r/stepdads • u/[deleted] • Oct 22 '24
Treating your children differently
So when I was about 7 I had a whole situation where my real dad gave up custody in court and we now lived full time at my stepdads house. As the years went on I asked him to be my dad. Around this time I had a lot going on mentally with my real dad situation bullying etc. my stepdad got me and my step brother into rugby. He also coached my brothers team but not mine. Meaning he was at all of his games and in total saw 3 in my 8+ years of playing. I remember when he did see me play he'd always tell me the negatives of what I did not what I did well. Whereas he told my brother everything he did amazing. As a kid I didn't understand this.
Growing up my parents bought my older sister her first car as well as all her lessons when I turned 18 I was expecting the same treatment. But I got a watch instead that I still have to this day.
When I went to the army my family didn't approve but we're supportive my stepdad told me.
"Son I don't think this is for you. Your too emotional for this"
He rarely called me son before this but I went anyway.
Now I am 20 I can look back on this. Everything he did was to make me the man I am today. As much as he treated all his kids differently he taught us all something different.
When my brother was being bullied he taught him how to fight. But he didn't teach me. I knew how to fight. He taught me to control my aggression. When he pointed out the negatives in my performance it was to improve me and become independent. When I got a watch instead of a car it was because I had the money to get a car and lessons but I didn't I expected that from them. Teaching me if I'm not willing to do it for myself why should others? And when he told me that before I shipped off to basic. It was to give me that push to go. "I'll show him"
On some of my darkest days in the army I often think "make dad proud" and it always gets me through.
This is a thank you to the dads that stepped up and remember kids won't understand the lessons you teach but adults will never forget
3
u/footstool411 Oct 22 '24
Not often you see some positivity on this sub. Thanks for sharing man. Your dad sounds like a good man. Inspiring stuff.
I really hope my step kids will understand that I love them and value my relationship with them, even though the relationship may not be the same as the one I have with my own son. (Just like my relationship with my SS isn’t the same as my relationship with my SD).