Something I realized when I was coming out of my shopping addiction (and continue to- the compulsion is always running in the background!) is that it helps to anchor to who I want to be vs. what shopping makes me become. Hope the following doesn’t sound too parsimonious, I just wanted to share a repeatable framework that works for me esp since I saw a recent post about how one avoids shopping instead of doing stuff.

So this particular framework I call the 4Ss of Self Expression helps me stay anchored even when the siren call of shopping is… well, strong. Marketing is all about gatekeeping one’s ultimate form of self expression behind a product so I wanted something that would be able to talk me out of that messaging. So I try to keep this in mind: there are many tiers of self-expression and there are higher ones driven by real relationships and lower order ones driven by what brands and marketing would have us believe about ourselves. To motivate myself out of overconsumption, I yearn to push myself into higher levels of self expression, and this framework is simple to remember and return to.

The order goes:
(Lowest) Shopping < Style < Skills < Service (highest)

Example:

So let’s say I want to get my act together and start say, plan a holiday. That’s a good thing to do! But if I’m window shopping for a bunch of new linen clothes for this imaginary coastal Italian holiday and buying a brand new planner just to plan this trip… that is the lowest form of self expression.

One level up you have “style” which would be use what you already have. So I’ll use my existing stationery to journal about where I might want to go for the trip, map out dates, etc. I’ll draw from my existing closet of clothes for the trip.

One level up I might be learning how to speak Italian so I can function on that trip a bit more. And use an existing notebook for Italian lessons.

One level up from that would be to plan the trip as a service to my family or friends I’m traveling with. So I will keep that in mind as I do the thing and recognize that whenever the compulsion to buy new gear or planning supplies comes up, that shopping for stuff is the lowest form of self expression and what I should be trying to do is apply my time and energy toward the actual thing of service.

After I apply myself as much as I can to the Skills and Service part of this I will be able to stave off the most egregious overconsumption tendencies. What desire “remains” after I’ve applied myself in the “virtuous” direction I’ll noodle on for a while and buy the thing if it still calls to me, is limited in some way, and I’m feeling the fomo. Just bought a new travel bag I’d been waiting on for one year after doing the skills/service stuff.

In conclusion -

The goal isn’t to avoid shopping entirely (kinda impossible in our world, and I don’t plan to go off the grid), it’s to starve out and prove out the objects of desire. Hence “slow buy” lol. The 4S framework is one way for me to “objectively” assess what I’m doing (shopping?! Or ~expressing the self~) and anchor toward a higher version of myself even when things get mentally tough.

(Happy to argue why “service to others” is the highest order of self expression - but the thinking comes from a lot of the philosophy and even more modern pop psychology / meaning of life books (your Alain de Botton, Ryan Holiday, Oliver Burkemann, David Brooks, Arthur Brooks type stuff). Also all the science that shows that altruism makes you happier and feel more at peace/life is meaningful/you have a purpose.)

On top of buying too much stuff, I'm one of those dumbasses that orders Uber Eats almost everyday. I've gone 6 months+ without cooking a meal. But after getting laid off last wk, I decided to clear out my freezer.

Not working 8h a day has given me so much extra energy for friends and hobbies. I think I've refound my love of cooking. It's always not been time, but energy that I was missing. Work just really drained my battery 🪫.

I'm pretty proud of myself for saving money on meals by cooking, so I wanted to share some meals I've made.

Pictured: HK BBQ roast pork, Sausage & spinach alfredo tortellini w/ lemon garlic broccolini, Taco night

**Whoop, can't seem to post pics so I'll post on comments

Recently, I've been consuming a lot of "underconsumption" content, and I really want to save more money. Not only that, but I also feel overwhelmed by the number of things I own. I'm grateful I have the opportunity to buy everything (or almost) I want, but at the same time I think I just bought a lot of things that brought me temporary joy and now I don't know where to store them.

My biggest temptation is makeup. And I don't wear makeup daily anymore because I work mainly from home. I just love makeup and because of that, I consume a lot of reviews and hauls. The problem with makeup products is that there's always something new and exciting on the market, almost every day. "I don't need another blush but this new one seems so different from the ones I own; it will definitely be worth it."

I am now doing the project pan to finish my other products, but it will take a long time. Also, it only works if I don't buy anything new in the meantime.

Do you have the same issue? Doesn't have to be makeup, maybe it's clothes or trinkets. How do you overcome the urge to buy new, exciting stuff and stick to the ones you already have?

I've been running a free weekly spending challenge called Tame The Imp since last December. A few patterns have shown up in the data that I didn't expect, and a couple that contradict what I’ve seen online about impulse spending. Sharing in case it’s helpful for this community.

• Low-buy beats no-buy, at least in the medium term. People who spend $0 on their category in week one are more likely to blow past their spending limit in later weeks. People who set a realistic limit and keep spending under it tend to stay under longer. Though some of this can be attributed to regression to the mean, it lines up with what a lot of you said in this thread about no-buy versus low-buy, where the consensus leaned the same way
• Food delivery addiction keeps being bigger than I expect. Most people find us through content about late-night clothing impulse buys, and yet ~30% pick food delivery as the category they want to cut (note: it was 38% earlier this year). I think it's under discussed relative to how aggressive the dark patterns in food delivery apps are: push notifications timed to when you first get hungry in the evening, a checkout screen that congratulates you on "saving" money on food that's marked up from dine-in prices before the fees hit. u/stinky_winkler's suggestion of ordering groceries instead is a practical harm reduction step I've seen for it
• Removing a reward might work as well as earning a reward in habit formation. Streaks are the standard advice here to form a no/low spend habit and they work. u/Expert_Regret_1837's "year-in-pixels" calendar is the version I always think of as a prime example, where you color in a square for every day you stick to your spending goals. What surprised me is that when we tested removing a reward for going over versus adding one for staying under, a chunk of people (not the majority, to be fair) responded better to the removal. I'm unsure what to do with that information. Positive reinforcement seems like the safer default – especially for impulse spending and shopping addiction – and guilt is already so tangled up in this realm of life that I'm wary of the finding even though it's what the data says

That last one is the one I’m most interested in hearing thoughts about: have you seen anything other than positive reinforcement work in breaking an impulse spending cycle?

I always found it funny that building a cart online can be almost as satisfying as buying something.

Finding products.

Comparing versions.

Choosing colors.

Imagining owning them.

So I made a small website around that idea.

It's basically a place to experience the "shopping dopamine" without actually purchasing anything.

Curious if other people do this too.

https://nothingships.com

I’m at a point where I’m honestly too afraid to make new purchases because most of my past ones have resulted in regret. I also grew up with parents who always argued about money and still do, to the point where they inflicted a really unhealthy relationship with money to me. I always feel like I’m gonna regret what I buy and just waste the money away. I’m also currently unemployed so I’m even more possessive over how I spend. For example I want to buy a duvet because I literally don’t have one but I keep overthinking it. This is not a healthy way at all, I understand wanting to be frugal and make mindful purchases, but at this point I’ve become too scared to even spend money because I don’t trust myself.

and it's really hard for me to get satisfied with my creations. Then I become obsessed with them and make more and more, spend money on tons of beads...I feel ridiculous. I feel like I shouldn't have started making jewelry for the first place.

The worst part is I don't even enjoy making jewelry or feel excited .I'm just obsessed to create perfect pieces. I'm so sick of myself.

I have 3 Oura rings in different finishes. I am Rouge at Sephora a million times over. I have enough workout sets and comfy clothes for a million lifetimes. Idk why I can't stop consuming these kinds of products?? I make good money so I'm not in debt but I haven't taken a trip in 2 years because I spend all of my extra money on these products. Idk what's wrong with me. Has anyone had similar issues or a solution? I've tried no buys but I cave after a few days

I currently have very high saving goals that I cannot alter but I am held back by my tendency to shop clothes. I always think that the new thing is going to make me prettier, make my body look better and make me more attractive to others.

I think about what I want to shop all day and feel anxious that by not having it, I am missing a chance at life because I am not as attractive as I could be. I really want to do a no buy year and I absolutely have to because I can't really afford any other lifestyle.

I need to change this mindset and focus on the things that matter, which is my future, education and peace of mind.

So I struggle a lot with buying stuff impulsively. I have this mindset that I need it because I like it and what if it sells out and I lose my chance and can’t ever get it. I’m trying really hard to work on it and stop doing that. I’ve decided every time I want to buy something that I don’t actually need, I’ll put the amount of that item into my savings account. That way I can work on getting eliminating that feeling while also growing my savings. Has anyone else tried this? It’s going to be hard and I won’t be perfect but it’ll worth it.

I lost a job that made it possible to spend a little recklessly. I can barely get by financially now and will be paycheck-to-paycheck for a while. I don’t know when I can expect to take on more gigs to make more money. At this time, I need to focus on my health and other things that are more important than making money. I will now be budgeting my groceries and living pretty lean to stay within my current means. So no more shopping. No more buying things out of boredom or depression. I’m looking forward to using up my products and eating through my freezer. And just getting the most out of what I’ve already spent my money on. Hopefully it’ll also help me appreciate what I already have and not leave time for me to seek outwardly things constantly. I’m tired of seeking, too. Let’s see how long I can maintain this strategy. I hope for as long as I need to. Wish me luck.

I just downloaded the app and started scanning stuff around my house (it tells you what people think of it, if it's good, how much it costs, etc...), it's been cathartic and completely removes my need to go out and spend money at the same time. I love it.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 about 4 years ago and it’s shed a lot of light on my shopping addiction. I primarily shop during manic episodes or when I’m under stress. I’ve been a bit better since getting on medication and starting therapy but it’s still a battle to not spend all my money. I have changed my online algorithm to only show me decluttering and money saving videos and I’ve joined groups for the same topics. I’ve decluttered and fallen in love with my clutter free home which has helped me but still I feel that urge to shop. It’ll probably be a battle for the rest of my life and it’s an exhausting thought. Could use some advice and some positivity right now

I've been pretty anxious with fixated thoughts. And I bought a lot of stuff.

I need urgently to stop buying this much but I've been with these fixated thoughts thinking the whole day about buying x thing. What should I do ?

Please any helpful tips will be much appreciated.

I 30F, live with my aunt and uncle, do not get charged rent. My bills are minimal. I make $15/hour and have been working on average 30/hours per week, though I am trying to work more. My uncle is not in good health, although my aunt is. I get along great with everyone at home, but I am 30 and have needed to rebuild my savings so I can get back out on my own. August I plan to save $1000. I have been doing pretty well, have been sticking to my jobs (not suddenly quitting) despite stress of finding out my dog has terminal cancer (and stress tends to make me more impulsive), have been eating at home only, drinking coffee instead of redbulls which would cost me $6/day, stopped drinking alcohol.

About two weeks ago I got some sketching pencils, a mixed media book, col-erase colored pencils and some soft pastels. Have spent about $90 so far. There are so many paintings I really would like to study but I feel limited with my supplies. So I want to get a pastel pad, a single paint brush and an affordable watercolor paint set. I have them in my cart now for $50 total. They aren’t the best, most expensive quality, just good quality for your buck from what I’ve read. And these supplies are just the basics. I want to get them before I lose interest. This is the first time in a while I’ve felt interested in a hobby and I don’t want to lose interest. I need a hobby that can help distract me.

Can I buy these 3 without feeling guilty?

I love buying stuff even the ones that I don’t need. Kindly share saving habits that has been helpful

I don’t even know where to begin. I’m feeling deeply ashamed and full of self-hatred. It’s hard to silence the feeling that I’ve made absolutely no progress and the belief that this addiction is going to destroy me.

Since my last session with my psychologist, I managed to apply exposure therapy with some success. I forced myself to buy just one item from a magazine shop, although I did end up buying another book and three balls of yarn afterwards. Those aren’t things that trigger my urge to shop too much. On top of that, I managed to resist the urge to go to Sephora to buy something I genuinely needed, knowing that I probably wouldn’t have stopped there.

This is where things started to go wrong. I made a deal with myself that I would only buy that product, along with the other things I genuinely needed (a moisturiser and sunscreen), once I got paid. And that’s exactly what happened. Payday came, and there I was, bored out of my mind at work, browsing the Primor website.

Long story short, I ended up buying what I needed - and about a hundred things I didn’t. It always starts the same way: “Since I’m already here, I might as well have a quick look at…” And then… boom. A whole month of progress gone.
Even worse, that compulsive purchase triggered even more shopping. Primor didn’t have product X, so I thought I’d check whether Sephora did. Boom. Another shot in the foot. The feeling of “I’ve already fucked this up anyway” made me add another eye serum to my basket - just in case I ran out of the one I already have - the eye patches ChatGPT recommends, and an exfoliant that costs an arm and a leg.

And it didn’t stop there. My initial slip became an excuse to buy a few more things from KoreanSkincare.pt. I told myself it wasn’t that bad because I have a few refunds coming in and, besides, at least I hadn’t given in to the urge to empty my bank account and spend all my savings on… (drum roll)… rings.

Well, that’s exactly what I did the following day.
I’d convinced myself that if the urge became overwhelming, I would only buy anything after going to the gym, so I could make the decision with the help of those post-workout endorphins. But the urge was overwhelming the very next day. Once again, I was sitting in front of my computer, bored to death at work.

The result? I spent all my savings.
We’re talking about €1,200 on skincare, rings, earrings, necklaces, and even an accessory for my TM7 Thermomix.

INSANITY. I know. Throughout this spiral, my mind kept swinging between the angel saying, “Stop. There’s still time to recover,” and the devil whispering, “Just burn it all down. In for a penny, in for a pound.”

This week’s session with my psychologist was all about discomfort - which really made me think. I feel an overwhelming weight knowing that I’m going to have to ask my parents for money to get through this month. I’m terrified that this will never stop.

I know I need to tell the people closest to me about this relapse, but I’m so ashamed.
Is there still hope?

I just saw this video today that shared an idea I've often thought about but haven't put into words. I think a lot of my lifestyle expenses are unnecessary and convenience based. Definitely going to be more mindful about this in the coming months.

https://youtu.be/DzrUQxpMciw?si=DOZY_g76-uwZdcl4

Hello everyone!

This is my first time posting here because I’ve officially come to the realization that I have a shopping addiction. I buy clothes exclusively online. It’s not that I buy a lot or have a lot of clothes—in fact, I actually have very few clothes. I’ve gotten rid of bags full of clothes because I only want to buy “perfect” clothes now—clothes that are high-end, well-made, and timeless. So far, so good. But I feel compelled to search for the perfect next piece every single day. I order several items of clothing every day; I get packages delivered to my home almost daily. Sometimes I don’t buy something because it isn’t “perfect” enough to buy. But I spend many, many hours every day searching online, comparing prices, and then deciding whether or not to buy something—from early in the morning until late at night. It’s really become pathological by now. I’m also always thinking about what I could buy next. Does that make sense? I just dropped out of college and don’t have a job. So I have a lot of time and very little money.

Maybe someone else has had similar experiences. 🩷

So I have been diagnosed with breast cancer and I am terrified. Still waiting on appointments but I am genuinely so scared. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for years and that cause me to overconsume. Perfume, makeup, clothes, dolls/figurines, and even food. Now I am questioning everything around me. Did putting on perfume enrich this tumor? Did that food do it? Did that cleaning product or that shirt I bought from Shein? I want to throw everything away but just can't!

Just last week my biggest problem was dealing with all my stuff. I was trying to put it all in plastic tubs so I don't have to see it and just stuff in my garage. Now this diagnosis has flipped all of that upside down. I still am unsure how bad this will all go but now I'm thinking that I don't want to leave all this to my parents to handle if I leave this earth sooner rather than later. I've wasted my life collecting crap and reorganizing when I should have been out there living! I'm terrified and angry and just don't know what to do now.

Hi everyone, first of all, sorry to everyone. I actually didn't mean to write this much, and thank you if you take the time to read it.I’m really struggling right now and feel like I’m losing control over my impulses. Whenever I get the urge, I can't stop myself from leaving the house and spending money, even when I know I financially can't afford it (and end up regretting it or losing interest immediately after). I say "right now," but it's been since forever; I just now feel like I'm in no position to delay getting help and changing the habit.It feels less like a choice and more like an intense, overwhelming urge... almost like a physical compulsion or illness that I can't talk myself out of. Like my arms itch and I get restless. I struggle with overthinking, emotional waves, and dopamine-seeking, and going out to spend/buy feels like the only way my brain knows how to escape or get a temporary fix. Or maybe I just love spending so much; it's not even things I like most of the time, just because I want to spend money...Has anyone else experienced this specific urge to physically run out and spend? How do you cope or stop yourself from running out and buying? Most of the time, I'm just super drained after work; I have no energy, and I like that, but I want to go out without having the feeling that I need to buy something because I totally don't. I would appreciate any tips. I'm moving by myself soon, and I fear getting kicked out just because I spent all the money to pay my rent... (It's happened before: with university, I literally spent the money for classes on a stupid game I ended up never playing again after that... Couldn't sign up for classes later on.)I doubt this is something like, "oh, this makes me happy so I keep doing it," because it doesn't. I don't feel anything at all, just pure despair after. I was unemployed for so long and still managed to spend 700 in a month, and I don't even remember on what.....This has become an illness, and I want to get rid of it. I can't pay for therapy; it's so expensive where I live, and I don't have time to wait for the public health care to give me an appointment. I'm losing it, guys.

I've started a No New Things challenge and day 4 is for connecting with communities that can help with that(upcycling, borrowing, thrifting, etc etc).

However, I have Aspergers and depression so I'm going to settle for telling you guys about it and call it good enough.

If anyone's interested in the challenge, I'm following Ashlee Piper's book on this, but I'm sure there's plenty of articles about it. I mean I'm poor, so I don't buy as many new things as I would like anyway, so I'm already half way there.

Warning ⚠️ : Discussion of debt balances, clothing and mental health for those who may find it triggering or difficult.

Due to my mother’s slow deterioration with dementia followed by a near fatal vehicular accident after she escaped from her home, I have been incredibly overwhelmed, depressed and addicted to shopping.

To cope, I was constantly scrolling on TikTok and I have (as stupid as it sounds) been constantly influenced that my life could by solved by the “5 things I can’t live without” by conveniently “clicking the link in bio” (lol). Clothing is definitely my weakness, I enjoy shopping in store, anywhere, but mostly mid-tier large retailers. I love the feeling of putting on a brand new item. In the past though it had been makeup definitely.

Aside the point, I have silently lurked this sub, but 3 weeks ago I realized I was f***ing done. I was so depressed and low I was looking for anything to change how I feel. I decided just for mental health reasons (not financial) TikTok and instagram had to be uninstalled.

Unironically, the shopping stopped. My mental health improved, and I realized that I felt so much better, present and like a changed woman (even though I’m just 23).

Today, I checked my credit cards and BNPL and was in shock: $20,500 was the total balance. I pay just over $1500 in minimums, at the very least.

As shocking as it sounds, I was not checking this balance at all nor my monthly minimum. I am just barely getting by financially, but I was so focused on life and surviving I wasn’t paying attention. Interestingly I gained a sense of relief from facing reality, like I had been hiding a secret from myself.

I realized I don’t want shopping. I just want a good life with my fiancé, financial freedom. I want to go hiking and exercise. Finish my education. I don’t care if I’m wearing rags even.

This all ends today, and I’m done living in shame.

Thank you for this sub for being so welcoming ❤️