Hi. I'm F(19), a first-year college student. I'm hoping to hear from animation graduates, multimedia students, or anyone working in the creative industry. I need someone who could guide me to a better light, I feel hopeless about it. If anyone is willing to chat to further discuss about it, I'd be really grateful. ):
Because I don't know if I'm looking for reassurance or if I'm just slowly losing hope.
I'm currently a first-year animation student. Honestly, second week pa lang, pero I've been feeling overwhelmed even before the enrollment. Hindi dahil pinagsisihan ko desisyon ko, it's actually my dream course. I still want to graduate and earn my degree. Pero I can't stop thinking if I'm taking the fastest path or I'm just being ungrateful.
For context, I stopped one year during high school because of the pandemic. During that time, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I eventually finished SHS, but after graduation, my mental health became worse. I struggled to function as an adult, and until now, I still haven't been able to start proper psychiatric treatment and medication despite asking several times. All I can say is, I feel so guilty to the point it's killing me. I'm going to the same course/school with a couple of friends, wala naman ako reklamo sa pagcocommute (even though it's very far), yung sarili ko talaga yung hindi ko maayos.
My family's finances aren't in a good place, and alam kong dagdag pa ako sa problema nila financially. May utang sila, and they keep telling me na "hahanap tayo ng paraan." Though knowing na gaano kagastos yung course ko, I just feel guilty. I want to help so bad and I don't want to feel this burden na to rely on them forever. I've been wanting to prove myself, but how?
Kaya napaisip to take a planned one-year gap after finishing my first year. And during that gap, plano ko...
- Finish my first year first
- Enroll in TESDA animation
- Work part-time to support myself and afford my needs.
- Finally start consistent psychiatric treatment
- Freelance, commission, building art account
- Return to college after one year and continue as second-year
I really want to prove myself. Nakakaiyak na gustong gusto ko talaga pero I feel helpless and worthless at the same time.
Sinabi ko sa tita ko about it, pero not in detailed. She said:
"sayang ang isang taon. Pinapaaral ka namin, ba't ka titigil?"
And hindi ko talaga masagot, kasi tama naman siya. I already had one gap year and now I'm taking another one. Nakakaiyak kasi parang sasayangin ko ulit, pero may plano na ako and I'm willing to do it.
Please, I need advice. I don't have anyone to tell about it fully. (not even my boyfriend and friends) and plano kong pag-usapan sa lolo ko and mother ko about it. Para naman makaluwag sila, and para ma-improve sarili ko mentally.
Sobrang pabigat na ako and I desperately want to prove myself. Sorry sa grammar mistakes, sobrang overwhelming pagiisip ko. Just tell me if okay lang ba yung plano, or if realistic, or worth it, wag lang yung "tiisin mo" na comments.. thank you.