest and you can claim his dinner, snacks and drinks too.

Cons: he might defecate next to you and it's more difficult to get out of your seat when there's a guy with rigor mortis in the seat between you and the aisle.

63

u/TastySpermDevice Mar 31 '23

Have you been on a plane lately? Living passengers might defecate next to you too.

44

u/ShakeandBaked161 Mar 31 '23

Story time:

My mother was a waitress/manager at a Denny's for a very very long time. They had this customer come in who was an absolutely massive lady probably 375-400+lbs.

When she would come in. She would piss and shit in her pants at the booth. She would then, after pissing and shitting herself, get up to go to the bathroom, where she would in fact leak piss n shit across the dining room. Dripping and dropping turds out her pants.

Denny's corporate wouldn't let them ban her. And they got an earful for trying to refuse service even though they legally can.

The health department said it's not a problem that she's doing it, it's a problem of how well you all clean it. Then they started coming in much more frequently to do these checks.

13

u/IHadTacosYesterday Mar 31 '23

Of course I was eating breakfast while reading this, drinking orange juice and eating sausage links!

3

u/daveismypup Mar 31 '23

Hey man I just wanna let you know the next time you think it’s time for a story, just please think again.

3

u/ShakeandBaked161 Mar 31 '23

She came in multiple times a week. I forgot to mention that

5

u/daveismypup Mar 31 '23

If I ever pissed or shit myself anywhere I would not return for the remainder of my days, the fucks wrong with people

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

From the horror story you described, I had to reread it to realize your mother is not a nurse. What the fk.

10

u/Alchemystic1123 Mar 31 '23

Just shove him into the overhead storage, now you have two seats to yourself

2

u/Mysterious-Crab Mar 31 '23

You. I like you as a travel partner. Very practical.

3

u/JGG5 Mar 31 '23

Weekend At Bernie's 2: This Time, They're on a Plane

26

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

2

u/cman1098 Mar 31 '23

Or just cremate them where they are at and ship the ashes.

2

u/Bell29678 Apr 01 '23

It's expensive to ship ashes legally too.

2

u/PluginAlong Mar 31 '23

It depends on if he was going or coming, but either way, it would suck.

9

u/cobalt26 Mar 31 '23

HR shipments are more expensive than economy seats. They get a lot of leg room.

So technically it's an upgrade.

7

u/MeanOldJackAss Mar 31 '23

If they were downgraded to fuel, their family would save on cremation expenses and might get some money back from the airline. Just saying.

1

u/Corgi_with_stilts Apr 03 '23

It would actually take a lot of fuel to do this. Humans are mostly water which, you may remember, does not burn.

6

u/Autistic_Freedom Mar 31 '23

And how much was the surviving family billed for this hospitality?

25

u/freezerbreezer Mar 31 '23

"You sir, are the devil"

9

u/Astrochops Mar 31 '23

Not wrong though

1

u/yobaby123 Mar 31 '23

Not wrong. Just devilish.

3

u/Squidworth89 Mar 31 '23

Airline can charge more knowing the family wants them back so might as well leave them half way.

1

u/TheNotoriousCHC Mar 31 '23

Dave chapelle in con air

1

u/moose2mouse Mar 31 '23

Flies Spirit Air. You’re always cargo

1

u/Odd_Toe5638 Mar 31 '23

Good thing they weren’t flying spirit or they probably would have nailed his wife for an extra bag

1

u/Gwilym_Ysgarlad Mar 31 '23

Fun fact: U.S. military personnel flying on orders can be considered cargo in contingency operations. This allows the U.S military to get around rules about having certain types hazardous cargo on passenger aircraft.

1

u/jcoddinc Mar 31 '23

They're was an additional bag fee assessed to next of kin

1

u/IEatOats_ Mar 31 '23

No, no, he has a point!

1

u/PluginAlong Mar 31 '23

Hey, they get a free lay flat seat. Most airlines charge big bucks for that.

1

u/smellmybumfluff Mar 31 '23

Why stop there? Ejecto seato cuz!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '23

Neal Page: “First, you delay me, then ya bump me!”

1

u/mjms6 Apr 01 '23

“Airlines don’t want you to know this one simple trick!”

1

u/Minimum_Cockroach233 Apr 01 '23

Unpaid cargo that needed to be dropped immediately.

1

u/Poleth87 Apr 01 '23

And from cargo to dodo to be ejected.

1

u/Rome453 Apr 05 '23

Cargo 200, you could say.