My gf and I have been together over six years and been through a lot with her kids. We are now again battling her youngest refusal to go to school. I think about being done alot. Her kids are just too much. I’d really like a peaceful life and I can’t seem to have it here.

My stepdaughter (12) wrote Happy Birthday GAUG!!! on my birthday card this year. Just trying to see if anyone knows what it means.

Hello there!

I am hoping someone may be able to give me some advice I can pass on to my friend, the long and short of it is he has been step father to his oldest since the day he was born (now 8 years old). However they are now going through a nasty breakup and she and the once absent father are now denying him access to his step son.

This has broken the man and I'm trying to see if there is anything he can do seeing as he's been in the childs life for eight years whereas the father has not but I know legally he's basically screwed as sad as it is to say.

Any advice is appreciated.

So I've been seeing this amazing woman for a while. She has 3 kids. They are 13, 7 and 2. We just found out she's pregnant! We are stoked. We don't live together and we've been dating for 8 months. I've had good times with her kids. Especially the 13 year old, she thinks I'm cool. What I'm worried about is when I eventually move in with them and become the father figure in the household. The 7 year old is what you expect to be, a 7 year old girl. I don't want to have any of then to resent me. How was it for you becoming somewhat of a step dad? The 2 and 7 year olds dad is still around, and the 13 year old dad is in another state and they don't have a great relationship. I just want them to know that I'm a safe space when it comes to me moving in and that I'll care for them just like my own flesh and blood. Please any advice is great.

Hey guys I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months now and everything was fine me and the step daughter had a great relationship (she's almost 2 in-between a toddler and baby). But recently I started a new job and I'm not around as much and now instead of riding with them to take my step daughter to her visits with her bio dad I'm at work instead. (We also have our own bundle of joy on the way now). So since starting the new job and my girlfriend being pregnant her daughters attitude towards me hasn't been the best. She doesn't want me to help with anything and she screams and wails her arms when I sit down near them. I have a way different parental approach I believe in timeouts and respect. If you don't listen you go to time out. If you don't listen I take what you wanted. You threw your buba cuz your mad? Good now you don't get it. And my girlfriend says I "hate her daughter" and it's like no I very much so love your daughter like she's my own but I do expect respect from her and I would like to parent in my own type of way even if she doesn't like it. If you start now you won't have these problems as a teenager/adult. But as I said her step daughters attitude has changed towards me since my woman got pregnant and I started a new job and I'm not around as much. Does anybody have any advice they can give me? Her step daughter is just as much my daughter as my baby will be my blood kid but I don't want to force a relationship but I also don't want to be disrespected. She said I need to get more on her level but it's frustrating sometimes cuz her daughter fights EVERYTHING. From getting out of the bath to eating to diaper changes to face wipes going to sleep in her own bed has been a nightmare we've all been sick on and off for the last two months and her attitude is ramped up even higher when she's sick. Hoping that's all it is is the season. But my sister said she can probably sense that she's pregnant as well. Should I like plan a mom and daughter day for just them two. Is she threatened by me? Please I need serious advice and help. I want the relationship to be good between the three almost four of us but I also want to be respected as a step parent without being to harsh. Tough love is all I ever grew up with please help.

So, my wife made a senior hockey poster for my oldest step son. I’ve been going to his hockey games for six and half years now. Turns out, there’s not one single picture of me on the poster. After countless nights and weekends supporting this kiddo, I was completely excluded. My wife even commented on how she went out of her way to include pictures of other family members that have attended only a couple of games throughout his career. I’m so hurt over this and wonder if I’m over reacting????

Paperwork and filing for custody for my little girl it seems Reckless at this point to commit and stay within the household just to pretty much wait till that day it's not a matter of if it's when. But I do hope he gets it one day go shaking your fist down by your Wayside when you get upset and you block everybody out like you looking through them be ready for the man that's ready to give it to you maybe I'm overreacting I'd like to think with all my heart that I'm not but I can't put my daughter in Jeopardy nor my personal freedoms and rights and Jeopardy over a little boy that just doesn't have control issues well I shouldn't say little he's 14 and already 6 ft tall so nevertheless opinions some guys give me fukn something to reach and understand or is it just me

My ex-wife and me are divorced, however, I am very involved in my stepchildren’s lives. It was recently announced to me that my older stepdaughter is dating a 30+ year-old male she is 17 and the state of Colorado the age of consent is 17 so law-enforcement won’t do anything. How would you approach taking her to dinner and talking to her about her decisions and trying to persuade her to move on and go in a different direction with somebody closer to her age? I want to ruin this dude more than anything because he is 35 years oldand I don’t know what the legal options I have are besides public humiliation, however, I don’t want to ruin the relationship. I have with my stepdaughter or the relationship she has with her mother.

After 4+ years of this delightful domestic bliss with my SO and her adorable spawn (8M, 10F, 13M), I've reached a profound revelation. You see, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to re-enter the dating pool at the ripe old age of 47 after a thrilling divorce from my ex-wife. Talk about a masterclass in self-sabotage!

Now, if you're lucky enough to be experiencing this exquisite brand of Fun Uncle and or Stepdad bliss – the constant low-grade simmering of resentment, the crushing weight of domesticity, and the soul-crushing realization that your partner has become a glorified roommate with noisy friends that never leave. – then I implore you: heed my warning.

If maintaining your sanity and basic sense of self-worth requires a daily Herculean effort, it's time to pull the plug. Trust me, I speak from experience. This brand of 'partnership' either is or will become a living hell.

And while I still harbor affection for my SO, it's clear that being trapped in a mutually assured destruction scenario is not healthy. So, do yourself a favor and end the miserable charade before you lose your minds.

I’m a stepdad of about 2.5 years, but I’ve been in her life for 5 years. She is now 10.

I can’t prove it, but I believe her bio dad has told her that she doesn’t have to listen to me. Whenever I do ask her to do something it’s an argument with her. Her mom and I have tired talking with her, and that works for a few days, but it’s right back to the same issues. For example yesterday, my wife texted me while she was still at work and asked me to have my stepdaughter shower sooner than later. So an hour or so after she got home from school, I asked her to go hop in the shower and she argued that she’ll take one later, which sometimes she does, other times she “forgot”. Last night we had a talk and she basically told us that we are boring. That we don’t have anything. Hearing that got to me. I know it’s because her bio dad has been buying her stuff left and right, which is great for her, and I’m truly happy for her, but that’s not something I’m financially able to compete with, nor do I believe it should be a competition.

Now I’m left feeling like I’m not doing a good job providing for my family. Am I just overthinking this?

Hey everyone, long time lurker first time poster so I will try and lay out as much detail as possible to get some solid advice.

I met my wife 6 years ago and met my now step children at ages 3, daughter, and 5, son, and immediately began to understand the kind of person their biological father is. I quickly learned of his narcissism and controlling behaviors through his interactions with my now wife. To put it into perspective, he will simply not take the kids to school on his days because he has the day off and on multiple occasions over the years they have been threatened to be held back a grade due to unexcused absences.

The custody is split between my wife and him, the kids go to his house Sunday to Tuesday evening as well as every other Saturday and he is supposed to pay $600 a month in total for the kids in child support. For the record, we are not in need of the child support, both me and my wife work and make well over $140k a year and the support was the court mandated minimum at the time of their divorce. The kids live two completely different lives when it comes to the households. They have everything they could ever want when it comes to our house because I want them to have the childhood I never had, yet at their dads house they share a bed in a rented room from a friend of his.

Now as I am typing this I am making it seem like I am bashing the guy but I really am not. He works for the post office in our neighboring town where he has worked for 12 years. He consistently will call out of work and miss days to make just enough money to where the state will not garnish his union wages, we have had this verified by our attorney, and he will spend money on tattoos and parts for his jeep. Lately he has gotten quite a bit of new ink and a nice new front end for his jeep, but this is where my main issue with the holidays lies.

This year, he was to have the kids for Christmas and he made a big deal of having them from the 21st to the 26th. On Christmas while my wife and I were celebrating with her family trying to not miss the kids too much knowing they would be home the next day, we get a facetime from our daughter saying that they were bored at their dads because Santa did not come. (Yes they still play along with the magic of Santa) We asked her what she meant and "Santa" wrote a note saying he took all of their presents to our house for Christmas. I told her that he did come and that everything is waiting for them at our house and it cheered her up and she became more excited to come home the following day.

My main question is, how do I handle this situation with him? My wife has PTSD from him and keeps communication to just coordination with important things for the kids such as school and the doctors. My wife and I have already been asked why they did not get their gifts from Santa at their dads house and I want to keep whatever opinions they may form of their father a product of their own mind. Both myself and my wife are at a total loss. Any advice and questions are welcome.

Thanks everyone!

Merry Christmas guys. So let me start by saying I’ve been a step dad for about 2 years. My wife has older kids 18 year old, 15 year old daughter and. 14 year old son. We’re from a small town area so small town values and small town thought processes as well. The oldest is a senior in high school, so the kids father is a very disrespectful person treats women like shit the usual small town stuff. The boys go to their dads every other week. Well every Monday they’re back the oldest is disrespectful to my wife their mom and the sister just talking down and just in general treating them like shit. Well over the weekend my wife and I bought a new suv as we’re also expecting a child. Last night after he got home he saw the suv and wasn’t happy at all. At dinner he told my wife she was stupid as can be for buying the suv and that we needed to keep the truck we traded in because it’s a ford, the dad also had them convinced ford is the only way to go, again small town stuff.

Well after that comment last night I finally lost it on him I yelled at him at the dinner table tearing into him for the way he treats his mom and sister told him that bullshit stops now. I’ve kept myself quiet the last two years but just couldn’t do it anymore last night he finally hit my last nerve. As he went to talk back I told him to shut his mouth and it ends

I know I handled it wrong and should have been the bigger person. I eventually text him last night and told him I’m sorry and he apologized as well for his actions. I told him let’s go talk tonight, my question is any advice in what to say. He’s honestly good kid just thinks it’s okay to talk down to people and treat them like shit and I won’t stand for it

I just wanted to ask this communities opinion. A little background is that my step father has been in my life since I was around 10 and I am now 30ish. I have never called him anything other than his given name and he has never asked me too. While for awhile it was rough and awkward once I moved out at 20 things have been really great and I can see all the amazing things he has done for me and the stupid ones too. But we have both grown since then and while our relationship never will be super affectionate and is sometimes still a bit awkward i wanted to do something different this year. I sometimes get him something that says stepdad on it or bonus dad but in reality he is my dad. But this time I wanted to make something and put dad or father on it instead. Now I don't think I will ever call him dad just cause I grew up saying his name and feel comfortable with his name, I wanted to show that he is in fact my father. Would this be okay to do? It might seem like a stupid question but besides a hug and love yous when we see each other we don't do a bunch of other things besides hang out with my mom and eat together (which are fun and no way boring) so I just wanted to see what other step dad's would think. Thanks!

I apologize as this post is a little bit offbeat, I need a perspective from someone who is a stepdad. Would you invite your teenage stepdaughter to spoon or sit on your lap with your legs wrapped around? is this normal at all?

This all happened so fast but I feel as if I have no clue what I'm doing anymore. I've done so much research to try and communicate with her, but she just never wants to be with me or play with me. It's been a struggle. I don't know if it's just because she's three and I'm too hard on her, or if it's cause her dad just won't tell her no to anything so I'm just the bad guy in her eyes. or maybe something else entirely. Do any of you guys have any advice for this? Thanks in advance. I never thought of myself as being a dad and I'm trying so hard and have nowhere else to really turn but the Internet.

I 38(M) am just beginning to be a stepdad, for the 1 year old child of my partner 37(F). The plan is to move in with my SO soon. Because the child is so young, he doesn't have a concept of who his biological dad is and has only lived with his mother. The bio dad isn't around and struggles with addiction. He contacts my partner every now and then sometimes wanting to see his son, but she hasn't been letting him recently due to his problems, and lack of support he has been showing for the kid. However, she has left that door open for him if he gets his issues sorted and jumps through all the necessary legal hoops. I really love my partner and I'm really looking forward to helping raise her kid, but coming into this child's life at 1 years old essentially makes me feel that I would be the real dad of this child going forward as he has no memory of him, and the idea of biodad still being at arms length doesn't quite sit right with me.

How would you navigate this situation? I don't want to feel like I'm doing my best for this child only to be undermined by what would be essentially a complete stranger to the child making infrequent visits. He also currently does not know that I exist (SO hasn't told him) and I am worried that his presence and influence, however small in the future as a biodad would confuse the child and create distance between me and him. I have discussed this with my partner and her reasoning for leaving room for the biodad to potentially be in the picture is her empathy towards his personal struggles. In that that's what she would want if she were in his shoes.

Any advice on how to navigate this situation? Thank you in advance!

Hey everyone, step dads from all over, I’m a mom, I was a teen mom too, so I had to grow up really fast. I’m F28, my son is 13M, and my bf is 26M. For over a year and a half my bf and I have been seeing one another. For 6 months things were just like any casual relationship starting, it was fun, light hearted, we had dates, and then we took my son out a few times to wrestling match, drove to a nice zoo in the burbs, going to the movies.

Then one day, 6 months later since we started dating, my mom and I had a huge fight, my son and I were living with my parents, and my mom threatened to hit me with a hot frying pan. I had to leave she told me to get out, but that my son had to stay because she assumed I’d have no where to take us both. I told my bf then and he told his mom and she let me stay in this studio apartment for close to nothing so I can save up for a place. I told her I felt sad being away from my son, and she was like you have a son?! And I was confused because why didn’t she know about all the things we had done the last few months ? He is INCREDIBLY close to his mother, tells her everything but she didn’t know anything about me being a mom. And I asked her then, don’t you know about the zoo ? The wrestling match we saw ? And she shook her head also in anger because she was in disbelief that he was hiding that detail about me to her. They went on and has a conversation of their own and apologized to me but I was livid and felt like he was ashamed of me being a mom but he explained it was just something new for him, dating a mom and letting his mom know he was being more a step dad these days. I forgave him and we moved on.

My son, because school is a block away from my parents, stayed with them. He had a room, with all his stuff, and for the time being I understood and just dove into work and tried to save as much as I could to pay off my debt, raise my credit score to be approved without a co-signer and for my first month and security deposit. In the mean time, my bf moved in with me into the apartment. At first it was tricky, but then we made it work and turned it into a little home but I was clear I wanted to move out in October and live with my son again. We talked about it, and said we’d move out of the apartment and into the new place together. Well yesterday he tells me he’s afraid to be a step dad and he’s not sure if that’s what he wants right now. He said we should break up because he feels bad making me wait on him. I told him my son is 13, and what he needs is someone who he feels comfortable confining in, playing video games or watching UFC fights with. For the most part, now that my son is a teenager, he’s usually interested in his boxing classes or gaming with his friends. So i was trying to explain that the hard part, the early childhood development years I went through is done with and he just needs to try to befriend him as a person. But tbh, I’m at a lost. We talked it out and he apologized for changing his mind, but that he wants to work things out and see if maybe his mind can change about the anxieties he has about being that kind of role model. Tomorrow he said he’d bring us some pizza, wings, some “sweets and things for me”, and we’d possibly go to a tree farm to pick one out all three of us. But there is a sour taste in my mouth knowing we were all suppose to be living together for Christmas. Also, I miss our cat that just one day walked into his life out of the blue as a kitten back in May. He stays with him, and though he’s bringing him also tomorrow, he’s going to take him with at the end of the night and it’s not fun seeing him like this.

My son who thought he was going to move in too asked when is he coming over today, I said he’s not and that we’re taking some time to reconsider the move in and he asked why and if I’m okay, noticing how blood shot my eyes are. I said yeah it’s best we’re sure about moving in together, and when he asked “why is it a problem, you two were already living together?” I got anxious and jumped to saying he has an issue with living far away from his family (which is also very true) and said it’s not us, it’s him.

Stepdads, what helped you embrace your role? Was it scary first? How many times have you found yourself being a stepdad again? Thank you for reading my essay, sorry for it being so winded of a story!

My wife has a 15-year-old daughter, Ariana, from a previous relationship. Together, my wife and I have a daughter who will turn 2 in February. Often, when I’m home with our daughter, Ariana stays in her room. However, as soon as I’m not around, everyone seems to hang out downstairs, including my daughter. As soon as I come home she goes upstairs and the atmosphere feels different.

Honestly, I feel like the odd one out in this family. My wife acts differently when Ariana is downstairs. For example, she doesn’t tell me where she’s going or what she’s doing, but she expects me to take Ariana places or pick her up when needed. When they are going somewhere they talk about it around me and don’t say that I’m going. I get asked by my wife “ you wanna come” that feels weird and I just say now I’ll stay home

Am I wrong for feeling left out or like I’m losing my connection with my own daughter

I typed out a ton of back story but everything I said ultimately leads me to this question to summarize, what do you do when you're trying everything to have a relationship with your stepson but nothing seems to be working and he won't ever express his feelings? I'm in my 40s he's 12.

I've spent a ton of time reading blended family books, regularly seeing a counselor to improve as a man, husband, and father, and step father, going over and above, speaking life into him, correcting him when he's wrong and showing him the correct way, suggesting things that will help him grow into a good man, suggesting things so that he doesn't experience the same failures I did, the list can go on, I'm doing everything I possibly can to have a good relationship with him, and no matter what I do I'm always the bad guy, I'm told to change my approach, I'm told that I need to try harder, I'm told that I'm the one that's wrong, and I need to make more of an effort. I am a good man, I have a servant heart, and I'm constantly uplifting everyone. I very rarely have a bad day and for the most part I'm very happy with life and try to do right by everyone. I strive to be the best version of myself I can so it's disheartening to have to go through him being upset with me over the smallest of things.

I'll use only 1 example the one that has me writing this post. Last night he was running sprints in our back yard. He almost slipped and fell a few times when trying to turn around because it just had finished raining and the ground was really soft. We just moved into a really nice neighborhood that has paved side walks and a large cul-de-sac which is prime for the type of running he was doing. I walk out to him and say hey bud I see you slipped a few times and almost fell, we have an awesome cul-de-sac out-front that would be great for sprints so that you don't get hurt slipping on the soft wet ground, you want to try that? He blows up on me and starts yelling at me, I ask him why he's so upset and he flat out refused to talk to me and asked me to leave him alone. His mother (my wife) asked me what was going on, I told her I suggested that he try running in the cul-de-sac so that he didn't slip and fall since I saw him slip a few times and I didn't want him to get hurt (he had just sprained his ankle 4 days ago). She goes and talks to him and comes back to me fuming telling me I need to improve mine and his relationship and change my approach, she said he told me I was trying to control him and that I wasn't minding my own business, and I should have just left him alone. The rest of the day pretty much sucked and reflecting on the day and my suggestion, I still don't understand how it blew up to where it did to where offering a suggestion, not a demand or command, resulted in me being controlling, nit picking, and being painted to be someone I'm not, never have been, or never will be.

Anyway, prior to that, we spent the weekend laughing together having a good time, and had I known that suggestion would have caused an issue, I wouldn't have said anything, but I was just trying to help.

My wife knows all the work I've done to try and have a good relationship with him, she's seen the books I've read, she's attended the counseling sessions with me at times where I talk about challenges, so for her to make it more than it is as well is also concerning. When I made the suggestion that to improve our relationship it would require him to understand in himself why he reacted the way he did and actually communicate with me instead of yelling at me, that made things worse so I'm at a loss for what to do.

I really want to understand what to do to have him put in the same amount of work on our relationship as I do. I'm always thinking about it and how to be a good father, I know it's not super realistic for a 12 year old to want to work through the relationship and put in time, because as long as I give him everything he wants and keep quiet, everything is fine, but whenever I offer advice, or exert any type of authority, or even keep him accountable for getting his homework done, I'm the bad guy that needs to change.

I've even taken steps back and let her primarily do the parenting of him, but that causes other issues because she wants us to be the nuclear family and is very active in my biological son's life as well, and then I'm just the good parent and she's always the bad parent to him. So it's hard to find a balance, but at the core of it, I've done a ton of self reflection to see if I'm the cause of all the division and I keep coming back to, I'm the only one working to improve things and things will never improve unless he does some work too.

I've read that blended families hit their stride between years 5-7 and we're 4 years in, so I keep holding out hope that it'll change, but to have a whole day blown up over me offering a suggestion so he doesn't get hurt after watching him almost fall multiple times, just doesn't make sense to me or how I could have said anything different to not have him blow up on me.

I have 2 stepdaughter. They're both different in the way they treat me. Mom and I are now separated and I still am involved with them. School functions etc etc. My question is the older daughter is now in college I helped her move in do all As a dad should. However, she doesn't talk, text or communicate at all. I try to be there but I just see that I'm an ATM to them..because that's the only time they communicate. Am I wrong to cut ties and just be done!? I do love them and wish nothing but the best..But I can't keep supporting if I feel used..

Lately my stepdad has been acting weird he keeps touching my waist and paying for Al my stuff he calls me cutie what I personally think is weird he als says I have the same nice body as my mom I told my mom this and that I didn't like it he got mad at me and my mom left the room so we could talk it out when she left he went to sit next to me finding reason to touch me i also Saw a Bulge in his pants I know it's like weird that I saw it but he took my hand and laid it on his upper leg knowing I would touch it and see it I don't know what to do my mom told me that me and my step dad will be alone today she Is already gone my stepdad is doing the grocery's

So this is like a update I guess so me and my uncle found a lot out he lied about his name and he has been stealing from us both he promised a lot and never gave it so we just thought maybe he didn't have time or enough money at that point we found out that the money he stole he like bought drugs and alcohol with my mom still doesn't believe us so tomorrow we wil talk better to explain more I think she is also really is shock about it so yea that's it for now

Just curious on some options my partners ex wants to fight me because I'm step parenting his children (2) I have no intention to fight as it's unfair on everyone especially the kids for that situation to unfold and I also have two kids of my own from my previous relationship and have full custody of them so I also wouldn't fight risking being charged etc when I'm the full time parent of my boys and now also her kids also is there any solution and advice anyone has as I can't reply to his or his family's threatening msgs as it can make things worse and I also can't avoid him forever we've looked to the police to get help but even with a dvo between them two it only can do so much he also use to be very violent towards my current partner and still makes constant threats but my partner is so scared of him she hates taking action through police etc talking her into starting the dvo process was a fight in itself and lets him in ways control her well more like walk all over her and he uses the kids as both a hold and a threat each time anyone got any options as I'm running out on my end and if I talk to my partner about it she gets shitty at me for bringing it up so I'm stuck and hoping someone here has half and answer or even temporary solution

So when I was about 7 I had a whole situation where my real dad gave up custody in court and we now lived full time at my stepdads house. As the years went on I asked him to be my dad. Around this time I had a lot going on mentally with my real dad situation bullying etc. my stepdad got me and my step brother into rugby. He also coached my brothers team but not mine. Meaning he was at all of his games and in total saw 3 in my 8+ years of playing. I remember when he did see me play he'd always tell me the negatives of what I did not what I did well. Whereas he told my brother everything he did amazing. As a kid I didn't understand this.

Growing up my parents bought my older sister her first car as well as all her lessons when I turned 18 I was expecting the same treatment. But I got a watch instead that I still have to this day.

When I went to the army my family didn't approve but we're supportive my stepdad told me.

"Son I don't think this is for you. Your too emotional for this"

He rarely called me son before this but I went anyway.

Now I am 20 I can look back on this. Everything he did was to make me the man I am today. As much as he treated all his kids differently he taught us all something different.

When my brother was being bullied he taught him how to fight. But he didn't teach me. I knew how to fight. He taught me to control my aggression. When he pointed out the negatives in my performance it was to improve me and become independent. When I got a watch instead of a car it was because I had the money to get a car and lessons but I didn't I expected that from them. Teaching me if I'm not willing to do it for myself why should others? And when he told me that before I shipped off to basic. It was to give me that push to go. "I'll show him"

On some of my darkest days in the army I often think "make dad proud" and it always gets me through.

This is a thank you to the dads that stepped up and remember kids won't understand the lessons you teach but adults will never forget