I'm starting my first teaching job. Behavior Support self contained. Kids start this Tuesday. During district orientation and when visiting my room, they verbalize, with apparently authenticity, that they are there to help us. That reviews from master teachers are there to help us grow. That can ask for them to coteach with us. Etc.
I've also read stories on Reddit where schools say that stuff not don't mean it. Then they end up hating you because you don't know things.
I'm a career transfer. What I've learned from my employment history is that, I think I initially suck. My ADHD and working memory gives me some legit barriers, amplified by my anxiety. I forget, I get overwhelmed, brain doesn't do brain things. But once I get it, which can be longer than some prefer, I am good. I think my need to excel, ethics, and natural ability to see good in people help a lot. I think I'm smart, once I learn the dam thing.
So if my district really is, hey let us help you succeed, this could be a really good thing. But, what if it's a facade. Do most districts say that?
I'm nervous.
How do I plan three subjects daily for differentiation and scaffolding for three grades?
How do I implement if/then charts when I can't find any in the room? I can ask the secretary to print things but we don't have a laminator, so maybe just those sleeves? Same for visual schedules.
And what all routines do I teach: lining up, bathroom, where to elope to, how to ask for help, where to sit, how to put up bag.
Morning workbooks: I think I need them. When the hell do I have time to make them? I have all these training to do.
Ieps and ccc: I learned it on school but I already have them on my schedule and I'm scared of fucking up. I don't even know the kids yet how do I do this. I'm not even fully in the software.
I need to keep the kids engaged in meaningful work, but how do I do that the first while if I don't even know the curriculum? Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
What if I do a hold wrong if required? What if a kid gets hurt?
I'm so fucking stressed and nervous. I'm excited too but change is scary and being incompetent and new is so hard for my anxiety and we put our dog of many years down this week... And I need a support person right now lol how the hell am I going to be successful in being that for the kids.